-Matt Hardy defeats Gregory Helms. Really good opening match. I was surprised it ended up getting close to 15 minutes. The opening matches on the last 2 WWE PPV's have been pretty solid, and both featured a Hardy brother. Go figure.
-London and Kendrick beat KC James and Idol Stevens to retain the tag team titles. Good albeit short little tag match. I actually thought the rookies were going to win since that's usually the case with rookie, heel tag teams in the WWE. Oh well, decent match, around 9-10 minutes.
-MVP beats a jobber in a boring squash. I don't really watch Smackdown so I'm not sure what the deal is with MVP, except that he ripped off 2 Cold Scorpio/Flash Funk's gear.
-Ken Kennedy defeated the Undertaker via DQ. Usual Taker vs. smaller guy job. Match goes about 20 minutes then Taker ends it after hitting Kennedy with the US title belt he brings into the ring. Then demolishes Kennedy and the innocent Charlie Robinson with tombstones. I dunno, I really hated the Undertaker after this match. Match didn't particularly wow me, and all it really did in the end was make me intensely dislike the Undertaker. Retarded finish.
-Rey defeated Chavo in a falls count anywhere match. Good God, they've made Vickie Guerrero a WWE diva. And her dress code reminds me of Stephanie McMahon circa 2000. This shit is just really disgusting what they are doing here. I can't believe they are still doing it and Vicki is even participating. What the hell is she doing out there? Ugh, just ugh.
-Benoit defeated William Regal. Nice surprise. Inside I hoped it was Benoit, but outwardly I was thinking Vito or Turkay. But I'm happy it was Benoit. Easily match of the night and it got a good amount of time. However, there was no reasonable doubt on who would win. Regal has lost almost every single match he's had against Benoit in the WWE I believe. Replay on their Velocity US title match from last year, dragon suplex and Benoit hooks on the crossface for the tap-out victory. I hope Benoit will do something truly meaningful now that he's back. Like a world title feud with King Booker. Please don't mix him up in this Eddie Guerrero crap.
-Booker T wins the Fatal 4-way match after pinning Batista. Finlay really shined the most here, when he was just dominating and beating up everyone in sight. Batista and Lashley on the other hand? They looked like crap. Especially Batista, who can't even do a proper clothesline or spinebuster anymore. This match I think was made to protect them both, but they really just looked exposed. Fun match, but nothing earth shattering.
I watched the event at a wings place in Houston. Usually these are more packed and fun for the PPV's, but not tonight. It was pretty dead save Benoit's return and the stripper segment. Go figure.
I just got back from the RBC Center. Here's a few quick notes.
In the dark match, Jimmy Wang Yang beat Sylvan. It might just be because it was the first match of the night, but Wang was suprisingly over. Quick, okay match, which ended with Yang hitting Sylvan with a moonsault.
The crowd was FILLED with lots of hispanics there to see Rey Mysterio. Even though most of the crowd couldn't see a thing that was going on during the Mysterio/Chavo match, they were still going crazy the whole way through.
The crowd was pretty enthusiastic about the first couple of matches, but the stripper followed by MVP did a great job of killing them. Thankfully, they woke back up for Undertaker.
After William Regal made it to the ring, for a split second, Chris Benoit's name appeared on the big-screen, before quickly being taken down. However, everyone saw it, popped, and it sort of ruined the suprise (although, the crowd still popped for Benoit's appearance anyway).
Thumbs up (sort of in between up and middle, but there was enough good on the show to merit a thumbs up... although, there was too much man-ass on this show) Best match: Chris Benoit v. William Regal Worst match: MVP v. Marty Garner
Oh, and I missed it on the big-screen, but apparantly, William Regal's penis made it's PPV debut. I will tell my grand-children that I was in attendance.
I was writing this up to start a thread about it, but one was made while I was writing. So I'll post this in that thread. Sorry if I'm rehashing things, but I don't want it to go to waste.
It's almost like No Mercy was the William Regal show. He was all over the show, with at one point a bit too much of him being shown. Anyway, results..
Matt Hardy d. Gregory Helms (pin)
Good, back and forth match between the two hometown boys. Helms hit a trifecta of his arm-trapping reverse DDT to no avail, and Hardy followed up with three Side Effects. Hardy blocked the low blow to win via Twist of Fate.
Backstage, King Booker sends his one remaining loyal subject, Sir William Regal, on a mission to find Finlay and talk him out of fighting in the main event. Regal swears to get the job done.
Paul London and Brian Kendrick d. Idol Stevens and K.C. James (pin)
London and Kendrick with the early advantage, until London goes splat in London fashion, allowing Stevens and James to dominate. The future Mrs. Layfield, Michelle McCool, has a wardrobe malfunction apparently, if JBL is to be believed. Kendrick cleans house on the hot tag, but is nailed with a Bossman Slam backbreaker. He barely kicks out in time. With Ashley taking out Michelle on the outside, London and Kendrick double-team for the win, hitting the Sliced Bread #2 followed by a running Shooting Star Press (Northern Light, as called by JBL) by London off Kendrick's back.
Backstage, Regal searches for Finlay. He's distracted by Vito skipping rope. Ever eager to help, Regal shows him how it's done, taking the skipping rope and jumping in tune to "London Bridge". Vito flashes his thong, much to Regal's dismay, and he turns to flee but trips over a catering cart, spilling catsup and mustard all over himself. Hilarity ensues.
Teddy Long throws a birthday bash for the Miz, inviting Layla out to give him a lapdance. But, once she blindfolds him, the fat male stripper (Big Dick Johnson, apparently) gives him the dance instead.
MVP d. Marty Garner (pin)
If you're asking who Marty Garner is, you're right to ask. They found the smallest, scrawniest jobber they could to feed to MVP, who barely broke a sweat, but also didn't show much. JBL and Cole were on his case all match talking about how he's hype and no substance, while the crowd chanted "Power Ranger" due to his.. unique ring attire.
Backstage, William Regal gets out of the shower (the towel being just a little slow to wrap around him.. does that make up for the McCool slip earlier?), only to be tormented by Vito in the lockerroom. The naked Regal runs out into the hallway and frightens people, leading Teddy Long to discipline him by booking him in a match later.
Ken Kennedy d. Undertaker (DQ)
A slow-boiling match that built up as it went. Undertaker worked over Kennedy's arm early, as Kennedy tried stall tactics to escape. Kennedy finally took advantage with a piledriver (!) to soften up Taker and get to work. In the end, an exposed turnbuckle shot and the Kenton Bomb were only enough for a 2 count, but Undertaker lost his cool and hit Kennedy with his US Title (which Kennedy brought into the ring) for the DQ. Kennedy and referee Charles Robinson both got Tombstones for their trouble.
Rey Mysterio d. Chavo Guerrero (pin)
A Falls Count Anywhere match where they spilled to the outside early, and spent most of the match brawling through the crowd. While everything from the second half on was on concrete, and that has to be taken into consideration, the match seemed tentative to me. Maybe I just have trouble buying Rey and Chavo as brawlers? Finish came with a 619 around a guard-rail, followed by a crossbody from the stands to an aisle in the arena.
William Regal was out next for his match, but against who?
Chris Benoit d. William Regal (submission)
Yep, Benoit's back. This was the usual Benoit/Regal match. Meaning, it was a very good match with lots of mat wrestling, some stiff shots to the face that bloodied both men, several suplexes, and the finish of Dragon Suplex > Crossface that they've done ever since the Pillman memorial show. At one point, Benoit started chopping Regal in the face in the corner. They left it all in the ring, and Benoit got a nice ovation afterwards.
Backstage, King Booker found Regal and asked him about Finlay. Regal tried to explain what had happened, when Finlay approached on his own, and said he was here to fight, and take the World Championship. Booker tore into Regal for failing and slapped him, leading the bloody, battered Regal to counter with a left hand to drop his King. Looks like that's it for the King's Court.
King Booker d. Batista, Lashley and Finlay (pin)
Finlay and Booker worked together for the early part of the match, until Finlay turned on Booker. From that point, it was every man for himself. The leprechaun interfered with a low blow on Lashley, leading to a Shilleleigh shot for a near fall by Finlay. In the end, Batista doled out spinebusters to everyone, and got the Batista Bomb on Finlay, only for Lashley to spear him. This gave enough time for King Booker to crawl over to Finlay and make the cover for the win, to escape with his title.
Overall, not a bad show. Benoit/Regal was a neat bonus, though the MVP debut was completely underwhelming (and deliberately so). Will they go anywhere with Regal from here, or without the King's Court, is he going to drop back into obscurity?
Marty Garner, as it turns out, is the same jobber that HHH nearly (unintentionally) murdered with a pedigree a few years back. Garner had thought HHH was doing a double underhook suplex, and jumped into the move, which caused HHH to spike the guy hard right about the head and neck.
Quite a poor choice for MVP's mystery opponent. Though it seems like maybe WWE's intention for MVP is to dress him in Flash Funk's ring attire, and combine it with Lance Storm's boring gimmick...
I don't think this is going to get him over at all.
Looks like WWE is already covering their asses over Little William's PPV debut. This is kind of funny on the same PPV that featured a fat guy in a thong, but c'est la vie.
Scene: Mark DeRosa's brain. The year is 2005. Part of Mark DeRosa's brain: Come on, another position change? One day it's second base, the next day right field, now it's third? Why, I oughta go into Buck's office and throw his talking fish on the floor! Other part of Mark DeRosa's brain: Hold on, other part of the brain. We're making $500,000 this year. Last year we made $725,000. All for playing a damn kids' game. This is, as they say in Brainland, a no-"us"-er. We're not going to complain. Part of Mark DeRosa's brain: You're right, dude. Let's go back to looking at this crazy porn Teixeira gave us!
I went over the backstage segments in my recap above. After having condiments spilled all over him, the next backstage segment had Regal emerging from the shower in the locker room. When he came out he was tying a towel around his waist, but he didn't quite get it right at first. This led to a bit more exposure than we needed to see for a second or two before he tied it on properly.
It was really very brief, a 'blink and you missed it' thing. But apparently, by the apology, it really did happen and my eyes weren't fooling me.
World Wrestling Entertainment would like to apologize to anyone who watched WWE No Mercy and was offended by the William Regal locker room incident. Conduct of this kind is unacceptable in a family-friendly environment, and WWE accepts full responsibility. Nudity of any kind, even in a live television environment, is offensive to our audience and to the reputation of our company.
So, nudity of any kind is not acceptable in WWE? Well, I guess it's a good thing they're not building an entire episode of television on Tuesday around that exact premise. Oh.
I can't believe that Kennedy gives the strongest promo of his career just a few days ago and then, at the match, they proceed to kill his finisher and go with a cheap DQ finish. I know I should know better by now, but I'm still stunned.
I may catch some flak for this, but the MVP character is genius! The T.O. gimmick is practically a can't-miss. If he dazzles everyone in the ring, he gets over on being annoyingly cocky and people will pay money to see someone shut him up. If he sucks in the ring (and it looks like he does), he gets painted as an overpaid athlete with all flash and no substance and people will STILL pay money to see someone shut him up. It's brilliant! The only way it can miss is if the guy HIMSELF is boring as hell. Unfortunately, that looks to be the case here. What a waste.
TEN YEARS AGO IN WRESTLING HISTORY: OCTOBER 1996 WWF: Mankind d. Undertaker in the first ever Buried Alive match at...WWF Buried Alive. Also, Steve Austin continued his efforts to bring Bret Hart back to the ring by turning on Brian Pillman, shattering his ankle in what to this day is known as "Pillmanizing".
WCW: Hulk Hogan d. Randy Savage in a main event no one cared about, but Roddy Piper came out immediately after to end Halloween Havoc with a bang. The Outsiders won their first WCW Tag Team titles by beating Harlem Heat.
Who exactly did Al Wilson piss off on the WWF writing staff to have all of these indignities (the wisecracks by Taz and Cole, the chicken outfit, his underwear, literally being "booked to death") heaped upon him?