I’ve become so completely bored with the current product I FELL ASLEEP during the 3-way IC Title match and when I awoke, it was over!
If that wasn’t a big enough kick to the groin, my tape, for the first time ever since I started ordering PPV ran out of tape. I guess I popped in an 8 hour and set it for SP as opposed to a 10 – and with the final 15 minutes of Heat so I could get the Maven match, I got everything up to the intros for the main event.
As a result? I miss seeing Triple H lose cleanly I’m told.
I buy the show for one lousy match and I miss it because the rest of the card bores me to tears. Thanks guys!
Oh well. Only 2 months before the DVD is released I suppose.
Let’s watch some Nitro.
LAST WEEK: Kevin Sullivan threw powder in the eyes of Hogan and shaved off his moustache! Sullivan does not draw blood in doing so.
We are LIVE from Chicago, Illinois! It’s the #1 wrestling program in America screams ERIC BISCHOFF, accompanied by MONGO MCMICHAEL and BOBBY HEENAN. Everyone’s clad in Bears gear, celebrating the 10 year anniversary of the last time they won the Superbowl. Bischoff is #1, McMichael #76, and Heenan #?. A restraining order has apparently been placed on the Dungeon Of Doom – though they don’t say against WHOM, so I’ll just assume Alex Wright has issues with them.
STING hits the broadcast location, shrieking. “Hey man, this Nitro thing is unbelievable.” Sting’s a whore! He thinks something’s gonna break between Savage and Luger, so what he’s going to do is solve the problem himself a little later on.
THE SHARK vs. STING (for the WCW United States title)
Alright, let’s see if Sting can work a miracle from a guy who CAN be carried in the most extreme of situations. Shark attacks before the bell. Elbows and legs are dropped. Forget it – Sting’s dead. You may as well send out Tugboat now to urge the little Stingers to send him cards. Oh my god – Sting not only survived the attack, but he KICKED OUT AT 2!!! He comes out firing with a couple of Stinger Splashes and hits a crossbody from the top for the win! (1:18) DUD Yeah, that was a squash.
Here’s those clips from one week ago once again, just incase we forgot that Hogan lost his moustache.
UP NEXT: Mr. JL vs. Sabu!
This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Slim Jim. SNAP INTO IT!
FOR THE FIRST (and last) TIME ON PPV – MONSTER TRUCK MADNESS FOLLOWED BY A TITLE MATCH!
SABU vs. MR. JL
Sabu hits a slingshot legdrop immediately followed by a springboard legdrop. You’ll note that despite being his finisher, Hulk Hogan has never done either of those. (Except in the game WCW/ nWo revenge where you could get him to do ANYTHING!) Back elbow from the Mysterious Masked Man! Sabu gets tossed to the floor – and JL follows with a tope suicida! Back in, Sabu hits a spinning heel kick that sends JL right back out – followed by a tope con hilo! JL gets tossed into the guardrail – Sabu sets up a chair, leaps off of it and hits a flying elbow! Back in, JL hits a German suplex with a bridge which gets 2. In the corner – dropkick from JL, but Sabu comes right back with a clothesline. Split legged moonsault is followed by a camel clutch – but JL makes it to the ropes! Sabu is caught up top, and JL DDTs him! Ow! That’s another 2. JL heads up, gets caught – but blocks a rana dropping Sabu on his head!!!! JL tries a jumping rana – but he gets powerbombed on the way down, and locked in the camel clutch again. JL gives it up. (4:30) ** Decent, but way too short. Sabu throws a fit and launches JL to the floor. That’s followed by a sunset flip powerbomb off the apron. Sore winner?
Bischoff is excited! Hulk Hogan is here somewhere. Mongo’s concerned that The Giant is going to destroy someone. (Well, duh!)
MEAN GENE is in the ring with LEX LUGER and STING. Sting wants to continue – but asks that Savage join them. And hark – RANDY SAVAGE is here, and he’s pissed. He immediately goes after Luger, likely for killing his wife. (He has ESP you see…) Savage wants to know why The Giant has chokeslammed himself and Luger but hasn’t touched Sting. Sting doesn’t particularly care. He tells Savage to shut up and listen. Sting has a solution. At Halloween Havoc, if Savage can defeat Kamala and if Luger can defeat Meng – then they have a match. Luger doesn’t much like the idea, and accuses Sting of putting words in his mouth. Sting says Luger’s pathetic – and if he’s really the total package he’ll do it. Luger agrees.
Promotional consideration paid for by Crossfire, Big A, and Hot Pockets – WHADDYA GONNA PICK? Try Light Pockets too!
A limousine arrives, importing a star from Japan. Why, it’s none other than CHRIS BENOIT in a monkey suit! “WCW…where the big boys play.”
DISCO INFERNO dances his way to the entrance ramp. “Shake your booty on Monday Nitro!” Bischoff has a tantrum because Disco’s not even scheduled to be here. Big Bubba’s music hits, so Disco grabs a nearby juke box so he can listen to “Disco Fever” and continue to dance.
BIG BUBBA ROGERS vs. HAWK
Bubba attacks as the bell rings. Rights follow – and he tries to slam Hawk into the top turnbuckle, but to no avail. Hawk charges the corner and runs right into a Bubba boot, but recovers and powerslams Bubba! Disco jumps on the apron to dance and Hawk beats the piss out of him. Disco gets absolutely destroyed in the aisle, and the referee counts Hawk out! (1:42) DUD
I think it’s the shank of the evening – because MEAN GENE calls out HULK HOGAN. Hogan arrives with JIMMY HART, both of whom are completely dressed in black. The crowd boos Hogan stronger than in the past few weeks. Hogan tells Gene to shut up. He says it’s time to take care of the family business, and insists on playing the same game as The Giant and Kevin Sullivan. So just like Andre The Giant – he’ll slam his son in the middle of the ring. He tells us a story about a promotion in New York years ago whose ego got too big – so now Hogan’s gone elsewhere to grow. I’m not quite sure WHAT the point of that comment was. Hogan compares his moustache to the American flag.
There’s a disturbance in the back! THE DUNGEON OF DOOM come flying into the arena in a monster truck, in a scene eerily reminiscent to the “Dragula” music video! They’re chased by police. Hogan runs off to the back to confront them.
Call your local cable operator to see MACHINE vs. MACHINE!
Fireworks explode! A cage is lowered!!! A commercial break is had!
It’s the HORROR of Halloween! Sumo Monster Trucks, moustache shavings, Andre The Giant’s offspring, GET IT!
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, Frank Thomas: Big Hurt Baseball, Slick 50, and Seperation Anxiety…the video game!
PEPE takes over as starting quarterback for the announce team.
After Nitro, make sure to turn in for Blink Of An Eye.
ARN ANDERSON vs. RIC FLAIR (in a cage match)
Arn gets the jobber entrance. Flair’s all fired up! Chop – WOOOOO! Chop – WOOOOO! Arn goes down and Flair struts! Arn comes back with a backdrop and throws Flair face first into the cage. The fight continues but we need a commercial break!
This portion of WCW is brought to you by 1-800-COLLECT – call someone who cares.
SPINEBUSTER, done the right way! Oh yeah, we’re back. Arn chokes Flair. Flair comes back by launching Arn into the cage a couple of times and grinds his face against the mesh. Flair again tries to throw Arn into it – but Arn shoves Flair off and Flair hits the side hard instead. And now it’s Flair’s turn to get his head ground against the cage. Flair fires back with a clothesline and struts! Standing vertical suplex looks good – and here’s BRIAN PILLMAN! Pillman starts to scale the side – so Flair leaps to the top turnbuckle and shoves him off! From there, he hits a double axehandle! WOOOOOO! Single leg atomic drop..AND NOW WE GO TO SCHOOL! Arn PLANTS him with a right, cover, 1, 2, 3? (4:43) **1/4 I completely didn’t see it – but Bischoff SWEARS he had a pair of brass knocks on his hand. Instant replays show he had something shiny on his hands. Sneaky, I never even noticed!
Flair goes NUTS! He hits the announce table and steals Bischoff’s headset. “PILLMAN! NEXT WEEK, YOU AND ARN AGAINST ME…2 AGAINST 1!”
The announcers wonder what the heck is up with Hogan? Heenan says after years of having Hogan shoved down his throat, he’s sick of it.
NEXT WEEK: Johnny B Badd vs. Diamond Dallas Page for the TV Title! Eddy Guerrero takes on Chris Benoit! Jim Duggan starts a long tradition of facing Meng on Nitro! All that and more.
Good column, and you've certainly hit the nail on the head of a few points as to why this has quickly become underwhelming television. Hopefully, the WWF gets it's act together on this before it's too late.