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The W - Pro Wrestling - Velocity - 08.02.03
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InVerse
Bierwurst








Since: 26.8.02

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 12 hours
#1 Posted on
Spanky vs. Matt Hardy version 1.0 - I was surprised that this was the opening match, seems like an obvious choice for a main event to me. Matt Hardy's moveset continues to impress me. Not only does he add new maneuvers but he improves upon the ones he already has as well, such as catching Spanky with the Side Effect on the run. Does anybody know the name of the move that Josh referred to as an "airplane spinning neck breaker"? It was almost like a spinning Rude Awakening (though with Spanky pulled up on his shoulder.) Minimal interference from Shannon Moore and Matt Hardy wins via Twist of Fate after Spanky misses a moonsault.

The Basham Brothers are in the locker room, asking Shaniqua to hit them. MARK OUT MOMENT OF THE WEEK! It's the return of Funaki! Smackdown #1 Announca! He tries to interview the Bashams, asking them about getting their asses kicked at the APA Invitational Bar Room Brawl. They insist they were attacked from behind. They remember that Danny is supposed to be the crazy one, as he starts to yell at Funaki but Doug stops him and speaks for the team. The APA show up, make transvestite jokes about Shaniqua and challenge the Basham's to a six man tag w/ the APA and Funaki against the Basham's and a partner of their choice, which Bradshaw insists can't be Shaniqua once he decides she is, in fact, female.

Ultimo Dragon is shown warming up back stage. He's up against Nunzio next!

Something tells me that Jason vs. Freddy will be a far more entertaining battle of legends than Goldberg vs. Stone Cold has any chance of being.

Ultimo Dragon vs. Nunzio - I had high expectations for this match and was severely disappointed. I wouldn't have thought it would be possible for a match featuring these two guys to be slow and plodding, unless they were both dead, but somehow it was. Ultimo botches or near botches at least 3 spots and it makes me sad. Maybe Vince isn't crazy and Ultimo's work really isn't up to par anymore. Or, more likely, Vince is crazy but Ultimo's washed up as well. At one point, the crowd is chanting You Suck and I'm not even sure if they're talking about Nunzio or Ultimo Dragon. (Props to Josh for the Muta reference as Nunzio is torquing Dragon's shoulder at one point.) Dragon wins with a "flipping neckbreaker" (as Josh calls it) which pretty much looked like Sliced Bread #2 w/o the use of the ropes, to me.

The APA & Funaki vs. The Basham Brothers & Shawn O'Haire - Props to me for finally getting off my lazy ass and looking up how to properly spell O'Haire's last name, hopefully I'm spelling his first name right too. Much better action than I was expecting, with Farooq (Hey, I thought he was Ron Simmons again.) playing the face-in-peril and Funaki getting the hot tag!!! Funaki was the star of Velocity this week. They should totally do a parody of the Brock/Kurt storyline where Spanky & Funaki are battling to prove who the MVP of Velocity is. Funny spot where Bradshaw holds Doug Basham in the Camel Clutch and Funaki walks up and bows before dropkicking him in the face. For a moment, I actually thought they were going to give Funaki a clean pin over O'Haire, but fortunately Shaniqua pulled him off. (As much as I love Funaki, if he's going to get a clean pin, it should be over a Basham.) In retaliation for her interference, Funaki climbs to the top and looks to flying splash Shaniqua but gets plucked from the top by O'Haire who proceeds to stuff Funaki with a crucifix powerbomb for the win.

Recaps this week were of the Jamie Noble, Torrie Wilson, Billy Gunn, Nidia clusterfuck and the Kurt Angle/Brock Lesnar vs. Big Show/Albert match. They probably would have sucked but I forgot to watch Smackdown this week, so at least they were new to me.

Line of the Night:
Josh talks about the Angle/Lesnar tension.
Cat says absolute nothing.
Josh: And that's why you're the best color man in the business, Cat.

Runner Up: Josh calls ring announcer Tony Chimmel fat for no apparent reason. I can't recall anybody just randomly picking on the ring announcer, let alone the face play-by-play commentator.
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uberlou
Merguez








Since: 26.3.03
From: Glendale, Cali

Since last post: 1555 days
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#2 Posted on

    Originally posted by InVerse


    The APA & Funaki vs. The Basham Brothers & Shawn O'Haire - Props to me for finally getting off my lazy ass and looking up how to properly spell O'Haire's last name, hopefully I'm spelling his first name right too.



hehe. For future references, it's "Sean".

good report. I got an hour till Velocity is on here. I'm disappointed to hear about the lackluster Nunzio/Dragon match. Spanky/Matt should be good though.






El Pescado
Kolbasz








Since: 3.1.02
From: Toms River, NJ

Since last post: 1110 days
Last activity: 934 days
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#3 Posted on
You don't happen to remember the Matt Facts, do you? I've been writing them all down...



"You won't see that on Everybody Loves Raymond!"
-J.R. after Trish gets pasted with a chair
InVerse
Bierwurst








Since: 26.8.02

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 12 hours
#4 Posted on

    Originally posted by El Pescado
    You don't happen to remember the Matt Facts, do you? I've been writing them all down...


Matt loves courduroy clothes was the first one. I can't remember what the second one was, right now, though. It'll come to me right as someone else is posting it, though.



fuelinjected
Banger








Since: 12.10.02
From: Canada

Since last post: 3200 days
Last activity: 3200 days
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.15
"Matt despises standstill traffic."
Net Hack Slasher
Banger








Since: 6.1.02
From: Outer reaches of your mind

Since last post: 3527 days
Last activity: 1947 days
#6 Posted on

    Originally posted by InVerse
    Line of the Night:
    Josh talks about the Angle/Lesnar tension.
    Cat says absolute nothing.
    Josh: And that's why you're the best color man in the business, Cat.

    Runner Up: Josh calls ring announcer Tony Chimmel fat for no apparent reason. I can't recall anybody just randomly picking on the ring announcer, let alone the face play-by-play commentator.



Josh is a riot, I think he knows how awful The Cat is, I even pretty certain the Ernest Miller knows how bad he is so he has so much fun at his expense and Cat lets it slide... I know he's a SD roster guy but please put Josh on Raw, how great would it be if he when Lawler says puppies Josh says the same thing he said last week that 1986 just called. But I'm sure Lawler would cry to managment because Josh is undermining him which makes it pretty ironic



cause there's limits to our liberties.
'Least I hope and pray that there are,
cause those liberal freaks go too far.

I'll crush all opposition to me
And I'll make Ted Kennedy pay
If he fights back, I'll say that he's gay
darkdragoon
Bockwurst








Since: 26.8.02

Since last post: 3634 days
Last activity: 3634 days
#7 Posted on
It's airplane spin neckbreaker, Matt doesn't quite get the gory special on so it's not like Eddie's or Victoria's.

What was the point of the Muta reference? What's next "Dropkick, shades of Mil Mascaras!"

return of O'haire using the praying powerbomb, hmm...
InVerse
Bierwurst








Since: 26.8.02

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 12 hours
#8 Posted on

    Originally posted by Net Hack Slasher
    I know he's a SD roster guy but please put Josh on Raw, how great would it be if he when Lawler says puppies Josh says the same thing he said last week that 1986 just called. But I'm sure Lawler would cry to managment because Josh is undermining him which makes it pretty ironic


I'd love to see someone, and I think Josh could pull it off, who just totally went off on a parody of King (to his face.) Sit right next to him and go 30 straight minutes without talking about anything but puppies. When there are no women involved in a match, he can just go off about some women in the audience or Lillian Garcia. I think Josh has come about as far as he possibly can on his own, it's time to put him with someone who knows what they're doing and see if he has the ability to step it up to the level of greatness.



    Originally posted by darkdragoon
    What was the point of the Muta reference? What's next "Dropkick, shades of Mil Mascaras!"


Well, it's better than not calling it at all. He tends to only do it to moves which are relatively unique. To me, at least, it shows me that he knows something about the history of wrestling and wasn't just grown in the WWE vat with WWW-revised-history drummed into his head. Character-wise, Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler probably have no idea who he is and Michael Cole wouldn't now but if Muta showed up on WWE TV, Cole would suddenly know his entire history with about an 80% accuracy. Tazz could probably tell us what a bad ass Muta is, though.
darkdragoon
Bockwurst








Since: 26.8.02

Since last post: 3634 days
Last activity: 3634 days
#9 Posted on
Didn't Heyman already mention him multiple times in 2001 as Tajiri was misting and handspringing?
OMEGA
Lap cheong








Since: 18.6.02
From: North Cacalacky

Since last post: 1879 days
Last activity: 1847 days
#10 Posted on
Velocity is quickly becoming my favorite show of the week. Excellent matches, Cat/Josh Matthews on commentary (they're in the so bad, it's funny category). All they need to do is get rid of all the recaps. Too many damn recaps.



The answer to WWE's financial problems...
InVerse
Bierwurst








Since: 26.8.02

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 12 hours
#11 Posted on

    Originally posted by darkdragoon
    Didn't Heyman already mention him multiple times in 2001 as Tajiri was misting and handspringing?


I wouldn't know, I think I watched a grand total of 2 hours of wrestling in 2001. But, for arguments sake, let's say he did. What's your point?
Doc_whiskey
Frankfurter








Since: 6.8.02
From: St. Louis

Since last post: 21 days
Last activity: 21 days
AIM:  
#12 Posted on
I need to start watching or taping Velocity more. I enjoyed it this week, and Josh Matthews and the Cat are a riot. Matthews with his smart ass shots at Cat, and Cat constantly threatening him is hilarious. Plus matches like Spanky vs v1.0 are great.



Brazen Snatch
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IMO, "surgery went well" in this context is even better news than usual. Generally, it means everything went as planned.
- emma, Kurt Angle (2003)
Related threads: Velocity - 07.26.03 - Velocity - 07/19/03 - Velocity - 07/12/03 - More...
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