We’re almost caught up guys … no sense in slowing down the train now. It’s time for Nitro baby!
We are LIVE once again from Disney MGM Studios, and TONY SCHIAVONE is here with LARRY ZBYSZKO. WCW relives the fact that before the Atlanta Olympics, they honoured Mohammad Ali FIRST at Halloween Havoc 1994. Keep patting yourselves on the back guys. That somehow segues into wondering what Shaquille O’Neal thinks about his good buddy Hulk Hogan; though I have to assume he’s all for it since this same week he had turned on the Orlando Magic to sign with the Lakers. Tonight: Will The Giant accept Hogan’s challenge? If he was smart, he’d say hell no and give The Barbarian his rightful shot.
“SQUIRE” DAVE TAYLOR (with Jeeves) vs. SCOTT NORTON
Alright, tonight starts Taylor’s ascent to the top of WCW. Once he goes through Norton, who is a low-life traitor, there’s no stopping him. World Titles! Movies! A blank cheque from Ted Turner! Unlimited numbers of bee hives to tend to! It’s happening! 3 straight European uppercuts are no joke! THE DAVE TAYLOR ERA IS UPON US! Norton hits a clothesline, and Taylor smartly takes a powder. You show him he can’t rock you Taylor. Back in, THREE more European Uppercuts! This is a man who means serious business!!! Then Norton throws Taylor over the top rope and gets DQed! At 1:50! TAYLOR WINS!!! THEN HE HITS ANOTHER EUROPEAN UPPERCUT! And then NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED ON MY WATCH. Norton never beat him up viciously and walked off to heel heat – NO SIR. DAVE TAYLOR – WRESTLING GOD!
Meanwhile, THE FOUR HORSEMEN (sans Flair) and ALL THE LADIES are down by Flair’s VIP section, eatin fruit and bein cool. “MEAN” GENE OKERLUND wants to know where Naitch is; Arn figures he’s making an entrance. Mongo promises to destroy all the pretty boys of WCW, like Randy Savage. Say what??? Gene asks for a banana.
VK WALLSTREET vs. KONAN
Fans chant for the IRS; must not be Tea Party fans. Tony starts going off about Konan being the first man to hold the Mexican Heavyweight title at the same time as the US Heavyweight title; completely ignoring the fact the Mexican Heavyweight title was an invented title, handed TO Konan so he’d have hardware to show off upon entry to WCW. There had been no other Mexican Heavyweight Champions; so yes, he’s the only man to hold that and the US Title, he’s also the only man to hold it who was not masked, the only man to hold it who was bald, the only man to hold it who failed to capture the WCW World title, and the only man to capture it who hadn’t performed oral sex on Tony Schiavone. Konan actually gets the crowd chanting his name, so after 8 months of non-stop wins, he’s actually generated a little bit of love. Good for Konan. The rugmuncher is no-sold, and the Stock Market Crash gets a 2 count before Konan rolls back with an Oklahoma roll for the win at 5:20. He walks by the VIP section and stares down the Horsemen. Larry: “Is he stealing food?” Tony: “I don’t think … well??” Tony’s pregnant pause and backtracking make spit a little water. *
“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND checks in on TEAM WCW. Lex Luger figures Hogan’s out partying somewhere. He’s not happy that he was attacked while Sting and Mach were over in Japan. Sting tells Hogan to stick it again. Tonight, he wants the Horsemen. Savage wants Hogan, Flair, and the Outsiders here so he can rid himself of all his problems in one night. I’d say Liz’s lawyer is his biggest problem these days.
NEW GLACIER PROMO! He does karate! He’s ice cold! He … looks exactly like Mortal Kombat character Sub Zero. Oh.
WCW proceeds to air the most homo-erotic promo ever, featuring JOE GOMEZ, THE RENEGADE, JIM POWERS, and ALEX WRIGHT ripping off their shirts on beaches. In fact, if I have to suffer, YOU have to suffer.
TEAM NIPPLES vs. KEVIN SULLIVAN, HUGH MORRUS, THE BARBARIAN, and THE LEPRECHAUN (with Jimmy Hart)
Yes, the freakin’ Leprechaun from WCW Saturday Night the last few weeks has officially joined the Dungeon of Doom.
InVerse writes: Did they even try to hide the fact that the leprechaun was nearly 6' tall?
Speaking of which, how is it that Chris Jericho never once ridiculed Goldberg, Big Show or Kevin Nash for having been trained by a leprechaun?
For starters; giving the Sarge 6 feet is generous. But yes; despite my memory being completely shot on this, InVerse is correct, the Leprechaun is the former (and future) Buddy Lee Parker, AKA DeWayne Bruce, AKA the Man Of The WCW PowerPlant.
Larry threatens to clothesline the Leprechaun if he runs by the announce table one too many times. Right off the bell, there’s a disturbance in the back, and the camera man takes off to the back, whilst Wright hits a moonsault on the Barbarian.
In the production truck, THE OUTSIDERS start playing with levers and buttons. Nash offers to double their salaries if they do what they say; and hits something to cause an echo effect on everything. Nash steals CRAIG LEATHERS’ headset, and starts directing planes for some reason. Hall orders them to pan the crowd for hot ladies. They grow bored with that, and order it back to the truck to focus on the “movie stars”. SECURITY arrives, and Hall threatens to sue them for putting their hands on them. Nash invites everyone back to his limo for “pot pies and Mountain Dew”. Finally, we return to …
Right, this stupid match. TEDDY LONG makes an appearance now to give Jim Powers a pep talk. What in the hell is going on? Powers hits everyone with high knees, and a pier 6 breaks out. That brings in THE GIANT, who chokeslams every member of the Nipple Patrol for a DQ at 5:35. The bell rings 8000 consecutive times, but doesn’t do any good.
“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND joins The Giant in the ring to find out if he’s accepting Hogan’s challenge for Hog Wild. Giant said his goal was to win the World Title as soon as he arrived, and he had a personal oath to defend his title against anyone, anywhere, anytime. He calls himself WCW’s incurable cancer; except now WCW is begging him for help against Hogan. He promises to Chokeslam Hogan in the centre of the ring at Sturgis. We have a main event.
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE vs. PRINCE IAUKEA
Iaukea tells Page to bring it, which might be the very last thing he does. Just kidding, this is WCW, he gets his token dropkick before having his head taken off. Tilt-a-whirl slam leaves the Prince with chiropractic problems, and he’s tossed to the floor. Prince comes back with a springboard crossbody, and that’s about enough for this loser. Diamond Cutter finishes at 1:48. 1/2*
Here’s a special look at Chris Benoit and Kevin Sullivan’s relationship. That sounds like the start of a report by Nancy Grace.
CHAVO GUERRERO JR. vs. DEAN MALENKO
I think I’ve been watching too much WCW this week, because this feels like the 3rd time this show Malenko’s wrestled; to the point I re-scanned what I’d written to make sure. Chavo starts with a quick rana, but Deano drives a knee to his midsection to slow him down. A high gutbuster gets a quick 2. Tony starts his idiotic countdown to hour two, while Malenko drops Chavo on his head with a backdrop suplex. A fallaway slam is hit, Chavo’s placed up top, and I kinda hope Hour 2 starts with fireworks blasting out of the buckles! Sadly, they all fire into the sky from outside the arena. Hello ERIC BISCHOFF and BOBBY HEENAN. Heenan can’t be heard by anyone except Bischoff, and Bischoff’s mic starts cutting in and out. The fans rightly start chanting boring, because Dean’s been slowing this down with far too many headlocks. Scoop slam sets up a half crab body stretch, and Malenko moves that into an STF. The audio problems seem to be solved with the announcers; so we won’t blame the nWo for this. Malenko nails a brainbuster, and down comes JIMMY HART to root him on. Powerbomb connects, and Malenko looks annoyed by Hart’s presence. Chavo sneaks in a small package for 2. Inside cradle gets 2! Blind charge misses, and Dean blocks a missile dropkick, turning it into a Ligerbomb then a Cloverleaf in one move for the submission at 8:14. ***
ICE TRAIN vs. MENG (with Jimmy Hart)
Bischoff calls Ice Train one of the best young athletes in wrestling today, and is likely to help lead WCW for years and years to come. He’s not Smooth enough, come back in 4 years. Then he turns around and accuses Meng of being a cannibal. If the power goes out, he can start with Bischoff as far as I’m concerned. Ice Train hits a crossbody for 2, and TEDDY LONG applauds from the outside. Meng drops a leg, and gets 2. Train fires back with a small package, while the fans chant “YOU SUCK JIMMY!” That doesn’t seem family friendly. Train tries to slam Meng, but MENG is too heavy and falls on top for 2?!? Meng goes to a nerve hold, but Train is choo chooing up. He gets up, a house of fire, and starts chopping Meng who stands there bored. THAT’S MY MENG! Train hits a clothesline for 2, but Meng puts him right back down with headbutts. Camel clutch is worked, released, and Train is nailed with a double chop. Train rakes the eyes, and starts chopping Meng who stands there while his sweat is spattered all over the camera.
Avalanche splash connects in two separate corners, and this time the powerslam hits but he only gets 2. Train heads up for the big splash to finish, but Meng drops him with the Kick of Fear in mid-air. Train rolls to the floor, completely disoriented. SCOTT NORTON attacks Meng from behind, and slams Meng face first to the post for a DQ at 6:20?!? Norton cuts a quick promo, saying he’s got Train’s back so come Hog Wild he has no excuses when he loses.
PSYCHOSIS vs. EDDIE GUERRERO
Eddie armdrags Psychosis off the bell, and he starts complaining Guerrero’s a hair puller. Bischoff starts on about how Eddie’s a likeable honest guy; apparently he hasn’t heard he lies, he cheats, he steals. Psychosis applies a side leglock, and shoves Eddie to the mat every time he sits up; brilliant. We head to commercial in case we accidentally start to enjoy this.
Back from taking a Butterfinger break; Psychosis misses a blind charge in the corner and flips a full 360. Eddie misses a springboard something, somersaults cleanly and gets his head taken off with a clothesline. Still, a leg assisted hot shot gives him control back, and Psychosis is sent packing to the floor. Top rope plancha is on point! Back in, Eddie hits a backdrop suplex for 2. Psychosis slips away a second one, and nails an enzuigiri. Legdrop is hit across the back of Eddie’s head, and a scoop slam sets up some top rope action. Spinning heel kick off the top hits Eddie in the mush, and Guerrero is sent outside. Psychosis is right behind with Tope Suicida! Guillotine Legdrop hits Eddie, but Psychosis can’t even go for a pin before Eddie’s back up. Nice to kill the guy’s finisher right out the gate. Victory roll from Guerrero gets 2. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker also gets 2; but with the intensity behind it I think we all figured that was it. Psychosis come back with a victory roll, and Eddie barely escapes at 2! Powerbomb from Psychosis sends him back to the top again, and his corkscrew senton gets 2! Eddie fights back, hits a super Frankensteiner – and finishes with the Froggy Splash at 7:23. ***1/2
MONGO MCMICHAEL, CHRIS BENOIT,
and RIC FLAIR (with Woman, Debra McMichael, and Elizabeth) vs. TEAM WCW
ARN ANDERSON is looking for Ric in the back, and starts trying to get a look inside the white limousine that’s hanging around outside the building. He can’t find him, so Arn joins the boys for a team huddle and decides to represent the Horsemen. Sting’s got his Sgt. Pepper jacket tonight, and with the long black hair he looks the part a little better too. Benoit jaws with Savage, and Savage bitch slaps him. Sting starts running over Benoit with ease, until Mongo turns the tide with a spear out of nowhere. Benoit tries to slam Sting’s face to the ring post, but Savage rushes over. Back in, Chris chops the hell out of Sting, and leaves him lying with a backdrop suplex. For kicks, he talks trash while Sting’s out cold and bitch slaps him – causing Savage to bum rush him. The referee ensures that ain’t happening, so the Horsemen trade without a tag and Mongo drops Sting with a neckbreaker for 2. Sting comes back with a crossbody. Mongo turns the tide back to Horsemen with a dropkick, and in comes Chris with his mad intensity who just mouths off at Savage the entire time while he works over Sting. This guy’s got a few loose screws if he thinks this is a good idea. Arn tags in and Sting has his number, but Anderson holds his leg to prevent a tag and back comes Mongo. Sting fights him off, but Mongo keeps the arm linked and close to the heel corner. Arn claws at Sting’s face while he has the chance, and Benoit re-enters with a slam. Anderson tags in, and locks Sting in a sleeper, but Sting drops back with a suplex, and has his chance. Benoit tries to cut the tag off, but Luger’s in with a running knee lift. Clotheslines for all! Pier 6 erupts, and Macho steals the Haliburton full of money! He clocks Benoit in the face, and Luger scores the pin at 10:01. Benoit gets in Woman’s face, screaming and demands answers regarding what’s going on. She puts on her sunglasses, and storms off with Arn’s protection. That was MORE than a little uncomfortable. ***1/2
“MEAN” GENE OKERLUND wants to chat with Team WCW. Someone throws a shirt at Gene, and he deadpans “lady please don’t throw your underwear in here”, and Mach quickly jumps in “IT’S OKAAYYYY!” Sting and Luger challenge The Outsiders at Hog Wild. Luger says he’s on WCW’s side forever, and promises to knock the Outsiders teeth down their throats. Macho promises to beat Hogan up and down the aisle in front of all the bikers, “don’t be late, sucker”. Gene sends us off the air.
Very mild nWo attacks this week; and that’s a great thing. The production truck antics aside, it leaves you guessing whether or not they’ll be running in, and when. So far, the angle’s been booked to perfection. The only question is; can WCW keep the momentum going?
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