The Comcast description for this show reads: "Kurt Angle is featured. Also: NASCAR drivers."
I should have taken it as a portent. This was one of the worst episodes of Impact I've seen. Over and over again, this episode featured talented wrestlers deliberately cut off at the knees by the writers' need for -- well, I don't even know what. I'm totally baffled.
Okay. Here we go.
Karen Angle arrives in her wedding dress (she and Kurt are renewing their vows, remember?) with Jeremy Borash, who she calls her "maid of honor" (heh). Eric Young is here. He is taking on Rellik tonight ("it's Killer spelled backwards," he tells us) and he is scared of monsters.
Jim Cornette is in the ring with Samoa Joe's contract. Joe is ready to sign but Christian Cage interrupts. He's upset that Joe, the special enforcer, let Tomko interfere at Against All Odds. They end up agreeing to team up to take on Tomko and AJ Styles later tonight. The contract remains unsigned.
Team 3D vs. Curry Man and Shark Boy: Team 3D has to weigh in before they compete. Devon weighs in an 275 pounds; he's good to go. Ray is not so lucky, even after he removes his flannel vest, his elbow pads, and his wrist tape. Earl Hebner: "Don't take off anything more. You're not going to make it." So this is now a handicap match, even though Johnny Devine is RIGHT THERE. Both he and Ray interfere of course, although Devine is taken out by the Shark Boy Stunner (being Devine, he of course lands smack on his head). Ray hits Curry Man with the scale (somehow I did not see that coming) and Devon gets the pin.
Booker T is outside waiting for Bobby Roode. Crystal tells him that "the show's going on in there. In the building. In there." She is no Isla Fisher comedy-stylings-wise, but I do think she's improved a lot.
Rellik cuts a promo on Eric Young. He's going to eat his brain!
Scott Steiner vs. Abyss: Steiner has his "newest freak," Rocka Kahn, with him. Well, at least their pop culture references are expanding outside of the WWE. Abyss comes out but he looks at his bandaged arms and then leaves again, removing his mask on his way out. Yes! I always thought Abyss had something missing, and now I know what it was: SADNESS.
Scott Steiner issues an open challenge, so we get Scott Steiner vs. Petey Williams instead. Petey refers to himself as "Little Petey Pump." That sounds SO DIRTY. After Scott tosses Petey around like a rag doll for a little while, Petey recovers and actually gets some offense in. Unfortunately, he falls victim to Rocka Kahn's interference (and her awesome disdainful glare) and Scott pins him after a second-rope Samoan Drop. Afterwards, though, Scott helps Petey up and give him a shoulder slap of respect. Putting these three onto a team wouldn't be the worst thing ever.
Angle and Tomko are backstage. Tomko says he'll join the Angle Alliance, but he will not be Angle's bitch. Angle agrees. (I'm so glad that the last three or four months of shows, all focused around this single storyline, have led us to...exactly where we started.) Tomko blows off Angle's wedding invitation.
Christian Cage has been laid out in the locker room!
Karen Angle and Borash are backstage and are both TOTALLY GIDDY about the re-nuptials. Eric interrupts again; he is still scared of Rellik. Karen SCREAMS at him.
AJ Styles and Tomko vs. Samoa Joe and Kevin Nash: Nash is Cage's replacement, in another example of taking what could have been a good match and taking it away. Angle interferes, clocking Joe, and Tomko hits him with -- I think -- a TKO (or TomKO?) and pins him.
Afterward, Joe is in back and he is mad and he challenges the Angle Alliance to a match -- the Alliance vs. Joe, Nash, and Cage.
Eric Young vs. Rellik: Mike Tenay informs us that "Rellik" is "Killer" spelled backwards. Seriously, guys, GET A SOUND CLIP OF THAT AND JUST PUT IT INTO RELLIK'S THEME SONG. "'Rellik' is 'killer' spelled backwards!" *sinister music*
Anyway, Young does okay until Rellik puts his outer mask back on and SCARES HIM and then clotheslines him for the pin.
LAX, Motorcity Machine Guns, and a bunch of NASCAR guys are backstage. FFWD.
Jimmy Rave vs. Homicide vs. Chris Sabin: There are a bunch of NASCAR guys out, too, and one of them is helping announce and this sucked. There's some sort of kerfuffle with the NASCAR guys which leads to Homicide pinning Rave with a rollup (the official finisher of the X Division!). This is the kind of thing that might make Kaz quit again.
Rhino cuts a promo in the ring, challenging James Storm to an Elevation X match at the next PPV.
ODB vs. Awesome Kong: This is a street fight, and also non-title. ODB is wearing pants, which is a nice change of pace for her. Kong has Raisha Saeed with her, and Gail Kim has volunteered to come out to watch ODB's back. ODB accidentally takes out Kim, and then, in the confusion, falls victim to Kong's Implant Buster.
After the match, Kim and ODB squabble. Velvet Sky and Angelina Love come out to make peace.
Booker is still out in the parking lot; Payton Banks comes out to say that Roode's not coming. Cornette then comes out and gives Booker a match against Kurt Angle next week -- I guess to convince Booker to come inside for the next show.
MAIN EVENT WEDDING is sadly interrupted by Joe and Nash, who strip Kurt down to his cummerbund and boxers, and then Karen accidentally marries AJ Styles.
I can't decide if we ended on a highlight or a lowlight this week.
(edited by Karlos the Jackal on 15.2.08 0253) Last 5 movies seen: There Will Be Blood **** - We Own the Night *** - Becoming Jane *** - Gone Baby Gone ***1/2 - The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford ****
TNA is the most magnificiently stupid wrestling show ever.
There's absolutely NO way that Karen Angle and AJ Styles would actually be married ("WEDDINGS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!"), but I just know that we're going to have all kinds of hilarious comedy bits with Kurt and AJ being "co-husbands" or something.
I also love that Mike Tenay and Don West still think that to be a good commentator means literally describing every action and plot point that's occuring on screen.
Gotta love TNA. One minute they want us to look at Abyss walk away from his match and believe this is REAL LIFE. And the next minute, they want us to believe that A.J. Styles and Karen Angle accidentally got married. Who EVER gets "accidentally" married? In real life OR in a sitcom? It's implausible to the point of absurdity.
While on the topic of the Angle Alliance, I've become resigned to the fact that they will constantly be in a state of dissension.
Hey, remember when they made Jay Lethal look like a million bucks by having him single-handedly take out the Dudz and Johnny Devine? Can't blame you if you don't, seeing as how he wasn't on the damn show!
The only redeeming part of this abomination continues to be the womens division. A Kong/Kim/ODB three-way seems inevitable and it looks like a lot of fun on paper.
Don't mess with Superman Prime or he'll kill you to death!
Originally posted by It's FalseGotta love TNA. One minute they want us to look at Abyss walk away from his match and believe this is REAL LIFE. And the next minute, they want us to believe that A.J. Styles and Karen Angle accidentally got married. Who EVER gets "accidentally" married? In real life OR in a sitcom? It's implausible to the point of absurdity.
You didn't see the episode of "Benson" where Benson accidentally married Miss Kraus?