18:57 Wow, I didn't miss the pre-show hype spot! They're STARTING with the family portrait? Y'know...they could just use this graphic they PhotoShopped together and save us all a segment.
TONIGHT: An Evolution reunion!
TONIGHT: a ladder match for the IC title with Jeff Hardy vs. Carlito!
18:59 If we get nothing else tonight...I just want them to drag out Sean Mooney one more time. He's ALWAYS up for giving a sound bite. He remembers where he came from.
19:00 Here we go - the power is back
Highlights of every opening ever - The opening of RAW #1 - the siren from RAW is WAR - oh we're jumping back and forth here - YES. RAW IS WAR'S A THORN IN YOUR EYE.
The Arena at Harbor Yard? Is that a sneaky way of getting out of saying "Connecticut?"
19:02 Of COURSE the first entrance is that of MR. McMAHON. Scratch that, it's Vince in front, SHANO & STEFFO a respectful distance behind. Stephanie may be a mom, but she's got GRANDMA titties.
19:03 Vince wastes no time garbling his original tagline: "uncut, uncensored and uncooked" is the correct order.
19:04 Vince says Linda couldn't be here due to some sort of gastrointestinal problem. (Translation: Couldn't swallow his bullshit)
Shane and Stephanie are introduced. Let's move on
Vince calls for the photographer, but it seems like we're missing...hit the music. Here's HORNSWOGGLE. Horny does his "friendly dog" impersonation on Vince's leg.
19:05 "Horn-swog-gle" chant. Oh, it's THAT kind of crowd.
19:06 Vince says they're all waiting for him to die. But he still loves 'em. Aww. But most importantly, Vince loves - ME! I KNEW IT. On the count of three, say "MUN-NAY."
19:07 On two, TRIPLE H is out. I hope they're going to say something cute which straddles the line between kayfabe and real life!
Crowd chants "Trip-pul-H." Crowd needs to pick their spots when it comes to chanting
19:08 Now standard "'sup, Steph." Oh God, this is lame.
19:09 Time for all the women Vince ever did - first is MELINA.
19:10 YAY IT'S REALLY SUNNY AND SHE'S NOT (so) FAT
Hey Melina and Sunny are the same height!
19:11 Obligatory JOHNNY MAE YOUNG entrance (using Moolah's music) - you know, this IS just like RAW - we're up to, what, six entrances in Segment One
Young is ALMOST in the ring
She made it - now SHE'S leg humping - big lipstick smear for Vince
19:12 Vince was drunk at Moolah's funeral? Shane leaves. I think Steph will stick around for one more entrance - or one more comparison of Linda to Mae.
19:13 H now invites everyone else Vince ever hit on to come down - "Stand Back" plays and here come HOWARD FINKEL, BIG DICK JOHNSON, BASTION BOOGER (YES), THE STOOGES, and ABE "KNUCKLEBALL" SCHWARTZ.
19:15 "I guess the Brooklyn Brawler was busy tonight." AHAHAHAHAHA TRIPLE H IS BREAKING KAYFABE
Steph decides it's time SHE embarrassed Vince - and breaks kayfabe with Triple H RIGHT THERE IN THAT VERY RING.
19:16 And now SHE'S gone. H makes one more crappy joke. Vince: "I HATE YOU. And all the rest of you people can go STRAIGHT TO HELL." Someone get him a lozenge!
19:17 Hornswoggle is sad that his family's out of the ring. H talks for a hundred years, and this someone segues into an entrance from THE GODFATHER and TWENTY - NO, TEN LADIES. No sign of former Hardcore Champion Bobcat. EVERYBODY DANCE
19:20 Ross promises that there may be wrestling coming up - Jeff Hardy takes on Carlito in a ladder match for the Intercontinental championship - NEXT!
Tribute to the Troops airs in two weeks! Is that Cena in a sling? Is that a SPOILER ALERT?
The first commercial is for BOD man fragrance spray - is it appropriate that we start with the gayest commercial possible?
19:23 How IS "Law & Order: CI" doing in first-runs on USA? I haven't managed to catch it yet. I guess with the Writer's Strike we'll probably see them on NBC sooner or later after all...
19:24 The RAW Superstar of the Whatever is coming up! I'm guessing it WON'T be Kurt Angle or Booker T, but it's nice to see them in the graphic!
JEFF HARDY v. CARLITO CARIBBEAN COOL in a ladder match for the intercontinental championship - I guess we'll know in about 20 minutes whether or not Carlito's really re-signed for sure...
19:26:12 There's the bell - and Carlito's immediately out of the ring to get a ladder - and there's our first head shot of the night. (Meltzer: HAVE THEY LEARNED NOTHING? WATCH MORE UFC)
A ladder climb attempt and a Twist of Fate attempt in the first minute? I hope this doesn't turn into one o' them four minute ladder matches!
19:27 The ladder is set aside just long enough to be draped over Hardy - who throws it at Carlito as he charges.
There's a head to the ladder by Hardy.
19:28 Up and over for the seesaw, but Carlito's out of the way. Carlito shoves the ladder into Hardy against the barrier. ANOTHER miss with the ladder. I don't mind the missed shots because it gives the ILLUSION of violence without anybody taking the EXTREME bumps
Of course, now that I've said that Carlito is dropkicked off the apron onto a ladder leaning against the barrier.
19:29 Quick climb by Hardy... Carltio with a Shelton-esque top rope springboard onto the ladder...and a sunset flip OVER the ladder and to the mat! Crowd busts out "HO-LEE-SHIT" and I'll give 'em that one. Fans, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
I still haven't seen "The 40 Year Old Virgin." Sorry.
19:31 For a minute, I forgot it's an hour earlier - I went to check the score of the football game only to find it hadn't started yet
Does this read as boring as it sounds? No wonder I don't do this regularly.
19:32 Just saw the A V P R (avp-r.com) ad. I'm not sure how to feel about this, but I'm sure I'll feel it strongly!
19:33 Wonder what happened during the break. I guess nothing worthy of replay? Hardy's on the top rope in the corner, springing OVER a ladder...and meeting nobody down below. Replay of the sunset flip is edited into "powerbomb" by JR.
19:34 Armageddon is this Sunday!
Carlito gets a "you suck" while placing Hardy's leg between the legs of the ladder. One stomp. Back outside for the original ladder - which is slammed onto the first ladder.
19:35 That spotlight always on the belt is a pretty neat visual.
Hardy slammed on the ladders. I guess it hurts more when it's two?
Carlito has one set up again. Time to climb... crowd wants a burger from Hardee's, I think.
Hardy is up and after him - pounding on him until they're both to the mat. Carlito with the effective chop block. Ross says 'lito is working the left leg, but I have to admit I haven't been paying enough attention to notice it.
19:37 They're SORTA building up between the big spots, I guess. Carlito's fists ain't pretty but they're effective.
Don't know WHAT he was planning to do on the charge except get upended by Hardy onto the ladder behind him. Replay doesn't provide me with any additional clues as to 'lito's motivation.
Time for a swantonbomb? Well, he kinda sailed COMPLETELY over him. Commentators try to decide how close to reality they want to call it. Lawler settles on "he got enough of it!"
19:38 Hard to believe it's been twelve minutes already, but the clock don't lie.
Hardy up - Carlito up - ladder down
Hardy tries the twist of fate, but reversed - BACK STABBER and Hardy lands on the ladder - very nice.
19:39 Carlito is ready to climb very slowly...
Here comes Hardy, but Carlito has a hand on the belt - no, he's DOWN and landing kinda ugly - Carlito rolls outside - Hardy is still on the ladder - I think this is it!
19:39:56 The winner, and STILL intercontinental champion...Jeff Hardy! (13:44) Well actually this DOESN'T tell me if Carlito's on the outs or not. Damn.
19:40 Lawler is selling that Hardy has a hurt leg, because we all know how Triple H targets the leg with his...Pedigree...no...hmm.
Armageddon hype: the Triple Threat match for the World title. They've already spliced in the mid-air spear/bomb of Elijah Burke into the promo - which looked SO great that it's great that they got it in here.
19:43 So did the Just for Men guy get divorced, or widowed, or what?
I sure don't want to see that Chipmunks movie. And so should EVERYBODY.
Hey, Just for Men guy again! I have to think she left him because his closet is so empty. If she'd died, he probably would have kept a lot of reminders (or just not gotten around to emptying the closet yet)
19:45 Hardys snow globes? Really?
19:45 Todd Grisham welcomes Sean Moooney - I mean, Shawn Michaels. I can probably zone out for a few minutes.
It was Max Moon, wasn't it?
19:46 AWESOME - Marty Jannetty gets one more chance! Who's had more chances, Marty Jannetty or Steve Howe?
19:47 They call it a "RAW 15TH ANNIVERSARY FLASHBACK" but I call it CLIPFEST! This rules. Thankfully, only one Vince gulp (from Shane buying WCW). I'm sure this will be on YouTube within 24 hours so I won't bother telling you all the cool stuff they snuck in here. (And hopefully there's more to come!)
19:51 Let's see, thus far we've had the opening segment and the ladder match...maybe this is a callback to those "first hour of three" hours we used to get during Nitro, ah ha ha.
19:52 Let's check the football game - 0-0, 9:30 left in the first. Tony Kornheiser is "painting a picture with words" so I make the right call and switch back to the local ad for the Indian casino.
19:53 WCCW DVD ad - it's out TOMORROW!
19:54 Santino Marella and Maria are out. Santino does the circle point! HOLY SMACK IT'S RVD! Or should I say "RVD's music!" NO HOLY SHIT IT'S REALLY RVD! Is he back for good or for one night only? He looks so TINY. But flexible!
19:55:31 SANTINO MARELLA v. POINTS no- Marella starts off early. I don't think he's going to last long, though. Big standing kick to the head by van Dam, Five Star frog splash, Points to Self, Marella is STILL down, 1, 2, 3. (:43) Poor Santino - even Lance Storm got 1:08
19:56 Evolution vignette cuts off Lawler in mid-sentence - score that one a wash - ha ha, look at Orton's poofy hairdo
19:57 UP NEXT: EVOLUTION REUNION - I wonder if that car is also a member of Evolution?
20:00 And hour one is done. Geico "TRS" ad - you know, the thing about the Geico "TRS" ads - they ALL suck.
20:01 Tomorrow on ECW, Batista goes EXTREME - how will he break Elijah Burke in half THIS time? TUNE IN - SCI FI
LILIAN GARCIA introduces "all four members of EH-VO-LOOSHUN" - THE MAN is out first. He's dressed to wrestle as Ross reminds us that this is RAW #759.
20:02 TRIPLE H is out and I've just figured out that there's a new Evolution shirt for sale - or is that the old Evolution T-shirt and I've just forgotten? Sweet, blissful ignorance...
H gets his whole entrance, of course. How he managed to keep all that water in his mouth while hugging Flair is a mystery to me. Kinda like EEvolution. Full of change that no one sees.
20:03 BATISTA is out - I quickly call "under" on the pyro cue and he's WAY under. In fact, he's practically in the ring by the time the pyro cue comes up. Batista cuts the sleeves, and the shirt is GONE by the time he's posing on the top rope.
20:04 RANDY ORTON has no NEED for your nostalgic T-shirt! Lawler notices, too! Orton cuts a promo telling the other three they're not going to riding the coattails of HIS current success any time soon. He also has the long memory of THUMBS DOWN and he was kicked out of Evolution. Here's a clip to remind the rest of us! Wow, look at all that hair on Batista. AHHHH I'M GETTING A SEIZURE FROM ALL THIS PICTURE MANIPULATION
20:06 Triple H plays it for yuks, because that's the cool babyface thing for him to do. Orton dutifully plugs Armageddon.
20:07 Orton says if he's going to be remembered for being part of a faction/team, it might as well be Rated RKO. Well, that's nice - at least he's made up with EDGE.
No one's said "Team Rated RKO" yet but I bet Jim Ross is DYING to say it.
20:08 Batista dares Edge to say it to his face. Flair decides to issue a challenge to a six-man. Orton says they're ready and their partner is (Great Khali?) Umaga. (Oh, shoot. DUH)
20:09 Before this can get started, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, FANS
20:11 What's more troubling - fifteen years of RAW, or ten years of Godsmack?
20:12:17 I'm guessing we'll join this match in progress - sure enough...
If Flair loses, will Vince let him go?
20:13 Lawler says no. Wow, somebody is ON IT this week. (Not Lawler - he's getting fed the right lines, though)
20:16 Well, we saw about four minutes before the - I am AMAZED, I was certain Triple H would get the pin.
I KNEW Ross would sneak a "Team Rated RKO" in there!
20:17 We finally get to hear the "Evolution" theme one more time
20:18 CLIPFEST II: ROAD RAGE
20:21 It's Molly! And there's NOT Chris Nowinski to talk about penetrating her hymen!
While explaining the upcoming Hornswoggle/Great Khali match, Regal says Finlay's plane ticket back from Ireland was cancelled - and fails to add "I wonder who did that, GOLDBERG"
20:22 Armageddon: Orton/Jericho ad
20:23 That girl was SO HIGH
20:25 That dude is alone again...but he still leaves an ENTIRE side of the bed wide open - c'mon, dude, TAKE UP THE WHOLE BED. IT'S THERE FOR YOU
20:26 And now, the WWE Slam of the Week! Brought to you by "I Am Legend!" The APA get the jump on the nostalgia train a week early! They ALWAYS POUND ASS and apparently are not aware of Hornswoggle's finishing move since they decide to double slam him onto Coach instead. It was Coach, right? I'd go back and check but that defeats the purpose of LIVE blogging. LIVE!
20:27 HORNSWOGGLE v. GREAT GIANT KHALI - RAW is brought to you by "I Am Legend" and SNICKERS: FEAST
20:28 He's GREAT - he's KHALI - he is GREAT KHALI - I guess my dreams of a reunion with Dhaivari are scuttled
20:29:16 FINALLY we ring the bell. How many times has Dave Scherer noted that ref Marty "Rubalcaba" Elias looks like Fred Armisen? Does Scherer still stay awake long enough to watch SNL?
Oh Christ, HERE is the YOU KNOW WHO save - Hogan wears all black (callback to WCW 1995! But no shaved mustache) but does augment with boas, which quickly are left at the top of the ramp
20:30 Will this be the slam we were promised for WrestleMania 23?
CHOP! is BLOCKED! But not the boot - forearm in the back, forearm, forearm.
20:31 Crowd chanting for Hogan - forearm after forearm - oh, wait, he's starting to jackhammer
YOU - CHOP! is blocked - right, right, right, EXTRA right, off the ropes with THE BIG ... RIGHT HAND - I guess the boot can't come up 7 feet high - Khali rolls out
20:32 Singh won't let him back in the ring - Hogan motions for the slam, and for the ear.
They're playing his music so I guess we're spared that slam...for now? (How long is he back? How long after "too long" will it be?)
20:33 Hogan/Hornswoggle posedown coming up - I'll be right back. No, wait, he's got the mic. Let's hope he doesn't do that "I'll keep turning my head to the side" thing to keep this going...
"well it sounds to me like Hulkamania is still alive and well, brothers! I wanna thank each and every one of you HUlkamaniacs for keeping the dream alive, and I wanna say congratulations to WWE for the big anniversary show" and then has the fans give it up for "the greatest company in the world."
20:34 He's sucking up to WWE hard - I guess he's worried about upcoming alimony. "Never say never, ooh yeah!"
20:35 Hogan plugs "American Gladiators" and wraps it up. He neglects to say NBC (maybe just playing it safe) but Ross and Lawler pick it up for him.
HERE'S our posedown.
20:36 "They're back!" AG graphic - and a head shot of Hogan (white do-rag). Sounds like this is leading to
CLIPFEST III - D-GENERATION X - the fact that they feel they need to include shots of people in the crowd laughing during the "Modern" DX clips kinda displays the disparity between the "golden years" of dX and the Spirit Squad era DX - sadly, not one Road Dogg intro
20:39 Did they forget to have their regular voiceover guy come in and handle the upcoming live event promo? WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
20:40 If that Just for Men guy is as old as I think he is, he should probably be taken in for statutory given the footage of him and that piece of ass he's galavanting on the beach with
20:42 CLIPFEST IV - BEDPAN McMAHON - 10/5/98 (slashwrestling.com)
20:43 HOWARD FINKEL introduces the participants of a special FIFTEEN MAN BATTLE ROYAL - and here they come...
20:44 AL SNOW BART "LEFTY" GUNN DOINK (THE CLOWN) REPO MAN THE MUTHAFUCKIN' LETHAL WEAPON STEVE BLACKMAN
OMG its Feely: OMG OMG its Feely: please tell me you're watching Raw
CbsFan12: TURN TO RAW
20:45 PETE GAS MR. BOB BACKLUND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
20:47 If they have Steve Blackman, can Marc Mero be far behind? (No.)
I tell Cubs that Iron Shiek will win the battle royal - he always wins because he can't go over the top rope Cubs offers that maybe they'll be saving him for a promo later
20:48 Nothing gets hot chicks out of the pool and into your pants like playing "Smackdown vs. RAW" on your WIIIIIIIIIII
See, now with ads like this AWESOME one with James Lipton, why bother with those lame-ass "TRS" ads?
Damn, that guy has MORE GRAY HAIR and that chick loses MORE wraps on the beach
20:49 My lovely wife is singing along with the BOD theme song. I feel inadequate.
GANGREL looks pretty good - GOON, SKINNER, IRS and FLASH FUNK were intro'd during the break, says Ross
20:50 SCOTTY 2 HOTTY - well, why not, it's probably a short drive for him - but now we need Lawler's kid, don't we? And Rikishi? JIM "THE ANVIL" NEIDHART! I don't think he's used that music before, though. SGT. SLAUGHTER - of course
20:52 I think he's next. Gillberg getting a crowd surf - and gone.
Backlund is out next. I think he's reminding us about Poughkeepsie!
20:53 Head (almost) takes out Doink.
Gangrel is out at the hands of Snow.
Blackman and Snow renew their rivalry and Funk takes him out with a high kick.
Pete Gas is out - Bart Gunn is out.
20:54 Funk and Blackman are gone.
Irwin needs a LOT of help to get out at the hands of Repo.
Repo tossed by Neidhart
Neidhart tossed by Skinner, who's looking a lot like Steve Keirn these days.
Final four: Shyster, Hotty, Skinner and Slaughter. THIS COULD BE SCOTTY'S BIGGEST WIN EVER
20:55 Hotty blocks IRS' briefcase...well, I think it's time for the W O R M
...and then Skinner throws out Hotty. Go figure.
COBRA CLUTCH! COBRA CLUTCH! Skinner to the ropes to throttle Slaughter.
20:56 Slaughter sidesteps an onrushing Skinner
and Schyster throws out Slaughter - IRS has MUSIC? (About 4:30)
Hey, it's THE MILLION DOLLAR MAN TED DiBIASE to reunite with his Money, Inc. partner!
I think DiBiase is trying to get Schyster to get right with the Lord - no, wait, he's offering him a wad
20:57 Shyster takes himself over the top rope, and DiBiase wins the battle royal! Hahahahahaha.
"Well, that just goes to show ya that for over 15 years, everybody's got a price for the Million Dollar Man! Hahahahahahahahah! NYAAAHahahahahahaha!
20:58 CLIPFEST V - SLAP HAPPY - Linda's still the best at it.
20:59 ERIC - BISCHOFF - IS - WALKING!!!!!!!! (I THINK that means I can sign off and leave you to fend for yourselves for the third hour, right?)
"Tribute to the Troops" ad #2
21:02 Hey idiots! Come to Burger King and we'll play horrible pranks on you! Now THERE'S a sales pitch, huh?
21:03 TONIGHT: Who will be the greatest superstar in RAW history?
21:04 ERIC BISCHOFF is back - and better than ever. If ever a segment cried out for Stone Cold...
21:06 Hey, looks like they're giving that shot to CHRIS JERICHO! Let's see what he can do with it...
21:07 Bischoff ALMOST calls him "Benoit" - no, just kidding
21:08 Jericho waits a respectful period of time for his "Y2J" to die down.
"Assclown" is said!
21:09 Jericho dutifully plugs Armageddon, promising there'll be a new WWE champion
Bischoff seems to have his chips on Orton
Bischoff puts down the "SAVE US" gimmick and suggests saving all of us $40 a pop and forfeiting his title match right now
21:10 Jericho opts for a beating of the ass of Bischoff
Jericho rhymes a lot of lines with "Bischoff" and is probably too clever for this crowd
21:11 RIGHT HAND! But before he can put Bischoff in the Walls of Jericho, RANDY ORTON is out and it's on
ORTON is in the Walls of Jericho!
Lawler remembers it's called "the Walls of Jericho!"
Jim Ross said it!!
Orton taps out - if that happens on Sunday-- hahahahaha, that won't happen on Sunday. But wouldn't it be cool if it did?
21:12 Hit his music!
Armageddon hype: Hardy/Triple H match - really? Interesting.
21:14 THAT POOR MAN WITH HIS GRAY HAIR AND ONE TOWEL
I guess it's halftime? No football score - just Vick news
21:16 WWEShop.com ad #2
DUSTY RHODES is out - you think that means we have to watch Cody?
21:17 WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: HARDCORE HOLLY & CODY RHODES (and Armageddon is brought to you by Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare) v. LANCE CADE & TREVOR MURDOCH
21:19 Dusty going to hearken us back to the golden days of his "WCW Saturday Night" commentary
21:19:18 FINALLY we're off and running
21:20 This match needs Goldust.
21:21 Weeeeeeak - Cody takes Lance out of the ring, by which I mean, Lance heroically covers up and helps Cody appear to take him out" - Alabama Slam - 1, 2, 3. Ladies and gentlemen, we have new tag team champions. (2:32)
21:22 This is slightly less annoying than if Cryme Tyme had someone won the titles.
21:23 CLIPFEST VI - LOOK WHO'S HERE - let's see some more K-Fed
21:25 I'm sorry, but it ain't American Gladiators without....GEMINI
21:28 CLIPFEST VII - THE DIVAS
21:29 And we go from that to...JILLIAN HALL? Does she REALLY have a Christmas album coming out on the iTunes Music Store?
21:30 SAVE US TRISH STRATUS! Well, she looks just fine to me.
21:32 Here's LITA. Will they kiss? No, but Lita will agree that Jillian's singing and voice are awful.
21:33 Jillian starts singing "O Holy Night" until the doubleteam is on.
21:34 TRISH LICKED HER HAND!
Amazingly, there's no Hogan involvement in this segment.
Lita and Trish are friends again! Now this:
CLIPFEST VIII - "funny moments" I guess - if there was a title, I missed it.
21:38 TONIGHT: MR. McMAHON ANNOUNCES GREATEST SUPERSTAR IN RAW HISTORY - I bet it's SYCHO SID
Geez, are they gonna have any time for that Marty Jannetty match?
21:41 CLIPFEST IX - "HOLY" MATRIMONY - these weddings, they NEVER work out
21:43 Backstage, Lita watches that clip end - and then finds that Kane is behind her. This awkwardness is just hilarious. I am flabbergasted they didn't work in a "See No Evil" plug, but less flabbergasted that they DID work in Ron Simmons' one word
21:44 Lest we forget, there's a pay-per-view Sunday!
21:45 Is this the main event? Well, obviously Vince's big speech is the main event, but is this the WRESTLING MAIN EVENT?
MR. KENNEDY v. FANS, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
21:46 Awww, Kennedy's a sucker for the little kid in the front row - that's nice.
21:47 FINALLY there's an ad break during RAW when I remember to switch to ESPN AND there's NOT a simultaneous ad break during the football game! Unfortunately, it's a total blowout - New Orleans 31-7 over Atlanta with 7:00 to go in the 3rd quarter. (They could come back!) They ain't coming back.
21:48 Well, of the people in the Cable Guide preview we haven't yet seen: Austin, Undertaker and Hart. In person, I mean. So McMahon will probably give it to himself, and then Austin will give him Da Stunner and we'll all go home happy?
21:50 Snickers brings us a recap of Kennedy's panel of experts
MR. KENNEDY v. MARTYR JANNETTY - Jannetty has that "old dude tryin' to look hip" lightened hair color. At least it's not streaked with yellow, I supposee. I had an older friend who thought that looked good. He was WRONG.
21:51:23 And we're off - I wonder how they swung Jannetty leaving the state anyway.
Kennedy dropkicks the knee to set up the longest half crab in the world.
21:52 The thing about selling is it keeps you from getting tired longer.
21:53 Kennedy with the dragon screw legwhip!!
21:54 It may have been fifteen years but Ross still can't say "enzuigiri" and have it sound remotely close to Japanese.
Remember when Jannetty was so pumped and jazzed that he didn't have time to talk to Todd Grisham? What do you suppose he did for the TWO HOURS between then and now?
21:55 I dunno, I think you should try to PIN him after the Rocker Dropper.
Sure enough, Kennedy is up and taking him off the top rope - here comes the Finlay - no, wait, reversal by Jannetty - 1, 2, NO!!
21:56 Off the top rope - forward leg sweep face slam - 1, 2, 3. (4:42) Beatdown ensues until MR. WHYSPYR shows up.
Shawn has his way until turning his back (to check on Marty?) and Kennedy takes over .... until TRIPLE H comes out and the DX reunion is on - Michaels tosses Kennedy over the top and out
21:57 In comes Triple H - and for one night only, DX is back - well, without Chyna, X-Pac, Road Dogg, Mr. Ass, the late Rick Rude, and Jason Sensation...but it'll sell some shirts!
21:58 Backstage, Vince is putting the finishing touches on his sartorial splendor - but before he can get to WALKING! we ...will be right back
21:59 Ad for "The Best of RAW: 1993-2008" triple DVD and "RAW's Greatest Hits: The Music" CD - hmm, but if it comes out in December, doesn't that title mean they're doing some kind TIME TRAVEL to bring back THE FUTURE
22:00 Or maybe....they just know that the future's gonna SUCK and there's no need for any clips from NOW...or later.
So they're saying that Orton's a lock to retain on Sunday then?
And Holly & Rhodes are going to hold the tag team titles forever?
22:01 OH NO SINGLE AGAIN WITH GRAY HAIR
22:02 When she says "que pasa" and "chica" you know that she's "of a certain ethnic group" (but not the fact that she gets SO HIGH)
22:03 He's already in the ring when we get back - are we running late? (As usual?)
"All right - WHO IS the greatest superstar in RAW history? Who is it? Whoever it is, that person has to be synonymous with the greatness of this program. This person has to have made the single biggest contribution to this program..." and he's describing himself so I'll stop trying to keep up. A cop provides an envelope... "I think you're gonna like this. May I have the drum roll, please? The greatest superstar in RAW history is...VINCENT KENNEDY McMAHON! I'd like to thank all the little people who have bestowed this honour upon me. I'd like to thank--" SKREEEKRASH and MANKIND is out. Ignore the graphic that says MICK FOLEY, that's Mankind, baby.
22:05 "Foley" chant. "I know you're jealous - jealous because I'm the greatest superstar, but not you. So Mick, you can just turn around and take your little self right outta my ring. As in, now." SOCKO - SOCKO - SOCKO
22:06 BONG - lights out - black light up - AWESOME UNDERTAKER out - I guess Mankind stepped into the transporter 'cause he's GONE, man.
22:07 This entrance is taking as long as you think it might. I wonder if we'll top the number of entrances in the first segment...eh probably not. All we have left is (not) Hart and Austin.
22:08 It's not too late to give Coach an appearance!
Or Sean Mooney!
Vince is finally back to his feet - just in time to gulp - oh, he didn't gulp! Good for him. Taker with a chokeslam that ALMOST overrotated into a disaster.
22:09 Take a knee - BONG. Lights are out again. That's a DIFFERENT BONG - lights are out again, so I guess he's disappearing - and sure enough, he's gone.
GLASS CRASHES - Austin is out to plug his "BEEN THERE / DESTROYED THAT" shirt - double salute for the crowd - onto corner number two - corner number three - Vince still hasn't moved - and there's the quarfecta
22:11 Austin has THE STICK. Let's ride out the "Austin" chant first. Ross sneaks in a "Condemned." "God dang, looky here. What a pitiful, pitiful sight. Je(mute)t - laying there in my ring like a big piece of trash. I came out here - thought I'd come out here and say congratulations - for 15 years of Monday Night RAW - come out here, thought I'd drink a little beer - have a little celebration - but you're sittin' there sleeping." I lost him here, but the gist is he'll drink to that. "Barkeep, gimme two beers!"
22:12 Austin proposes a toast - Vince is still doing his slug impersonation. Austin lies down next to Vince - then decides to help Vince to his feet. Two more beers for Austin as he's spilled the first two on the mat.
22:14 Vince is to his feet. "Congratulations for 15...here's to ya, Vince - Vince - toast first, you dumb son of a bitch" - Austin drinks - Vince puts the beer to his lips...and drinks! KICK WHAM STUNNER Hit the music Beer me, beer me - Stone Cold goes fishin'! Two beers down the hatch - let's get a replay of the Stunner - back to Austin - he's still got the mic. "You know, come to think of it, where'd that damn card go, because the greatest superstar of RAW wasn't on that card - the greatest superstar of RAW isn't in this ring - the greatest superstars of RAW are all around this ring right here. The greatest superstars on RAW are all around the world." Wow, this is like TIME's person of the year for 2006 THE GREATEST SUPERSTAR ON RAW IS MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and that's the bottom line 'cause Stone Cold said so!
22:16 Austin invites fifteen years of superstars to the ring for a beer bash.
22:17 Jannetty's OK! Michelle McCool is lovin' life! While we watch everybody walk to the ring, split screen gives us graphical representation of the Armageddon matches.
22:18 WAIT A MINUTE, CM PUNK IS DRINKING BEER
FUNAKI IS STILL EMPLOYED
Austin pours two more beers on Vince - Vince is up - on the apron - another right from Austin and he's down - Austin and H pour beer on McMahon - H tricks Hornswoggle into pouring his beer on McMahon - oh, the hilarity! And as DEAN would say, THERE YOU HAVE IT.
You wanted the best, you got... Out of Context Quote of the Week.
"All because he got over seven years ago forcing rimjobs on people against their will?" (Hogan's My Dad)
Originally posted by It's FalseI'm convinced I'm the only person on Earth who didn't notice who was drinking what. Where's my TiVo?
Surprisingly, the only one I noticed offhand was Regal's Coke. I thought I saw someone else who had one, but didn't catch who. Naturally, the jury's still out on what Punk and Kendrick were drinking (and I was looking for Kendrick's, too).
Originally posted by CRZ 21:14 THAT POOR MAN WITH HIS GRAY HAIR AND ONE TOWEL
The answer must be no or surely you'd have made reference to it, but did you get those cell phone ads for US Cellular or whatever during Raw? Where this girl is like..
"I was worried when Daddy sent me off to college, because you see, my father never learned how to read. My whole life I've been reading things to him and writing his name on his checks.
Then one day while I was away at school, he was confused over his cell phone bill and he took it to US Cellular. And this girl took the time to read the bill to him, and she was just so helpful and friendly.
And now, when she has free time, they get together so she can read him his mail. I'm so happy my illiterate father finally has someone else to read to him! Thanks, US Cellular!"
I must have seen that 5 times last night. It is the absolute tops. Every time you see it, a whole new element of absurdity about the premise leaps out at you.