Sorry about the delayed post, my nieces (ages 2 & 3) slept over last night and I couldn't even sit down to watch the show until they'd went to sleep. Their bed is in the computer room, and I'm not about to risk waking them up to type a report. I hope my 2 regular readers weren't too disappointed. Wait, do I have more regular readers than Velocity has viewers?
Good show this week, with tolerable commentary and four good matches. What more could you ask for? Quite a bit, actually, but we've had to settle for a lot less on many occasions, so I"m not complaining.
Want proof that Velocity is the best thing going in the WWE today? Bradshaw is entertaining for a third straight week. The APA are backstage and Bradshaw is cutting and pasting pictures, attempting to prove that Shaniqua is really Shelton Benjamin in disguise. "Have you ever seen them together? It's like Bruce Wayne and Batman or Peter Parker and Dr. Octopus." He has a point.
The APA (Bradshaw & Farooq) vs The FBI (Stamboli & Palumbo) - Obviously, this isn't going to be a **** match, but it certainly exceeded my expectations, and I tend to have higher expectations than a lot of people on the 'net. I understand why a lot of people don't like the APA, but Ron Simmons was the champion at my first (and only) TV taping, back when WCW was taping a month of TV at a time. I have fond memories of Big Ron standing less than 2' from me when he was ambushed from behind by the legendary Harley Race. So I'll be damned if there's ever a day when I don't mark out for Farooq.
Anyway, the APA win with a spiked powerbomb. Afterwards, the Basham Brothers & Shaniqua stand on the ramp but don't attack. (The Cat shocks the world and makes a good point that it's stupid to attack someone who is pumped up from just winning a match and already knows you're there.) Interestingly, I don't think Bradshaw threw a single clothesline during that entire match. Also, his fall-away slam is now called the Last Call.
Recap: Undertaker vs John Cena. Earlier, Josh stated that they were going to have the entire match. Thankfully, he was lying. It didn't piss me off nearly as much watching this match, knowing that Cena was at least going to win.
Ultimo Dragon vs Shannon Moore - Much, much better than Dragon's match with Nunzio last week. Some beautiful chain wrestling from these two. It was a little slow at times, but I wouldn't call it spotty because the "spots" were fast-paced, not particularly high risk, combinations. Shannon Moore really seems to have stepped it up a notch ever since that singles match with Matt Hardy.
Ultimo looked much crisper this week, though his elbow was obviously giving him trouble. He paused for a moment and rubbed it vigorously after hitting a springboard bodypress. (Incidentally, that's the same move it looked like he nearly botched last week where his body wrapped around Nunzio and it looked like Nunzio was holding him sideways and DDTing him.)
Nice move from Dragon at one point that took me several minutes to even figure out how to describe. He stood over a face down Moore, hooked Shannon's feet around Ultimo's calves, pulled back on Moore's arms and then began to roll back, as if locking in a modified Bow & Arrow. Instead, they rock back and forth a few times and end with Dragon standing and Moore's entire body suspended in the air. Dragon wins with his flipping neckbreaker than I'll call Sliced Bread #1.5 for the time being. (As always, feel free to fill me in on the proper names of anything I don't know.)
Orlando Jordan gets mobbed by three women backstage and he grafittis their boobies. According to both Josh and The Cat, such things happen every day to all WWE superstars (which, apparently, includes themselves.) If this is the case, why are they bothering to show it on television? Is this supposed to be our proof that Orlando Jordan is now a certified WWE superstar? The Undertaker doesn't beat him up and chicks dig him. Hey, the Undertaker has never beat me up, if I pay some local strippers to let me write on their breasts, can I get a Velocity match? At least it explains why the security guard just sort of stood their and watched it happen.
Orlando Jordan vs Andy Andrews - Typical Orlando Jordan on Velocity match, meaning there was nothing special but nothing worth making fun of, either. Jordan wins with the Black Ice. Major props to Jordan for that bad ass black & gold panther shirt he wore to the ring. I'm assuming it's a Panthers shirt or some such, anybody from Florida know?
Recap: Brock Lesnar vs Mr. McMahon w/ special guest referee Kurt Angle. Damnit, Kurt, didn't you watch Smackdown? Kurt falls for the trap again.
The World's Greatest Tag Team (Haus & Benjamin) vs Velocity's Greatest Tag Team (Spanky & Funaki) - Here's the dream match that I asked for a few weeks ago and it doesn't disappoint. Haus and Benjamin truly are the proverbial well oiled machine. Spanky & Funaki are, of course, the gods of Velocity.
Some picturesque chain wrestling from Funaki and Benjamin to start things off. I don't recall ever seeing two guys chain together 5 or 6 moves (including 2 pinning attempts) without using their arms. Innovative spot where Spanky tries to baseball slide between Benjamin's legs and Benjamin grabs him by the hair and drags him back. Spanky might be the only guy in the WWE capable of making a credible hot tag to Funaki.
The end comes when Funaki goes for the Tornado DDT but Shelton pushes him off to Haus, who catches him in perfect position for The World's Greatest Superkick and the pin.
Overall, a great show with two really good matches, one good match and one match that didn't suck. The recaps weren't too long, either. One of these days, if the show ever sucks, remind me to tell you all the plan I came up with to make Funaki a credible world champion in only 6 weeks.
Sign of the Night: YOU SUK
Move of the Night: Shannon Moore nipping up as Ultimo Dragon dive rolls over him.
Line of the Night: Bradshaw: I'm telling you, Shaniqua is a man. Farooq: She has breasts. Bradshaw: So did Dusty Rhodes.
I hope the Bradshaw/Shaniqua thing leads to Bradshaw getting wasted, sleeping with Shaniqua then getting ribbed endlessly by Faarooq.
Ultimo Dragon is so smooth and quick with everything he does even with that elbow bothering him. Its a shame they haven't really gotten behind him because they guy could do some special things if he's given the right amount of time.
Shelton Benjamin is more impressive everytime I see him. He just picks up everything so quickly. Funaki and Spanky are a great underdog tag team. If you're not gonna really do anything with Spanky, at least let him have good matches on Velocity like this one.
Spanky is my front runner as must underrated wrestler of the year. He just seems like he can play such a fantastic undersized underdog, kinda like a more talented Spike Dudley (even though I'm a fan of Spike). I guess Zach is taking the underdog cruiser spot on SD... Entertaining match put on by these guys.
Ultimo had his best match since his somewhat disappointing WWE debut. Broke out some unique moves, I wonder if his move set is just too foreign for WWE... What's the deal with WWE pushing young guys by having 2 or 3 groupies trying to get a piece of them backstage LoL.
It may be that he can't (or doesn't want to) have the WWE in his username any more, but it's not a sound idea to just change it. If he did, someone else would swoop in to take the old name and pretend to be him.