HEY KIDS ITS SQUASHES!!!! OK this show had a couple squashes. The only one I actually kind of liked was Kenny King v. Lance Hoyt. Most Kenny King squashes are all about the Kenny King giant bumps but Hoyt really can’t do anything so this match was about both the Kenny King offense and the bumps. King had nice step-up--scratch that---leap up enziguri, and his leaping bulldogging opponent into top rope move looked nice…he also died for Hoyt’s finisher. Ex-Hot shot Cassidy O Reilly and James Storm matched up nicely and always a fan of Smiley’s bodyslam but that squash match had way too much Abyss and really dragged. Hoyt v. King was actual unobjectionable squash. I’m still tired of watching squashes…
Monte Brown’s pleated dress pants and Christian’s stone washed jeans amused me. Amusing watching these two guys brawl out from back area into ring area in pleated dress pants and stone washed jeans. They executed all their spots right well, with Brown working the ribs and Christian selling the ribs. I assume this will lead to Christian coming out for the title match with ribs bandaged and selling them for the entire match. I don’t know if that’s really smart move. I mean DDP sued Jay Z for stealing his “gimmick”. Can TNA afford a lawsuit?
“SAMOA JOE & PUNK v. STYLES & DANIELS”- I assume that they will eventually be bringing back Jeff Hardy and a Hardy vs. SM Punk series built around Moore resenting Hardy’s drug use because Moore’s dad was an alcoholic might be really good. Disappointed that Moore didn’t do Greetings from Chicago or Pepsi Twist. They need to mix someone new in with the three X Division contenders and Moore looked comfortable in that mix. Mike Tenay really felt Schiavonne’ish as he was trying to hard sell the Sting “legend retires but a man returns” angle and ignored the match. And since when does Tenay start calling everyone by their initials “Hey DW, I was just talking with JB on my headset”WTF?? Daniels and Styles had some nice double teams and liked the Angel’s Wings into clothesline finish.
WHAT DIDN’T WORK:
God the whole roster were trolling Fla. tanning salons in hopes that they might meet Vince and convince him that it was okay to touch them. A1 is part of a Canadian team…where their whole gimmick is that they're from Canada and he looked darker than Sonjay Dutt. Gail Kim is Korean but looked too dark to get a BET job. Borash looked Pakistani. The two of them standing next to each other looked like twins in the Khmer Rouge.
HEY KIDS ITS SQUASHES! I’m tired of squashes. Kenny King v. Hoyt was an okay squash but there is no reason to do it. There is no reason to be booking Hoyt v. Bentley as a PPV match. I mean that feels like a rib. Why not add Abyss and make it a 3-way dance? I liked the ex-Hot Shot v. Storm interaction in the opening squash and liked Smiley’s bodyslam but then in came Abyss and the match just was a mess.
Team Canada vs. Lethal, Dutt and Sabin I guess wasn’t a squash but it wasn’t good either. Best wrestler in the match wasn’t wrestling due to them doing a gimmick where he didn’t want to tag in. Slick Johnson was reffing and fucking up as per usual. Petey Williams eats everything from Lethal and Sabin in the beginning and that was fine. Scott Dámore is Scott Dámore and well that means that he’s going to lead to all your transitions. Lethal works face in peril except they do nothing with him as face in peril. I mean the heels are doing quick tags but those quick tags are for rest holds..put Lethal in rest hold quick tag out put him in another rest hold…the heel in peril section was longer than the face one…stupidly constructed match ..And Dutt looked shitty.
“WHAT’S UP! WHAS UP” Ouch. When it comes to directors Uncle Pooty is no Dr Teeth. And damn is Ron Killings flow bad. I’m not sure whether he was trying for a fake Keek Da Sneek flow or a fake Project Pat flow or maybe a combination. Whichever it was he didn’t pull it off. Instead he came across as though he was out of breath. I mean Big Pokey doesn't get winded. Killings is an athlete he should have better wind than Big Pokey.
The non-viewing party backstage stuff was awful. “I want to be known as Maverick”, OK now I know this is some kind of rib as the Top Gun as gay fantasy is one of the staler jokes out there. “Click Doomsday”…BAH! The actual viewing party didn’t do much for me either. There is fine line between funny and stupid. Last weeks viewing party was funny. Scott Dámore, Jackie Gayda, Borash, and Gail Kim can’t act and so their normal shitty cheesy acting comes across funny when put in the right comedy context. Here they all tried to “Do comedy”and it was just painful. Cheesey actors trying to deliberately be cheesy doesn’t work. Jarrett is going to call his fixer. And well any half idiot could come up with something cool to do with that.
STOP MATSUNAGA! He calls Abby's and they have a giant gift box ringside so when Borden comes Abby can pop out and they run the whole Stop Matsunaga angle. Or he calls Dougie Gilbert and Dougie shows up in full Dark Patriot attire leading Darkness Sting Jeff Farmer to ring as his muscle. Mrs. Watts would be willing to loan the footage for a price and Dougie is one of the few people who actually is really good at rubbing hands together evil laughing heel promos. Dougie can do that and actually come across sinister and not just late night horror host cheesy.
Dark Patriot: My Brother brought you into this business and I'll take you out.
I mean it's TNA so guaranteed they’ll screw it up but they don't have to.
with Brown working the ribs and Christian selling the ribs. I assume this will lead to Christian coming out for the title match with ribs bandaged and selling them for the entire match. I don’t know if that’s really smart move. I mean DDP sued Jay Z for stealing his “gimmick”. Can TNA afford a lawsuit?
Because the crowd would be pretty pissed to have paid $40 for a show that was only a half-hour long? OK, an hour, including Velocity taping & dark matches. That's the "smartass but still mostly true" answer.