Clearly, somebody has put a curse on Ringmistress. Everybody she's fallen in lust with lately has had some terrible misforture befall him. First HHH tears his quad, then, once he gets back from that, he ends up in "the plotline which shall remain unnamed", followed by 2 hematomas. Ringmistress becomes disenchanted with HHH, & takes a fancy to Kurt. Kurt being a studly guy manages to carry on for a time, but finally succumbs to the recurring damage to his squished disk. Meanwhile, Randy Orton & Batista catch Ringmistress' attention. Not to quote Emeril or anything, but "Bam", they're both out.
It is obvious to me that somebody has put a curse on Ringmistress. So, first, has anybody got any good curse-removal strategies, while we still have some cute, hunky, relatively-healthy wrestlers left?
And second, Ringmistress, I don't suppose you'd want to take one for the team, & manage to engender any interest in a couple of fat, clumsy Samoans? (Just a thought.)
First of all, Emma, I want to thank you for catching onto something that even I didn't want to admit. Yes, it's been one of those really screwed up years for me. Somebody's jinxing me all right. I'm not sure what to do for now, but I think I'll lay low on the lust and just be like a normal wiener (if there is such a thing) until the heat's off. Any uncursing methods are welcome. By the way, I'll get back to you on the Samoan thing.
(edited by Ringmistress on 6.3.03 1549) We miss you already, Kurt!
Perhaps I can help. *looks through book of 'How to Un-Curse Your Inner Wrestler*
Here it is. How to un-curse yourself...
1) Case of beverage of choice 2) Gather some over-priced merchandise of befallen wrestlers 3) Drink 2 of the beverages of choice 4) Place Merchandise in large cardboard box and put in kitchen 5) Drink 1 more of the beverage of choice 6) Throw all fire extinguishers in household out of window 7) Drink 1 more beverage of choice 8) Set box of merchandise on fire 9) Scream loudly "I swear I only loved them for their westling ability" three times whilst turning around in circles 10) Recover from dizzy spell and call 911. 11) Wait for cute firemen to show up 12) Eye them up as they put out the fire 13) Pick out cutest one and tell him how he looks like *insert fav wrestler name here* 14) Spend night "talking" about wrestling finishing rest of beverages of choice
The book says if you do this EXACTLY as written that any negative energy that has been put on you by a curse shall be eliminated and the flames (that represent injury) will be extinguished and they shall make a triumphant return.
I don't know how accurate this is but I thought I should offer my help.
Ringmistress, I think Tomboy's got something here! It has all the most essential elements: fire, water (as represented by beverage of choice), air (fire extinguishers flying out of the window), earth (a cardboard box is brown -- close enough). Repetitive chanting, whirling & dizziness. You're gonna have to fake it on the expensive Batista & Orton merch, but I'm sure you'll figure something out on that. "I only loved him for his wrestling ability" is at least plausible for Kurt. The kitchen needs a remodel anyway.
This was the first PPV we've bought since Wrestlemania. Yeah, bad finances are one reason we've foregone our monthly 34.95 addition to the cable bill, but bad cards had more to do with it--I mean, an all-Raw PPV? Good gravy.