I found my notes for Blood, Sweat and Beers that I never typed up due to illness, so I figured that I would write them up, partly as a Christmas gift for IWS fans and partly out of some weird obsessive need of mine to be complete.
Hardcore Ninjaz Defend Their Gold From “Golden” Team
In their stiffest challenge to date, the Hardcore Ninjaz retained their IWS tag team titles by defeating the super-team of Viking, the IWS champion and “Canadian Dynamite” Maxime Boyer, the number one contender to Viking’s title. The two IWS superstars had opportunities to win the tag gold, but a dispute over tactics cost Viking and Boyer their chance for victory. Boyer wanted to win cleanly, but Viking understood, certainly better than Boyer, that the only way to take the Ninjaz gold in a straight-up match would be to pry it out of their cold, dead fingers.
Blood, Sweat and Beers Saturday, September 30th, 2006 Bogey’s World, Montreal, Quebec, CANADA
Results – Quick and Dirty
Match#1: Missionaries of Violence (Sexxxy Eddy and Lufisto) vs. Team Checkmate (Lionel Knight and Chris Bishop) Team Checkmate beat the Missionaries of Violence in 15:06.
Match#2: Vanessa Kraven vs. Eric Lauze Vanessa Kraven pinned Eric Lauze after a power bomb at 4:02.
Match#3: Shayne Hawke vs. Kid Kamikaze Kid Kamikaze forced Shayne Hawke to tap to a Regal Stretch after 11:43.
Match#4: Fred la Merveille vs. Stupefied Stupefied pinned Fred with a surprise roll up for the win at 9:26.
Match#5: Handicap Match Rock and Cock Express (Twiggy and Pornstar Juan) vs. “Paranoid” Jake Matthews “Paranoid” Jake Matthews pinned Twiggy after 2:47.
Match#6: EXesS vs. Beef Wellington vs. Jimmy Stone Beef Wellington pinned Jimmy Stone after a flash E. Coli pile-driver for the win at 13:10
Match#7: IWS Canadian Title MatchPlayer Uno vs. Jagged Jagged pinned Player Uno to become the New IWS Canadian Champion at 11:27 (5th Champion)
Match#8: IWS Tag Team Title Match Max Boyer and Viking vs. The Hardcore Ninjaz The Hardcore Ninjaz defended their titles in 16:42.
At the start of the show, IWS owner PCP Crazy F’N Manny announced that he was appointing Joey Soprano as the new official voice of the IWS.
Blood, Sweat and Beers opened with a match to determine the number one contenders for the IWS tag team titles pitting crowd favourites the Missionaries of Violence against Ontario’s Team Checkmate. True to their name, Chris Bishop and Lionel Knight used superior strategy to gain control of the match whie Sexxxy Eddy’s failure to take the match seriously cost his team the contest, perhaps best illustrated by Eddy’s decision to throw Chris Bishop out of the ring and to take his place for Lufisto’s Bronco-Buster. Bishop and Knight combined to pin Eddy for the win at 15:06.
Despite being the number one contenders since this show, Team Checkmate has yet to actually wrestle for the IWS tag team titles. First denied due to a scheduling conflict which led them to tell IWS management that they would be unable to attend Born to Bleed. When they were able to wrestle at that show, they found that their title shot had been handed to Dru Onyx and the Green Phantom. Shortly afterwards, Chris Bishop and fellow UWA wrestler, Nick Watts, were involved in a serious car accident when a drunk driver rammed into their car. At this time, it is uncertain when Chris Bishop will be able to return to action and join his team-mate Lionel Knight to claim the tag team shot that they earned with this match.
Everyone at the IWS wishes Chris Bishop (and Nick Watts) a speedy recovery and a healthy return to the ring in 2007.
Despite recovering from a bicep injury - no doubt incurred during a strenous workout lifting a beer from the cup-holder of his La-Z-Boy to his lips - Carl Choquette came to the ring with his Above Standards partner, Eric Fauze, to declare an open challenge for anyone in the back to face Fauze. This brought out Kid Kamikaze… trying desperately to hold back Vanessa Kraven from kicking Fauze’s ass. His heart wasn’t really in it though and Double K stood aside for the beating to begin.
I will say this much for Above Standards: they did have a plan. It may even have been a good plan… only not against Vanessa Kraven. So, when Carl Choquette distracted - scratch that make it “induced nausea” - Vanessa Kraven by stripping(!) for her, allowing Eric Fauze to sneak up behind her and land the low blow… Well, the results were not quite what Above Standards were looking for. Of course the dynamic duo were so busy celebrating that they had no idea that their cunning low blow had had absolutely no effect… until Vanessa grabbed Fauze to knock him out cold with a massive power bomb for the win at 4:02.
Kid Kamikaze stayed at ring side to face his own challenger “American Idol” Shayne Hawke. It is a measure of how far Hawke has come that he was able to compete so effectively against the IWS’ technical wizard. In fact, Hawke’s surprising success caused quite some frustration for the Westmount Warrior. Unfortunately for Hawke, while he was able to compete against Double K, he wasn’t able to put him away either, and eventually Kid Kamikaze switched tactics from his usual submission style to a more hard-hitting approach appearing to deliver the knock-out blow with a top rope Sunset Flip. When Hawke kicked out of that, Double K went back to the submissions reversing Hawke's Tomahawke finisher into a Regal Stretch for the tap-out win at 11:43.
Fred la Merveille came to the ring for his match with Stupefied in his usual “Uncle Sam” gear, but his new Svengali, Max Boyer, was less than impressed, telling Fred that he looked like a clown and forbidding Fred from ever mangling the English language again, insisting that he should stick to a language that he can actually speak fluently like French. Boyer proceeded to force Fred to ditch his flag, his top hat, his pants, his cape, his shirt… even his whistle! Freed from this admittedly ridiculous get-up, Fred was able to take control of his match-up against IWS rookie, Stupefied, so much so that at various points he stole Joey Soprano’s microphone to narrate the beating that he was giving to the rookie. Unfortunately, professional wrestling matches are not won on points and when Fred defied Boyer by performing a victory dance before actually pinning Stupefied for the victory, Stupefied played possum until Fred was in EXACTLY the right position for a flash leverage roll-up for the pin at 9:26.
After the match, as punishment for being an idiot, Max Boyer forced Fred to perform ten push-ups. When Fred demonstrated that his push-up ability runs more towards Bill Murray in Stripes than Jack Palance at the Oscars, Max further humiliated Fred by completing ten push-ups (with a clap!) in the time that it took Fred to go from his eight push-up to his ninth.
Joey Soprano took advantage of his new position as the IWS ring announcer to call out Twiggy and Pornstar Juan. “I have been watching you guys and I have noticed that month after month you come out here and you gets your asses kicked. So, I decided to give you guys a chance, an opportunity to win a match. I am going to book you in a handicap match against some jobber that I ran into in the street. No not Iceberg, not even F.O.D., no you boys are going to have to face PARANOID JAKE MATTHEWS!”
Despite some impressive double-teaming, including a beautiful synchronised double drop-kick that Jake Matthews just shrugged off, the Rock and Cock Express never really had a chance in this match as Jake Matthews demonstrated by destroying Twiggy and Pornstar Juan with a chair before pinning Twiggy at 2:47.
Jimmy Stone found himself thrown in the middle of the feud between Beef Wellington and EXesS by his manager Joey Soprano. I suppose Soprano was figuring that it was a chance for Jimmy to make a name for himself by getting a quick vulture pin on an established IWS superstar – pinning EXesS after a Beef Wellington E.Coli or pinning Beef after he was stretched to the breaking point by an EXesS Stretch Muffler. Unfortunately for Jimmy, when you find yourself trapped in a game of Twisted Metal Chicken between Sweet Tooth and Outlaw, there is no safe place to be. Frequently, Jimmy found himself to be the collateral damage of the Beef EXesS feud, like when EXesS flipped Beef off the top rope through a table that Jimmy Stone was propped on. EXesS was poised to win the match with the Strecth Muffler, but before Beef tapped, Jimmy intervened with a chair. For saving Beef from the humiliation of a tap=out loss, Jimmy’s reward was to be dropped on his head with the E.Coli and the pin-fall victory for Beef Wellington at 13:10.
For his latest defence of his IWS Canadian title, Player Uno unveiled snazzy new duds inspired by his idol - a certain goomba plumber with a taste for blue and gold overalls. Normally a new outfit is a guarantee that a wrestler will win a match, but unfortunately Uno was facing the team that breaks all the rules, 2.0, wrestling Jagged while the injured Shane Matthews cheered on from ring side. Demonstrating the newfound vicious streak that won him the belt in the first place, Uno built a sick twisted chair fort including for extra damage an original eight bit Nintendo console and a number of chunky original Nintendo accessories, but Jagged reversed Uno off the top rope into the chair fort. Fortunately, Uno was able to push reset in enough time to avoid the pin, but he was unable to avoid a chair wielding maniac, namely Shane Matthews who decided that Jagged was going to be the IWS Canadian Champion and nothing and no one was going to stop his partner from getting that belt. Jagged formalized the victory by pinning the still twitching corpse of Uno at 11:27.
On paper, Viking and Max Boyer should be a formidable team, perhaps more than the Hardcore Ninajz could handle. Unfortunately, Boyer wanted to win the IWS tag team titles clean, while Viking knew that beating the Ninjaz would take hardcore action, like punching a chair into Hardcore Ninja Number One’s face or wielding a barbed-wire chair. The Ninjaz, like the well-oiled machine that they are, did not have a similar dispute of tactics. All it took was a moment's miscommunication... and an errant chair-shot by Viking that floored his own partner, Boyer, when it was ducked. The Ninjaz took quick advantage with Hardcore Ninja Number One rolling up Boyer for the pin at 16:12, while the Evil Ninja cleared Viking from the ring with a super-kick.
After the match, “Paranoid” Jake Matthews ambushed Boyer and Viking at PCP Crazy F’N Manny’s urging. Matthews concentrated his attack on the IWS champion, striking Viking with his shovel and with light tubes. Manny announced that at Born to Bleed, Viking would have to defend his IWS title against “Paranoid” Jake Matthews.
(edited by Llakor on 26.12.06 1158)
(edited by Llakor on 26.12.06 1218) "Don't Blame CANADA, Blame Yourselves!"
Yea I'd say this whole angle is more a parody than anything. Almost reminds me of the old SNL Chris Rock black power sketch. Sure its a bit offensive but thats the point, and people who get it and aren't easily offended will just laugh.