Meh, why not? I’m feeling motivated to watch lots of Nitro to cap off my weekend.
We are once again LIVE on Monday Nitro where the big boys play, from Jacksonville, Florida. We’ve got our usual crew of hosts – ERIC BISCHOFF, BOBBY HEENAN, MONGO MCMICHAEL, and PEPE who’s dressed like a clown in honor of the biggest clown – Jimmy Hart. Bischoff says tonight is the night we, the fans, call the shots. Dial 1-900-370-3WCW to pick the main event in tonight’s show! $0.99 per minute, kids get your parents permission but call now! Choose from Ric Flair, Meng, Diamond Dallas Page, the Blue Bloods, Big Bubba, Shark, and Scott Norton to face either Sting, Johnny B Badd, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Dave Sullivan, Alex Wright, the Nasty Boys, or Mr. JL. I’ve gotta vote for Shark vs. Dave Sullivan myself. Heenan encourages a write-in vote for Tony Schiavone vs. Gene Okerlund.
COBRA vs. THE GIANT (with Jimmy Hart) (for the WCW world heavyweight title)
The announcers continue to sell that the Giant stole the belt from Hulk Hogan, and didn’t actually win it. Chokeslam!!! 1, 2, 3! (0:16) DUD The Giant celebrates his hard fought victory.
GENE OKERLUND stands with the participants from “The Red Locker Room” which was the first group of names I gave earlier. One of them will be in our main event – so call now to vote. 1-900-370-3WCW. BIG BUBBA tapes his fists, RIC FLAIR’s wooooing it up, and THE BLUE BLOODS read books.
Meanwhile, TONY SCHIAVONE stands with “The Blue Locker Room”. STING says he wants Ric Flair “baaaaaad”. JIM DUGGAN throws stuff around, and everyone else is kinda just there.
It’s the biggest battle royal in wrestling history – as WCW wages war in World War 3! Sunday, November 26 – live and only on pay-per-view!
RANDY SAVAGE and HULK HOGAN sit in on a rock band. Hogan says they’ve replaced Jimmy Hart, and all is good in the world. Hogan says he’s brought Savage to the dark side, and asks him to stick with him all the way to the end. Savage says he’ll be by his side forever and ever – and then breaks out in a rendition of “BE A MAN, HULK!” Mind you, he did that 8 years later, but it’s the thought that counts. Savage says it’s clear who’s friend and foe, and they’ll stay on their dark side and take care of business.
KEVIN SULLIVAN (with Jimmy Hart) vs. THE RENEGADE
Oh sweet Jesus, earth is going to explode. And it’s all going to be because of the massive sucking taking place in Jacksonville that caused the black hole. Renegade hits some INTENSE clotheslines and beats his chest while Sullivan goes out to the floor. Then – in an impressive feat, Renegade TAKES TO THE AIR! He manages to LEAP OVER THE TOP ROPE and then go to the floor. Sullivan hits a clothesline and crotches Renegade on the guardrail. And then he slams Renegade’s head into the ringsteps! Wow – it’s like a pre-1998 WWF style brawl, except it’s not! Back in, Sullivan hits the STOMP TO THE CHEST. Call the EMT’s – how in the hell is Renegade going to live? But Sullivan, the masochist, doesn’t even make a cover! Rather he’d prefer to punish the fans by having the match continue. Sullivan tries a slingshot senton and falls right onto his own head. It writes itself. Renegade hits a powerslam and a handspring elbow! He tries to run a knee to Sullivan’s head, but winds up in the tree of woe allowing Sullivan to stomp. Off the top, Sullivan STOMPS THE STOMACH AGAIN! Renegade isn’t getting lucky twice. (2:47) DUD Jimmy Hart wipes the paint off the face of Renegade and yells about Hulk Hogan. “You’re not the Renegade!” Well, then who is he?
Back to the Red Locker Room, someone turns out the lights. It was RIC FLAIR apparently – and then someone hits them even harder then before, blinding MEAN GENE. Flair says he’s styling and profiling.
CHRIS BENOIT vs. EDDIE GUERRERO
Now here’s a match I could never get tired of seeing! Benoit takes down Eddie before the bell and hits a double forearm. Nasty snap suplex leaves Guerrero grounded. Benoit chops away at Eddie and hits a backdrop suplex. Bischoff says the committee is real close to deciding whether or not to bring in a Cruiserweight title, and Bischoff feels it’s not a matter of “will they”, but “when”. Benoit hits a nasty little spinebuster and moves into a Liontamer – complete with knee on the head.
We glance over at the crowd and notice an entire GROUP OF JAPANESE GUYS – led by Sonny Onoo. They’re just eating and drinking at a well catered spot. Everyone looks to Heenan for answers, who just answers “nothing’s too good for my best friend Sonny!”
Back in, Guerrero hits a couple of armdrags and a tilt-a-whirl slam! Back elbow from Eddie sends Benoit to the floor – and Chris is smart enough to keep moving to avoid an attack from Eddie. Guerrero’s even smarter and faster though and hits a top rope plancha! Back in, Eddie hits a brainbuster, and heads up top. Benoit cuts him off and nails a superplex!!! It gets 2. Crisp looking powerbomb kills Eddie dead – but the now zombie Eddie has superpowers and kicks out at 2. Benoit looks into the pale eyes of the undead and clotheslines the shit out of Eddie – but Eddie comes back with a small package for 2. Benoit kicks zombie Eddie in the head. He packages Benoit again, for 2. Benoit takes one look at the zombie Guerrero, yells “STAY DEAD ALREADY!”, and hits a German for 2, and a Northern Lights for 2. Benoit hotshots Guerrero onto the top rope, but even in his dead state Guerrero manages to block a suplex back in – and turn in mid air to land on Benoit and score the pin! (6:29) *** Benoit’s legs were on the rope – but the referee gave some leeway to the deceased.
TONY SCHIAVONE stands with the crew in the back. JIM DUGGAN is still throwing things, DAVE SULLIVAN strokes his fuzzy bunny, and STING still wants a piece of Ric. Gee, you don’t think they’re trying to rig the voting.
Pick up WCW Fall Brawl 1995 in fine video stores everywhere, starting November 7th!
ERIC BISCHOFF discusses the actions of Flair at Halloween Havoc – and says the fans have spoken, we’re getting Flair vs. Sting tonight! BOBBY HEENAN sips sake from his Japanese friends.
STING vs. RIC FLAIR
Ooh yes, the wrestling gods love me on this day. As well they should, since I have to put up with Vince vs. Stephanie later on. Sting beats the living shit out of Flair before the bell with a flurry of punches, and gorilla presses him. 10-punch count-a-long in the corner, followed by a Flair flip and clothesline from Sting on the other side. Sting follows him out to the floor and drives Ric face first to the guardrail. Flair tries to get in some chops, but Sting’s not feeling anything tonight, so Ric suplexes him on the outside. Sting stands right up – charges Ric who sidesteps, and Sting hits the guardrail. And we have to take a break???? Flair struts into the commercial.
WCW DECLARES WAR! It’s a battle royal like none other with 3 rings – 60 participats – 1 winner! Call your cable operator for availability.
We come back with Flair in control. He’s kicking Sting while he’s down, while the announcers discuss a lowblow Flair hit during the break. Belly to back suplex, and NOW WE GO TO SCHOOL! Figure four in the middle of the ring!!! Flair uses the ropes for leverage – and denies it when the ref checks back. He gets a series of 2 counts on Sting before Sting drags him to the middle of the ring where he can’t cheat anymore, and turns the move over!!! Flair gets out right away and kicks away at the knees of Sting, but Sting’s not interested in selling right now. Sting’s growling and Flair begs off. Sting with a gorilla press on Flair – followed by a hiptoss and dropkick! Flair screams “NO!” and pokes Sting in the eyes. Hee hee. Sting rolls out, and Flair hits a double axehandle off the apron and chops away. Rake of the eyes – and he won’t let go of it! The referee manages to get between them – and Flair grabs a chair. Flair rushes Sting, but the referee stops him to boos! Flair shoves the referee, and the announcers speculate how much money that’s gonna cost Flair. Flair decks Sting and covers with his feet on the ropes! Flair gets 4 consecutive 2 counts before dropping it and yelling at the fans to shut up who were telling on him. Flair tries another cover – but it gets 2 before Sting powers out and backslides Ric for 2 of his own! Flair pokes the eyes again for fun, and goes up. As usual when he’s a heel, he gets caught and slammed. Sting hammers away at Flair – but the referee tries to break it up. Sting picks up the referee calmly and places him on the opposite turnbuckle so he can continue to beat on Ric in peace. What they miss though is Flair slipping on a pair of brass knucks! He decks Sting, and struts away! Elbowdrop hits the mark, 1, 2, kickout from Sting!!! Sting’s back up, Flair chops and struts, ignoring the fact Sting’s growling and not feeling it. Another gorilla press from Sting – and he places Flair up top! Superplex is on target – and Sting applies the Scorpion Deathlock!!!! Flair taps, and that’s it! (9:42) ***3/4 Sting refuses to break the hold however – at which point MORE REFEREES, EDDIE GUERRERO, and MR. JL join in, begging Sting to let go. DAVE SULLIVAN, JIM DUGGAN, and JOHNNY B BADD try to talk sense into Sting – as does DOUG DILLENGER. Sting finally lets go, but isn’t apologizing. Then he gives an “aww, fuck it” and heads back in to re-apply it! LEX LUGER heads down to try to talk sense into Sting, and Sting listens! This Sting lets go and heads to the back with Luger – which was monumental for pro-wrestling, because wrestling nearly *never* has a heel/face crew of friends who can talk sense to one another. That whole segment was cool on so many levels…
This portion of WCW is brought to you by Skittles – taste the rainbow of fruit flavor.
Coming up after Nitro, Which Way Is Up?
GENE OKERLUND has got THE GIANT, KEVIN SULLIVAN, and JIMMY HART in the ring. Jimmy’s got a very special announcement. When Hogan was out in Hollywood making a bunch of B-level movies that wound up in the video store without ever hitting the silver screen, Jimmy was taking care of business. When Hogan was running over the world with Savage – he was doing the paperwork. So when Hogan faced The Giant, it was Jimmy who signed the contract for the match. There’s one thing Hogan didn’t realize however – and there was a stipulation that if Hogan got disqualified, he’d lose the WCW World Title! So as a result, our new champion is The Giant! The Giant yuks it up – so Gene calls someone from the legal department into the ring. NICK LAMBEAU says that while Jimmy’s right about Hogan not being the champ, The Giant isn’t either. Because of the dubious nature of the DQ, the championship committee has decided the belt is going to be held up and awarded to the winner of World War 3! The treacherous 3 throw a fit about this ruling, with Giant stating he won the belt fair and square and he’s not giving it back. Sullivan says nobody can beat The Giant, so Lambeau can have the stupid belt, because Giant’s just going to win it right back in the battle royal.
Back to the announce desk – the stupid fans chant for Hogan because they suck. BOBBY HEENAN says all the stops are going to be pulled out during the match now with the belt on the line. ERIC BISCHOFF hypes the matches for next week and we sign off!
I wish someone in the TNA offices would remember that the titles CAN change hands on a DQ - which would force smarter cheating than "run ins when the referee is bumped". Or not even cheating - so much as being a dick.