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The W - CRZ's World - ECW #6 18.7.6
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CRZ
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#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.13
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This week's show was bumped back an hour to accommodate two 2hr season premieres. PICK ONE OF: (a) It's always a good sign when they pre-empt the show six weeks in (b) I'm sure they knew about this scheduling way ahead of time - perhaps even before they started this series.

They also say it'll be JUST 60 minutes tonight. We'll see if THAT's true or not.

CABLE GUIDE: Who can stop the ECW champion, the Big Show? (L) TV-14.(just in case you were wondering how far ahead they'd booked The Undertaker in tonight's main event - well, not too far ahead, apparently)


2.2

Let Us Take You Back to Saturday Night's Main Event When Undertaker appeared while Big Show was talking to Great Khali, for what reason I cannot say (because I have no idea) but the upshot is: The Big Show - The Undertaker - The ECW World Title - TONIGHT! - on ECW!

LET THE NUMBER OF AVAILABLE ECW PERFORMERS HIT THE FLOOR

TV-14-DLSV Coming to you LIVE from the Unnamed Arena in Corpus Christi, TX and SAP transmitido en espanol, this is ECW on SciFi #6, 18.7.6 and without fanfare, introduction or ballyhoo we immediately kick off with KELLY'S EXPOSE. This week they're good enough to provide a graphic letting you know that the song you're not paying attention to is "Chelsea" by Stefy (myspace.com) on Wind-Up Records, available August 29th (or much sooner, if you buy the "John Tucker Must Die" soundtrack (The W at Amazon), which came out today). Kelly very awkwardly .... we'll say "dances" just long enough for MIKE KNOX to come out and take her hand, and they walk to the ring. Hearing Tazz say "This is getting redundant!" and probably mean something other than what I'M thinking is good for a larf. Let's take a quick look at JOEY STYLES & TAZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Kelly continues to wave to the crowd while Knox grabs THE STICK. You can almost see her forget she's supposed to be waving to the crowd, then turn away and start waving again, so Knox can pull her back around. "Kelly...because of your desire to be a...exhibitionist...I want you to watch, and see what happened to me last week because of you." Let Us Take You Back to Last Week - Candice, towel, cane, Sandman, thumbs down, whack, whack, whack - no, that wasn't me getting excited by the "dancing," it was Sandman caning Knox. Back to live "action." "Kelly...you will NEVER take your clothes off in public again." Hey, he's a heel! Kelly feigns protestation - or brushes her hair back several times, you make the call. "I want you to get in my corner - right there. Get in the corner. You watch. You watch...and see what I'm gonna do to The Sandman."

MIKE KNOX (Phoenix, AZ - 260 pounds) v. THE SANDMAN (approaching the ring) in an Extreme Rules match - Sandy has a big flight of stairs to walk down on his way to the match; we'll see if this affects his cardiovascular performance later in the match. I would speculate that he might be feeling it near the twenty minute mark. Beer me! Can crushed on the forehead - yes, he is now bleeding. Nice tightrope walk of the barrier - this means that Jeff Hardy isn't nearly as cool as we thought he was back when HE did it. Beer in the back pocket - beer me! Sounds like a pool game. Man, I am chock full of useless crap when what I SHOULD be talking about is the fact that that entrance music REALLLLLLLY SUUUUUUUCKS. Graphic tells me this is an Extreme Rules match - so either I missed the announcement earlier, or they just forgot to MAKE the announcement earlier. Hey, I'll go back and check. Nope, they forgot to announce it. That's gotta be really confusing for the live crowd! Ha ha ha. Sandman has actually made it about 2/3s around the ring walking only on the barrier, which is pretty cool. Now getting in the ring and we're on - Knox is quickly on him before he can do anything. Seven or eight rights by Knox. Stomp. Picks him up - right hand. And...a right. What a variety of offensive moves! Sandman elbows, elbow, elbow Knox to the eyes. Sandman outside, Knox follows. Sandman, meet the announce table. Sandman with an elbow, another shot. Knox reverses a whip and Sandman lands on the barrier. Knox with an elbowdrop on the floor, another, another. Let's take a Double Feature of the whip - Sandman almost doing a headstand when he lands against the barrier. Knox with the cable choke. Kelly's still there. Sandman put back in - elbow by Sandman, whip, reversed, Sandman in the corner, but Sandman gets the boot up. Bulldog out by the Sandman! Right hand! Right hand! Knox rolls out, Sandman goes for the cane and goes out. Thumbs up? Thumbs down! That's Batista's move, by the way. OH NO HE CANED KELLY. Back in the ring - Knox right, kick in the balls, kick in the balls, shoots the half, 1, 2, 3. Your winner is Mike Knox - but at what cost? (2:38) Knox walks backstage, leaving Kelly vacant and out at ringside. Sandman's balls hurt! By the way, ref was Mickie Jenson, making you wonder just what the heck a RAW ref is doing working this show. The answer, of course, is he's been promoted/demoted (wwe.com). Let's take some replays of Knox pulling Kelly in harm's way. Crowd opts for "HOLY SHIT!" instead of the more apropos "SHE'S HARDCORE!" As the MEDICS, TRAINER and backboard come out, let's all enjoy a few more sneak peeks at Kelly's cameltoe.

TONIGHT: WORLD TITLE - UNDERTAKER VS BIG SHOW

And now, a Great American Bash promo - it's Sunday and you can pay for it. King Booker will be taking on Rey Mysterio for the World Heavyweight Championship!

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2.1

To Be A Superhero?"

NEXT MONDAY: Believe it or not, there WILL be an episode of RAW! The McMahons will be there! The Diva Search contestants will be there! Hopefully, there will also be a reason for us to actually TUNE IN!

Let's take another look at "THE REJECT" SHANNON MOORE and his crazy outfit. Of course! THE REJECT! It's THE PERFECT GIMMICK!

MOMENTS AGO: Do not adjust your set - Sandman really DID cane Kelly

DURING COMMERCIAL: Kelly went out on the stretcher - but not before taking off her top! (No, dumbass, she didn't really take off her top. She was *unconscious*)

And now, PAUL HEYMAN, along with HIS VERSION OF THE S1W and presumably neither of those guys underneath the riot helmets are Brian Lee, but we shall see. (For those of you paying close attention, I made this joke LAST week, but I'm nothing if not repetitive. Also, I tend to repeat myself.) "My children...you ALL must drink the Kool-Aid from the same glass. I thought I told you last week how YOU caused me to make sure that Rob van Dam lost the ECW World title to the Big Show! See, I don't get this. I thought I explained to you last week how it's your fault that I had to suspend Rob van Dam for thirty days for his own well-being. And yet still, I stand here tonight, and I sense more than a little confusion. Now I understand, my children, how difficult it must be for you to keep up with my superior intellect. But I have educated you in the past, and I promise you, I will--" The sound of "Ripoff of Man in the Box" means TOMMY DREAMER is in the mood for interruptin'. Touching seeing Dreamer slap hands with the small children at ringside, isn't it? The security advances, batons at the ready...but Heyman holds them back. Mic offered to Dreamer, and accepted. "I have been with you since the beginning of ECW, and no matter what happened, or what was going on, I watched you prove so many different people wrong. I never demanded anything from you. Not for me - because right or wrong, Paul, I always had your back. But everyone in the locker room - they are confused. You are way out there, Paul. Please, man - I'm your friend. For all the people that stood by you, that bled for you, and sacrificed each and every thing they had for you, you OWE that locker room an explanation. And most importantly, you OWE each and every one of these people that supported YOU and ECW an explanation! Please, man - please. What the hell is going on with you?" Pass the mic. (They can only afford one mic, see.) So Paul...kisses Dreamer full on the lips! I didn't make that up, I swear. I'm guessing that's one of those Catholic things. From nowhere comes the Wotsitolla Boot of TEST, flush on Dreamer's face. While Heyman and the squad leave to Heyman/ECW's theme, Test circles Dreamer a few times. Now picked up - and there's Test's whirlybird version of the F5 neckbreaker. Play HIS music! Is Test doing Heyman's bidding? (You think?)

Let's take a quick and graphical tale of the tape:
UNDERTAKER: 6' 10 1/2", 305 lbs, Death Valley, Last Ride, 4 time WWE Champion & 14-0 at WrestleMania
BIG SHOW: 7'0", 507 lbs, Tampa, FL, chokeslam, first man ever to hold WWE, WCW & ECW Championships

UP NEXT: SABU in ACTION!

Let's just take a quick gander at the 3x3 grid making up the intro to the ECW ticket sales promo. Sandman, Kelly, Big Show / Sabu, Big Show, Mike Knox / Big Show, Kurt Angle, Sabu - boy, what a deep, deep roster they are demonstrating they have. Anyway, if you've got money to burn and you're in the neighborhood of Muskegon (22nd), Saginaw (23rd), Durham (29th), Fitchburg (30th), or the Manhattan Center (1st), why not check out ECW - LIVE? By the way, I may complain about the lack of diversity in the first shot of this promo, but that still doesn't mean I won't ALSO complain about the fact that they still include that clip of Superstar Steve Austin attacking Sandman while Woman looks on

AD BREAK: "Dragon Dynasty,"a SciFi Pictures Original, brought to you by 7UP
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Burger King (midgets are hilarious - except to other midgets) and the BK Stacker
Hydroxycut (hmm, two "weight loss pills" ads in an hour - man, must be a bunch of gullible fatties watching this show, I guess)
"Girls Gone Wild: Ultimate Rush and First Timers"
Vonage
hotels.com

You know, the sad thing is the first search engine hits I get for these things are invariably "Girls Gone Wild" or Kelly's Expose. SOMEBODY is interested in this stuff - just, not enough to watch the show. Also, I'm stacking the deck by using the phrase "Girls Gone Wild" a few extra times

Great American Bash promo - Punjabi prison match!

There's the U.S.S. Lexington, on the Gulf of Mexico! And there's the....building! Must I look EVERYTHING up? Okay, apparently it's the American Bank Center. If I'm wrong, don't let me know. I don't care, you don't care, nobody cares. Why am I still up?

"What makes me extreme? You try going through life with the name BALLS MAHONEY, and try to fit into society. I can't - I won't! And I don't want to! I'm a knucklehead - but I like to go all out. Kill or be killed! And I have no regrets the next day as long as I give it my all. I may be a but nuts (laughs) but I like myself that way...'cause I'm Balls Mahoney." I should mention that the song playing during this promo is NOT "Big Balls" because it's a very spiteful, cynical thing of me to say

SABU (introducing first) v. STEVEN RICHARDS (Philadelphia, PA - 235 pounds) - the big screen says "Steven," the graphic says "Steven," Roberts says "Stevie," let's call the whole thing off. Let Us Take You Back to Saturday, where the chairs were flying during the Extreme Rules match 'twixt these two. Also, Sabu pointed to the sky. Hopefully, they'll tell us soon whether tonight's rematch is also Extreme Rules - oh, of course it's not. Sabu shoots....and misses. Hiplock takeover by Richards - and he applauds himself.
2.0

Lockup, Richards sent into the ropes, but hits the shoulderblock. Into the ropes, dueling hiptosses, Sabu rolls him up for 2. There's another schoolboy for 2, and Sabu goes to the leg lace. I think you can really tell how well this "Extreme Rules/No Extreme Rules" thing is getting over by listening to the crowd chanting for TABLES. Richards grabs the rope. Sabu points to the sky. Lockup, side headlock by Sabu, into the corner. Richards with a right as referee Mike Posey tries to separate them. Right, right, slap, into the opposite corner is reversed, but Richards gets the elbow up. Sabu sent shoulder first into the corner. Takeover, leg is hooked, Richards with 2. Stomp, stomp, stomp. Has the armbar while sitting on him. Sabu makes his way out, right hand, right, right, Richards wrenches on the armbar. Sabu back to his feet, right, right, right, rgiht, breaks it, Richards slaps, right, into the ropes, reversed and Richards goes into the corner, Sabu off the ropes with a clothesline. Sabu with a right, leg lariat. Into the ropes is reversed, Sabu ducks, baseball slide dropkick takes Richards off his feet. Sabu with a guillotine flip over the ropes into the ring. 1, 2, no! Sabu springs off the ropes and into a nice DDT. Camel clutch applied! Richards taps out. Nice knowin' ya. (3:14) Sabu chases Posey away and shows off his...giant nail. Replay of the DDT and camel clutch.

As we look at a tattooed arm, heartrates all over the smark community go up just a little bit faster. "So what qualifies me to be here in ECW? Brazilian Jiu-jitsu. Muay Thai kickboxing. Kempo (kempo.org) karate. And the most regimented discipline of all...wrestling. See, I've trained extensively all over the world, and it's time everybody finds out exactly how disciplined I am while competing here with the best. Except I'm also disciplined enough to savour the anticipation of my debut. MY name is C.M. PUNK." I think we can assume that the music playing behind him is what will take him to the ring....IF that ever happens. THEN, boy...THEN we can ALL be disappointed TOGETHER

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The 2006 Diva Search features the sexiest blah blah blah win $2500 by spending $9.90 a week (or for free on wwe.com)

"Some will do ANYTHING not to relive the past. For some, it's easy to look into the future. ARIEL, what does the future hold for the Big Show's title reign?" "Look at that - it's the Death card." And the vampire dude (he's the guy who spoke first back there) pulls back her hair and shows us the red splotches on her neck. This is what the kids are into these days, huh? By the way - "Some will do ANYTHING no to relive the past" - I think he's referring to the people booking ECW in 2006, yuk yuk yuk...

Commentators are suitably befuddled, then quickly turn to "literally the biggest main event in ECW history" - come on, they've had some tag team matches as the main event. Here's a pastiche of video clips of Big Show beating up people in previous weeks - mostly Tommy Dreamer. Here's how he won the title - who IS that guy he's pinning, anyway? And now clips from last week's Extreme Rules match with Ric Flair. WELL.....

WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW (7 feet tall, 507 pounds, current ECW World Heavyweight Champion) v. AD BREAK for the ECW World Heavyweight Championship - Ad break wins. GOOD NIGHT

Great American Bash ad - Rey Mysterio vs. King Booker (again). Presumably, the Batista/Henry ad got pulled, but the question is: would it have aired HERE...or back THERE?

AD BREAK: "WWE RAW" on USA
TAG Wild Card
Burger King's BK Stackers (geez, these are airing TOTALLY out of continuity order tonight - and nobody cares but me)
Accelis (again)
Verizon Wireless (again)
SciFi image spot

2.0

Bowflex

We have killed a LOT of time. Let's burn off some more with Taker's entrance...

ECW WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP: BIG SHOW (Champion - ready for action) v. THE UNDERTAKER (Challenger - Death Valley, 305 pounds) - why yes, Take DID get a Smackdown graphic. Of course, these ECW fans are OUTRAGED that Undertaker would ever appear in THEIR ring - oh, wait, the ECW fans hopefully gave up on THIS "ECW" weeks ago. Taker does that trick with the lights - that even works here! Referee is (again) Mickie Jenson - he displays the belt. Styles proclaims this match "a WrestleMania quality main event." That MAY be overstating the case. We are finally underway. Lockup, to the corner, Taker tries to power out, Show shoves him back in, back elbow, right, right, back elbow. Taker to an adjacent corner. Show right, right, right, right, right, kick, kick. While this goes on, the crawl reminds us of the ECW shows coming during the next seven. Take to the opposite corner. Kick by Taker, right, kick, kick, kick, trying to chop down the big tree, but well it's a big headbutt. Stomp, stomp. Foot on the throat. Taker fires back - but eats a headbutt. Show with the slap, Taker right, both men simultaneously, about eight of those, Show's headbutt stops it. Yes, Styles just proclaimed Taker "one of the most prolific strikers in the history of sports entertainment." Write THAT one down. Taker shot into the corner - but he gets the boot up to meet Show as he charges in! Taker off the ropes, off the ropes, clothesline! Show is still up. Another clothesline off the ropes - Show STILL up. Off the ropes - and into a big boot from Show - and TAKER goes down. But Show is down on one knee. Double Feature replay of the - well, medium boot. Show clotheslines Taker out of the ring and - yes - that's our cue to take our final

AD BREAK: Hydroxycut (again)
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(local) HOM Furniture
SciFi's "Eureka" - the GREATEST new series of ALL TIME, if these selected quotes are to be believed - catch the premiere NEXT!SciFi image spot

When we return, Taker is on the apron - right, drops down to the floor, putting Show's throat to the ropes! During the Commercial, Double Feature shows Show putting Taker's spine into the post - oops, but Taker's in command now so forget about it. Right, right, right, off the ropes but eats a big spearalike to the gut. Show covers - 1, 2, no! Replay of the solitary spear. Well it's a big right. Another right. Taker fires back with a right, right, Show right, Taker right, kicks the knee, kicks, kick, TAKER with a headbutt of his own - but it looked to hurt him as well, and Show has no problem countering and connecting with another clothesline. Say, is this match Extreme Rules? Did they say? I guess not. Show with a paw on Taker, and he falls through the ropes out of the ring. Show is out after him. Show thinks about it, but then eschews the headbutt in favour of putting Taker's skull to the STEEL steps. Show in to break the count (ha ha!) and back out. Taker tries a...leaping something? I guess it was a back elbow, 'cause there's another one. Show back in the ring - Taker positions him across the apron. Running boot to the head! Taker rolls back in as we take a replay of the boot. Yeah, we're not looking for QUALITY stuff for the replays in THIS match. Taker again kicking at the hamstring, kick, kick, but Show comes right back with a forearm in the back. Well it's a big headbutt. But Taker has a leg - he's going for that crazy mixed martial artist stuff!! Show on his other knee, but you can tell he's not gonna give up on THAT. Show turns and grabs the bottom rope, and Taker breaks the legbar. Taker stomps on the knee one more time. Head to the buckle is blocked - Show puts Taker's head to the buckle instead. Well it's a big right. Right, right, right, right, right, right, stomp, stomp, stomp. ECW crowd chanting for Taker - yeah, that makes sense. Well it's a big right, Taker back with a right off the ropes, Show, Taker, Show, Taker, Show, Taker, Show, Taker, Taker, Taker, Taker, Taker, Taker, Taker, Taker, Taker, left, Taker, has a choke (!) but Show ain't down with that. Meanwhile, Henson is counting to 5 - now trying to get in there and physically break it up - Taker breaks and goes after HIM instead.
2.3

Thinking better of it, Taker turns back...and right into a gutshot from Show. Into the opposite corner, but Show eats a boot. Show with a try at a chop block, kicks the knee, off the ropes, DDT! Show is DOWN! Taker covers - 1, 2, nooo Show kicks out. I'm expecting Khali at any time now - maybe you are too. Show propped up in the corner - Taker building up a head of steam - and landing the clothesline! Taker with an arm wringer - and now going up to the top for old school - but Show, with a punch, crotches him on top with the obvious, yet rare, counter. Show on the attack - right, right, well it's a big headbutt, climbing up (!) - Show on the second rope!! Got his arm over the shoulder - and well there's the big SUPERPLEX!! Amazingly, the ring does not break. Both men down - now Show manages a hand over Taker - 1, 2, ZOMBIE SITUP! Taker AGAIN has the choke...but now Show ALSO has a choke! Taker BREAKS Show's choke up - going for his slam but Show manages a back elbow before he can try it. Show with another big knee (while telegraphing a headbutt - did their signals get crossed?). Show with an expletive - pulling up Taker by the hair - GOT THE COBRA CLUTCH! Taker climbs the corner to try to escape - Show's arms aren't THAT long - and now, somehow, turns this into old school, coming off the top rope with the arm to the back! Big boot to the face puts Show outside and *NOW* GREAT KHALI is walking to the ring. DAIVARI is back there somewhere, too. Taker out to meet him - right, right, head to the barrier, head to the STEEL steps (sorta - this was a rather egregious miss by Khali) but now Show is back and lands a forearm to the back. Khali with a kick - so I think you can call for the disqualification now, Taker tries a kick but Show is also there with (get this) a big headbutt, while Khali attempts to connect with what I'll generously call a punch. Taker Really, shouldn't someone have called for the bell? Ah, there it is. (DQ? 13:53) Taker decides, what the hell, and grabs a chair. He may or may not have connected with Khali's shoulder, Khali's head, and I DEFINITELY heard the WHACK when he landed on Show's back. There's a definite shot for Khali's head. Taker goes to work clearing the commentary table of monitors. Choke for Show...and Khali manages some sort of blow to Taker's back. DOUBLE choke on Taker - and Taker is put through the commentary table! Khali stands over Taker and poses (and yells), while Daivari points. Let's take a replay of Khali's forearm to the back - so THAT'S what it was! - and the double chokeslam through the table. Khali with a foot on the chest and two arms in the air as we get the WWE copyright notice...

NEXT WEEK: The new breed returns to its regular time and the house of hardcore will be ...did he say "unleaved?" Is that even a word?

Well, sure enough it's 11:05. Thanks SciFi schedule man

Shoulda slept.



(edited by CRZ on 20.7.06 1657)

CRZ
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Since: 2.1.02

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#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.81
I actually thought Taker was going to bust out some hardcore for us. This show has become what I always thought Sunday Night Heat should have been.
tomk
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Since: 30.7.02

Since last post: 2492 days
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#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.82
AW man forget Brian Lee the S1W joke is the funniest thing here, as Paul Heyman surrounded by step dancers in uniform would get me to watch.
thecubsfan
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Since: 10.12.01
From: Aurora, IL

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#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 10.00
Is the person planning the matches the same as the one laying out the non-match bits? Didn't understand at all why we got Balls and Punk and (other) Punk and Vampire irrelevant (to this show) vignettes, and yet when they're pushing "Stevie said [x]" for the Stevie/Sabu match, there wasn't 15 seconds to spare for us to hear Stevie actually say those things instead of relying on Joey. It doesn't seem out of Stevie's reach to cut a "I'm a wrestler, not a hardcore barbarian" promo, but I guess it was out of their reach to accomdate it.



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Since: 9.12.01
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#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.13
Ratings are in! But only the overalls. I wonder if Nielsen had started to notice that the quarters had been creeping out for the last five weeks...

OBSERVER SAID: 2.1
TORCH SAID: 2.1
SCHERER SAID: 2.2

I'll go with the majority. ;-)



CRZ
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Since: 11.12.01
From: Catlin IL

Since last post: 144 days
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#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.05

Did you say Girls Gone Wild?



As of 2/28/05: 101 pounds since December 7, 2004
OFFICIAL THREE-MONTH COUNT: 112 pounds on March 9, 2005
OFFICIAL SIX-MONTH COUNT: 142 pounds on June 8, 2005
OFFICIAL ONE YEAR COUNT: 187 pounds on December 7, 2005
As of 2/27/06: 202 pounds "I've lost a heavyweight"
As of 5/24/06: 216 pounds
Alessandro
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Since: 2.1.02
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#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.04
    Originally posted by CRZ
    So Paul...kisses Dreamer full on the lips! I didn't make that up, I swear. I'm guessing that's one of those Catholic things.


I'm surprised no one called it the "Kiss of Death" ... It's not so much a Catholic thing, more of an Italian mobster thing (although the two can be very similar sometimes).





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sentonBOMB
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Since: 25.11.02
From: Jersey

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#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.33
    Originally posted by Alessandro
      Originally posted by CRZ
      So Paul...kisses Dreamer full on the lips! I didn't make that up, I swear. I'm guessing that's one of those Catholic things.


    I'm surprised no one called it the "Kiss of Death" ... It's not so much a Catholic thing, more of an Italian mobster thing (although the two can be very similar sometimes).




I assumed it was Heyman going along with the Christian imagery he's been creating around himself since last week, and "betraying his friend with a kiss."
Tenken347
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Since: 27.2.03
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#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.50
After all, he is the "Extreme Judas."
Deputy Marshall
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Since: 28.6.04
From: Troy, NY

Since last post: 251 days
Last activity: 93 days
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.21
    Originally posted by Alessandro
      Originally posted by CRZ
      So Paul...kisses Dreamer full on the lips! I didn't make that up, I swear. I'm guessing that's one of those Catholic things.


    I'm surprised no one called it the "Kiss of Death" ... It's not so much a Catholic thing, more of an Italian mobster thing (although the two can be very similar sometimes).




I took it as two people sharing a moment of genuine love, and there's nothing wrong with that. I just hope that if I ever get married, Test doesn't show up and deliver a yakuza kick to my bride after the kiss.



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Hey look, an emo-free LJ!
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