This is it – the final countdown before Bash at the Beach. Will the WWF Outsiders show up tonight to cause more havoc? Will the Horsemen continue their path of terror? Will Bash at the Beach be reviewed in traditional print, or the new Vlog format? STAY TUNED!
TONY SCHIAVONE and DUSTY RHODES are in full, throbbing hype mode. Tony can barely keep his rage in his pants, while Dusty recites poetry about not being afraid.
THE AMERICAN MALES vs. THE ROCK N ROLL EXPRESS
Not sure I get this RnR thing in 1996. Their one off appearance against the Horsemen a couple months back was a pile of fun, but it’s clear they’re past their primes at this point, and don’t seem to have a lot to offer an already bloated tag-team division. Morton dodges a double dropkick and makes it clear how much smarter he is than the Males. Congratulations, you outsmarted Buff Bagwell – a living organism who falls slightly below minerals on the evolution chart. ARN ANDERSON and CHRIS BENOIT clean house at 2:15, giving Spinebusters, DDTs, and powerbombs to anything that moves.
“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND catches up with THE PUBLIC ENEMY in the back, who are clad with chains (and thankfully, their clothes). Rock promises “something heavy on yo lip”. Glad they’re here!
DEAN MALENKO weighs in on the hostile takeover. He promises as the man of 1000 holds, he’ll defend WCW’s honour. Whatever, ya vanilla midget.
After a break, Gene’s moved on to RIC FLAIR and THE LADIES. Gene and Woman share their usual flirting. Flair talks while Woman wraps herself all over Gene – and Gene turns his back to the camera, possibly hiding his wood. Flair wants all the gold to go with all the glamour. Debra says she’s going to buy a yacht with the money the Horsemen paid, and figures Gene will be the first one on board even after all the grief he’s given her. I think she has a pretty good read on Gene.
COBRA vs. CHRIS BENOIT
Benoit comes to the ring sporting the black eye that had miraculously cleared up on Prime earlier this week. So where did this come from? Is he a part of fight club? He isn’t talking about it – that’s a strong tell. Dusty calls this Cobra’s “Bash at the Beach”, which is kinda accurately sad. Benoit nails a snap suplex, follows with the swandive headbutt, and finishes with the Dragon suplex for the win at 2:23. *
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. EDDIE JACKIE
Now, I might be wrong, but I am fairly sure I saw Eddie Jackie serving customers at the TGI Fridays in Syracuse, which doesn’t exactly scream a likelihood of success in this match. Page pancakes him, and follows with a snake eyes across the top buckle. Diamond Cutter finishes at 2:15. DUD
“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND wants to talk to Page; and Gene’s changing suits from segment to segment like he’s hosting the red carpet at the Oscars. DDP says that Duggan may not have ever lost a taped fist match, but one Diamond Cutter, and the lights will be out.
JIMMY HART on the invasion: “If you mess with WCW, you just might be the horn.” What does that even MEAN??? Is it any wonder these guys are running roughshed over these losers?
Gene has turned over to LEX LUGER, asking about their tag-team title loss on Nitro two weeks ago. Luger says there are things that take precedence over titles, and defending WCW will always be one of them. He puts his arm around RANDY SAVAGE, to prove their on the same page despite their previous differences. Savage bumps fists with STING, and promises no hostile takeover will happen successfully. Savage says nobody wants to be the third man for them, because they’re back peddlers. He’d better hope he’s right.
THE PUBLIC ENEMY on the hostile takeover: “Two guys, taking over? NOT!!!” These segments are downright embarrassing.
“DIRTY” DICK SLATER, MIKE ENOS, and VK WALLSTREET (with Colonel Robert Parker) vs. STING, LEX LUGER, and RANDY SAVAGE
RIP to the Mauler. There’s like 4 minutes left in this show – so either we’re going to run out of time, of this group of jag-offs are going to be staring at the lights in short time. Naturally, it’s the latter – with the trio taking turns teeing off on Colonel Parker’s Crud Stable. It would seem counter-productive for WCW to put their big stars in action the night before a big match at the pay-per-view while the WWF guys are resting up, but counter-productive is WCW’s business model. Sting wins with a crossbody on Slater 3:25. 1/2*
Dusty reminds us to order the show – and we are OUT of time! Braves baseball, DIG IT!
I honestly thought it could be anybody on the WWE roster, because this being 1996 I still wasn't 100% on what was happening. The third man was still awesome, but it changed the dynamic somewhat. I miss those days.
- Bret Hart, who has been absent from WWF programming since Wrestlemania.
- Lex Luger, who is fresh off a WWF jump less than a year earlier, has been a total weasel throughout his WCW run, and was in the "Gorilla Position" when Bischoff was attacked - but failed to do anything about it.
- Diamond Dallas Page, working with his millionaire benefactors.
- 123 Kid, also missing in action from WWF programming for months. Has long history with Razor Ramon.
Originally posted by yamcharulezBack in 96 I remember thinking it was going to be the 1-2-3 Kid or Luger was going to finally turn on Sting.
To me in 1996 the 1-2-3 Kid was just a goofy WWF midcarder who would have been a jobber if their roster was bigger like Bob Holly, Henry Godwin or Hunter Hearst Helmsley. In fact when he made his bearded debut on Nitro I had totally forgotten all about him and didn't realize who he was right away and I didn't really think of him as all that special until he started filling in for Hall or Nash regularly when they defended the titles under Wolfpac Rules. Even then he didn't seem like all that big of a deal until he went back and joined DX. I was late on the Waltman train, but I now I am one of the only ones still on it.
I am all over the place, but the 1-2-3 Kid would have been a huge disappointment to me and I wasn't following The WWF programming and had no insider knowledge on who was in or out or that Vince and the WWF might be in trouble or that there were cliques ... anyway I was honestly hoping for Yokozuna or Undertaker. What a mark
I was pretty convinced at the time that it was either going to be Luger, because he was so suspect. But I was also willing to buy into the Giant, just because he would have been a legit "holy shit" pick in my young mind. (Not that the eventual choice wasn't, mind you.)
Long ago, far away, in a very different universe, an elderly man once uttered a prophecy. It was soon forgotten and cast aside as impossible. But, on our chaotically transient globe, from time to time we hear ourselves ask: Do you believe in miracles?...