Results and Opinions for Association de Lutte Feminin Force Exessive Friday, March 16th, 2007 Centre Sportif St-Barthélemy Montreal, Quebec, CANADA
ALF is a relatively new Women's promotion in Montreal started by Kim Leduc and Lufisto. Kim is Paul Leduc's daughter, Carl XL's sister. The fed runs once a month in the "Theatre Extreme" where the FLQ normally runs, meaning that the FLQ runs three out of four weeks now rather than once a week. It has been a huge success, not just outdrawing the FLQ, but at this point outdrawing every other promotion in Quebec other than the IWS.
Theatre Extreme is on the second floor of a Church Hall. It's a weird space half gym and half hall. The floors are hardwood parquet like for a gym. There are four huge pillars holding up the ceiling spaced in a large square. On each side wall there are five thin arched windows of various heights each with stained glass. As you enter the hall, there is a kitchen/snack bar to your left.
The ring is set up two thirds of the way into the room, with tall curtains blocking off the back of the hall to act as an entrance and dressing room. The ring itself is 16 feet by 16 feet. In NCW, I find that size too small, it always seems as though a wrestler can grab the ropes from almost anywhere in the ring or make the tag from anywhere, but it works for women's wrestling quite well. In fact, the smallness of the ring tends to make the women look bigger which is a plus.
I would probably object to the size if I ever went to see an FLQ show, but I fundamentally refuse to go see a wrestling promotion that deliberately uses the same initials as the 1970's separatist terrorist group who kidnapped British diplomat James Cross and who kidnapped and murdered Quebec Minister of Labour Pierre LaPorte.
A series of tables surrounds the ring creating the same effect as ring barriers but also allowing ringside fans to pound their approval on the tables.
This was the second ALF show that I saw. The first one was interesting, but was really saved by the two last matches which were very good. I was surprised by the attendance at that show which was quite respectable at about 150, but the attendance for this show was phenomenal. I pegged it around 250 and the audience was hot all night. They ran out of chairs, so about twenty people were standing. Any time that you run out of chairs at a show, you are doing a good job.
ALF is the result of a real upswell in the number of well trained women wrestlers in Quebec, following in the footsteps of Lufisto, although as Pat LaPrade pointed out in his Quebec Wrestling Almanac, there is a real tradition of joshis in Quebec beginning with Vivian Vachon and later, her niece Luna. In the 1970's, Vivian was the AWA Woman's champion and described as the best woman's wrestler in the world. She retired in 1978 to have a daughter and died tragically in 1991 in a car crash along with her daughter. She was just 40.
ALF claims to be the first joshi promotion in Canada, but I think that the BC promotion "SuperGirls" beat them to it. ALF runs much more regularly than SuperGirls ever did though and uses an impressive amount of local talent, by which I mean virtually all are local talent.
One of the odd booking trends of ALF is that the skinnier and prettier you are, the more likely you are to be a heel. One of the nice things about ALF is that women of all sizes and shapes are included in the fed. This is not a promotion where every wrestler is in Brianna Banks memorable phrase "sticks with tits". That is a good thing. The fact is is that if you do any kind of work-out at all you are probably going to end up with larger thighs than most women. To me (and Robert Crumb), muscular legs are a turn-on. As an example, Vanessa Kraven (sadly not wrestling tonight) is an incredibly beautiful, athletic woman who does not fit the stick thin Hollywood model of beauty. On the other hand, Vanessa also scares the shit out of me, because she can crush my spine with either hand. She is AmbicrippleLlakorous.
On the Gripping hand, some of the women in ALF are just plain fat. Most are comfortable with that and are faces as a result. The variety is refreshing if the only women's wrestling that you are regularly exposed to is the WWE's version: models cat-fighting in Victoria's Secret outfits. Not that there is anything wrong with that... for one match, but you could hardly build an entire promotion an that one match.
There are two refs: Annick and Angelina Skye. Befitting her porn-star name, Angelina is incredibly hot in a shy dirty blonde wearing glasses way, wearing her ref shirt tied up to expose her midriff.
Le Naughty School Girl MaryLollipop (with Paradox) vs. Kelly Hart
MaryLollipop is a blonde dressed in a Catholic School Girl uniform. Her male manager, Paradox, is dressed like a crimson clad Genius. Sexxy Eddy is introduced as guest referee to a massive pop, which only grows as he rips his pants off to reveal referee shorts. He gets "Eddy Rocks!" and "Show Your Cock" chants. Did I mention this is an all-ages show? Eddy searches both girls and makes a crack about MaryLollipop's hair which I can't understand at all because the sound system is crap.
Eddy has a rivalry with Paradox and a pre-existing relationship with MaryLollipop which is based around the idea that she keeps offering him sex to distract him and never follows through on it, but he keeps falling for it because she is ridiculously hot and dressed like a slut and because Eddy is well Eddy. He does usually say something when she comes on to him though about how he can't believe that he is falling for her tricks again, but then does it anyway.
The match is built around MaryLollipop distracting Eddy so that Paradox can come into the ring, attack Kelly Hart and then sneak out again. This includes a variant of the Samoa Drop that Kelly Hart has no business kicking out of. Kelly Hart also has really weak kicks, a problem given that her offense seems to be built around them.
At the climax of the match. Paradox tries to sneak some luggage into the ring. Eddy catches him, decks him and then gets distracted with the contents of the luggage. I thought at first it was Eddy's luggage, but given how distracted Eddy got, I am assuming that it was one of the women's and that he was going through her lingerie. While Eddy is busy with that, Kelly Hart is placed up on the top rope, but she catches first MaryLollipop and then Paradox charging in. She then gives the two heels a double DDT from the top and covers MaryLollipop for the win at 6:30.
In Ring promo by ALF champion Kacey Diamond and EXesS
Kacey Diamond is an arrogant champion who can't understand why she isn't loved by the fans. EXesS just had a match at IWS against ALF's Number One Contender, Stefany, where he beat the shit out of her and sent her to the hospital. This makes EXesS the most hated man in Quebec. Like most of the crowd, I am here to see the fall-out of that match since EXesS and Kacey Diamond are scheduled to face Stefany and Beef Wellington in the main event.
They play clips from that match, which points out two things. First the IWS video quality is much better than ALFs. At least our footage looks better projected on their crappy projector on the unwashed tobacco stained wall than their footage does. Either that or the ALF video people are really in love with filters that corrupt the images. Probably a little of both. It is a bit of a shock to hear me screaming "Stop This Match! Stop This Match!" on commentary. My voice also seems to come out clearer on their crappy sound system than the ALF wrestlers do. Once again, the IWS conspires to make other feds look bad.
I have to admit I marked out a little... OK a lot... to hear my voice being played for 250 people to build the main event.
The next step up of hatred for the fans is revealed when they switch from chanting "Kacey Sucks!" to chanting "Kacey Swallows!" Did I mention that this was an all ages show?
Kathy with Stephanie Rizutto vs. Eve and Bellissima
Eve is a big girl and comfortable being big. She taunts Kathy with her enormous ass. The bell rings and there is some heel stalling which leads to the bell being re-rung at 39 seconds in. A failed top rope cannon ball by Eve gets a Holy Shit chant which is the crowd's enthusiasm getting the better of them. Match ends with Kathy doing a top rope swing move for the pin at 4:30 (including the stall time).
Kalamity vs. Krissy
This is a match presented by GEW (Granby Entertainment Wrestling) and they do a great job representing their fed. This is easily the match of the night.
Kalamity is a Wild Thing, Krissy is a Diva. Kalamity has the nicest, most vicious forearms this side of Kevin Steen. Krissy punches like a girl. Krissy does make up for that by doing a lot of sweet high risk acrobatics like a well executed 'rana which she follows up with an amazing standing moonsault. Kalamity uses more traditonal old school moves like lariats and power-bombs, but she hits them like she means it. The crowd gives the match a well deserved "This Is Awesome" chant.
Krissy ends the match with a DDT hit with an impact for the pin at 5:46. Best five minute match that I have seen in a while. They get a "Please Come Back" chant which the organizers acknowledge by announcing after the intermission that they are coming back to the April show.
21st Century Fox and She Nay Nay with Bruni Johnson vs. Sweet Cherrie and Portia Perez
Sweet Cherrie has close to the same reputation within Quebec that Lufisto has outside of it. Last show she did a chain match against her fat brother which I objected to because they used chairs and a table. If you need a table to hurt your opponent when you have a freaking chain tied to your wrist you are seriously suffering from a lack of imagination. Portia Perez is one of the exceptions on the weird ALF rule of thumb that skinny and pretty equals heel. Although both Portia and Sweet Cherrie are wide bodies compared to their opponents, two stunningly good looking skinny black women from Ontario. They have a black male manager who insults the crowd and I have no idea what he said, but it pisses everyone off.
The Black Beauties could probably do an interesting story line based around the movie DreamGirls if they could find somebody to play the Jennifer Hudson part.
The match is totally by the numbers southern tag with Portia Perez playing Ricky Morton. It is formula, but very smart formula. First of all, they build off the heat generated by the previous match while doing a tenth of what the GEW women had to do to create that heat. And the crowd allows itself to be totally manipulated. If you can drive the crowd crazy while doing very little, you should do that.
So it is formula, but very competent. Sweet Cherrie gets the pin on She Nay Nay at 7:52.
At this point, I was totally confused why they did not call for the intermission. It would have been a perfect place to call a break. The show was announced as having seven matches, so it would make sense to break after four especially since you did five segments with the Kacey Diamond and EXesS in-ring promo. Not to mention that it makes sense to go to the break on the high of the face, Sweet Cherrie, winning.
Usually at IWS shows, we do not have intermissions although sometimes they are forced on us to help the bar sell beer, or for other technical reasons. Everyone else in Quebec seems to have intermissions though. If you were going to have an intermission this was the logical place to have it.
La Parfaite Caroline vs. Taina
La Parfaite Caroline is a germaphobe. At the last show, Taina dumped a trash can over her head. Caroline gives a video promo in the toilet where she implies that she is going to flush Taina's career down the drain. Taina gives a video promo where she invites Caroline to bring the jumbo size of her favourite hand sanitizer brand.
After two video promos, Caroline follows that up with a bizarre in and out of ring promo in which she accuses the audience of having fantasies of sleeping with her.
She ends up at the back table where I am sitting with Pat LaPrade. She accuses LaPrade of wanting to sleep with her, which totally confuses poor Pat. She is waving around the copy of the Quebec Wrestling Almanac that she bought from Pat earlier in the night and she says she would rather eat the Almanac than sleep with Pat, which she punctuates by ripping out a couple of pages, chewing them and then spitting them out at him. Caroline is wearing a purple sports bra under a black mesh top and looks ridiculously hot in a "I hate her so much that I want to sleep with her" way.
Pat promptly takes the torn Almanac that Caroline leaves behind, slaps a "Dechirer par Caroline" sign on it and sells it for $5. I tell him that he should have charged more for the torn Almanac (the regular price is $7.) Pat points out to me that he was selling a copy that he already been paid for once.
After that build up, the match is a complete disappointment. You figure that Caroline would want serious payback on Taina for dumping trash on her head, but they are wrestling so loose that they might as well be hitting each other with pillows. And after making comments about hand sanitizers, you figure that Taina would pull out something disgusting to hit Caroline with, but nothing. A complete let down.
Anna Minoushka, who looks like she got the make over that fat girls get when a super hot girl adopts her as a project because keeping her around makes the hottie look thinner, interferes in the match to give Caroline the win at 7:07. Caroline crows that she had the perfect plan and it appears that she now has a stable led by her with Anna and manager Rachelle.
NOW, they do an intermission. Hall empties in about thirty seconds as everyone rushes outside to have a smoke. One of the Black Beauties from Ontario comes over to the merchandise booth to talk to Pat and to try and sell some photos. It turns out that she was originally from Montreal and she recently moved back. Up close, she is shorter than I thought, but much better looking. (And I thought she was ridiculously hot from a distance.)
At this point, I pulled a total BrewGuy.
Allow me to explain.
Darryl Brewer is a friend of mine from Toronto, who will probably read this in about six months and mark out that I dropped his name. Darryl is built like a Grizzly, so fortunately he lives in another city and I can out-run him. Hell! I can out-walk him!
One of Darryl's more endearing traits is that in the presence of a beautiful black woman he freezes. He is barely capable of coherent speech. She doesn't even have to make eye contact. If she is within a fifty foot radius of Darryl, he becomes a puddle.
So, this incredibly beautiful black woman is within two feet of me and my brain turns to mush. It took LaPrade to tell her that I worked for the IWS. I didn't even take advantage of the fact that any time that you meet a woman iN Quebec, there is a built in excuse to kiss her on both cheeks.
I just realized that I was wearing an Oshawa Generals sweatshirt last night. (Pat LaPrade popped like a freak when he saw it. Started naming off players. I was all "Top of the Clean Pile, Dude.") Point is, it was given to me by one Darryl Brewer. Fucking thing must be contaminated.
Josianne the Pussycat vs. Axelle
Josianne shot to notoriety in Quebec because of her gig with the Woman's wrestling fed that Carmen Elektra was involved in as Commissioner: Naked Woman's Wrestling League. How someone who is gorgeous and who is willing to wrestle naked could ever be a heel in Quebec is beyond me, but Josianne manages.
The quality of the match can be judged by my notes: Josianne wins at 6:34.
Kacey Diamond and EXesS vs. Stefany and Beef Wellington
Stefany is announced as Stefany Sinclair which confuses me because normally adding to your name is a sign that you are turning heel. The match is an odd juxtaposition to the shoot match that Stefany did with EXesS. Since Beef Wellington is involved there are a lot of comedy bits involving Beef and Kacey Diamond.
At the last show, Beef gave a hilarious promo in French (not Beef's strong suit) where he kissed Kacey Diamond and complained that her breath smelled of fish. When she objected to that, he swiped a line from Ready to Rumble and informed her that the diamond was the universal symbol for "plotte" (Quebec slang for pussy, hence Julie Doucet's comic Dirty Plotte.)
Beef builds on the promo by offering Julie a Tic-Tac. This sets up the relationship with Beef and Kacey Diamond where he flirts with her and she kicks him in the balls (or thigh or ankle). When she tries to suplex Beef, he blocks her attempts repeatedly and then feeds her hands into his pants. Later, when Beef attempts to suplex her in turn, she blocks him so he settles for dry-humping her.
Language becomes a pivotal issue with the match as the French referee Annick and Beef begin an adversarial relationship putting a new spin on the southern tag formula. Beef keeps complaining about EXesS and Kacey Diamond's double teams and the referee no-sells the complaints because he can't speak French (or at least that is what Beef claims.) Adds new spice to the moment where Beef finally makes a tag and the referee disallows it because she didn't see it.
The southern tag formula woks a marvel and Beef's twist to it makes it fresh. The match is fought a lot looser than the match that Stefany and EXesS did in the IWS. Stefany does pull out a great variation on her triangle choke when EXesS is spinning her around for a twirl-a-whirl slam or something and she clamps on the triangle choke in mid-spin to a huge pop.
Stefany finally gets the hot tag to Beef. He cleans house and eventually Stefany gets EXesS in place for the Ass Punch. The E. Coli finishes things off at 15:31.
After the match, Kacey Diamond beats Stefany down and then offers Stefany one last chance at the ALF title.
Kacey Diamond vs. Stefany
Kacey tries to get the vulture pin and take advantage of the beating that Stefany took. With Beef Wellington cheering her on from ringside (and keeping EXesS away) Stefany shows fighting spirit and eventually clamps on the triangle choke for the submission win at 2:25.
Odd way to end the show. I would have thought that they would do a blow-off gimmick match to main-event the April show.
Still, a very successful show in front of a big, hot crowd featuring a roster of almost 100% home-grown talent.
(edited by Llakor on 18.3.07 0321) "Don't Blame CANADA, Blame Yourselves!"
As long as they can make it through the match without breaking into song, I guess I can live with the posters. Although I gotta say, if there was ever a poster that they could have used Goldust and Rico in, this was it. Tribal Prophet