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24.7.14 2038
The W - Pro Wrestling - Total Divas 2x4 "Cena No Evil"
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JustinShapiro
Scrapple
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Since: 12.12.01
From: Pittsburgh, PA

Since last post: 7 hours
Last activity: 30 min.
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.03
AIN'T GONNA
STOP ME NOW

Much like when Rick Martel got his modeling degree and Tito Santana received his matador's license in the middle of their ongoing wrestling careers (in media restling), Nikki Bella has become a certified real estate agent. She's showing a house that she confides to John Cena that she absolutely loves, and based on the amount of information that the show consciously doles out per scene -- next to no information -- it immediately became clear to me that Cena was going to buy it for her and that was the mystery journey that we were about to embark on. At first I felt a genuine sense of achievement for being so ahead of the curve on a Total Divas plot, then a genuine sense of shame for somehow thinking I had accomplished something, however briefly.

Nikki thinks John is randomly, suddenly cheating on her due to some incredibly conspicuous behavior like secret private laptop business that he absolutely must conduct while Nikki is in the same room as him and other such overt TV sneakiness. Nikki calls him on the carpet him with the kind of acrimony over flimsy evidence that led to Sting quitting WCW to live in the rafters for a year. Surprise: John bought Nikki the place in San Diego and I guess he's going to live there too. New set! This is probably not the last time we'll see a Total Divas plot where we thought John was being out of line for a quick second, but as it turns out, he is in fact a living, breathing saint. My lasting question is does Nikki get commission for the sale? 'cause that's like your mom just buying all the girl scout cookies you had to sell.

The Cena/Nikki sitcom subterfuge was perhaps the fakest thing that's ever been on this WWE-themed reality television show-- no, wait, hang on, Natalya literally said that the TLC PPV is the Golden Globes to Wrestlemania's Oscars. Sure, why not. Over The Limit is the Tonys. Cyber Sunday is the People's Choice Awards. There are just no jokes worth making that can be as wonderfully absurd as the original assertion.

She has to say it because, well, December is the month we were filming this storyline where Nattie's nose injury may cost her an opportunity at the grand-uncle of them all, the showcase of the um mortals, Tables Ladders And Chairs 2013.
On the other hand, working whatever IRL nose septum injury problem Nattie happened to have into the Total Divas storyline by claiming it was directly caused by Summer Rae's PIVOTAL SLAP, is one of the more authentically pro wrestling things that the show has done.

What else. Now Trinity has her own single. It's no "(Boy) Bye Bye." If I remember right, the song is about dancing, the night life, feeling good, partying, having a good time, living your-- you know what, forget it, this was the only part of this episode that mattered:

[SCENE: Bellas driving]

Nikki: "You listen to Adele's CD and you realize, 'I'm not alone in the world going through some shit, eating bon-bons--'"

Brie: [suspicious] "'Bom-boms'? I've never eaten a 'bom-bom.'"

Nikki: "A bon-bon."

Brie: [incredulous] "I don't even know what a 'bom-bom' looks like."

Nikki: "A BON-BON!"

Brie: "Bon ... bom."

Nikki: "It's a piece of fucking chocolate! What do you mean?! You're ... so stupid..."

Brie: [skeptical] "I don't really know if it's a piece of chocolate."

Nikki: "Google it."

Brie: "What do you spell it, b-o-n-b-o-n?"

Nikki: "Bon-bons. It's s's. With s's."

Brie: "'Bons bons'?"

Nikki: "Bons bons."

Brie: [GIGANTIC UNEDITED SNEEZE]

Nikki: "Ew."

Masterpiece. thebom.com. An impromptu unscripted Abbott and Costello routine. Print it and run it as a Sonic commercial. I lament how much of this charming interstitial footage must blanket the cutting room floor.
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Cotto








Since: 26.12.13

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 2 hours
#2 Posted on
    Originally posted by JustinShapiro
    Natalya literally said that the TLC PPV is the Golden Globes to Wrestlemania's Oscars. Sure, why not. Over The Limit is the Tonys. Cyber Sunday is the People's Choice Awards. There are just no jokes worth making that can be as wonderfully absurd as the original assertion.


This was a Top 5 moment in the show's history for me.

Like you said, it defies parody. It is the Rob Ford of Total Divas.
edoug
Summer sausage








Since: 13.2.04
From: Maine

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 1 hour
#3 Posted on
Because of your recaps, A show I would rather tell Meng that afro made him look like a sissy than watch, I would miss.
The "grand-uncle of the all", hilarious.



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former WCW Ref. Randy Anderson passed away, death unknown. You may rememeber him from the WCW/NWO days credit 411wrestling.com
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