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21.12.14 2014
The W - Pro Wrestling - Total Divas 2x1 "I'll Always Know What You Did Next, Summer"
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JustinShapiro
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Since: 12.12.01
From: Pittsburgh, PA

Since last post: 4 days
Last activity: 10 hours
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.03
I'm back back back on top of the world
I'm back back back on top of the world
I'm back back back on top of the world
In the world world world world world
AIN'T GONNA STOP ME NOW

Actually, the premiere of season 2.0 of Total Divas really felt like a Backlash of Wrestlemania reruns to the earth-shattering season finale. Nikki and John are ON A BREAK working the workplace awkwardness. Nikki has fled the Cena compound and moved in with her mother, but John is now at the same TVs as he's magically recovered from his season 1.5 injury. Nicole sulks through Brie and Bryan's wedding registry registration and literally says "I'm outta here, this sucks."

The good news is Eva Marie's family is back en masse. Like Daniel Bryan, the producers had no choice but to run with them as major stars. No new ground is really broken though. Now, Eva and Jonathan have eloped, and their secret marriage plays out beat for beat like their secret engagement with the added Frasierian, classic French farce twist of Eva kicking her husband out of their apartment and trying to pretend he doesn't live there. This feud is still a draw, but most of its principle players can't really be bothered to sit up from 45 degree leans on the couch to hit their spots.



Most importantly, Summer Rae has joined the show and is doing the same outsider angle that Eva did in season 1. The other cast members show her ruthless passive aggression. In a curiously transparent showing of the seams, Mark Carrano outright books Summer and Eva as a heel tag team for the show, telling them to ride together (bullshit. Summer and Renee 4 life). In TDs World logic, Eva Marie Nelson-Coyle has seniority on Summer by virtue of appearing on the show before she did and is supposed to be showing her the ropes, so you've got the blind leading the Lasik'd.

Natalya gets drunk and grinds up on Vincent. Strange. It seems like the portrayal of Nattie has been adjusted, somewhat like the adjustment of Batista's portrayal on Raw, into depicting her outright as a high-strung weirdo.

JoJo? I don't know who you think you met, young traveler, but JoJo Offerman's been dead for 10 years.

At the end of the episode, Cena sends Nikki an eloquent, gigantic 10-part text message. Even John Cena's texts are overly scripted.

Hello Nicole

Nicole I'm sorry in even texting you. I know we haven't spoken to each other for a while. How are you?

I know this sounds crazy but I would really like to see you. Please.

I'm in the air right now flying to Sam Diego [SIC] and I will be there in two hours. I beg you please come see me.


Whoa, man, calm down.

The episode ends on another To Be Continued... just as Nicole approaches a besuited John Cena on a pier. They cut to credits right as Nikki says "I'm here," but in a major missed opportunity, the show doesn't end on a Wyatt DAH--! smash.

In the preview trailer for the rest of the season, Summer Rae and Fandango were vigorously making out and having a forbidden tryst, so holy shit.

The best part of the episode was this interstitial snippet they left in during a conversation between Nikki and Brie.

N: "Well first of all, your fiancee scared me that I'm gonna get myercury poisoning by the way. :)"
B: "...what?"
N: "Myercury poisoning? I was eating salmon at catering."
B: [stonefaced] "It's a big issue in the oceans right now."

You really had to be there but Brie was not fucking around.
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SchippeWreck
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Since: 26.3.03
From: Glendale, CA

Since last post: 6 days
Last activity: 2 hours
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.94
    Originally posted by JustinShapiro
    (bullshit. Summer and Renee 4 life)

"I'm a SumYoung Guy."



Everything is awesome.
Wiretap
Haggis








Since: 26.12.13

Since last post: 14 days
Last activity: 1 hour
#3 Posted on
It was a split second moment, but I loved Jonathan doing his best Jim Halpert during the big reveal.



(edited by Wiretap on 19.3.14 1644)
Mr Shh
Toulouse








Since: 9.1.02
From: Bergen County, NJ

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 3 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.39
    Originally posted by JustinShapiro
    Brie and Bryan's wedding

Justin, love these recaps, but don't watch the show. I apologize for the semi-threadjack, but I just want to say I can't wait to start using the name Brie Bryan Knee Bella.



You askew my mirror. I askew yours.
Behold, my plunger.
Anagrams posted to http://twitter.com/paragonSMASH
Excalibur05
Knackwurst








Since: 19.1.02
From: Minnesota

Since last post: 29 days
Last activity: 1 day
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#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.97
    Originally posted by JustinShapiro
    I beg you please come see me.



She can't see him.

There weren't enough eye rolling boyfriends in this episode, but I'll take the cameos by Sandra making fun of Eva and the blurry shape of Arn Anderson standing around in the background. You know he would never agree to appear on this show.



For NFL Power Rankings, My Blog and More, check out Hock Show Dot Com (hockshow.com)
JustinShapiro
Scrapple
Moderator








Since: 12.12.01
From: Pittsburgh, PA

Since last post: 4 days
Last activity: 10 hours
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.03
    Originally posted by SchippeWreck
      Originally posted by JustinShapiro
      (bullshit. Summer and Renee 4 life)

    "I'm a SumYoung Guy."


    Originally posted by Wiretap
    I loved Jonathan doing his best Jim Halpert during the big reveal


    Originally posted by Mr Shh
    Brie Bryan Knee Bella.


    Originally posted by Excalibur05
      Originally posted by JustinShapiro
      I beg you please come see me.



    She can't see him.


100% high five rate on replies. This is like a Total Divas salon gathering of refined taste and idea exchanges.

According to the commercial I just saw during Main Event, apparently business is picking up imminently on Daniel Bryan's new Orton Bus(/fuckmobile?), so I guess I will be here for the foreseeable. I wonder if Bryan's bus is just a set piece for this episode or if it's going to be coming a recurring hangout set like Central Perk. I think the bus is probably a one ep work because no matter how much of a lifesaver those wrestlebuses apparently are, Daniel would never embrace that big a carbon footprint. It's a big issue in the oceans right now.
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SPOILER: according to 411 wrestling.com, Rock will win the triple threat match on Sunday, and face Brock Lesnar at Summerslam. On the September issue of WWE Magazine, the cover features a picture of Rock vs Brock.
- tomvejada, Major Vengenance Spoiler (2002)
Related threads: I know what you did next, Summer - Total Divas 1x15 "Ready To Ride" / "Natalie Nelson's Nuptuals Nixed" - Total Divas 1x13 "Saying Goodbye" / JOJO! - More...
The W - Pro Wrestling - Total Divas 2x1 "I'll Always Know What You Did Next, Summer"Register and log in to post!

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