If you had July 22nd in the “when will WCW Prime producers realize Johnny B Badd hasn’t worked here since March” pool, you lose.
Once again, MIKE TENAY replaces Dusty Rhodes, joined by CHRIS CRUISE and his terrifying shirt.
MARK STARR vs. ALEX WRIGHT
I do hate it when loosely, occasionally affiliated tag-teams collide. Of course this was probably taped in December of 1994, so we’ll assume Wright is hot off a Starrcade victory over Triple H. In 1994, that wasn’t quite as impressive as your eager young minds might be processing. Alex Wright is apparently the #1 contender to the Cruiserweight Title, despite carrying at least 250 pounds of uncool. Starr nails a backdrop suplex for 2, while the fans chant “ALEX” cuz if they chanted “USA” I’d probably burst out laughing. Wright drops Starr off the top with a front suplex, and follows with a leg lariat. German suplex gets the pin at 2:07. This is exactly the kind of match I could do without. 1/2*
SHINJIRO OHTANI vs. JUSHIN “THUNDER” LIGER
Why is Liger constantly being shoved down to these P-level shows? They have a rockin’ Cruiserweight division absolutely tearing up every episode of Nitro; while Liger does 2 minute jobs on Prime. Freakin’ WCW! Liger hits an enzuigiri, and follows with a hammerlock. Ohtani hits a jumping heel kick, but Liger no-sells and chops away. Blind charge misses, and Ohtani hits a springboard dropkick right to the face. Liger is placed up top, and hits a super Frankensteiner for 2; immediately reversed by Liger for 2! Liger nails a brainbuster, and the referee delivers a far too slow count for 2. Liger misses a top rope elbow drop, and Ohtani quickly hits a springboard karate kick for 2. Somersault koppo kick from Liger sets up the Ligerbomb! Back up, big splash off the top gets the pin at 3:30! Well, this is probably the best match that will ever air on Prime, and certainly one of the best 3 minute matches to ever air on WCW television. ***1/2
Did you know our world has been about to change since May? GLACIER!
HUGH MORRUS vs. COBRA
What the crap is this? Cobra is given a standing ovation from the crowd – I kid you not. He gives a little girl a medal; and calls out to the crowd with a loud “WOOOO”, not unlike Sting. Why might he emulate Sting exactly? The entire crowd chants “COBRA, COBRA”. This is not sarcasm. I cannot underscore that enough because I KNOW you don’t believe me. Morrus does a leapfrog, laughs hysterically, and gets clotheslined. The fans go back to chanting loudly for “COBRA”! This ain’t no canned heat, you can actually see the fans losing their stuff. Morrus heads up, and Cobra backdrops him off the second rope. Morrus comes back with a clothesline to drop the former CIA agent. A scoop slam sets up an elbowdrop, but Cobra just rolls away. A powerslam gets 2. Cobra gets locked in a headlock, but this ridiculously rabid crowd helps him escape with their love. To be fair, with this crowd, I could probably climb a mountain and fist fight a lion. No Laughing Matter deflates these folks at 4:27. Seek this match out if you can find it online, because this is seriously one of the most bizarre crowd reactions I have ever seen. *
DISCO INFERNO vs. EDDIE GUERRERO
Disco doesn’t have his gold record with him since this was taped years ago. Unbelievably, Eddie doesn’t even have his trademarked moustache. I’m just kidding of course, he was born with his moustache. Tenay stops to talk about the passing of Art Barr; and what an affect it had on Eddie’s momentum in terms of becoming a star. Cruise figures it threw Eddie off at least a year; but Cruise should be ignored at all costs. Disco hits a backdrop suplex, and drops an elbow. Eddie comes back with a dropkick, and Disco calls timeout to ensure his hair is still ok. Once he realizes he’s looking good, he stomps Eddie down and wiggles. A couple of elbows are dropped, but Eddie fires himself up now and starts brawling back, shot for shot. A big right sets up a tornado DDT. Froggy Splash finishes at 3:50. *1/2
MENG vs. RANDY SAVAGE (in the Prime Cut Moo Match of the Week)
Meng opts to play by the rules; releasing a break cleanly in the corner, before that lousy Macho Man rakes his eyes like a creep. Is it a wonder Hogan turned his back on him, with morals like that? Meng hits a backdrop suplex, but too close to the ropes for a pin. Meng rakes the back, and chops at Mach. A spike piledriver is right on point, but Savage gets a leg on the rope at 2. Meng rakes the eyes and palm thrusts Savage in the throat. A backbreaker gets 2. Savage fights, but Meng heads up and connects with a flying headbutt – again getting 2. Garbage, that should have been it. On the floor, Meng throws Savage shoulder first to the ring post. However, he gets cocky and misses a blind charge, hitting the post himself. Meng shakes it off, and climbs back to the top. This time, Savage catches him and crotches Meng across the top rope! Big elbow finishes at 5:03. This was ok; better if Meng had won. *1/2
Cruise tries a hard sell of Hog Wild, dutifully reminding us it happens on a Saturday instead of a Sunday. Tenay promises a return next week. Thank goodness.
This was the pinnacle of Prime; I can’t imagine it getting any better than this. I’d quit now while I’m ahead, but the show’s cancelled effective mid-October, so we’ll stick it out together. Join me again next time.
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