Happy Thanksgiving Canada! Have I got a treat for you! Is it the nWo? Sting? A new big debut? NO, MUCH BIGGER! Rick Steiner, Scott Norton, and Dean Malenko! All this and MORE today on WCW Worldwide!
Our hosts are “SOBER” BOBBY HEENAN and TONY SCHIAVONE.
SCOTT ARMSTRONG vs. DEAN MALENKO
We start things off with a bang, featuring a rare singles appearance from future WWE referee Scott Armstrong! This is probably supposed to be exciting because Dean Malenko once faces Scott’s brother, Brad, in the finals of the Cruiserweight title tournament, but if you believe that, then I’ve got a plate full of delicious Brussels sprouts to serve you. Scott scores a quick roll up, but Malenko comes back with a dropkick to the knee, which encourages the “BOO” sign to flash like it’s at a Mardi Gras parade. Deano grapevines the leg, but Scott won’t tap, so Malenko just beats the piss out of the thigh instead trying to give the man a charley horse. Armstrong gets his legs wrapped around the ringpost, but the fans pre-emptively feel a comeback coming because they start their rallying cheers. Lo and behold, Armstrong gets in a backslide for 2. Tony says Armstrong has wrestled a very intelligent match. Heenan: “Uhhh, yeah, he’s been a competitor I guess, but Malenko’s way ahead on points.” Tony asks, if there were points, what the score would be? Heenan: “Armstrong nothing, and Malenko’s your winner.” And just like that, Dean pancakes the man, bridges the legs back and scores a pin at 4:42. **
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. RICK STEINER
Whoa, this is seriously high profile for THIS show. NICK PATRICK referees, and I need to believe at this point he’s involved in some sort of sexual relationship with Page. This was also taped far too recently, as evidenced by Patrick’s evil moustache. Steiner knocks Page to the floor, and rolls around the mat barking. Oddly, Heenan leaves this alone. Page gets back in, and gets hiptossed in short order. A clothesline sends Page to the floor a second time, and we have more barking. Page re-enters with a swinging neckbreaker for 2. Page works a chinlock with plenty of cheating via his feet on the ropes, which Patrick misses completely. Steiner fights loose with a jawbreaker, and starts throwing meathooks. A clothesline is ducked by Page, and he levels Patrick, which draws a DQ at 4:06, and Page wins again. Page lends a gentle hand to Patrick after the match, and screams that you can’t hit a referee. Steiner swears innocence, and a replay shows that Rick actually pulled his punch but Patrick sold it like death. If Page isn’t in the nWo, then I’ll be an ebola monkey’s uncle. *
HARLEM HEAT (with Sista Sherri and Colonel Robert Parker) vs. RICK THAMES and BILL PAYNE
Schiavone is in true form here, by reminding us that current tag-team champions, Public Enemy, are going to Halloween Havoc to defend against the Outsiders. For god sakes, the editing had a full 24 hours to fix this. Syndication baybee! Stevie destroys anything that even reeks of jobber. Booker hits a heat seeker off the top onto Payne who’s perched on Stevie’s shoulders, and we have winners at 1:32. 1/2* Heenan notes if the Heat want their titles back, they’ll have to wait in line.
BIG BUBBER vs. LEROY HOWARD
I’ll ignore Heenan comparing Hogan to Saddam Hussein, and concentrate once more on RON THE LEPRECHAUN running around the ringside area, gnashing and gnawing at anyone and everyone. Howard, shockingly, takes a spinebuster, and is already out of the fight. Bossman slam finishes at 2:07. DUD
BILLY KIDMAN vs. REY MYSTERIO JR. (for the WCW world cruiserweight title)
Heenan talks about how close Kidman is to taking the next step, until he shows up on the entrance way, at which point he gasps: “Wait, THAT’S Billy Kidman?” Tony: “Who did you think it was?” Heenan: “Potsie Weber!” I’m about a million years old who has seen every sitcom in history, so I got it, but … that’s a bit of a stretch for your average wrestling fan, even in 1996. Tony’s spent way too much time with Dusty, pointing out that Rey is stretching Kidman’s legs, “if you will”. Kidman goes up and hits a backwards headscissors takeover, but Rey fires back by turning a sidewalk slam into a rana. Rey slides to the floor, so Kidman tries a slingshot plancha, but Rey goes back in and Kidman belly flops to the floor. Rey is right behind with an Asai moonsault! Back in, Rey goes for West Coast Pop, but it’s blocked by a powerbomb! Kidman heads up, nails a big splash but it’s only 2. A second powerbomb also gets 2. Kidman keeps going, hitting a slingshot guillotine for 2. Kidman goes to the well again, but Rey springboards in hitting a double jump Frankensteiner for the pin at 5:03. ***
SCOTT NORTON vs. ARN ANDERSON
Norton goes to the power stuff early, so Arn whines to the referee, one NICK PATRICK, that Norton’s been pulling his hair. Patrick is no idiot, and a rule follower, so he ignores Anderson. A jumping armbreaker grounds Anderson, and Norton kicks away at the weakened arm. An avalanche takes Arn down again, and Norton applies a shoulderbreaker hold. Anderson makes the ropes and rolls to the floor for safety, but Norton’s right behind and throws Arn shoulder first to the post. They head back in, and Anderson attacks with Norton between the ropes – but a big knee to Arn’s face leaves him in control. Norton calls on McMichael and Benoit while he’s at it, but they don’t respond. Norton keeps driving his knees into Anderson’s shoulder, trying to make the man tap, but Arn’s too tough a cookie for that. Norton accidentally hits Patrick, and then sets up his shoulderbreaker move, but Patrick pushes Arn’s legs back the other way in retaliation. As they fight about it, Arn rolls up Norton with a handful of tights for the pin at 4:51. ** Norton goes to murder Patrick after the match, but Anderson saves, so Norton swats him away like a gnat. Weird booking.
So what kind of teasers can we be offered for next week? Why, just more big stars, like Kevin Sullivan, Konnan, Public Enemy (the tag-team champions, oif), and MANY others!