Stephie's gonna drop a bombshell. What will it be? It's time for The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report!
Benoit vs. Haas: Benoit is a technical wrestler. Wieners love techncal wrestlers. Ergo: Wieners love Benoit. Haas works Benoit's arm like a mofo. Benoit wins by rollup. We've had 13 minutes of pure wrestling so far. Ergo: The Wieners are happy.
Bikertaker: He is... WAL... er, RIDING!
Rikishi vs. DeMott: Rikishi works G. Rection's arm like a mofo. Rikishi wins via Rump-Shaker.
The Colossus of Boggo Road: He is Nathan Jones. G'day.
Hardy V.1: He wants Boy Band Man to teach Nunzio a lesson! No, wait! He wants Nunzio to teach Boy Band Man a lesson!
The Fucking Biker is Here!: You asshole! I wanted the Evil Wizard Undertaker! And of course, what's the first thing he talks about? That's right... ass-kicking. No talk of stealing souls, no rising from the dead, just a friggin' ass-kicking. He calls out Big Show, and Big Show sends out his buddy A-Train!
Undertaker vs. A-Train: A-Train's push sure has made him more of a match for Taker, huh? He even kicks out of the chokeslam! Taker wins via the "Taker Care of Business."
Sean O'Haire: He doesn't think you should have to pay your taxes.
Benjamin vs. Edge: I've heard lots about the "SmackDown! Six." will we be soon changing the name to the "SmackDown! Eight?" Nah. Doesn't have a good ring to it... Anyway, Edge wins via Spear. TWO losses for Team Angle!
Team Angle: Angle admonishes his teammates for losing both their matches.
Boy Band Man vs. Nunzio:SQUAAAASH MAAAATCH! Boy Band Man, you are a disgrace as an MF'er! Hardy chases him out of the ring. hen he shakes Nunzio's hand. Good work, Nunzio!
Lesnar: He sure gots a lotta goals!
Mysterio: Boy Band Man shows us "How Not To Be Seen."
Mysterio vs. Angle: Wow! We sure got a lot of good wrestling tonight, folks! And no Al/Torrie/Dawn saga! WOO-HOO! Angle wins via One Of The Greatest Counters I've Seen In A While. Afterwards, Edge, Benoit, and Mysterio lay a 5-Star ass-whooping on Angle.
Funaki: He asks Stephie about her "Big Surprise." She won't tell. Afterwards, she stands next to an EXCITING poster... of THE HULKSTER!!!
Hollywood Hulk Hogan: OH YEAH! HE'S HERE! HE'S CLEAN-SHAVEN! I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW! WELCOME BACK, HULK! I don't care what anyone else says, I will now and always love Hulk Hogan! And you can't deny how all these fans love him too! Hogan wants to say something, but the fans are still marking out for him. Oh well, let's go to commercial break!
UPN News at 10: The Rock may be coming back. Yay.
Hollywood Hulk Hogan (cont.): The fans are still marking out, and I don't blame them! Did I mention how much I love Hogan? He makes a great speech, then Mr. McMahon comes out. He mention how both Al Wilson and Hulkamania are dead (THERE'S your Al Wilson reference for the night, folks!) Hogan challenges McMahon, then drops him with one punch! And... we're out!
That's all for this week. Until then, Good Night, take care of yourselves, and stay tuned for the Tough Enough season finale!
Steph, and curly hair, in black tank top, with boobies, talks.
Ben-wa, in blue trunks with silver bones, vs. Charlie, with Shelton, both in red warm-up suits. Nice match.
Buttman, in black man-skirt with red star/white dragon, vs. TheBully, in "Get the F out" shirt. Okay match - was Rikishi supposed to be the heel at the end?
Nathan Jones - "Crikey!"
Taker, in red "Big Evil" shirt and DAMN STOCKINGCAP!, drawls. He's got FOOTAGE! Oh, and now we continue the Taker/(and Paul) feud from the Summer of '99. (and Paul) talks smack, and reveals his diabolical plan. ALbert, in black undies and hair, jobs. Hey, does Albert still have Val Venis's tattoo on his butt? Okay match, better than I had expected.
Sean's a no-good Commie. Get 'em.
Shelton, in red/blue "Team Angle" singlet, with Charlie, vs. Edge, in black trenchcoat, and black/white/red "Edge" trunks. Good match.
Shannon, in V1 shirt and funny pants, vs. Nunzio, in green undies. Okay match.
Rey, in maroon-based mask and pants, vs. Kurt, in "Team Angle" warm-up coat and singlet, wearing the belt, with Paul, in suit. NASTY suplex there. Great match. Beautiful post-match shenanigans.
Steph's looking at porn when Funaki, in blue "Smackdown!" shirt, asks questions.
Hogan, in red/yellow boas, red "Hulkamania" bandana, red/yellow tights, and red "Hulkamania" shirt, sans black beard, air guitars his way to the ring. He's wearing his wedding ring. Man, these people are gonna be hoarse. Vince, looking indignant, in a gray suit, wants to speak. And now we revisit Hogan/McMahon from June '02.
Overall: good show, especially without any Dawn/Torrie/Al crap. Picking-up on old storylines is a nice thing, if they can payoff. Good in-ring action, too. I liked this show.
Fashion Reporter Extraordinare
Thhhor tries to explain economics to SPP, but he doesn't use the phrases "freaks and peaks", "boomshakalaka", or "booty daddy" so SPP can't understand him.
I can see the next promo: Democracy, who needs it? You don't even vote anyways. You won't even notice the difference. Your neighbour with the nice cars, you should have one. Red's a nice color on you. Communism is the system you want. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know.
I liked this show too. All the matches worked except for DeMott-Rikishi, and even that wasn't too bad. Hogan coming back is awesome - while the man can't wrestle, he knows how to tell a story and pop (and pop...and pop..) a crowd, and I can't wait to see what he and Vince can pull off.
Yo, it's me, it's me, it's (points to self) P-A-B!
-Benoit vs. Hass- Okay maybe I should say the line, it's not them it's me. lol. Because I really wasn't crazy about this match. Not enough transitions, and it seemed they went to long for the story they wanted to tell. I understand what they wanted to do but I just didn't like it to much. It was good but average for Benoit.
-Rikishi vs. DeMott- Thanks WWE, they knew I didn't see the show last week, so they must have this match again for my enjoyment. Oh Joy.
-Undertaker vs. A-Train- 4 minutes were uneventful but I'll give them credit the last minute or so where Albert kicked out of the chokeslam and then reverse the last ride to a baldo bomb or whatever he calls it now (hopefully his push ends soon so we don't need to know the name of his finisher is)... Well whatever the case good ending, and a good way to send Albert backing to Velocity. hopefully.
-Edge vs. Benjamin- I liked this match a lot more then the opener. Exciting stuff all the way through, Real good ending too. It was either match of the night or a real close second, I liked it that much.
-Moore vs. Nunzio- It was a decent match, they made Nunzio look really strong.
-Angle vs. Mysterio- I could watch these two guys any time. Great highflying by Rey, Great reversals by Kurt. Plus the ending of Kurt catching Rey in the middle of the West Coast Pop and hitting his head on the turnbuckle was original and cool.
-Hogan interview- Look I dig Hogan I can't deny that. Seeing him comes out does excite me. Boy was Hogan milking those cheers. "I really want to talk but I can't talk over these people so I'll just point at the mic".Lol. Hogans interview was pretty over the top insanity when he started talking about battling evil forces and monsters and such. WTF... Vince comes out and it looks obvious they are doing a Hogan vs. Vince. But didn't Vince cut a heel promo on Austin at Raw X Anniversary, What? I thought they were heading in that direction.
-other stuff- I am 100% certain that Shannon Moore went to the womens washroom when Matt told him to go get ready... Uh oh Sean O'Haire has been hanging around Sean Morley too much, bunch of commie Sean bastards... Brock, less talk more smash... Love Coach Angle, chewing those boys out backstage. Urr that didn't sound right... Steph was looking at wienerboard for reaction on the show, sorry babe no real time thoughts allowed. lol... We have 2 ring announcers, we have a hottie hot Garcia on Raw and a fatty fat Chimel on SD. Which of the two do we keep getting close ups of? The chubby SD guy!
I can't complain about this show, it was real solid. Very enjoyable and they took out all the Dawn-Torrie garbage. All we need now is find a place for Eddie, I could certainly have done without DeMott-Rikishi then you might have the as close to a perfect show as you can have.
Angle and Misterio should wrestle every week. It would never get old. I can't believe how well the two of them work together, considering the differences in their styles and wrestling backgrounds. They still need to do the bit where Angle is so infuriated and confounded by Misterio that he does research on him and discovers lucha, thereby becoming so fascinated by it that he finds the Patriot mask and starts wearing it. And also has many more awesome matches with Misterio. Kick-ass counter of the 619 and new wrinkles added to the in-ring sub-plot of Angle and Misterio battling for dominance when Misterio goes or gets tossed to the top rope. That bit where Misterio was set up in the corner and managed to get Angle to ram himself shoulder-first into the post was great, too. I loved this match and all their other matches.
Angle also needs to keep wearing the hood down to the ring like he's a badass boxer or Jin Kazama. His character just keeps getting better and better.
You know what I didn't like, though? Heyman with Angle was completely unnecessary and actively annoying. Angle is the best wrestler in the universe, there's no need to have Heyman screaming pointless stuff at his opponents when Angle's gestures and acting during the match do a much better job of communicating the same thing to the crowd. Shut up, Paul. Let Angle get sick of you horning in on his matches, his feud with Brock and his team and punk you out. Let Angle be Angle and continue to make spectacular TV.
Brock should probably never ever talk again. He's the one who could still use Heyman to do his thing. Imagine again how great it would be if badass boxer Kurt Angle was psyching himself up to face unstoppable super heel monster Brock Lesnar. I'm just sayin', is all. But anyway, it would have been saved the Brock interview if, when talking about being goal-oriented and his last goal being to beat Angle at Wrestlemania, he said "And then I'll retire. Ha ha, just kidding!"
Benoit/Haas and Edge/Benjamin were also really good. I liked the crazy sequence at the end of the Benjamin/Edge match. Continuing on the discussion elsewhere of wanting the Benoit/Edge/Misterio vs. Team Angle/Angle matches, I wish they had an extra awesome heel so Brock could go on the face team for a four-man match. Or three extra awesome heels so the Guerreros could make it a super six man tag match.
Matt's whole interaction with Nunzio and the chasing down of Moore was great. Why is it so damn funny when Matt yells "C'mere, you little MF'er!" at Moore when F-View TV is so stupid? I'll tell you why. Mattitude is great. I want them to re-create Jim Carrey killing his assistant on Dennis Miller Live, with Matt teaching Moore a lesson by choking him to death and saying "Don't defend yourself!" every time Moore puts his hands up. I also want, if the Guerreros are still faces, a Guerreros vs. Matt/Moore feud with many matches and backstage stuff. Yes.
Hulk Hogan can get 30 minute ovations forever and I'd still like it. He's the Hulkster, brah. He's back from having hung and having bung with Brother Shumway and I'll admit that Hulkamania Will Never Die. Hogan is the master at this kind of thing, and that was A-level awesome material in his best vein of a lunatic rant, about how we (me and the Hulkster) are lining up the Forces of Good for one final, climactic battle against the Forces of Evil. I'm so with you, Immortal One. Hulkster's gonna jump out of a plane and drop the Big Leg on Iraq. Let him work on some material and I truly believe that he can equal the Wrestlemania IV interview, or at least the one about he and Brother Bruti parting the Henry Hudson River so they could avoid the traffic jam and get to the arena to fight The Madness and Zeus.
Seriously, nobody more whole-heartedly embraces the insanity of their wrestling character than Hogan, and he can run rings around Vince. I don't care so much about the actual match, but Hogan working himself into speeches about the Ultimate Showdown Between Good and Evil this early into the game almost guarantees us future segments about The Largest Back in the World and Hogan shattering the Earth's crust and throwing Vince into a volcano and stuff and I'm way ready for that. He needs to break out "Theme From Hulk Hogan", "Real American" and "Eye of the Tiger" for one more farewell each before he leaves, too.
Originally posted by Dr UnlikelyHulk Hogan can get 30 minute ovations forever and I'd still like it. He's the Hulkster, brah. He's back from having hung and having bung with Brother Shumway and I'll admit that Hulkamania Will Never Die. Hogan is the master at this kind of thing, and that was A-level awesome material in his best vein of a lunatic rant, about how we (me and the Hulkster) are lining up the Forces of Good for one final, climactic battle against the Forces of Evil. I'm so with you, Immortal One. Hulkster's gonna jump out of a plane and drop the Big Leg on Iraq. Let him work on some material and I truly believe that he can equal the Wrestlemania IV interview, or at least the one about he and Brother Bruti parting the Henry Hudson River so they could avoid the traffic jam and get to the arena to fight The Madness and Zeus.
Seriously, nobody more whole-heartedly embraces the insanity of their wrestling character than Hogan, and he can run rings around Vince. I don't care so much about the actual match, but Hogan working himself into speeches about the Ultimate Showdown Between Good and Evil this early into the game almost guarantees us future segments about The Largest Back in the World and Hogan shattering the Earth's crust and throwing Vince into a volcano and stuff and I'm way ready for that.
I'm still laughing at this. I love Hogan insanity.
Does anyone else find it funny that Hogan insanity is loved in the WWE, but when he was doing the exact same promos in WCW everyone thought they were "lame" and "dated", "stuck in the 80's." "Hogan's a parody of himself."
"I am many things Kal-El, but here I am god." -Darkseid
Originally posted by The Vile1Does anyone else find it funny that Hogan insanity is loved in the WWE, but when he was doing the exact same promos in WCW everyone thought they were "lame" and "dated", "stuck in the 80's." "Hogan's a parody of himself."
Hogan is STILL a parody of himself. However, it's starting to appear that he's finally in on the joke.
"Ah, the old exploding-beartrap-in-the-ass trick." -- Goemon Ishikawa
Once more, we begin the show with the only straight-edge champion in history talking in the ring. And once again, he gives essentially the same rant: resume - insult - challenge. It's getting stale, friends. And I like Punk a lot.