Here's the announced card from TNA's website w/ my predictions: SIX MAN TAG TEAM MAIN EVENT: Samoa Joe, Scott Hall and Kevin Nash vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Kurt Angle and TNA World Tag Team Champions AJ Styles and Tomko Winners: The Champs, Tomko (or his replacement) pins Joe
10,000 TACKS MATCH: Abyss and Rhino vs. Black Reign and Rellik Prediction: Blood. Winners Abino
WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Gail Kim vs. Awesome Kong Winner: Gail Kim (She should wear a lizard costume, and west and Tenay could call it in Japanese w/ English subtitles)
TABLES MATCH: Team 3D & Johnny Devine vs. X Division Champion “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal and The Motor City Machineguns Winners: The Macho Team, The Duds will beat someone up after it's over
Booker T and Kaz vs. Christian Cage and Robert Roode Winners: No one. Booker T and Kaz will get an undeserved W against the superior talent of Cage and Ravishing Robert Rude.
Feast Or Fired Match: 15 Superstars compete for shots at the TNA World Championships – but one will also be fired! Sting will get fired. Chris Harris will win an X-Division shot. Christopher Daniels will win a World title shot. VKM (Various Kissing Morons) will win a Tag Title shot, 'cause they haven't had one in a couple of PPV's.
Eric Young vs. “Cowboy” James Storm w/ Jackie Moore Winner: EY
ODB and Roxxi Laveaux vs. Angelina Love and Velvet Sky Winners: Love and Sky ("The Mile High Club"?)
This looks kinda dull on paper, but TNA's been on a pretty hot PPV streak.
6-Man Tag: Scott Hall pins Styles.
10,000 Tacks: Judas Mesias returns and throws Abyss into the tacks.
Gail Kim vs. Awesome Kong: Gail Kim retains, but it's a DQ or something.
Team 3D & Johnny Devine vs. Jay Lethal and The Motor City Machineguns: Devine pins Lethal with help from 3D (setting up a singles match for the title).
Booker T and Kaz vs. Christian Cage and Robert Roode: T pins Roode, I guess.
Feast Or Fired: Chris Harris wins Tag Shot (who -- WHO? -- could he get for a partner?!?), Scott Steiner wins X Division shot, and Hernandez gets World title shot. Eric Young, not in the match, does a run in and grabs the briefcase with the pink slip.
(I count 15 guys [not counting Jeff Jarrett, Matt Morgan, Mesias, or Rick Steiner] on the TNA roster page who aren't involved in anything else: BG James, Kip James, Daniels, Senshi, Skipper, Homicide, Hernandez, Harris, Hoyt, Petey Williams, Raven, Killings, Sharkey, Scott Steiner, and Dutt. Jimmy Rave's not on the roster page yet, so trade him in for Killings.)
Eric Young vs. James Storm: Storm kills EY dead, hopefully, and moves on to reforming a certain tag team.
ODB and Roxxi Laveaux vs. Angelina Love and Velvet Sky: ODB pins Sky and/or Love ("The Mile High Club" -- heh! That's pretty good).
Last 5 movies seen: Superbad **** - Beowulf *** - Waitress *** - This is England ****1/2 - Talk to Me ****
I've watched TNA for a couple of months, and this is the first PPV prediction for it.
1) Hall/Nash/Joe vs Angle/Styles/Tomko or TBA (6-man tag team match) -> H/N/J win by Nash powerbomb on Styles
2) Abyss/Rhino vs Black Reign/Rellik (Land of 10,000 thumbtacks match) -> Abyss/Rhino win by Abyss Black Hole Slam on Reign on the tacks, then Mesias reappears and destroys winners
3) Kim/Kong (TNA Knockouts title match) -> Kim by DQ, Kong will be DQ'd for not abiding to five count
4) 3D/Devine vs Lethal/MCMG's (Table Match) -> 3Devine wins, puts one of the other three through table, then does the same to the others
5) Booker T/Kaz vs Cage/Roode (Regular Tag Match) -> Booker T and Kaz by pin -> Ms. Brooks' interference backfires
6) 15 guys in the Feast or Fired Match -> This sounds like a car crash waiting to happen. - World Title Shot -> Scott Steiner - Tag Title Shot -> XXX - X Division Shot -> Petey Williams - Fired -> Raven (Hope he goes, he's been useless to me for several years)
7) Young vs Storm (Grudge Match) -> Storm wins by beer bottle bash to the head while referee is distracted, even though Eric Young is entertaining
8) ODB/LaVeaux vs Sky/Love (Knockouts tag match) -> ODB/LeVeaux win by ODB's Dirty Dozen/Splash
Other thoughts: - Probably we'll end up seeing the Angle Family in the back about ten times or so before the match. Even I am wishing for a Jeff Jarrett comeback.
I don't know how long I'm going to attempt to do this (or what even compelled me to start in the first place) but for some reason I got it in my head to compile a list of all the fictional pro wrestlers I've ever heard of ...