HOLY SHIT!!! IT’S BIZZARO WORLD ! Guerreros del Ring pretty much sucked this week while IMPACT delivers.
-Opening AMW vs. Naturals match was fine. Somewhat disappointing in that I expect better from them. Chase Stevens threw some surprisingly bad punches. These two teams really clicked so much better when Naturals were working heel and AMW were working face. Shane Douglas is disappointed in Naturals. Will Johnny Hot Body scout them next?
-Alex Shelley vs. Jay Lethal was really great and best Lethal has looked in TNA. The Jay Lethal leg lariat is a spot that can look weak and he just looked like he put a lot of force behind them here. Mike Tenay does shitty over the top anger while Don West does a nice job in traditional announcer disappointed with talented heel announcing “this guy doesn’t need shortcuts”. Lazy Nash doing the sacrifice spot by standing backwards for one junior to throw another junior into his butt is hilarious. “See I’m so tall my buttocks will hurt their tiny faces”. No one is going to get over by wrestling Nash...but I actually think Shelley may be helped by opportunity to play Michaels to Nash's Diesel. Oh yeah and put some pants on the ref already!!!
-Samoa Joe on the mic!!!! Bad ass.
-WHAT THE FUCK!!! TNA with two good singles matches. I mean TNA will occasionally deliver a good six man but MAAN oh maan. Chavito is essentially now on Smackdown. Really there’s a strong argument at this point that Jeff Jarrett is better than anyone on the RAW “brand”roster. This main event was super super fun. I mean Raven had some nice jabs and the elbow drop bump was nice but this was a Jeff Jarrett match as he bumped all over the place for the world’s most obese goth moondog. And this was straight up Memphis. If you go to Lawler’s website you can watch a really disappointing recent Lawler vs. Tommy Dreamer match which was paced like an ECW match. The difference between that and the Memphis style pacing of this is night and day. And this was straight up USWA. I was looking for Sara Lee at the ticket stand. The ref needing multiple bumps in order to be taken out was straight up Jerry Calhounish, the concession stand, the Larry Zbysco as Eddie Marlin. The whole overbooked finish was the furthest thing from an overbooked ECW finish and was straight up overbooked Memphis finish. Everything Jarrett did just looked great as he did nice job moving from the streetfight sections to the in ring sections. This was the real flaw of the AJ Styles vs. Kid Kash match where they couldn’t figure out how to do that. Raven throws some lariats and knees that would make the other Moondogs laugh at their sissy Peter Murphy obsessed Swamp Brother, but Jarrett just bumps around to make it work. Paced about as perfectly as you can do this type of thing. When they first proposed these qualifying matches, I scoffed. And well the first qualifying match sucked….but really after that they have delivered.
WHAT DIDN’T WORK:
-Main event brawl needed blood. It had blood. Kind of kills the impact of that blood if you whip it out in the opening Naturals v AMW post-match beatdown
-Ok I was impressed by the Scott Steiner bump but really attacking announcers is shitty. You don’t see people attacking Solie, beating up Lance Russell. You want your announcer to be able to maintain some level of dignity. Announcer with dignity can give wrestlers a sense of gravity. Strip him of his dignity and the thing comes off as a joke. Tenay’s grimacing faces don’t help anyone. And Raven helping to clean house while dressed like a Revolutionary War reenactor?
-Chris Sabins mic work wasn't much. "While yes its true that you have a big penis....". they actually have the face scripted to acknowledge that the heel has a big penis???? I mean shit HHH doesn't even emasculate the faces that much...John Cena is scripted to say "Yes it's true that you're a better wrestler than me" and "Yes it's true that you're smarter, more talented, and stronger" but shit even the people killing Cena haven't scripted him to acknowledge the massive girth of his opponents. The Cena stuff is worse becuase the one thing that Cena has going for him is that he's a cool draw. Sabin is just another interchangeable guy working in the tiny metrosexuals spot fest midcard matches. Still face shouldn't be complimenting his heel opponent's penis size.
-Homicide stabbing Borash would make the what worked side. The whole stupid angle combined with just teasing Homicide shanking Borash and you stay down here. Borash actually amused me here, as he looked unclear as to what was going on : “You want him to stick me? Really??Oooooo!!!”. Poor guy’s gonna end up headbutted. Pour out another drink for Victor.
-Dudleys mic work.The comedy is unfunny and the ECW stuff just comes across like pathetic old men trying to remember their high school athletic triumphs “Making fun of us was one thing but you buried the Bingo Hall. You slagged the Arena. Glory days they will pass you buy. Glory days in the wink of a young girls eye, Glory Days. GLO-REEE DAIIIIYS”. Just sad.
Crap you have no business knowing, but now you do! 3/31 CL-3: Christian is the only WWE Superstar to have won a Championship at three consecutive WrestleManias. He won tag team gold at WM XVI & X-Seven. At X8, he won the Hardcore Title. Art Thou: