WCW is a company at war. At war with the WWF. At war with the Outsiders. At war with itself. PLEASE get Johnny B Badd out of the opening credits of Prime – he’s been gone since March! On that note, get Maxx out of the bloody credits too, just on principle.
DUSTY “RHODES” and “CHRIS” CRUISE are talking Eric Bischoff. Rhodes is rappin’ bout the infiltration from tha outside, but forget all that – because we got matches to get to. But what if they invade this show that was taped 2 and a half years ago? THEN WHAT?
THE FACES “OF” FEAR vs. HARLEM “HEAT” (in a non-“title” match)
The announcers hype the upcoming Northern Invasion tour; which features a rare couple of shows in key WWF territory including Connecticut and New York. Bruno Sammartino will be refereeing the New York main event, and though this probably won’t be talked about again, that’s a pretty huge coup landing the bitter retired Bruno to do anything. Booker eats a violent powerslam from the Barbarian, but comes back with a Harlem sidekick for 2! Stevie Ray comes in and runs through his offense consisting of. Meng throat punches Stevie who’s out of moves to perform. Springboard crossbody(!) from Meng gets 2! Stevie comes back with a kick to the face, and tags in Booker who will now handle the wrestling portion. Flying forearm smash gets 2. Booker slams Meng’s head into the buckle, but then Meng starts slamming his own head in over and over because he’s made of a rock. Booker is placed up top for Barbarian who delivers a belly to belly overhead suplex, getting 2! Meng comes in, Booker misses a Harlem sidekick, but hits the superkick. Meng no-sells, and a pier 6 erupts with the referee throwing it out immediately at 4:27. Blah match, Harlem Heat weren’t feeling it. *1/2
“LORD” STEVEN REGAL (with Jeeves) vs. “CO”BRA
Cruise points out that after his loss to Sting at the pay-per-view, Regal may not want to mess around with Cobra who is of similar build and size. I’m a little bothered that Cruise is so concerned about people who look like Sting; why should he care about such details? Does he know something about a group of impending imposters – even though that idea is ludicrous in theory? Fans give Regal a big ol’ USA chant, which causes the Lord a great deal of pain and agony. CobraSting hits a pair of clotheslines for 2, and Regal is begging off for mercy before poking him in the eyes. A trifecta of quality European Uppercuts are delivered with ferocity – and then Regal shows how to really deliver a double stomp … square to the FACE! Cobra comes back with a Cobra Clutch Slam, but Regal gets his feet on the ropes. Regal ducks a blind charge and Cobra catches his neck across the ropes, and Regal finishes with the Regal Stretch at 3:09. *
Hulk Hogan update: he’s hangin’ and bangin’ with celebrities around the world, as opposed to, you know, saving WCW from the impending Outsider invasion. But hey, what’s good for Hogan is what’s good for Hogan, you know?
“HUGH” MORRUS vs. “BUTCH LONG”
While Dusty reels off Long’s accomplishments (4th generation wrestler, great athlete, has never won a single match), Long gets in a schoolboy for 1, that Morrus gives a standing ovation. Long applies a full nelson, releases with a snapmare, and starts a cocky pose like he’s Anderson Silva or something. Morrus of course flattens him with a spinning heel kick. Avalanche is on point, but a second misses and Butch hits a clothesline. Cruise notes this is the best Long has ever looked, as he walks right into a powerbomb. No Laughing Matter finishes at 3:05. Long would take to Twitter right after this match to claim he was sexually assaulted by Morrus repeatedly during this match. *
FIRE “& ICE” vs. “THE” STEINER BROTHERS
This is a pay-per-view rematch from Great American Bash – but in a reversal from that show, the stipulation for this one is that there must NOT be a winner. Scott Steiner launches Norton with a tiger suplex – but Norton sells for about 2 seconds before firing back with a shoulderbreaker. Ice Train comes in and hits a belly to belly, following with a brainbuster. Of course, since there can’t be winners, nobody goes for pinfalls. Train nails a Stunner, which is all Rick can stand before he goes to the belly to belly. Scotty comes in and does the same – and all hell breaks loose. All 4 men wind up on the floor, and both teams are counted out at 3:17. Well there was some semblance of something fun starting, but is it that hard to say “yep, the Steiners are our bread and butter – they win after 10 minutes of non-stop suplexes?” *1/2
Our World is About To Change, but I don’t care, I have Razor Ramon now. The only fury burning inside this warrior is the fury that these promos seem to be leading nowhere. Allegedly he’s coming in July, but I don’t believe them anymore.
DIAMOND DALLAS “PAGE” vs. “HARDWORK” BOBBY WALKER
Dusty sums up Walker: “He does all these rollys and jumpys.” On the WWF Outsiders Invasion: “They come into our backyard and try to steal our pig, and you don’t do that. And that’s what happened, that’s exactly what happened.” Walker blows a springboard sunset flip, but DDP sells anyway, probably for racial reasons Walker will explain later. Diamond Cutter finishes at 3:10, and then for some reason Walker throws DDP’s crystal ball into a tank of pirahnas – and DDP dives in after it and is eaten alive! Then Walker paints his face like Sting but calls himself Stang! Holy crap!!! 1/2*
SGT. “CRAIG” PITTMAN (with Teddy Long) vs. “LEX” LUGER (in a non-title Moo Match of the Week)
Those new to WCW might not be aware of the guaranteed contracts that both led to their rise, but also their fall. Prior to Eric Bischoff’s free spending ways, contracts were based on results – but in order to appease bigger names like Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage, Bischoff offered lots of money and creative control. Lex Luger was promised a World Title run as part of the 2 year deal he signed; and Sergeant Craig Pittman was promised to main event every edition of WCW Prime, ever, no matter how little he managed to improve. There’s no way I’d ever book this to go longer than about 7 and a half seconds; but they give it the college try with Pittman working over the arm in order to set up a Code Red that we know is never going to be successfully applied. Only once Luger gets his “dandruff up” (thanks Dusty!) – he remembers he’s a former World Champion and after what feels like at least 17 years, he rolls Pittman up with a handful of tights for the win at 6:04. DUD
Cruise and Dusty wrap it up promoting their Northern Invasion tour, which finishes up with Nitro in Maryland. They should have just paid whatever MSG wanted to breach their WWF contract, and run a show from there with full-fledged WWF Outsider attacks – but they did pretty well for themselves at this stage regardless.
Saturday Night is next as I struggle to get caught up!
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