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Andouille
   
   
    
   
  
Since: 3.1.02
From: Philly
Since last post: 2542 days
Last activity: 264 days
|  #1 Posted on 11.1.02 0936.19 | SHANE O. MAC is out - all three men in the ring turn to look at him. "Now let me get this straight - we have an Olympic Gold Medalist and a WWF Champion competing for hugs? (Ross laughs to let you know this is FUNNY)
RAW IS WAR 2.7.2001
Shane likes Sesame Street so much, let's sing! "One of these things is not like the other / Which one is different, do you know / Can you tell me which one is not like the other / Now before I finish my song." Your four corners of the screen show: Vince McMahon, Steve Austin, Kurt Angle, and.....Shane McMahon. Understand?
RAW IS WAR 2.7.2001
Oh oh, here's one of the warning signs: EVERYBODY in the crowd is standing up, anticipating the run-in. That's NOT good.
RAW IS WAR 2.7.2001
Wow, with all this jobbing Page should be pretty much worthless by the time the PPV comes around - the crowd may dig it, but I'm starting to not see how this can end up better for Page financially than taking the Time/Warner cheques and sitting at home. On yet another hand, jobbing to Taker doesn't automatically mean you have no hope of a push against a "lesser" opponent, right? On the OTHER hand, didn't they just protect...ALBERT? So wouldn't this put Page BELOW Albert on the food chain here? Ohhhhh my head hurts, let's figure it out later
RAW IS WAR 2.7.2001
Wow, look, it's Torrie Wilson and her breasts - and all of them are WALKING!
RAW IS WAR 2.7.2001
Meanwhile, X-Pac is caressing the title belt as if it were his prized teddy bear Bobo.
RAW IS WAR 2.7.2001
Okay, I think I've seen that naked green M&M enough times tonight
RAW IS WAR 2.7.2001
Hudson proudly opens his blazer to show off the free T-shirt he got for working tonight.
RAW IS WAR 2.7.2001
WOW SOMEBODY FINALLY SAID "WCW SUPERSTARS!" (I bet it was an accident)
RAW IS WAR 2.7.2001
Keibler ain't no Mike McGuirk, that's for DAMN sure.
RAW IS WAR 2.7.2001
Hudson proclaims Linda McMahon "beautiful, talented and intelligent" - does his *wife* know he's saying things like that?
RAW IS WAR 2.7.2001
Hudson refers to Shane's "beautiful mother, Linda" - as opposed to his ugly mother, one presumes
RAW IS WAR 2.7.2001
Bagwell holds him for Austin. Angle keeps Patrick at bay while everybody heads up the ramp...and backstage.
Wow, they sure blew THAT, didn't they?
RAW IS WAR 2.7.2001
Is it too early to throw in the towel on WCW? I mean, all tonight did was remind me how much I was dreading watching WCW in its dying days, for crying out loud!
RAW IS WAR 2.7.2001
I guess in hindsight we can all say "Gee! Putting on a WCW match in front of a WWF crowd - and we would actually have to WONDER why they would be BORED and BOO?"
RAW IS WAR 2.7.2001
QUICK QUOTE: WWF 14.65 (+ .64, last year: 21) - by the way, SportsLine hit an all-time low yesterday at 1.80 - HAW HAW HAW
RAW IS WAR 9.7.2001
We take the replays of Shane swinging the stick (and managing to hang onto it this time, too!), Sara swinging the stick...and that Diamond Cutter. Sara sells it about a MILLION times better than Kane - plus, being barefoot, gets all those wacky fetishists nice and hard at the same time, too!
RAW IS WAR 9.7.2001
In the black locker room, Booker T limbers up - no, see, the LOCKERS are black - is it always about race with you? Sheesh. Although I must admit it makes Kurt Angle look even MORE white when he walks in.
RAW IS WAR 9.7.2001
It's four on two as the WCW guys team up with the ECW guys to take out Jericho and Kane... Here comes the WWF LOCKER ROOM - tonight I see Tazz, the Dudley Boyz, Justin Credible... wait a minute - Raven, Rhyno...oh no....oh no. "Staredown" in the ring as Paul gets jolly.
RAW IS WAR 9.7.2001
Hey, it's not too late to buy "ecwdudleyboyz.com" - or you think they'll just keep WWFDudleyBoyz.com up forever and you and I can laugh at them?
Why did Mike Awesome, an ECW guy, work so hard to steal the WWF Hardcore title from another ECW guy?
What would have happened if the Dudleyz had managed to RETAIN the titles tonight?
You think they seriously had THIS in store a week ago at this time?
RAW IS WAR 9.7.2001
Ross is alone when we come back. How long has Heyman been planning this assault, he asks? About five days and/or ever since he was brought into the WWF, I cynically think to myself...
RAW IS WAR 9.7.2001
Did ring flowerpot LILIAN GARCIA just say "Chris Kanyon, Chuck O'Haire" and then completely give up on introductions? And she started out with such promise, actually saying "20 man tag."
RAW IS WAR 9.7.2001
All eleven men now sport ECF'nW T-shirts (presumably purchased off the rack at a Philadelphia Goodwill) except Heyman, who still has his jacket on over HIS shirt.
RAW IS WAR 9.7.2001
Half of the guys go outside to beat on the WWF guys while the other half stay in the ring to watch...Shane and Paul embrace. I have to tell you, even seeing it coming...it sends chills down my spine. I just don't know which KIND of chills yet.
RAW IS WAR 9.7.2001
“What must be going through the mind...of the Texas Rattlesnake?" Looks like BEER to me, Ross...
RAW IS WAR 16.7.2001
KURT ANGLE STEALS CHRIS JERICHO'S GIMMICK: FILM AT ELEVEN
RAW IS WAR 16.7.2001
Criminy! Who thought it was a good idea for the GIRL SCOUTS to advertise during this show?!?
RAW IS WAR 16.7.2001
Tajiri immediately starts doing an Akira Fukuzawa impersonation (ha, I bet you didn't think I'd pull THAT comparison out of my ass!)
RAW IS WAR 16.7.2001
Play Tajiri's music! Here's a replay of the kick, since, as the DVDVR folks say, that AAA'd it when it was live, opting to focus on Regal's facial expression instead.
RAW IS WAR 16.7.2001
Question: How can you tell T is the heel? Answer: New stubble
RAW IS WAR 16.7.2001
Ross: "I never thought much of a champion that wears an earring, but..." CRIMINY, WHAT AN OLD FOGEY.
RAW IS WAR 16.7.2001
You know, I've been thinking about it - if Austin DOESN'T do what Vince wants....well, doesn't that mean the old Stone Cold Steve Austin IS back? I mean, that's "anti-authority," right?
RAW IS WAR 16.7.2001
D-Von fights it long enough for ROB van DAM to run out and provide enough leverage for D-Von to get the pin (4:38) and I must say it takes a truly HEROIC effort for Chioda to *completely* miss his presence.
RAW IS WAR 16.7.2001
The APA react to this from their sofa (SOFA?!? They couldn't put a monitor in their office?)
RAW IS WAR 16.7.2001
So wait - they SOLD their STOCK?
And they're still on TV?
...
Does this make YOUR head hurt, too?
RAW IS WAR 16.7.2001
I'm not exactly sure why they've scheduled this match, but WOW LOOKIT TERRI'S WEDGIE.
RAW IS WAR 16.7.2001
This match is a car wreck and I can't turn away!
RAW IS WAR 16.7.2001
Back to the ring - lookit Paul point. Ha ha ha, Paul's so funny. I wonder if we'll ever get a bell to this match?
RAW IS WAR 16.7.2001
Punches all around - when Austin throws punches, they're like grenades - down you go, down you go, down you go, KICK WHAM STUNNER for O'Haire, KICK WHAM STUNNER for Tazz, KICK WHAM STUNNER Bubba Ray, KICK WHAM STUNNER D-Von, KICK WHAM STUNNER Palumbo, KICK WHAM STUNNER Kanyon (now THAT man can sell!), Dreamer's all "do me! do me!" so KICK WHAM STUNNER Dreamer, and Kidman and Guerrero get a double chokeslam from the Fun Brothers. Play Austin's music! Why hasn't Ross lost his voice yet?
RAW IS WAR 16.7.2001
Maybe THURSDAY they'll explain to us how the winner of the Inaugural Brawl can CHANGE THE FACE OF SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT AS WE KNOW IT BY GOD
Maybe then we'll find out ... JUST WHICH SIDE.... JERRY LYNN IS ON
RAW IS WAR 16.7.2001
But don't worry - those of you who aren't into wrestling may enjoy the SPANKING match between Trish Stratus and Torrie Wilson! Why is it called a SPANKING match? Oh, man, that's TOO EASY.
RAW IS WAR 23.7.2001
Commentators tell us that Austin has taken the title outside the company - we can only wonder how he gets this television time, but perhaps Stephanie will explain it to us. Perhaps I'll win the Lotto as well.
RAW IS WAR 23.7.2001
“Chant all you want...you will not be able to stop the WWF from dying a slow and painful death." This is a slow and painful promo
RAW IS WAR 23.7.2001
The four head back up the ramp, while Angle stands in the ring looking intense (and probably also intelligent and...integral).
RAW IS WAR 23.7.2001
Hey! Is that the Goldberg monster truck in that "Rat Race" ad? GOOOOOOOOLD BERRRRRRRRG GOOOOOOOOOLD BERRRRRRRRRRG Hey whatever happened to that guy? Damn, thank Scott Keith in your autobiography ONCE and next thing you know, you're all the way down the highway to obscurity
RAW IS WAR 23.7.2001
Cole tries to talk about Angle, but Ross steers it back to van Dam - depending on whether or not you like Ross, you can argue either (1) Ross is great for putting the focus back on the match, or (2) Ross is such a suck-up to Austin that he's not gonna spend ANY time trying to put Angle over. Heck, it may be a little of each.
RAW IS WAR 23.7.2001
Hardy right, right, van Dam right, Hardy right, right, right, causing van Dam to climb up the ladder...oh, I mean Hardy hiptossing him over the ladder to the ring! ("He just exposed the business!") Oh man, don't tell me YOU don't like RVD either - come on. ("Naw, I'm more of a 'spot style' bashing smarky smark smark.") Oh, okay.
RAW IS WAR 23.7.2001
Now I don't want to ruin this match for you, but you've probably noticed that the referee is Nick Patrick. Just put it out of your mind, Bunky.
RAW IS WAR 23.7.2001
Wow, for a minute there I thought Stacy's head was gonna fall off from all that vigorous nodding!
RAW IS WAR 23.7.2001
Soupbone! Soupbone! If you had "Soupbone!" YOU WON! Lemme tell you a story about a man named Soupbone!
RAW IS WAR 23.7.2001
CHRIS MONDAY JERICHO v. CHRIS KANYON - But first, this Y2J chant. "Even though Chris Kanyon claims that last night, he was the most valuable player, as far as Y2J is concerned, tonight he has proven to be the most annoying assclown...” (pause for assclown pop)
RAW IS WAR 23.7.2001
Hey, what's worse, Vince hitting all of Rock's catchprases...or ROCK hitting all of Rock's catchphrases?
RAW IS WAR 23.7.2001
Meanwhile, Torrie Wilson catches up to Jeff Hardy, who is busy dumping seven or eight sugar packets into his coffee (THAT explains a LOT)
RAW IS WAR 23.7.2001
Hardy stares at the paddle...I think he's staring at the paddle. Here's Trish in the frame. "What's this?" "Trish...she's got a paddle."
RAW IS WAR 23.7.2001
Hardy pulls her off before she can do any more damage. "You'll pay for that, Trish!" Come on, Jeff, at least LOOK like you ENJOY holding her back!
RAW IS WAR 23.7.2001
Trish runs into a drop toehold - well, they don't connect but the IDEA was there, at least
RAW IS WAR 23.7.2001
D-Von covers - ha ha, who had D-Von in the "first guy to forget there are no pinfalls in this match" pool?
RAW IS WAR 23.7.2001
Bubba Ray takes Edge's head to the STEEL steps - why not put him through a table now? Because there's ten minutes left in the show, I suppose.
RAW IS WAR 23.7.2001
LAST WEEK: Blah blah blah - well it IS kinda neat to see them sync up Rock's mouth with Vince and Shane's words
RAW IS WAR 30.7.2001
"Number two, the most electrifying man...in sports entertainment today, the Rock, the Rock will come join the Alliance." Funny that he'd associate "the Rock" and "number two," but...
RAW IS WAR 30.7.2001
We can only wonder why Security doesn't escort any non-WWF people out. (What about the ratings?) Oh...well.
RAW IS WAR 30.7.2001
Yikes, Angle needs to exercise some neck control - he's a human Bobble Head doll out there.
RAW IS WAR 30.7.2001
Long: "Thirty seconds!" Hmm, I predict it'll be over in thirty seconds.
RAW IS WAR 30.7.2001
Helms pops up (from Hardy's finish - bad show), and rolls up Hardy with the small package - 1, 2, 3. (3:25) Hey, that was FORTY-TWO seconds.
RAW IS WAR 30.7.2001
WCW CHAMPIONSHIP: KURT ANGLE v. NAPPY T (with Shane Can't Dance) with no disqualifications - Champ enters first because that's all the rage these days.
RAW IS WAR 30.7.2001
Hey, look! It's the Spectrum's statue of Rocky! Hey, look! We pan down to see a real, live Rocky! And - YES! - HE CAN STILL DO THAT THING WITH HIS EYEBROW!
RAW IS WAR 30.7.2001
THOSE DAMN DUDLEYZ v. FUN BROTHERS (with Mrs. Taker) in a tables match - Keep in mind, this isn't a "tag team table match," so the first guy (not team) to go through determines the fall. It's fine distinctions like this that make me the GREATEST RECAPPER ALIVE. I think.
RAW IS WAR 30.7.2001
MR. McMAHON heads to the ring for our.....main event. Right behind are SHANE CAN'T DANCE & STEPHANIE CAN'T ACT, making a big rhythmic show of their SENSUAL saunter down the aisle. Man, in three minutes I can change channels and watch a rerun of "the Simpsons!"
RAW IS WAR 30.7.2001
One corner for the Rock. Two corners for the Rock. Crowd likes Rock a heck of a lot more than I do.
RAW IS WAR 30.7.2001
"Well hang on a second - quite frankly, Rock.... ["Rock E!"] I must admit, Shane's view of the facts are somewhat distorted, yet at the same time somewhat accurate. I've made a lot of really good business decisions in the past...and I've made some that were bad decisions. [Voice in crowd: "THE X F L"]
RAW IS WAR 30.7.2001
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