The Egotistical Eight are, of course, The Vulture, Doctor Octopus, The Green -- what? No? Oh, sorry.
This episode of Impact had some good wrestling, some totally frustrating booking decisions, and one TOTALLY AWESOME booking decision that almost makes up for it. Here we go.
The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Curry Man and Shark Boy: This was going really well (MMG are pretty great, by the way) until Scott Steiner came out and tossed them around, causing the DQ. Well, at least he didn't break their ankles (Christopher Daniels has been there before), but still this pisses me off. Man, I just WANTED TO WATCH THE MATCH. The whole "smaller wrestlers only perform as long as it amuses the bigger wrestlers to allow them to do so" thing is really annoying.
By the way, Petey Williams has the whole Steiner bleach/dye job and it's a little creepy.
Jeremy Borash is with AJ Styles in the back -- Styles needs to find a partner because Tomko was "injured" in Japan.
The Beautiful People (Velvet Sky and Angelina Love) cut a promo in the ring, but are interrupted by Gail Kim and ODB. They'll have a tag match later tonight.
AJ Styles asks Booker T to be his partner; Booker does the whole "Who are you? What's your name?" thing. Jeez, this is AJ STYLES, not Elix Skipper! AJ points out that he's the most decorated person in TNA history, but Booker blows him off. Wow, Booker was really a dick in that segment -- but "heel turn" dick? What did you think?
Samoa Joe is in back cutting a promo, while Kevin Nash stands behind him -- holding Joe's title belt! That turn will happen sooner or later, huh?
LAX vs. Eric Young and Kaz: This is a qualifying match for the Deuces Wild tournament. I was really expecting a Young win here, so imagine my delight when LAX wins (Homicide rolls up Eric)! Now, here's the thing: I said last week that I wouldn't mind Kaz and Young winning the titles as long as Young was de-Supered. I'm not a huge fan, but I can't be too upset at TNA for pushing a young, popular wrestler who's never been in WWE just because he wouldn't be my first choice. But I really hate the Super Eric shtick, so I was glad to see this go down the way it did.
After the match, LAX and Kaz & Young knuckle up, and then LAX calls Hector Guerrero (one half of the Spanish announce team) to the ring. LAX has studied the Guerrero family since they were small, and they want Hector n their corner at Sacrifice -- Hector agrees!
AJ goes to see Kevin Nash (who is counseling Christy Hemme) and Nash shuts him down as well.
Angelina Love and Velvet Sky vs. ODB and Gail Kim: This is pretty good -- I think I've underestimated Love. The Beautiful People get some deviousness in, but Sky is eventually dumped out of the ring and ODB catches Love with a running power slam for the pin.
After the match, Roxxi Leveaux comes out and gives Love the Voodoo Drop.
Neither James Storm nor Robert Roode want to be Styles's partner either -- they even scuffle a little when Storm insults Karen Angle.
A silent silhouette appears and Styles asks it to be his partner and there is silent agreement. I am hoping at this point that it is Abyss.
The Rock n' Rave Infection vs. AJ Styles and......SUPER ERIC: Okay, remember how happy I was that Eric Young lost against LAX? Take that emotion and reverse it 180 degrees. There was some good stuff in this match but I am SO PEEVED that SUPER ERIC is back that I can't enjoy it. SUPER ERIC wins, of course, pinning Rave with a Death Valley Driver. AJ spends the ENTIRE MATCH grinning like an idiot. He probably has all of SUPER ERIC's comic books!
There's a video package hyping the NEW TNA STRUCTURE...the TERRORDOME. It's like a domed cage, and the object is to climb up it and across the ceiling to escape out of the hole in the center. Looks alright.
Daisy [sic] Haze vs. Cheerleader Melissa: Wow, this reminds me of TNA's old "Open Door Policy" days, when Indy Guys would come in and work fun matches and sometimes they'd stick around and sometimes we'd never see them again. I miss those days. Anyway, in case you're unaware, Cheerleader Melissa also plays Raisha Saeed, and she is the surliest cheerleader ever. This is good for a couple of minutes' worth. Daisy gets the Heart Punch (which I've always had trouble buying from someone her size) but misses the Yakuza Kick, allowing Melissa to catch her in the Kudo Driver (aka Vertebreaker, and also Homicide's Gringo Killa).
Scott Steiner is in the back and cuts a promo where he MATHEMATICALLY PROVES that he has a 141 and 2/3 percent chance of beating Samoa Joe for the title at Sacrifice. This was the greatest promo ever.
Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle vs. Scott Steiner and Petey Williams: I probably missed the explanation of why Joe and Kurt are being forced to tag together -- they are clearly not happy about it. In fact, Joe at one point pointedly chooses not to tag Angle, causing Angle to go after him -- Joe fight him off, though, and then Musclebusts Petey for the win.
Cornette is out to announce THE EGOTISTICAL EIGHT (as Cornette has passive-aggressively dubbed them) -- the eight men who will be randomly paired off for the Deuces Wild Tournament. He announces them one by one and out they come: Matt Morgan, Kip James, BG James, James Storm, Booker T, Robert Roode, Sting...at this point Cornette pauses and dramatically announces ONE MORE PERSON...at this point, I was thinking maybe it was Jeff Jarrett -- I mean, who could get announced after Sting? But it was...
This is brilliant. Holy Cow.
Super Eric getting into the tournament will be worth it if we get to see Awesome Kong DESTROY him. Further, I am wondering if this is the first move towards taking Kong out of the Women's Division completely...could it work?
(edited by Karlos the Jackal on 2.5.08 0124) Last 5 movies seen: Paddle to the Sea ***1/2 - 27 Dresses **1/2 - Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1955) ***1/2 - The Undying Monster **1/2 - The Savages ***1/2
The Steiner promo was great, especially since you could tell at one point he was having trouble remembering all the numbers he'd already said. I'd never seen Cheerleader Melissa before, and I thought she was pretty excellent. Really, they're wasting her as Kong's manager when she should be wrestling full time. Other than those two moments, though, I thought the show was pretty poor. Booking was just awful, especially the Eric Young/Super Eric stuff. And I didn't like the Kong decision at all. I knew they'd eventually have her fighting guys (although this is even sooner than I'd expected), but I just don't think it's a good idea, even at her size.
Awesome Kong in the tournament in an awesome idea although I don't like her prospects for tag team tournaments unless she is teamed with Morgan and they crush everybody. It would've been great if Kong were who AJ picked to be his partner.
Here's a transcript of the math segment of Scott Steiner's awesome promo:
Originally posted by Scott SteinerNormally if you go one-on-one with another wrestler you have a fifty-fifty chance of winning. But I'm a genetic freak, and I'm not normal. You've got a 25%, at best, of beating me. And then you add in Kurt Angle to the mix, your chances of winning drastically go down. See, the three-way, at Sacrifice, you have a 33 and 1/3 chance of winning, but I got a 66 and 2/3 chance of winning, cause Kurt Angle knows he can't beat me, and he's not even gonna try. So Samoa Joe, you take your 33 and 1/3 chance, minus my 25% chance, and you've got an 8 and 1/3 chance of winning at Sacrifice. But then you take my 75% chance of winning, if we was to go one-on-one, and then add 66 and 2/3 percent, I have 141 and 2/3 percent chance of winning at Sacrifice. You see Joe, the numbers don't lie.
(swiped from the TalkImpact boards)
Last 5 movies seen: Paddle to the Sea ***1/2 - 27 Dresses **1/2 - Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1955) ***1/2 - The Undying Monster **1/2 - The Savages ***1/2
I believe it's SpikeTV who originally pushed the "no man on women violence", so TNA can explain it away on PPV. It would seem to be unlikely for her to win the tag titles with that rule, but TNA doesn't have to make sense.
Next time I have a discussion about if TNA would use someone, I should think to check the TNA spoilers.
Hey, let's not only say that wrestling sucks and still watch it, but let's bitch and moan about America's comic strip industry while we're at it. Dude, go eat some chocolate ice cream, or masturbate/get blown/get laid, or beat Contra again.