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The W - Pro Wrestling - TNA Impact 3.31.11 - "R-V-Dammed!"
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used2bcool
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Since: 5.11.08
From: Lake Forest, IL

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#1 Posted on
The Recap for TNA Impact 3.31.11, taped from the Impact Zone in Orlando, FL.

- So in the days gone by, I used to do this recap fairly regularly, but of late I have found it increasingly difficult to have the means and the desire to watch Impact with any kind of regularity. I know Dean's doing his comix, but this is a more traditional recap. I may have missed some of the plotlines, though, so if I seem like an airhead for some of the segments, there's your reason.

With that out of the way, on to the show! Lockdown is three weeks away, by the way.

We open with a recap of last week, with the controversy surrounding the #1 contendership spot. This show opens with Mr. Anderson, who drags Earl Hebner to the ring in a headlock. Anderson bitches about being disqualified last week, but Hebner lays down the law, saying he needs to learn to respect the striped shirt and that he got DQd for disrespecting the ref, Sting. Hebner refuses to overturn the decision and threatens him with a 90-day suspension if Anderson crosses the line again. Anderson doesn't like that too much and wants to Mic Check Hebner, but Brian Hebner runs down for the save. Anderson asks if they're gonna screw him again, nearly provoking the elder Hebner into a punch. Sting hits the ring and tells the refs to leave and tells Anderson to pick on him. Anderson says this is "Asshole Country now." How is that an insult? Sting punches him and we have our Traditional TNA Pull-Apart Brawl (tm) - TTNAPAB for short. Can't have Impact without one! RVD hits the ring and actually has a cute line, "Ok, Ladies, you're both pretty, alright?" He says he doesn't want to win like that and wants Hebner to make the match at Lockdown a three-way, but Hebner of course has no power to do that. Hogan does, however, and he makes it a three-way, thus rendering the last couple of Impact main-events completely meaningless. Bischoff has another of his "ratings ideas," which sets up a 3-on-3 cage match later tonight. Sting attacks Anderson with the Stinger Splash and leaves. 0 for 1 It dragged and there could've been a better way to accomplish what it did. RVD nearly saved it with his line there at the end, but it wasn't enough. The underlying booking was stupid and I'm not sold on having a "marquee" cage match so close to an all-cage-match PPV.

We go backstage for comments from Anderson, who has none. Sting says he'll get an apology out of Anderson, while RVD says he likes everyone in the ring at the same time because he can then take care of all of them at once. Well, his character is a pothead, so I guess this LOGIC~ is consistent.

Shannon Moore talks about being the new generation and how he disrespected Steiner, because he has no respect for Steiner. LOGIC~! Seriously, he said that. The reason is that Steiner is old, and Moore is young, and Steiner wears a stupid headdress to the ring. Ok, then. Steiner says he doesn't care about respect and that he would sleep with Moore's girlfriend. Well, there's a man with his eyes on the prize. Them's fighting words! Steiner promises a beatdown, not a match.

Bully Ray (am I the only one who thinks that that's a ridiculous name?) says he doesn't want to talk about putting Styles in the hospital because he lets his attitude do the talking. He says he has a huge chip on his shoulders and Hogan should be happy that he has it. Then he threatens to beat up a security guard to really push that character, in case you've missed it the last two months. 0 for 2. I think only the Moore/Steiner promo was necessary. The others were rehashed, and we'd just seen the guys in the ring.

Jeff and Karen Jarrett lobby to Hogan to get Angle out of the match at Lockdown, but he just winds up making a Rob Terry v Angle match for tonight.

Match 1: Shannon Moore v Scott Steiner: Holy shit, Batman, there's a match! Crimson and Neal are ringside, while Young and Jordan are on commentary. There's a four-way tag at Lockdown: Crimson/Steiner v Ink Inc v Young/Jordan v Mystery Team. This is already a mess. Steiner dominates the early going with a bit of help from Crimson and gets a belly to belly for 2. Moore gets a couple of hope spots but takes too long putting on the headdress and misses a moonsault. Steiner proceeds to squash him like a bug and the Frankensteiner finishes in 5 minutes. Steiner celebrates with Crimson, while Young and Jordan congratulate them, only to get jumped by Doug Williams and Magnus. Jordan was wearing rainbow wings so he deserves everything that he gets. They leave to the British Invasion theme. 0 for 3. Extended squash, though it did set up a Lockdown match.

Anderson is talking to a poster of himself when the reporter asks him about apologizing to Sting. The poster says no, though not very politely.

Karen and Jeff bitch about Anderson being on the poster. There's a lot of bitching going on here tonight. Karen says that if the plan doesn't work, Jeff will have to face Angle, but Jarrett is quietly confident, because he has a plan B.

Match 2: Max Buck v Jeremy Buck: This is wrestling on Speed. Jeremy dominates the early going, but is more sporting of the two. Max gets pissed off because he keeps getting rolled up, and snaps off his own offense, and dumps Jeremy to the outside. Now it's his turn to be sporting. Max snaps off a powerbomb in the corner and nails a Blockbusker for the win in 4 minutes. Superfast, but a spotfest. There was little in terms of selling, though the little sporting rivalry and each brother holding the ropes for the other was a cool touch. 1 for 4.

Fortune are here, and they hint that AJ has landed at the airport. I thought he has a long-term injury?

Backstage, Winter has Angelina Love drink a beverage and tries to turn her against Velvet Sky. The focus on the drink makes me suspect foul play.

Match 3: Velvet Sky v Winter: Winter had a blindfold on during her entrance. Velvet is a house-a-fire but misses a charge in the corner, allowing Winter to take over. She gets a backbreaker but Velvet escapes from a fireman's carry and makes a brief comeback. Here's Angelina now, having apparently turned into a zombie due to the drink earlier, and that distracts Velvet long enough to
get caught in a headlock thing for the submission in 4 minutes.
Angelina just stands there and does nothing. 1 for 5. A nothing match, but I think it existed only for angle-advancement.

Here's Anderson, again. He calls out Sting, again. And sucker punches him. Well, that's new. They have their TTNAPAB, again, only this time Immortal comes out to beat on them both. RVD makes a save about a year later, and throws Anderson to the wolves but saves Sting. Immortal left Anderson for Sting, who punked him out. Do you see the SHADES OF GREY~? Terrible, terrible segment and a complete waste of time.

Ric Flair is backstage, saying that his guys have already won the match because it's a 3-man team against three individuals. Flair says Immortal will take out RVD, Sting, and Anderson.

Velvet bitches about Winter and says you cannot come to TNA and mess with The Beautiful People. She promises to break the hold that Winter has over Angelina. So in the scenario, Velvet is Gandalf, Winter is Saruman, and Angie is Theoden? Velvet promises to get them back to the top of the Knockouts Division. I think Velvet is contractually obliged to say "bitch" a stipulated amount of times in every promo.

Kurt Angle comes out and calls the Jarretts. He warns them about messing with his personal life. Jarrett is out with Rob Terry for the match. I think Hogan messed up earlier because Terry was probably supposed to be a surprise opponent.

Match 4: Kurt Angle v Rob Terry: No one can possibly win here. Angle tries a crossbody but gets caught with a front slam. Terry wants to slam him, but Angle reverses that into the Ankle Lock and it's goodbye in 2 minutes. Squashariffic. Angle nearly gets his hands on Jarrett but has to chase him around the ring. Eventually he gets his man, but Jarrett escapes an ankle lock and heads backstage. Angle doesn't even bother running after him. JJ hides somewhere and Angle runs into a bunch of cops and gets arrested. I must've missed something because there was no mention of cops before this. 1 for 6.

Fortune talk about how "all four" of them must have the back of Sting. It must be the guy at the airport. I thought that was AJ. I'm confused now, but what's worse is that probably TNA's confused too. That's what you get when you try too hard for INTRIGUE~! The cage match is next!

Match 5: Cage Match: Bully Ray, Matt Hardy, and Abyss v Mr. Anderson, Sting, and RVD: Sting suplexes Anderson on the ramp during his entrance bit. Well, that's what he gets for doing his whole entrance even though JB had already announced him. Inside the cage, and Sting dominates with Stinger Splashes. That only lasts for so long and he gets smacked around by the heels. Anderson recovers but has no intention of entering the cage, so Hogan comes out and forces him to enter it, making him look like a complete bitch in the process. Anderson is surrounded by the heels and Sting, and that doesn't go well for him. The heels dominate completely as suddenly they separate into corners as if it's a tag match. Zuh? Matt Hardy and Abyss work over Sting as he cannot tag in RVD. A doubleteam from Ray and Abyss backfires, allowing Sting to get the hot tag to RVD. He's a house-a-fire but Abyss breaks it up, albeit briefly. RVD sets up for the ***** Frog Splash, but Anderson pushes him off the top and Ray hits him with the Bubba Bomb (Bully Bomb?) for the pin in about 13 minutes. A formulaic match, not too great, not too bad. 2 for 7. Anderson leaves as Immortal lay down a post-match beating, but Fortune (Roode, Storm, Kaz) are here for the save. They beat up on Immortal until Flair turns the tide by locking everyone in and supplying his team with chains. Kaz gets busted open, but now Christopher Daniels (!) returns to make the save! He hits a huge crossbody from the top of the cage onto Immortal! Flair is about to have a coronary.

Backstage, Flair wonders who that was, and Abyss and Ray fill him in. They then go off, talking about the blood and how Fortune would be lucky to even make it to Lockdown. Kaz talks about being ready to bleed for TNA and Storm rants about how Fortune is the best. Daniels says blood is what TNA was built on and they would not run away from the sight of blood. Kaz promises that this is just the beginning. Sting says at Lockdown, it's showtime and they're hyping it like it's next week, geez. Calm down! Anderson still has no comments and if I see him one more time, I'm gonna throw something at the TV. RVD ambushes him and lays him out, thank god. That ends the show. 2 for 8 Yeah, the whole four-promos-in-row thing doesn't work at all. It only gives the show an ADD feel, and that's something that TNA really doesn't need any help with.

Wrestling Counter: 27 minutes.

The Score: 2 for 8: A poor show, marred by the lack of focus and logical flaws throughout. RVD decision to allow Anderson makes no sense. Anderson's character makes no sense, either. Sometimes there's just too much grey. There was too much backstage talking and it was all done by the same people. Seriously, Anderson worked 2 in-ring promos, 3 backstage bits, and a match. I'd call that overexposure. The build towards Lockdown was the only constant, and it was done fairly well. Daniels' return was a nice bit, but I have lost faith in TNA to be able to build on that for more than a month or so. When the only compliment you can pay a show is that it's inoffensive, you know you've got a nothing show.


(edited by used2bcool on 1.4.11 1329)
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Amos Cochran
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Since: 28.8.09

Since last post: 79 days
Last activity: 77 days
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.22
Anderson's allegedly the company's pick for new top face. Woop woop.
hansen9j
Andouille








Since: 7.11.02
From: Riderville, SK

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 14 hours
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.59
I found myself watching most of this episode, and the aftermath of the cage cracked me up. The heels decimate the babyfaces 3-on-5 to the point that all of the faces are completely incapacitated, but one Chris Daniels crossbody somehow ends the entire battle, even with the door still chained.

I always liked Katie Lea Burchill, so I'm more into the Winter storyline than I expect largely anyone to be. It's too bad Winter can't command Angelina to start eating, though.



It is the policy of the documentary crew to remain true observers and not interfere with its subjects.
"Well. Shit." -hansen9j
Go Pack Go! (Champs!)
Let's Go Riders!
lotjx
Scrapple








Since: 5.9.08

Since last post: 14 hours
Last activity: 10 hours
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.05
Even after seeing next week's episode, I still think their PPV is a bit weak. At least they offically announced the three way for the main event. I think that might be a better match then people think, unfortuantly, I see a lot of Immortal shenigans ruining it. Bubba makes a great heel and while people maybe pissed at the thought of him getting a main event push, I am not sure what other young heel they have would be suited for that role if a face wins Lockdown. Pope would be my pick, but they have to end his feud with Joe and even then I don't think it would go anywhere. I love Winter, I love Sky and I love Angelina yet I don't have any love for this storyline mainly because its retarded. Daniles coming back was nice though.





The Wee Baby Sheamus.
Amos Cochran
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Since: 28.8.09

Since last post: 79 days
Last activity: 77 days
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.22
Heel Samoa Joe would killify the shit out of the Bully Ray angle, and be less old and annoying to boot.
lotjx
Scrapple








Since: 5.9.08

Since last post: 14 hours
Last activity: 10 hours
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.05
No argument there, but he is not a heel right now. If they turned him sure, but for some reason they won't as well as just give him and Pope time to end their feud.



The Wee Baby Sheamus.
wannaberockstar
Bockwurst








Since: 7.3.02
From: MA

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#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 0.00
Angelina is clearly just doing a pretty good impression of every single Impact viewer that tries to make sense of the story lines.

Is it just me or does anyone else think that the commercial breaks and production just kill the show. I know that they don't say that it's live but shouldn't they at least give that impression instead of going to commercial break in the middle of an in-ring promo or some of the other ill-timed breaks that they've done. It just kind of kills the mood for me, really.

And what was with going doing a hot return with Christopher Daniels (who wants to start the pool on how long it'll be until Daniels is back to jobbing in the mid-card.. or am I just jaded) and then just... going to commercial? It felt anti-climatic.

The cage match was really good though, I'll admit. The rest of the matches pretty much stunk but I'll give 'em credit for the main event, even if it was set up with that STUPID network angle.

If Lockdown ends with British Invasion losing to Eric Young and Orlando Jordan, I'll be upset (but it probably will happen since this is TNA).

Oh, I'm so over you, Mr. Anderson. Can you do anything other than say the word 'a-hole'?

(edited by wannaberockstar on 1.4.11 1208)
Matt Tracker
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Since: 8.5.03
From: North Carolina

Since last post: 5 days
Last activity: 13 hours
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.70
    Originally posted by wannaberockstar
    Is it just me or does anyone else think that the commercial breaks and production just kill the show. I know that they don't say that it's live but shouldn't they at least give that impression instead of going to commercial break in the middle of an in-ring promo or some of the other ill-timed breaks that they've done. It just kind of kills the mood for me, really.



I was bothered recently by the camera cutting away from Steiner's ringside muscle pose to show us Shannon Moore doffing his coat instead. It could only be defended by Steiner possibly cursing on camera. But I've seen wonky camera cuts often.



"To be the man, you gotta beat demands." -- The Lovely Mrs. Tracker
hansen9j
Andouille








Since: 7.11.02
From: Riderville, SK

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 14 hours
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.59
    Originally posted by hansen9j
    I found myself watching most of this episode, and the aftermath of the cage cracked me up. The heels decimate the babyfaces 3-on-5 to the point that all of the faces are completely incapacitated, but one Chris Daniels crossbody somehow ends the entire battle, even with the door still chained.
Crap! I forgot that I also loved how Flair had chains for Immortal to use, but waited until after the cage match to give them to them.

Also, Hogan putting on his sunglasses and saying "you wouldn't hit someone with glasses" and then eye-raking Anderson made me laugh, and not in an ironic way.



It is the policy of the documentary crew to remain true observers and not interfere with its subjects.
"Well. Shit." -hansen9j
Go Pack Go! (Champs!)
Let's Go Riders!
emma
Cherries > Peaches








Since: 1.8.02
From: Phoenix-ish

Since last post: 2 days
Last activity: 13 hours
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.64
This mess is getting less watchable all the time. For quite a while now, I've been giving it a half-hour scan through, to see if there's anything worth slowing down for. That's getting to be less & less, & fewer & farther between.

I saw the AJ bump by Bubba -- was that last week or week before? Do I gather that he's legit injured from that? Bummer, although having Christopher Daniels sub in is a good "save of the game".

I've kind of liked creepy Winter, but "Here dear, drink the nice voodoo juice." is unacceptably lame.

That kind of waste of resources is just always very sad to me.
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A Christopher Reeve run-in would have been more plausible than Sable's return. Lex Luger has a red phone under glass in his living room now, waiting for The Call from Vince.
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