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The W - CRZ's World - IT ONLY HAPPENS TO ME
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CRZ
Big Brother
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Since: 9.12.01
From: ミネアポリス

Since last post: 2 hours
Last activity: 2 hours
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Y!:
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.07
While navigating the Downtown Minneapolis skyways, this conversation took place...

OLD WOMAN: You know, you have such long hair. You really should donate it to the Cancer Society.

ME: ...

OLD WOMAN: They could use it!

ME: Umm, thanks? I'll look into it later...

OLD WOMAN: Yours would grow back.

ME: Yeah, I think I'll keep it for now though.

ME (THINKING): I have a 2 o'clock appointment and YOU'RE CRAZY

OLD WOMAN: The cancer society--

ME: Well, gotta keep walking here - thanks!

OLD WOMAN: (unintelligible, trailing off)

I mean, it's nice that she has a cause and all, but....how the hell do you answer THAT?



CRZ
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JayJayDean
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Since: 2.1.02
From: Seattle, WA

Since last post: 10 days
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Y!:
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.89
If that ever DOES happen, THAT's the pic I wanna see.

EDIT: You COULD've said you were already doing that.

(edited by JayJayDean on 5.10.04 1532)


To get ass, youve got to bring ass." -- Roy Jones Jr.

"Your input has been noted.
I hope you don't take it personally if I disregard it."
-- Guru Zim

"Speak English or face admin retribution." -- CRZ
Sec19Row53
Lap cheong








Since: 2.1.02
From: Oconomowoc, WI

Since last post: 18 hours
Last activity: 6 hours
Y!:
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.49
    Originally posted by CRZ
    While navigating the Downtown Minneapolis skyways, this conversation took place...

    OLD WOMAN: ...

    I mean, it's nice that she has a cause and all, but....how the hell do you answer THAT?


If you ever want to hear the unvarnished truth, ask anyone under 6 or an old lady. That's what was on her mind, so she spoke.

I'm with JJD - lie to her (or ignore her) -- like she'll ever run into you again.



[It's where I sit]
Roy.
Pepperoni








Since: 25.2.04
From: Keystone State

Since last post: 2274 days
Last activity: 744 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.62
    Originally posted by Sec19Row53
    If you ever want to hear the unvarnished truth, ask anyone under 6 or an old lady. That's what was on her mind, so she spoke.


Yeah, they do that, don't they? I volunteered at an Old Folks Home (Adopt a Grandparent in middle school) and my first day with the lady she looked me up and down and said "Boy you're fat." I held back from saying "Boy you're old."

orangeman
Salami








Since: 21.8.04
From: ...that would be telling

Since last post: 2964 days
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#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.80
    Originally posted by CRZ
    I mean, it's nice that she has a cause and all, but....how the hell do you answer THAT?


"No habla ingles."

I've found it effective in cutting off unwelcome conversations or comments from strangers, and I don't come within a million miles of looking Hispanic. Failing that, a blank stare might work.



Vampiro gave a tomstone piledriver to the Midget Blue Monkey

This immediately and unequivocally makes him PUBLIC ENEMY #1
rinberg
Boudin rouge








Since: 30.1.02
From: South Georgia

Since last post: 934 days
Last activity: 2 days
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.42
How about "It was my mother's dying wish that I never cut my hair." If that fails, ask her if you can borrow $20. That always gets rid of people for me!



The question of whether computers can think is like the question of whether submarines can swim.
-Edsgar Dijkstra
cranlsn
Liverwurst








Since: 18.3.02
From: Sussex, WI

Since last post: 94 days
Last activity: 4 hours
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.72

My sister-in-law donated her hair, they use it for wigs for chemo patients.

But...having a place set up for people to come in is WAY different than stalking people with long hair. You're sure it wasn't DEAN in a disguise?






AWArulz
Knackwurst








Since: 28.1.02
From: Louisville, KY

Since last post: 2 days
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Y!:
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.30
There's a great song on the CD I Scream Sunday by One Bad Pig called "Cut your Hair" I'm thinking, find it and have a listen.

and the old lady? She was just speaking her mind.

Whacha gonna do?



Now, is it ok for me yell THEATRE! in a crowded fire?
ScreamingHeadGuy
Frankfurter








Since: 1.2.02
From: Appleton, WI

Since last post: 665 days
Last activity: 665 days
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.37
Or you could have said "But then I'd lose my superhuman strength!" and bounded away. Of course, I don't know how well you bound, so maybe this wouldn't have worked for you.



I'm ScreamingHeadGuy, and I approve this post.

Crimedog
Boerewors








Since: 28.3.02
From: Ohio

Since last post: 2627 days
Last activity: 2617 days
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.63
"I wear my hair long for all those unfortunate people who can't."
The Goon
Boudin blanc
Moderator








Since: 2.1.02
From: Calgary, Alberta, Canada

Since last post: 19 hours
Last activity: 10 hours
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.08
A shove in her face followed by a front sweep of her legs would have sufficed. And then to be cool, you could have thrown a wrestling catchphrase over her prone body, something like "You can't see me!" or "It's not my fault!"

It would make for a good Smoking Gun report, anyway.
Von Maestro
Boudin rouge








Since: 6.1.04
From: New York

Since last post: 141 days
Last activity: 12 hours
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.21
    Originally posted by CRZ
    I mean, it's nice that she has a cause and all, but....how the hell do you answer THAT?


You could always just say you keep it long for religious reasons... :-)
JoshMann
Andouille








Since: 17.11.03
From: Tallahassee, FL

Since last post: 2209 days
Last activity: 2206 days
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Y!:
#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.59
    Originally posted by orangeman
      Originally posted by CRZ
      I mean, it's nice that she has a cause and all, but....how the hell do you answer THAT?


    "No habla ingles."

    I've found it effective in cutting off unwelcome conversations or comments from strangers, and I don't come within a million miles of looking Hispanic. Failing that, a blank stare might work.


That doesn't work worth a damn where I'm from...the person more likely than not will start rattling away in spanish.

But 99 times out of 100 that trick is all gravy anywhere north of Broward County. :)



I knew I smelled that odd combination of fear and baby powder
Net Hack Slasher
Banger








Since: 6.1.02
From: Outer reaches of your mind

Since last post: 3506 days
Last activity: 1926 days
#14 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.01
Say you'll put your hair on the line only if she agrees to put her mask on the line as well... Oops sorry that's her face!

Err I'm not proud of what I just wrote.



smark/net attack wienerville advisory holds at ORANGE alert - High (JBL is STILL WWE champion and now smarks arch enemy HHH is the World Champion. Major red threat, but the undercard seems okay. The alert holds... for now)- 9/19
Ryan_A
Bauerwurst








Since: 30.1.03
From: Champaign, IL

Since last post: 2099 days
Last activity: 2 days
#15 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.59
"Ma'am, I'm a cancer survivor. This is MY wig."
CANADIAN BULLDOG
Andouille








Since: 5.3.03
From: TORONTO

Since last post: 462 days
Last activity: 461 days
ICQ:  
#16 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.73
I don't know why.... but for some reason you reminded me of a story I hadn't thought of in almost four years...

My son was maybe four or five months old, and I was taking him out for a walk. Being January or so, he was bundled up, but it was quite mild outside (for Toronto). In retrospect, he could have been a little less bundled up, but I was a new father and erring on the side of caution.

ANYWAYS.. some old woman comes up to me and starts SHOUTING that he's dressed too warmly. I'm polite enough and thank her for the advice, silently thinking "And this is any your fucking business.... how?". So then... she looks into his stroller and starts TAKING HIS SHOES OFF!!! As cautious as I was being, it certainly wasn't *that* warm out, nor was it her place to do such a thing. So I got defensive, told her in no uncertain terms to get the hell away from my son, and she starts SCREAMING at the top of her lungs that I'm an incompetent father. In the middle of a crowded sidewalk!

Old people: our national treasure.



Find out what happens to all them dead wrestlers, SnitskyMania, plus a letter to Mr. Wednesday Night RDV, in the latest Inside The Ropes!!!
Check out the ITR Website, featuring the ridiculously expensive Canadian BullBLOG!!!
spf
Scrapple








Since: 2.1.02
From: The Las Vegas of Canada

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 7 hours
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#17 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.98
It's stories like this that remind me of my all time favorite Onion headline. "If this Heat Wave Doesn't Kill the Elderly, I Will."





HELP IS ON THE WAY!
"They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." - George W. Bush 8/5/04

asteroidboy
Andouille








Since: 22.1.02
From: Texas

Since last post: 1346 days
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#18 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.06
"Before you die, Grandma, would you like to talk about where you will spend eternity? Also, I have lice."



-- Asteroid Boy

Now on 411


Wiener of the day: 23.7.02, 3.12.03

"If you want me to watch the shows, buy tickets when you come to town, buy t-shirts, and pay for a PPV every three days, you bet your ass I'm going to hard to impress. And when you give me stuff that blows and then tell me I don't get a vote on sharing that opinion, I'm going to tell you to go catch an STD." - Hogan's My Dad

"My brother saw the Undertaker walking through an airport." - Rex
"Was he no-selling?" - Me


TVsTim
Loukanika








Since: 9.10.04
From: US of Archie

Since last post: 3581 days
Last activity: 3580 days
#19 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.00
Just be thankful that you don't work in retail, because you'll have conversations like that EVERY DAY. I once had an elderly gentleman spend close to an hour trying to convince me (and anyone else who happened to walk by the counter) that credit cards were created by the Communists in the late 1940's as part of a plot to destroy the American way of life.

Then there was the lady who insisted that I measure her son for a dress shirt:

ME: Okay, is your son here with you?

CRAZY LADY (very nonchalantly): Oh, he's dead. I'm buying this for him to wear in the casket.

ME (shocked): Oh, I'm very sorry to hear that. My condolences.

CRAZY LADY (disturbingly calm): Yeah, well, he had it coming.

ME (highly confused and a little nervous): Okay...what size shirt did he wear?

CRAZY LADY (annoyed): I don't know, that's why I want you to measure him!

I then decided that it was best for me to call a manager to deal with this particular transaction. Better safe than sorry.



TV's Tim, Master Of Disaster
JustinShapiro
Scrapple
Moderator








Since: 12.12.01
From: Pittsburgh, PA

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 3 hours
#20 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.65
"'No habla ingles.'
I've found it effective in cutting off unwelcome conversations or comments from strangers"

But, but, what if they see thru you cause you're using third person instead of first.
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Last year they started seasonal egg nog and white chocolate milkshakes at Steak 'N Shake, and I was really looking forward to them this year. Just my luck, I moved to a new state that doesn't have Steak 'N Shake.
- Tenken347, THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS (2005)
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