I think this episode is supposed to be called "SummerSlam," but it can't be. It has to be "Girl Bi Polar." On Total Divas, Ariane Andrew is home. She is such a natural for reality TV, in the same way Angle and Lesnar immediately picked up pro wrestling. On an episode that ramped up the Eva Marie megapush as central villainess in which they basically seemed to feed her a bunch of rude things to do and say, Ariane LIVES IT, goddamnit. A worker through and through, she gives the cameras everything: an over the top road rage incident (prompting Trinity's titular quote), a severe dressing down of the ever-reliable Vincent, and the coup de grace, a tear-stained denouement with her mother. She can do it all.
Eva Marie's heel push does ramp up into high gear. Eva [speaks words in an order to form sentences intended to] lord her appearance in Maxim over the cast, despite Brie's meek but valiant counterargument that the twins' appearance in Maxim Español is actually seen by more people since it goes to all the Spanish-speaking countries, so...
Eva goes so far as to cite a rumor from a wrestlescoopz316.com/2words4ya.htm type site that alleges that WWE will soon be starting a mixed tag feud with Eva and John Cena against Daniel Bryan and the Bellas. She then offers to replace Nikki as Brie's partner since NB is hurt. Full marks to the visiting Bella matriarch, who adroitly chimes in with "That's the difference between a rookie and a veteran." Nikki, a lioness, shows excellent fire, warning that she just might have to SHOOT on Eva in the ring.
Nicole is going through a lot, as she is the "first person" to find out that John Cena has torn his tricep going into SummerSlam. John is crushed after finding out how long he's going to be out with this serious injury. He's afraid that if he goes away for too long, the WWE will forget about him.
Between Ariane's mother and Mrs. Bella (the non-estranged parent), I think we have now met a parent from everybody except the newbs. I would like to see the Parent Trap episode of Total Divas, or a Nancy Meyers-produced version of the show that follows that previous generation.
Natalya PEED HERSELF after a hard bump from Naomi in a prestigious Superstars match. She doesn't take it well. Alicia Fox shows up, Kramer-like, as her unsympathetic friend; the Foxy One is a welcome addition. Natalya's journey comes full circle from the pilot, as she is told by Jane that she will be working SummerSlam. Jane has since been reassigned IRL from VP of Talent Relations, so she is basically just Jack Tunney on this show now.
The episode ends with the Bellas watching the historic Bella Boyfriend Vs. Bella Boyfriend match at SummerSlam. It concludes with Daniel Bryan winning the WWE Championship from the injured John Cena, followed by ... Brie being happy, and a Los Angeles sunset. Hooray! As far as I'm concerned, that is now the canonical version of what happened. Thank you, E! and Bunim-Murray Productions, for cleaning up the rough edges around WWE's main event storylines.
The preview package for the rest of the season rivals the "My Way Or The Highway" Rock/Austin video for captivation and anticipation.
Total Divas matched its premiere episode rating with 1.3 million viewers and earned the company ~$7 million dollars in the last quarter.
Originally posted by JustinShapiroTotal Divas matched its premiere episode rating with 1.3 million viewers and earned the company ~$7 million dollars in the last quarter.
The luckiest break WWE's had in some time is the Network never getting started and this concept ending up on E! instead. It probably wouldn't be the same show without E's involvement, and it definitely wouldn't be making them $7 million a quarter.
This show actually makes money? This show makes money in the fucking millions?? REALLY???
Originally posted by JustinShapiroJane has since been reassigned IRL from VP of Talent Relations, so she is basically just Jack Tunney on this show now.
Actually she's Big Johnny on this show, since Mr. Excitement also played the VP of Talent Relations on TV after no longer being he VP of Talent Relations. Speaking of, there was a Big Johnny sighting walking along with Dean Ambrose. I'm guessing the new guy has no desire to be on this show?
My favourite part was Eva Marie bragging about all the Eva Marie sign in the crowd and the next shot shows a front row sign reading "CURT HAWKINS". By Eva's positronic logic he'll be main eventing WM XXX.
No wonder John quit recapping this show, Nattie pisses her fucking pants after being hit in the bladder ("Ow my bladder! How did you know my one weakness?") and the reportedly super-nice Alicia Fox goes a little cunty (not prompted by reality show producers I'm sure).
Did Maria Menuosiresokjsdfis not sign a release? Funny her Axxess match with Nattie got zero play.
Originally posted by Moss No wonder John quit recapping this show, Nattie pisses her fucking pants after being hit in the bladder ("Ow my bladder! How did you know my one weakness?") and the reportedly super-nice Alicia Fox goes a little cunty (not prompted by reality show producers I'm sure).
I don't blame John after watching this either. Nattie makes a big deal about everything. She would be exhausting to live with. "That waiter is out to get me! He gave me a Coke when I ordered a diet." "Nattie, that was three days ago".
Remove Nattie from this show and I'd gladly go back to recapping it. With Nattie, I just can't and won't. She's an intolerable presence on my television. I FF though any appearance she makes on any other show unless AJ happens to be in the same segment. And I'm much happier this way.
Sorry, forgot! Hopefully it'll all make sense even though the PPV has already happened. ;-) TONIGHT'S MAIN EVENT: THE USOS vs. SWAGGER & ZIGGLER! ALSO TONIGHT: ALEX RILEY vs. HEATH SLATER! LORD TENSAI (!) vs. TYSON KIDD!