This is the collected bits of the stuff that I publish over on the IWS message board to announce matches. Sort of a print version of our video Bloodstream show, when we are organized enough to get that done.
Strong Style Typings Violent Valentine 2007
Friday, February 2nd, 2007 It's a Cinderella Story
The Rock N' Cock Express won a four-way scramble tag match at Praise the Violence, pinning Franky the Mobster and Kevin Steen. This victory makes them the Number One Contenders for Mean and Green's IWS tag team titles. Will Twiggy and Pornstar Juan's Cinderella story continue? Or will Dru Onyx and the Green Phantom kill them dead?
Not that I don't have total confidence in Twiggy and Pornstar Juan to continue their unlikely and miraculous victory streak...
but I will be accepting donations for the "Buy Twiggy and Juan a Coffin" fund.
Friday, February 2nd, 2007 Conversations With Manny
"So, Llakor, how do you REALLY feel about Paranoid Jake Matthews?"
"I'm guessing that you got your copy of Praise the Violence."
"Yes, but there ia also a clip is also up on You-Tube."
"Heh. Jake is pointing to himself when I call him..."
"Say it. Say it."
"I want to hear you say SCUM!"
"I am not a performing seal."
"Say it and I'll tell you who Viking is wrestling for the title."
"You're not putting Jake Matthews against Viking!"
"DAMN! How do you do that?"
"Viking is going to kick his ass. That shovel-wielding maniac's reign of terror is OVER!"
"Yeah, sure he is. Look as you know, I'm putting on the biggest show of the year, March 24th at the Medley. Little show I like to call Un FUCKING Sanctioned. I have big plans for that show... and they don't include Viking as champion. So that shovel-waving maniac is going to take Viking out."
"Keep telling yourself that you drugged out control freak."
"Llakor, you say the nicest things. Where's my FUCKING profile?"
"I'm doing you after I do Twiggy and Juan."
"I'm your boss, and I want my profile NOW!"
"Yeah, yeah, what's the stipulation for Viking vs. Jake Matthews?"
"It's a mystery."
"How do you expect the fans to find out the stipulation if you don't tell me."
"OK. Now I'm confoozled."
"You, find out, the fans find out and most importantly Viking finds out during Violent Valentine Feb 17th at Bogey's."
"I see. I take it that Jake Matthews finds out then as well?"
"Uh. No. Doofus. I already told Jake Matthews. He's going to be plenty ready to take Viking apart, but Viking will have no idea what's waiting for him. Get ready to call Jake Matthews champion, Llakor."
"Again with the sweet talk. Get back to writing my profile."
Saturday, February 3rd, 2007 Dan Paysan Offers an Opportunity You Can't Refuse
"I consider myself a fighting champion," IWS Canadian Champion Dan Paysan told me this morning. "And part of being a fighting champion is giving people opportunities. I remember when I first started in the IWS, I had to fight for everything. I had to prove myself. So, I remember what it's like to be the new guy. When you feel like you have to have the Match of the Night every single show, just to stay on the roster."
"Last year, I don't think that there was any question that Stupefied was the IWS Rookie of the Year. So, I have decided to give the rook the opportunity of a lifetime. On February 17th at Violent Valentine, I will put my IWS Canadian title on the line. Stupefied has a chance to step up and prove himself, but I am not letting go of this title easily. I am opening the door for Stupefied, but if he wants this belt, MY BELT, he is going to have to go through me, he is going to have to TAKE IT. Because I plan on being the fighting IWS Italian-Canadian champion for a long time."
I think the thing that I admire the most about Dan Paysan is that he still believes that he has to have the Match of the Night every single time that he wrestles in the IWS.
Sunday, February 4th, 2007 A Tale of Two Tag Teams
In one corner, you have UWA Hardcore's Team Checkmate. Pulling off smooth double teams, hitting and running like a well oiled machine, a team that looks and acts as one. In fact, they are a team that looks like a championship calibre team. Last month at Praise the Violence 2007, they gave Kevin Steen and Franky the mobster FITS.
There is an argument to be made that if Team Checkmate hadn't wrestled a grueling match the night before at UWA Hardcore and if Chris Bishop wasn't still nursing some nagging injuries related to the drunken driver who plowed into his car last year, that Team Checkmate could have taken the "Mobbed and Dangerous" team of Steen and Franky.
(Certainly, Twiggy and Pornsatr Juan owe them a big assist for grinding down Franky and Steen, giving the Rock N' Cock Express the opening to score their miraculous fluke win.)
In the other corner you have... Hi-5?
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, like LE WHOA."
"Oh hi. It's Kid Kamikaze everybody."
"You have to explain something to me Llakor. Haven't I made it perfectly clear that I have no interest in teaming with Beef Wellington?"
"Didn't Beef wrestle a stupid Kustody of Kim Kamikaze Kontest against Vanessa Kraven last month and didn't he LOSE that match to Vanessa Kraven?"
"So, please explain to me what the hell I am doing teaming with Beef Wellington this month."
"What the hell are you gibbering about little man."
"Understand it wasn't my decision. I was just in the room. Beef came while Manny was holding a meeting to make plans for Un F'N Sanctioned and Violent Valentine. Beef lobbied for this match: Hi-5 vs Team Checkmate. And he brought cupcakes."
"Yup. With Vanilla and chocolate icing spread to look like cow spots. And he made them with Splenda, so I could actually eat them, which was thoughtful."
"I don't believe this. You can get matches booked in this fed by bribing Manny with baked goods."
"To be fair, they were really good cupcakes. And he didn't bribe Manny."
"The Comissioner Andy Rosetti? Figures. That fat..."
"Actually, it was Paul. Andy's son. Beef talked him into convincing his father to book the match."
"I am disgusted."
"So, you planning on tanking the match?"
"Hell, no. I'm just trying to figure out if there is a way that I can make Bishop, Knight and Beef all tap all at the same time. And if my partner taps to me at the same time as my two opponents tap to me, do I still win the match."
"Interesting question. I have no idea, but good luck with that strategy."
"It won't be any different than any other Hi-5 match. Beef was always making jokes and I was the one doing all the hard work and winning the damn matches. This won't be any different. I am the only guy in the IWS to win a match despite having that Cow-obsessed goof ball as his partner and at Violent Valentine, I am just going to have to prove it all over again."
Monday, February 5th, 2007 EXesS' Next Victim... I Mean Opponent
After knocking off a Maritimes rookie and a gay magician, EXesS has turned his sights to a new challenge: Quebec indy joshi Stefany. For more info about Stefany consult her site: http://www.stefany.ca/
This is not intended to be a knock on Stefany, but it is striking that when EXesS decided to challenge a woman to wrestle that he bypassed Vanessa Kraven, Misty Haven and Kacey Diamond all of whom were voted into the list of Top 50 Quebec wrestlers alongside the men and headed right for a candidate who as much experience managing as wrestling...
Actually if I was Joey Soprano, I would start to get worried that EXesS might start looking in my direction.
Full Preview tomorrow or Thursday...
Violent Valentine Card to Date
IWS Title Match (Mystery Stipulation): "Paranoid" Jake Matthews vs. Champion Viking
IWS Tag Team Title match: Number One Contenders Rock N' Cock Express (Twiggy and Pornstar Juan) vs. Champions Mean and Green (Dru Onyx and the Green Phantom)
IWS Canadian Title Match Stupefied vs. Champion Dan Paysan
EXesS Open Challenge Match: EXesS vs. Stefany
Hi-5 (Beef Wellington & Kid Kamikaze) vs. Team Checkmate (Vhris Bishop & Lionel Knight)
The IWS presents: Violent Valentine, Saturday, February 17th, 2007 at Bogey’s World Bar & Billiard, 3250 Cremazie Est (corner of Cremazie and St-Michel near the St-Michel metro), Montreal, Quebec, CANADA. Doors open at 7:30pm, show starts at 8:30pm, tickets are $20 for VIP, $15 for Regular. 18+, card and times subject to change. For more information go to www.syndicatewrestling.com or e-mail Llakor@hotmail.com .
The IWS proudly presents: Un F’N Sanctioned, Saturday, March 24th, 2007, at the beautiful downtown Medley, 1170 St-Denis, near the Berri-UQAM Metro. Montreal, Quebec, CANADA. Already signed for Un F'N Sanctioned is "The Battle for 2.0" between tag partners Shane Matthews and Jagged. Doors open at 7:30 pm, show starts at 9 pm. VIP tickets are $30, Regular tickets are $25. VIP ticket holders admitted first. No reserved seating. Tickets can be purchased online FRIDAY, January 26th at http://www.ticketpro.ca or in person at the Medley box office or live at our next show Violent Valentine. 18+. Card and times subject to change. For more information go to www.syndicatewrestling.com or e-mail Llakor@hotmail.com .
It was done to emphasize something, but it sure wasn't her vanity. I doubt if any WWE performer would go to such lengths to emphasize a character. "Hey Molly, would you mind having some reverse liposuction surgery done on your ass?