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The W - Pro Wrestling - Velocity - 09.13.03
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InVerse
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Since: 26.8.02

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 18 hours
#1 Posted on
This week's Dish Network summary hypes the recap of the Eddie Guerrero/John Cena parking lot brawl. Now that's how you get people to turn into a show, advertise the rerun! Josh and Tazz are on commentary again this week, they've toned down the arguing a bit, but there seemed to be less calling of the matches as well. Still great chemistry though and their commentary alone made one of the matches great.

Jamie Noble vs. Kanyon - Damnit, where's Mortis? Lots of great offense from these two, as you would expect. Tazz initially no-sells Kanyon's innovations but comes around after a couple of moves.

Noble tries to ram Kanyon and misses, shooting between the turnbuckles and ramming his shoulder into the post. Kanyon follows up with a Boston Crab... while Noble is still hanging between the ropes! A bit later, Kanyon brings Noble back into the ring from outside with a superplex off the second rope. Noble goes for a cross body, having it a nice one off the top rope earlier, and Kanyon catches him. He goes for a swing and I expect the Swinging Rock Bottom that we've been seeing from Rosie and Noble's bed buddy Billy Gunn, but Kanyon shows why he's the Innovator of Offense by swinging Jamie into a vertical suplex. Kanyon also hits a pair of swinging sitout powerbombs, one from the side and one from overhead, but Noble squeaks out a victory with a nice rollup.

Recap: Recap of last week's recap of the week before's recap of Cena FUing Eddie on the steel wheel, followed up by the parking lot brawl. I missed the fight on Smackdown, but it appeared like they showed the match in full tonight. If Cena had any dues left to pay coming into that match, I think they're paid in full now. (Incidentally, did Chavo steal the US title there at the end?)

Basham Brothers w/ Shanequa vs. Scott Vantastic & Poker Face - In all honesty, this match probably sucked, but Tazz and Josh just went nuts on commentary, first making fun of Vantastic's name and then exploding when Poker Face came in to where you'd think he was the second coming of Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair & Kurt Angle all rolled into one. I'm already laughing pretty damn hard and then Josh busts out the BUSINESS IS ABOUT TO PICK UP as Poker Face gets the hot tag.

You just had to see this team to get the full impact of the situation. You have Scott Vantastic who is about as vanilla as a wrestler can get (Tazz: With a name like Vantastic, you think he'd have better trunks. (Vantastic is wearing plain purple shorts.) also Tazz: With a name like Vantastic, you think he'd know how to apply a proper headlock.) then you have Poker Face who looks all the world like a short, scrawny Virgil but apparently thinks he's a superstar, watching him run all the way across the ring to break up a pin attempt and then making the hot tag and taking out both Bashams, all the while Josh and Tazz selling him like a god. That is, before the ref gets distracted and Shanequa comes in and powerbombs Poker Face and Doug Basham pins him for the win. I hearby nominate this match as match of the year.

Recap: Brock vs. Stephanie McMahon

Incidentally, has anyone ever noticed that Tazz actually seems to get a kick out of reading the promos?

World's Greatest Tag Team vs. Ultimo Dragon & Funaki - A little slow, but good match, from these four. It seems odd that Ultimo Dragon is playing the face in peril w/ the hot tag to Funaki, but it seems that whether it's Spanky, Tajiri or Ultimo, Funaki has been the one getting hot tags as of late. I wonder if everybody else is paying homage to Funaki for being Most Likely to Job or if they've just figured out the match goes faster if Funaki gets the hot tag and then jobs. Either way, I'm enjoying seeing Funaki dominate his opponents, even if it's only for a few minutes.

Did Charlie Haas dye his hair? Seems like his hair has gotten more and more boring as time progresses, I used to dig the blonde spikes when he first debuted. Josh & Tazz are still hyped (or possibly drunk) from the commentary of the last match and it carries over to this match somewhat. Odd timing for a commercial break (on Velocity??) as Benjamin & Ultimo simultaneously kick each other in the face.

They continue to mention that Shelton Benjamin is a former teammate of Brock Lesnar. In another year or two, I can honestly see Benjamin working a main event program with Lesnar.

When we come back from the commercial, Tazz informs us that Ultimo has been getting his ass kicked all during the break. ("And that hurts. Getting your ass kicked.") Funaki gets the hot tag and Josh makes the greatest call in the history of pro wres.. no, sports commentary, as Funaki nails Benjamin with a forearm and Josh busts out "Shades of Poker Face!" I'm laughing too hard at this point to remember what the hell happened but Ultimo was lying on the ground and Haas catches Funaki in a crossbody attempt. Benjamin nails Funaki in the back with a superkick and Haas immediately drops him with a powerslam for the pin. Interesting double team finisher, there.

Overall, a great show. Two good matches, one serviceable match and great, over the top commentary that had me doubled over in pain more than once.

Line of the Night: The first one stood out to me as the obvious choice, but there were several runners up as well, so take your pick...

Josh: How many times have you heard Tazz say "Whoop him in the ass!" on a Saturday night?

Josh: I just figured out why there's humming in the Basham's theme song. They like hummers.
Tazz: Yeah, they've got a couple of those trucks.

Josh: Ultimo Dragon's English isn't well.

Josh: Field goal from Ultimo Dragon!
Tazz: They don't have football in Japan.
Josh: They don't have football in New York either. How about them Jets?
Tazz: Yeah, screw you. You probably like the Packers. And the Oilers.

Josh: You have a 60 minute match to call on Thursday, maybe you should save your voice.
Tazz: Maybe you should kiss my ass.

Move of the Night: Funaki goes for an over the top rope cross body but Haas & Benjamin catch him, then Ultimo Dragon hits an Asai Moonsault into all three of them.
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Bullitt
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Since: 11.1.02
From: Houston

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#2 Posted on
How much fun were Matthews and Tazz having doing commentary for this? Funny, funny stuff...




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Net Hack Slasher
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Since: 6.1.02
From: Outer reaches of your mind

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#3 Posted on
I sometimes ask myself. "Self, Can I go back to watching a jobber vs. midcard shows like I did when I was a kid watching Superstars of Wrestling?". And I'd probably say no. UNTIL TONIGHT, I will watch anything with these two commentating. I haven't seen a duo this entertaining in ages.

Usually on my SD/Raw review I gave a Line of the Night, and at times it's very difficult to get one for the entire 2 hour show, if you get 2 it's a good night... There were like 10 great lines given out tonight. InVerse gave some of what's on my mind. But there was even more, so much more that I can go pick "(other)Line of the Match" (that's right MATCH not night) and not copy an InVerse quote.

-Noble vs. Kanyon- Very Nice match. Kanyon broke out his very innovated moveset. Putting his own personal twist to a lot of moves. Some look fantastic, some a little silly. The cool ones were the outside to inside suplex while standing on the ropes. Great sitdown powerbombs as well from different positions. Some a little more silly like the boston crab on the turnbuckles (had to break it in 5). Tazz was busting Kanyon's balls a bit early on cause of the whole "Innovator of offense" which Josh proclaimed Kanyon to be during Kanyon's boston crab on the corner and brings me to...

OTHER LINE OF THE MATCH: JOSH: "This is what I mean about innovator of offense. Have you ever saw a boston crab done in that position before"... TAZZ: "No, looking at it I think I know why"

-Basham Brothers vs. Poker Face/Vantastic- Like InVerse said, who knows about this match. Selling Poker Face hot tag like he's Austin, they screamed "POKER FACE, POKER FACE, POKERRR FFFFACE". He took the Bashams out and had one for the pin the other Basham pulled the ref out on 2 so Shaniqua get in powerbombs PokerFace and Bashams get the pin... Announcers hated Vantastic, even a mention of The Fantastics tag team (not in a million years, only Josh & Tazz I swear LoL). But had the love for Poker face. Wait is PokerFace the APA butler???...

OTHER LINE OF THE MATCH: (InV touched on it but I'll give the punchline). TAZZ: "If he was so Vantastic, shouldn't he have gotten better trunks?"... JOSH: "Hey I like his tights"... TAZZ: "You would like pastel purple"

-Worlds Greatest TagTeam vs. Funaki/Dragon- Was an decent match, a little slow at times. It didn't really seem to flow that well. Had some cool spots like The Asai moonsault to the WGTT holding Funaki by Ultimo was cool. The simultaneously kick to the face by Ultimo & Sheldon was good... Didn't like the finish of Sheldon kicking Funaki in the back and Haas just dropping slamming him down for the pin.

OTHER LINE OF THE MATCH: JOSH: "They are the self-proclaimed worlds greatest tagteam"... TAZZ: "There the tag champs therefore they are the greatest tag team"... JOSH: "But they gave themselves the title proclaiming themselves that"... TAZZ(stumbling his words) "Can I proclaim you the worlds worst play by play announcer"... JOSH: "Sure if you ever get the words out"

I dont usually do 3Stars for B-shows, but what the heck. 1)Tazz. 2)Josh. 3)Kanyon - The announcing was off the charts funny this week


(edited by Net Hack Slasher on 14.9.03 0257)

(edited by Net Hack Slasher on 14.9.03 0259)

Me fail English? That's unpossible
odessasteps
Scrapple








Since: 2.1.02
From: MD, USA

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#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.41

Also, this great line:

Josh: "The Vantastics were one of my favorite tag teams in the 80s."
Tazz: "Yeah, Tommy Rogers and Bobby Fulton."

The wacky banter during Velocity was nicely complimented by the Tazz/Josh Outside the Ropes segement during Confidental.





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canadianchick
Cotto








Since: 8.8.03
From: Canada

Since last post: 3262 days
Last activity: 2933 days
#5 Posted on
Velocity was great. It's funny, because I thought it would only be a decent show with only 3 matches. But I liked the Kaynon/Noble and the main event a lot. And Tazz and Matthews had me on the floor laughing. It's amazing how much a good commentating team can contribute to a show.



L.O.V.E-All I need's my Love Machine.
Jakegnosis
Morcilla








Since: 26.7.02
From: Maine

Since last post: 2678 days
Last activity: 2662 days
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.91
I loved Velocity last night. Taz is so much better than JR and Lawler these days that I cringe when I watch Raw. Just the fact that he brings his A-game to the recap show says a lot to me. You can just tell that he's having a great time out there, fucking with Josh Matthews.

My favorite bit was when Poker Face got tagged in and they treated him like a god. I'm a Poker Face mark, and I have no idea who the guy is.

What a great show. I could hardly believe how much fun I was having watching Velocity.




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Since: 12.10.02
From: Canada

Since last post: 3079 days
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#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.15
I don't think that type of commentary would work for Smackdown or RAW because they have to sell the product but for a weekend show, it was excellent. I usually watch Velocity anyways but Josh and Tazz have made it more fun with their banter.

Tazz's commentary on Velocity was kinda like a much more refined version of his original work on Heat where he'd just throw out a bunch of whacky jokes and bust on Cole.
drjayphd
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Since: 22.4.02
From: Connecticut

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#8 Posted on
Oh my God... they had me DYING during the Haas/Benjamin v. Vantastic/POKER FACE~! match. At first I thought they were trying to make some pun off of his name, but... nope. The one thing that made it work, though? Shaniqua killing Poker Face DEAD with that powerbomb. I mean, if he actually kept the HOUSEAFIYAH routine going, it woulda just been cheesy. Easily the match of the week... well, WWE match of the week.



Today's Out-Of-Context Quote, Courtesy of hardygrrl:

"...between the grime layer and the Seventies game show host hair, I'd rather rim Undertaker after a White Castle/Schlitz bender."
Evil Buddha
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Since: 10.1.02
From: Somerville, MA

Since last post: 2637 days
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#9 Posted on
I'm going to have to offer my own opinion for Line of the Night, when Josh, after taking much of Tazz's abuse during the show just blurts out, "Stop trying to hurt me with your words!"
It was quite the PSA moment, because words can hurt as much as a Tazzplex, and the pain they cause may take longer to heal...



"Come to the Dark Side... You Know You Want To!"
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InVerse
Bierwurst








Since: 26.8.02

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 18 hours
#10 Posted on
I was going to make a Poker Face fan site, but (unsurprisingly)I couldn't find a single reference to him on Google. And the wrestling recap sites I checked all spelled his name as Pokerface, not Poker Face. Sacrilege, I tell you.

Presuming the guy was a local indy wrestler, anybody know what indy groups are in/around Birmingham, Alabama?

Edit: I'm getting closer! Here's a bio of PKO Poker Face. That site also has 2 pages of pictures of the man, the myth and the legend.

Edit #2: Seems Poker Face is the current Mid-America Championship Wrestling tag champion. (I say champion singular because apparently, storyline wise, he just split with his partner and won the rights to the titles.)

(edited by InVerse on 15.9.03 1425)
Evil Buddha
Pickled pork








Since: 10.1.02
From: Somerville, MA

Since last post: 2637 days
Last activity: 2035 days
#11 Posted on
    Originally posted by InVerse


    Edit #2: Seems Poker Face is the current Mid-America Championship Wrestling tag champion. (I say champion singular because apparently, storyline wise, he just split with his partner and won the rights to the titles.)

    (edited by InVerse on 15.9.03 1425)


Bah, Poker Face needs no partner to carry tag gold, because Poker Face Is Mighty!!!



"Come to the Dark Side... You Know You Want To!"
The Evil Buddha, spreading Alcoholism, Bad Humor and Chaos since 1971
Karlos the Jackal
Lap cheong








Since: 2.1.02
From: The City of Subdued Excitement

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#12 Posted on
InVerse, you did better than I did -- I tried looking for Poker Face on the internet and found nothing. Thanks for posting those links.

I wonder if Poker Face's groundswell of popularity is limited to the internet fans?

--K
InVerse
Bierwurst








Since: 26.8.02

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 18 hours
#13 Posted on
I'm still making an attempt to contact Poker Face. With God as my witness, I will interview this man. Then I'll post the interview here because it wouldn't really fit anywhere on my personal site and all wrestling sites suck. :)
Jakegnosis
Morcilla








Since: 26.7.02
From: Maine

Since last post: 2678 days
Last activity: 2662 days
#14 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.91
InVerse, you are a god.

Poker Face is my new mark-out king. Sorry, Kane, you just got bumped down after four years. Them's the brakes when POKER FACE!!! gets on the scene.

I swear, I would order TNA every week if they would only sign Poker Face. Hear that, Russo? Sign Poker Face and my dollars are YOURS!




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Rangers Lead the Way!
darkdragoon
Bockwurst








Since: 26.8.02

Since last post: 3513 days
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#15 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.00
Bah, nothing compares to Tazz actually saying "Tiger Driver." that and "Shouldn't you be saving your voice for the Ironman match?"

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