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The W - Movies & TV - POSTAL
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StaggerLee
Scrapple








Since: 3.10.02
From: Right side of the tracks

Since last post: 1 day
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#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.38
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vt_tv7t79WY

NSFW language.

Anybody know what this movie is actually about. I know its a Uwe Boll flick, so most people will hate it based on that alone.
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Mr. Boffo
Scrapple








Since: 24.3.02
From: Oshkosh, WI

Since last post: 395 days
Last activity: 356 days
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.12
All I know is that it's based on a video game (apparently that's the only movies Uwe Boll makes any more) and is also about the Taliban. Larry Thomas, the guy who played the Soup Nazi on Seinfeld, plays Osama Bin Laden.
Nuclear Winter
Boudin rouge








Since: 9.11.03
From: Bedford, Michigan

Since last post: 150 days
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#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.20
Based entirely on that first segment...

Part of me thinks it was hilarious and brilliant. The other part of me feels awful for laughing at this sort of thing. I hate to be that guy, but, is it too early?



Stupid of the Year (thingsstuff.741.com)
hansen9j
Andouille








Since: 7.11.02
From: Riderville, SK

Since last post: 15 days
Last activity: 3 hours
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.25
That was horrific. I laughed through almost the entire clip. I am a terrible person.

I look at that cast, and it actually seems like it could be great. Dave Foley as a cult leader? The younger brother from Titus as the main character? The Soup Nazi as Osama? This could be highly watchable.

The flip side is that Uwe Boll's last three movies got a 4%, a 1%, and a 4% on Rotten Tomatoes.



Proud member of the Dwight Army of Champions.

Word Up, Thome
Jackson
Sujuk








Since: 4.1.02

Since last post: 1933 days
Last activity: 1459 days
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.85
    Originally posted by Nuclear Winter
    I hate to be that guy, but, is it too early?



And that was the whole point. But none of that was actually funny. Just "edgy"

But thankfully the Ruining With Scissors team is funny so if they now have a bigger budget for Postal 3 then so be it. Using the HL2 engine is going to help a lot and I can't wait for the game but fuck Uwe and his movies.



KJames199
Scrapple
Moderator








Since: 10.12.01
From: #yqr

Since last post: 14 days
Last activity: 1 hour
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.51
    Originally posted by Jackson
    fuck Uwe
Hey! Right back atcha, pal.



JK
Cerebus
Knackwurst








Since: 17.11.02

Since last post: 29 days
Last activity: 2 days
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.48
Surprisingly, I've never played the games, but I do know of a comic book called POSTAL that featured a postman who gets a letter from a little girl. The letter is to Osame Bin Laden and he decides to deliver it. Chaos ensues and the postal worker ends up killing a gazillion Taliban fighters on his quest to deliver the letter.

This would make a fucking funny as hell movie, and this opening made me think it was a film version of that comic.

I think it was written by Warren Ellis, I can't remember now.

...and I second (third?) the fuck Uwe statement, but damnit if I don't end up seeing this shit like I do ALL his fucking movies... I seem to enjoy torturing myself.
Shapeshifter
Loukanika








Since: 1.8.07

Since last post: 1585 days
Last activity: 1584 days
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.00
Boll's an okay guy. He has a bad reputation for making lame movies based on games, but can you name anyone else who seems to actually care about making videogame movies?

Didn't think so.

The closest I can think of is Paul W.S. Anderson, but for every Mortal Kombat there's an Event Horizon. (In other words, the guy's talented as hell, he just seems to "wind up" doing videogame films by accident.)

But Boll, he's dedicated. There were rumors he was only doing such films to cash in on German tax breaks (something about making money for sure-failures, a la "The Producers") but long after those tax breaks ended, the man has rolled out picture after picture, losely--in a fever dreamish, english-as-a-second-language-sort-of-way--based on videogames.

I mean sure, Alone in the Dark was awful, but it was that certain, special kind of awful that pops into my head at least once a week. "Did they really plan on making a sequel? What was with that ending? Was casting Tara Reid as a scientist count as a mistake -- or comedic genius?"
oldschoolhero
Knackwurst








Since: 2.1.02
From: nWo Country

Since last post: 1930 days
Last activity: 1864 days
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.00
Boll and Anderson are both utterly wretched directors. I'm sure they're both very nice guys - in fact, Anderson's documented as being one of the most easygoing and pleasant film-makers working - but they're just terrible at producing movies.

I will say this: at least the movies Anderson cranks out are borderline-coherent. And at least EVENT HORIZON and RESIDENT EVIL are watchable trash. Boll's films cross that so-bad-they're-good threshold and gallivant into so-bad-they-cause-herpes territory. I used to think that no director could be as bad as the hyperbole made Boll out to be. Then I saw ALONE IN THE DARK.



To those who say people wouldn't look; they wouldn't be interested; they're too complacent, indifferent and insulated, I can only reply: There is, in one reporter's opinion, considerable evidence against that contention. But even if they are right, what have they got to lose? Because if they are right, and this instrument is good for nothing but to entertain, amuse and insulate, then the tube is flickering now and we will soon see that the whole struggle is lost. This instrument can teach, it can illuminate; yes, and it can even inspire. But it can do so only to the extent that humans are determined to use it to those ends. Otherwise it is merely wires, and lights, in a box.-Edward R. Murrow
hansen9j
Andouille








Since: 7.11.02
From: Riderville, SK

Since last post: 15 days
Last activity: 3 hours
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.29
Event Horizon is the scariest/spookiest goddamn movie I have ever seen. Any time I even think about it I feel weird and icky.

Also, Mortal Kombat was the best video game movie I've ever seen.



Proud member of the Dwight Army of Champions.

Word Up, Thome
oldschoolhero
Knackwurst








Since: 2.1.02
From: nWo Country

Since last post: 1930 days
Last activity: 1864 days
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.00
If EVENT HORIZON is one of the scariest/spookiest movies you've ever seen, you need to watch more horror. MORTAL KOMBAT being the best videogame movie ever is debatable - DOOM is shockingly not bad - but even if you believe that, it's hardly a glowing accolade.



To those who say people wouldn't look; they wouldn't be interested; they're too complacent, indifferent and insulated, I can only reply: There is, in one reporter's opinion, considerable evidence against that contention. But even if they are right, what have they got to lose? Because if they are right, and this instrument is good for nothing but to entertain, amuse and insulate, then the tube is flickering now and we will soon see that the whole struggle is lost. This instrument can teach, it can illuminate; yes, and it can even inspire. But it can do so only to the extent that humans are determined to use it to those ends. Otherwise it is merely wires, and lights, in a box.-Edward R. Murrow
Cerebus
Knackwurst








Since: 17.11.02

Since last post: 29 days
Last activity: 2 days
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.48
    Originally posted by Shapeshifter
    Alone in the Dark... Did they really plan on making a sequel...


Funny you should mention that... (imdb.com)

EVENT HORIZION was one of the best SciFi films of the 90s, and it was easily... EASILY better then those fucking Star Wars prequels.
oldschoolhero
Knackwurst








Since: 2.1.02
From: nWo Country

Since last post: 1930 days
Last activity: 1864 days
#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.00
One of the best of the 90s? Seriously?

TERMINATOR 2, TOTAL RECALL, ALIEN 3, GHOST IN THE SHELL, CITY OF LOST CHILDREN, TWELVE MONKEYS, CONTACT, MEN IN BLACK, DARK CITY, EXISTENZ, THE IRON GIANT, THE MATRIX. It belongs among them? It's fun and all, but it's THE SHINING in space. With thrash metal.



To those who say people wouldn't look; they wouldn't be interested; they're too complacent, indifferent and insulated, I can only reply: There is, in one reporter's opinion, considerable evidence against that contention. But even if they are right, what have they got to lose? Because if they are right, and this instrument is good for nothing but to entertain, amuse and insulate, then the tube is flickering now and we will soon see that the whole struggle is lost. This instrument can teach, it can illuminate; yes, and it can even inspire. But it can do so only to the extent that humans are determined to use it to those ends. Otherwise it is merely wires, and lights, in a box.-Edward R. Murrow
Torchslasher
Knackwurst








Since: 17.1.02
From: New F'n Jersey

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 3 days
#14 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.75
Wow, I was going to talk about how OSH was overpraising Event Horizon by even calling it watchable, and instead I see people defending this piece of trash? I'm honestly stunned. I and the people I saw that movie with all hated EH.

But I do have to thank OSH for mentioning eXistenZ, one of my favorite movies of the 90's.



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Tenken347
Boudin blanc








Since: 27.2.03
From: Parts Unknown

Since last post: 1 day
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#15 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.34
You guys are kidding, right? eXistenZ is hilariously awful. Seriously - bioport sex. Just terrible.
samoflange
Lap cheong








Since: 22.2.04
From: Cambridge, MA

Since last post: 315 days
Last activity: 307 days
#16 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.27
I saw eXistenZ early in high school and remember thinking it was pretty good. I saw it again about a year ago I thought it was stupid. I hate when that happens.

The bone gun thing is a kinda cool idea. The aforementioned bioport sex, not such a cool idea.



Lloyd: When I met Mary, I got that old fashioned romantic feeling, where I'd do anything to bone her.
Harry: That's a special feeling.
Shapeshifter
Loukanika








Since: 1.8.07

Since last post: 1585 days
Last activity: 1584 days
#17 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.74
Holy Schnikes, Total Recall was a 90s flick?

Man, that was such a golden era for Sci Fi.

Admittedly, we Aliens 3, a film so awful David Fincher still refuses to do a commentary for it, but then again, we also had Alien Resurrection, which was directed by the guy who did City of Lost Children. (The "clones" guy from City even played the dwarf-in-a-backpack-guy in Resurrection!)

I think if there's one defining characteristic for 90s Sci Fi, it would have to be Oh-No!-Something-Big-Is-Hurtling-At Us-From-Space! There's Deep Impact and Armageddon, of course, but then there's also The 5th Element and freaking Final Fantasy VII. O_o

But as for Event Horizon, well, I was always on the fence with that one. The beginning was scary. I love the ship's exterior and the !@#$'d up "Captain's Log" in latin. But halfway through it turns into a lame Hellraiser ripoff, with a dash of cliched Old Dark House scares thrown in for good measure.

"Wow, it's my daughter! In space! For no reason! On this haunted spaceship! I'd better follow her off that ledge there."

So, so lame.

(edited by Shapeshifter on 3.8.07 1317)
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And if this is true, I must watch the show. Religiously.
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