If you live in the state of Florida, chances are you have The Sunshine Network on your cable or satellite system. On certain late nights, Sunshine will show some boxing/MMA/pro wrestling from various locales/promotions. Some of these promotions are good, while others are bad.
This is one of the bad ones.
Women's Extreme Wrestling is what appears to be a fly-by-night women's fed running out of Philadelphia, not unlike another Extreme promotion in the past. (Their website, of which I won't dignify but you can find in 15 second doing a search on google, does not even have a list of talent.) But that's where such similarity ends. While the wrestling in WEW is better than anything David McClane could dream to put out, it is nowhere NEAR anything else in North America, let alone the world. To give you an idea of how important this telecast is, Sunshine puts this show on Sunday morning at 3:30 AM EDT. But I guess any telecast is better than none. *shrug*
Tonight's telecast was pretty much a B or C-list show comprised of some of the midcard talent, so there are no real storylines to speak of save one. However, here's what to look for in the future (should the three of you reading decide to watch this later)...
Like every other promotion in the U. S., there is a heel commissioner. He goes by The Smoke and as you guess, has a mental condition where he thinks he is Dwayne Johnson. He is accompanied by a female bodyguard who resembles Jazz, but taller.
The primary face is a cute blonde aptly named G. I. Hoe. Subtle.
Amanda Storm (from the MTV "I Wanna Be A Wrestler" special years ago) is one of the top heels booked with the "psycho bitch" gimmick.
Just because this is a "women's" promotion doesn't mean it's all girls - for some reason men wrestle here too, particularly a big fat redneck and a midget who help represent the Mae Clan, WEW's version of The Dudley Boyz minus the talent.
Ratings: Instead of stars or Spices (copyright DDT Digest 2000), we'll go with a point system that rewards a point if the match was worthy to view and nothing if it wasn't. Simple as that. Anyway, enough BS.
Crystal Carmichael (African-American "diva")cuts a promo backstage about her match, leading to…
Match #1: Crystal “The Diva” Carmichael (127 lbs.) vs. “The Total Package” Christie Ricci
Carmichael is wearing a skin-tight bodysuit that reveals nipplage. She’s facing Ricci, a bouncing babyface in magenta who shares her nickname with a legendary choker. The ring announcer does the ECW-style entrances, whereas he announces the principals after they hit the ring.
The (male) referee checks out both wrestlers and we’re under way. Ricci starts things with an arm lock, but Carmichael shoves her to the mat via the hair. Atta girl. Another lockup, which Carmichael wins easy. The running storyline is that these girls were once roommates at a hotel but Carmichael chalked up too much in phone bills and left Ricci to dry on them. The girls wrestle some more, leading to a snapmere by Ricci into a chinlock. The announcer writes off Ricci calling spots into Carmichael’s ear as an “I know you spent money on phone calls when we were roommates” bit. Both women go to a standing base and Ricci gets whipped to the ropes. Ricci gets a shoulder tackle and a kick that showed about six inches of light. Ricci whips Carmichael in a clothesline for two. Ricci dropkicks her opponent, who then takes a powder out of the ring. Ricci gives chase, but Carmichael cuts her off inside the ring and takes over. Some chops in the corner by Carmichael, but Ricci ducks and gives her own. Carmichael does what any good fighter would do in this situation – stomp her opponent’s foot. She then gives Ricci a body slam and some “stomps.” A whip is reversed into an elbow by Ricci for two. Carmichael clips the knee and goes to the chinlock, called a “choke” by the hack announcer. The ref has to break the hold when Carmichael grabs the rope. Carmichael goes up top and hits a somersault senton for two as the crowd chants “Boring.” Carmichael works the leg in the corner but eventually Ricci breaks free and gets some punches in. Carmichael takes over again and whips Ricci into a clothesline for two. Carmichael grabs Ricci’s leg which leads to the enziguri spot. Ricci makes the comeback and dropkicks her foe for two. She manages a Michinoku Driver (with a bum leg) for two. Carmichael goes for the eyes and as the ref checks on Ricci, Carmichael grabs an international object and nails her opponent and then sits on her for the pinfall after about nine minutes of “action.” Post-match, Carmichael beats on Ricci some more before leaving the ring and blowing kisses to the crowd. 0 for 1.
Angel Williams (Canadian blonde valley-girl heel) is interviewed since she has a match later against “some American chick.” She mentions that all the great wrestlers come from Canada. Oh, she must mean guys like Test and Dino Bravo, right?
Match #2: O. D. B. (136 lbs.) vs. Angel Williams (127 lbs.)
ODB (One Dirty Broad) looks like a cross-between Chyna and Victoria – and that’s not in a good way. No way she is 136 lbs., folks. She comes out to music that sounds like a rip-off of Voodoo Child. As she points to her funbags, the censor box appears – this on a late-night syndicated show. Williams comes out wearing a Canadian flag. The same male ref officiates this match as the crowd chants USA. Williams grabs the microphone and mocks the fans for their chant. Again, she reiterates the best wrestlers come from Canada. Hmm, good wrestlers from Canada... Ron Garvin... Iron Mike Sharpe... damn, my mind's drawing a blank here. Anyway, Williams rips on Philadelphia sports teams (worst basketball team? We got that covered in Orlando, honey.) and does some more generic “America Sucks” stuff before ODB grabs the microphone and says something unintelligible, causing Williams to attack her before the bell. We then cut to commercial....
When we come back, ODB reverses a whip to the corner. Williams forgets her cue on something, which leads to ODB clotheslining and bodyslamming her opponent. Williams takes a breather outside but ODB brings her back in for more clotheslinery. Dropkick gets two. Williams comes back by shoving her to the mat face-first. Williams brings her back up, takes her time… and shoves ODB back down again. Dig that moveset! Williams chokes ODB on the ropes (much in the sense that the Yankees choked in the ALCS – oh TAG!) and plays to the crowd. Williams does the arrogant-foot cover for one. As ODB comes back with pin attempts, the graphics this match will continue next week…?!? I know it’s a thirty-minute show and all, but come the fuck on.... 0 for 2, as if you couldn’t guess.
If you thought this review was boring, then you know how I felt watching this show. The wrestling in itself wasn't actively bad (although ODB and Angel Williams didn't seem to click well together at all), but there was nothing exciting and certainly nothing to warrant the "Extreme" name that this company claims to be. I'm not looking for women jumping off ladders into tables because that's a whole another spectrum of bad, but I could say that of all the women who made it to the final cuts of the three Tough Enough shows, 80% of them could do the two aforementioned matches to the letter. Tonight's show was just more of the same we get on Monday nights with less skin. Whee.
As a final comment, if you're going to do the cliffhanger finish where you show the remainder of a match the following week, do it on a matchup people care about. (i.e. a G. I. Hoe match)
Supposedly there's pay-per-views of this stuff, but it seems like they're showing the old matches for free anyway. If stuff like this interests you, I suggest you wait it out and save your cash.
Not sure when my next review will be, but I'll see you when there's stuff to be recrapped. Later!
"The Cynical Weekly Wrestling Recap.” New adaptation to this week’s edition and all future editions…The Cynical Weekly Wrestling Recap will now come in versions 1.0 and 2.0. The former will be RAW and the latter will be Smackdown.