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The W - Guest Columns - Velocity [#26, 11/16/02)]
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Since: 10.12.01
From: Aurora, IL

Since last post: 275 days
Last activity: 109 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 10.00

TV 14 DLV CC entertainment open fireworks yelling

Chuck Palumbo vs Crash (old pink tights) - your announcers are Everyone Hates Marc Loyd and Cole (and Chimel for the last few weeks - Roberts sure didn't stick around for long). Cole says they're kicking off the Survivor Series weekend because he didn't know about that Super Tuesday replay. Crash thinks about slingshotting, nah, let's try the other side, okay - and yea, he trips again. He blames it Jimmy Korderas messing with the ropes. Lockup, Crash with a waistlock, headlock, Chuck tries the back suplex but Crash isn't going. Again. Chuck shoots Crash in, Crash grabs the ropes and ask for a break. He also wants Chuck warned about the closed first. Okay. Lockup - no, Crash with a kick, right, corner whip, reversed, Crash kips up but Chucks grabs his legs and holds him there. Chuck just holds him up there and Crash is stuck with no place to go - but Chuck just drops his legs, then picks up crash -  Snake Eyes. Hard corner whip. Chuck follows in, and Crash trips him into the middle ropes. Stomping the back. Is Crash setting up the Claw? Cole says "Baron Von Crashke" as Crash does the goose step - Claw to the midsection is no sold by Chuck because Crash isn't really a German. Crash tries readjusting to see if it'll work - Chuck with a forearm, but Crash's leg comes up and hits Chuck low while falling back - no one's sure exactly what happened but Chuck, because he can feel it. Crash on his with  kicks in the corner. Snap mare. Dropkick to the back of the neck. One two NO. Forearm to the back of the neck, forearm, snap mare. Kneeling surfboard, no Chuck's arm are too strong to pull them back, so Crash goes to kicks to the back. Knee to the back. Chuck with rights, but Crash gets another forearm. Slam one two no. One two no. One two no. Crash is sure that one was three. CHINlock. Alllll the way down. Knee to the back. Back to the chinlock. Cole thinks the Claw was the turning point of this match. Cole says "WWWF" while Chuck back elbows out - corner whip, reversed, Chuck charges into a double boot. Crash going up, this is never good. Flying right but Chuck gets up his boots. Clothesline, clothesline, whip, reversed, Chuck with the side belly to belly suplex one two no. Crash with an eye rake, off the ropes and into the overhead belly to belly suplex. Chuck yelling at him to get up - discus punch! Chuck with a - we'll call it a modified belly to belly suplex one two three (4:51) Cole said: "Crash Landing" and you know there was a time where Crash did a very similar move to that for a couple weeks and I called it a Crash Landing but it's an easy joke.

Tonight - Jamie Noble TALKS.

Up next - Tag Team Mayhem (will Angle and Benoit get along to do it?)

Lugz NEW Tag Team Champions of Two Weeks Ago

Angle and Benoit and other people (13:00) Here's the graphic - Rey/Edge (c) vs Angle/Benoit vs Guerrero/Guerrero for the WWE Tag Team Titles - in an Triple Threat Elimination match.

Albert vs Shannon Moore - This is where I say "Why couldn't they've just done Albert vs Chuck and Shannon vs Crash" and "Is Shannon still a heel? Was he a heel at any point?" It feels like we've seen the match but no, we haven't actually seen it. I'm LAZY this week. Scissors Kick, Baldo Bomb (3:35

Still to come - Brock vs Big Show

Up next - Jamie Noble TALKS

but first, WWE Anthology Cuts - "(619)" (1:03)

Greyhound Kidman beats the champion of Last Thursday

WWE Cruiserweight Champion Jamie Noble (w/Nidia) is out - Cole remembers he's held it for five months and since KOTR. "Hey, take a look at all these poor, pathetic people. For some reason they ain't got no respect for me and you! [to] Don't you worry your pretty little self about it - these people here, they're not our kind of people! As a matter of fact, these people here aren't nothing but plain ol' common trash!" "Yea, I know - and they actually have the nerve to call us trash. [YOU SUCK YOU SUCK YOU SUCK "Dang Jethro" sign YOU SUCK] No we don't! No we don't! Look at us! [waiting for the crowd to quiet] No we don't! Look at us! Look at me [models] I'm a - I'm a lady!" "Yes you are, girl! You people need to start showing me and Nidia a little respect, because I'm Jamie Noble Cruiserweight Champion!" "And you know how long he's been Cruiserweight Champion, for a - [tries to do the math] for a long long time!" "That's right! Months after month, I've beaten every cruiserweight that's had the nerve to stand up and challenge Jamie Noble! And baby, this Sunday, Survivor Series, Jamie Noble vs Billy Kidman, Crusierweight Title - the result of that match is going to be the same as every other one - Jamie Noble goes in champion, Jamie Noble comes out champion! And you ain't gonna be able to do nothing about that, Kidman! The only thing you're going to be able to do is respect the Cruiserweight Champion, Jamie Noble!" Makeout - play their music. Yes, every sentence ended with a ! Here's a graphic - will Kidman's THIRD chance be the charm?

Your Survivor Series theme music is Saliva. And your matches at Survivor Series (joint production of RAW and SmackDown!) are "I wish we had this one on SmackDown!" 6 Man Elimination Chamber match for the World Title, Goldust/Hurricane vs Storm/Regal, Trish vs Victoria in a Hardcore match for the Women's Title, Bubba/Spike/Jeff vs 3 Minute Warning in a 6 man tables match, Jamie Noble vs Billy Kidman for the Crusierweight Title, Rey/Edge vs Benoit/Angle vs Chavo/Eddie for the WWE Tag Team Titles and Brock vs Big Show for the WWE Championship. Let's go to THAT video package. (2:25)

Tough Enough 3 Clips - this week it's Jamie being nuts (2:47)

D-Von (WWE Anthology) vs Funaki - yet another Cole/Loyd argument ended with Loyd calling Cole "stud". D-Von gets no graphic (good thing I know his name) and is still wearing his Reverend D-Von shirt with the gospel music - I guess they're not sure what they're doing there yet? Cole is as disappointed as I am about no Funaki mic time. Loyd points out once again that Funaki's claiming to be better than Cole as well, and Cole's fine with it: "I'm not insecure!" Loyd laughs. They're doing their own show. Lockup - no, D-Von with a knee. Right. Right. Cruiserweights are 0-2 tonight. Whip, clothesline. Suplex. One two no. D-Von yelling. Stomp. Announcers actually speculating that maybe Heyman talked to the Big Show to get on his good side, should he win the title and need some management. Whip, clothesline misses, Funaki hits the dropkick. Armdrag, ducks a clothesline, drop toe hold, clapping dropkick to the face. Right. Right. Corner whip, reversed, D-Von charges in to a double boot. Funaki tot eh second rope - off and right into a clothesline. D-Von's talking trash again. Slam. Off the ropes, elbow drop. One two no. Rights, eyerake. Snap mare, surfboard with chinlock. Funaki with right hands, off the ropes, under a clothesline inside cradle one two D-Von kicks out. Funaki misses a clothesline, D-Von with a powerslam - pose, then cover one two NO. Funaki slightly moved - I think he's too close if D-Von is going for the headbutt - second rope, headbutt but Funaki rolls out of the way. D-Von did move him into good position, so ignore me. Funaki trying to crawl away but D-Von alertly grabs him by the ankle. Holding his leg as they both get up - enziguri! Funaki up - bulldog! One two NO. Cole reminds us that Funaki pinned D-Von last week. Funaki with right hands, but D-Von with an eye rake - D-Von is warned, and Funaki sneaks in a kick wham DDT one two NO. D-Von is wearing the 3D boots, I just noticed. Funaki with a whip, quick reversed, Funaki misses a clothesline - Saving Grace one two three. (4:20) Do the dance.

Scott Steiner - Confidential is NOW.

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And an excellent column it was. I miss Gorilla too. I actually had tears in my eyes as I watched the "Desire" video. Not sad tears (although seeing Gorilla, Owen, and Rude can do that to a guy)
- DrewDewce, small delay on the Brew Spew (2002)
Related threads: Velocity [#25, 11/09/02)] - Velocity (#24, 11/02/02) - albert on velocity - More...
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