-Hey Kenny King is back. I’m tired of squashes but if you’re going to do weekly one minute squashes Kenny King is a guy who can bump well and make you’re power wrestlers look powerful. After the squash Monte Brown gets on the mic and calls Samoa Joe a “hippophit”. Not a hypocrite or hypoglycemic…neither of which would have made any sense in the context of his promo either. But he calls him a “hypofit”. Monte Brown as guy who considers himself erudite while saying nonsense amuses me. I assume he’s scripting these promos himself but who knows? The racism is almsot too subtle for Russo. Slick Johnson refs.
-Samoa Joe on the mic..Hey remember when they were booking Samoa Joe as silent savage? Well if TNA has learned anything in the 40 weeks they’ve been on Spike it’s you let Samoa Joe talk. Let Samoa Joe be reflective. “I’m gonna make your children cry”. Camera work was kind of poor here. On the one hand the camera doing the close up cuts Borash out of the frame which is a good thing, as Borash’s double takes would have just stepped all over the promo. On the other hand the “ËXTREME” close up for angry nostril flaring effect doesn’t really work with Samoa Joe’s kind of smirking sadistic Nick Bockwinleish mic work.
-Main event may have been the best free TV match of the week. Well it was a really shitty week as Smackdown was all about cruiser squashes and RVD was still main eventing ECW. But still this was a nice tag. Like in the match with Sting, Steiner is going up and down for everything which is still odd. He also does nice job taking his signature out of ring into apron bump. Jarrett looked really great in his run of offense and selling for his opponents. Christian takes the giant bump to the floor and really is first guy who I’ve seen really figure out how to take full advantage of six sided ring for face in peril spots. Six sided ring has meant that it is harder to visually get over the traditional cutting off the ring tag stories. Harder to divide ring. But Christian somehow realized that this means that the ring has more wrong corners for face to reach out to. Christian takes all his bumps to random corners and sides making sure to always get across that he’s put himself out of position to get back to his own corner. The real hole in this match was Sting who looked awkward on his face house of fire offense. That’s really problematic because, well that’s really Stings role…and he just looked lost trying to find heels to Stinger Splash.
WHAT DIDN’T WORK:
-I’m always impressed by TNA’s ability to take stuff that is working and fuck it up. Five weeks ago I wrote that “No one is going to get over by wrestling Nash...but I actually think Shelley may be helped by opportunity to play Michaels to Nash's Diesel.” And Nash and Shelley had nice chemistry as a team together. But you add one more player and it all falls apart. Nash is amusing. Shelley is amusing. Devine is amusing. But the whole chemistry is off. As Devine and Shelley suddenly become interchangeable. And neither of them get over. Does anyone remember who Coach Nash was coaching the last time? I can tell you who Coach Buzz Stern was coaching because Killer Kyle and Luther Biggs were working different types of students. But here Shelley and Devine are two guys in matching shirts making similar wise ass remarks. Interchangeable and disposable.
-So this was the week that TNA was going to put its best face forward. Give the viewers a stacked show to make up for the loss of the UFC lead in. This was their best face. Main may have been good in a poor week for free TV but first 24 minutes was the Slick Johnson show with Slick Johnson in every other segment. Is Slick Johnson the money mark behind the promotion? … he looked to be booked like that: opening match has Slick come out to change finish, this is followed by section of Slick Johnson mic work whith the former commissioner, than another Slick Johnson mic work segment with Eric Young, followed by Slick Johnson reffing a squash match. Twenty Four minutes where the show revolved around Slick Johnson???? It’s not like Slick Johnson is a dynamic screen presence or has anything to offer.
-Homicide vs. Dutt is better than any Dutt match has any right to be. Homicide comes out with Moody Jack introducing him in Spanish and a video package with shots of pictures of Che and the motto “THE WORKERS STRUGGLE HAS NO BORDERS”. Holy shit someone needs to really sit down and do a timeline of the LAX angle and how they went from street thug heels to international socialists. Plus all the other different motivations these guys have been given in two month period. But now they’re international socialists…will they be recruiting naïve Eric Young? I hope they eventually break up Styles and Daniels when Daniels goes full on Arch-Bishop Romero and becomes Lox’s spiritual advisor. Styles Fundamentalism has no space for liberation theology. But yeah, match was worked pretty much straight X-Division and at no point got over that Homicide was particularly violent thuggish junior heavyweight. And well that’s the key to getting Homicide over. The finish with Slick Johnson put this match firmly on the bottom. Killings comes out to make the save for Dutt and instead of poor Killings is stuck tagging with Dutt in the model minority team. Really? Not teamed with Brown but with Dutt?
- Hey Kenny King is back. I’m tired of squashes but if you’re going to do weekly one minute squashes Kenny King is a guy who can bump well and make you’re power wrestlers look powerful. After the squash Monte Brown gets on the mic and calls Samoa Joe a “hippophit”. Not a hypocrite or hypoglycemic…neither of which would have made any sense in the context of his promo either. But he calls him a “hypofit”. Monte Brown as guy who considers himself erudite while saying nonsense amuses me. I assume he’s scripting these promos himself and doesn’t have anrachristkkkk write them for him. Who knows? Slick Johnson refs.
=Three segments in first half of show didn’t involve Slick Johnson. (1)The opening segment which was Borash interview: JEREMY BORASH TANNING WATCH: Jeremy Borash is actually golden colored, not like Goldfinger victim gold but like that point where Sugar Bear from Sugar Crisp cereal was rechristened Golden Bear, kind of looked like the worlds shiniest orange gummy bear. (2) The second non Slick section was the section where Christy Hemme tells me “coming up next exclusive footage of Scott Dámore”!!! That’s the shows best foot forward? That teaser is gonna make me want to stay through the commercial? (3) Shane Douglas makes the Naturals do push ups while Mike Tenay tells me “With Shane Douglas its gonna be his way or the highway” . Booking committee member Mike Tenay is really good about making sure that I know exactly the talking point that every segment is supposed to get across. It would be nice if he trusted the segments to get over the booking points on their own. But if your playing drinking games at home, I expect to hear “his way or the highway” from Tenay every time Shane Douglas shows up from now on. No updates on how fast the Naturals can currently run a 40. Oh yeah and then after all that they do a pointless Rhino is angry shooting and cursing a lot promo and did I mention shooting….ooh he said “flower pot”. For shooting promo with lots of cursing, Rhino is no Shane Douglas…and they have Shane Douglas.
The problem is none of these things. Orton could be getting mad heat right now, Batista could one day soon be a main eventer, HHH could still be interesting if the guys writing this crap had ANY grasp of the mechics of wrestling.