My wife and I received a wedding invite for the brother of her best friend. They've known each other for 20+ years.
I do not like the guy. More to the point, I cannot stand him. He has every personality trait I despise. I do not want to go to his wedding, at all, because I am indifferent to him and his happiness. My wife knows these facts. She hasn't asked if I want to go (I think she knows the answer will be "NO") but she has been friends with him for SO LONG, and it'll be a great chance for her and her best friend to enjoy a party/wedding together. I know she's going to go.
Today in the mail, we both received (separate) invitations to a "couple's shower", whatever the hell that is.
Again, I have absolutely no desire to go.
Is it "acceptable" to opt out and let my wife go to these events by herself? Or would/should I have to show up to at least one of them?
Bearing in mind that the couple at a wedding is so busy with so many guests, outside of having to observe the ceremony and any acts like the first dance, its really an excuse to drink and party and you can generally disregard him. Besides, its more about the bride than the groom. Unless you know that the wedding itself is going to suck (based on venue, for example), I'd say go.
That said, the couple's shower sounds terrible and you should avoid that at all costs.
ETA: The strong consideration is what other couples are you and your wife friends with? If you know who you'll probably be sitting with, those are the people who are going to have the chance to provide most of the fun or be the most annoying for the evening. If you know you're going to hate them, then that's a point for not going.
ETA 2: If you really, really hate the guy, RSVP that you'll go and then back out at the last minute so he has to eat the cost of your plate. That said, if there's going to be an open bar, then definitely go, because what's better than drinking on the dime of someone you hate?
I've gone to a few weddings of my wife's friends that I didn't want to go to at all, but I went anyways to be a good husband...but mostly for the free food and booze.
But if I'm you, I might not go if I knew there weren't gonna be other people there that I'm friends with and I have nobody to talk to. I wouldn't want to be sitting there alone as my wife is spending a lot of time talking with the newly married couple.
So bottom line, if you know there's gonna be good food and free booze and friends you know that are gonna be there to talk to, then suck it up and go.
DEFINITELY skip the couples shower.
"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life." - Winston Churchill
How does he feel about you? Is the feeling mutual? If he's as fond of you as you are of him, it'd be much better if you had a previous family commitment. (Since they obviously want your wife there, it would be a major breach of etiquette *not* to have invited you as well. But you're not necessarily the target audience.)
No drama. No passive aggressive behaviour.
I assume it's in your town, so there's not a "travel to the destination" phase involved, right?
Definitely "regretfully decline" the shower (if that's OK with your wife) -- that's a party that she doesn't need an escort for. As for the wedding & reception … all depends what your wife wants.
If you don't go, be sure you have a plausible excuse for your wife to hand out when people ask after you. "Where's Stagger today?" Do not make her say, "He's sitting on the couch in his underwear watching football because he despises Ralph."
The venue is actually REALLY cool and there is an option for a tour of the facility ( http://www.fabulousfox.com/ ) before the wedding, but it's not enticing enough for me to want to go. The wife didn't seem too concerned when I told her I wasn't interested in going.
Although the thought of RSVPing just to screw him out of some meal cash seems interesting.
Wife isn't showing any interest in the shower either, so I'm in the clear there.
Originally posted by StaggerLeeAlthough the thought of RSVPing just to screw him out of some meal cash seems interesting.
I didn't expect you to REALLY, REALLY hate the guy! Damn! I didn't mean for that to be taken seriously...
I tend to agree with everyone else about doing what the wife wants, which is why I was trying to make arguments in favor of you going and being able to enjoy yourself despite that groom. But if you say the wife isn't too concerned about your absence, well, you best of all of us would know if you're in the clear.