Alessandro
Lap cheong
   
   
    
  
   
Since: 2.1.02
From: Worcester MA
Since last post: 25 days
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|  #1 Posted on 21.7.04 1120.38 | Instant Rating: 3.04 | http://www.progressiveboink.com/archive/brookehogan.htm
B's always been one of my favorite internet writers (all the way back to his "Wrestling Uncensored" days as Swandive), but I think this paragraph is what really sold me on the all-around brilliance of this particular piece :
Originally posted by B
Despite the political success of former wrestler Jesse "The Body" Ventura, Hogan has never been able to see his political dreams through, most notably in a failed attempt at the U.S. presidency in 1998. Political experts agree that it could've been his boa and old lady sunglasses getup fueling homophobia or his two-toned beard causing discomfort in children and dogs (who only see in black and white, so to them Hogan looked like Trapjaw from He-man) that spoiled his run at the oval office, but I think it was due to the fact that he was IN CHARGE OF A LARGE GANG.
Alessandro "Hercules" Boondy
Just so you guys know: 75% of this crap [you read on the internet] is made up, either by the writer, or the wrestler the writer is getting the dirt from. Just so you know. -- Statement by "Tammy Sytch", from Hyatte's Dec. 29th column ... Lest we forget.
| Promote this thread! |           | Barbwire Mike
Boudin rouge
Since: 6.11.03
From: Dudleyville
Since last post: 2779 days
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| #2 Posted on 21.7.04 1123.56 | Instant Rating: 5.06 | This is a mind-bogglingly amusing post. You can literally scope it for hours and keep finding new things to laugh at.
B has always owned. I'll go to my grave proclaiming his "Say You Love Bossman" post the funniest thing that's ever been put on the Internet.
Lethalwrestling.com: If you don't read us, you're probably gay | dwaters
Bratwurst
Since: 16.10.02
From: Connecticut
Since last post: 2 days
Last activity: 2 days
| #3 Posted on 21.7.04 1145.14 | Instant Rating: 2.23 | "And if you are dating a girl who has just broken up with Bret Hart, there's a pretty good chance that Hogan is going to waltz in and take her from you within ninety seconds."
OH, TAG!*
*(copyright Lita and Scott Keith)
"If he starts stomping around, refrain from punching the Hulkster
He's just walking around like a Parkinson's patient in tie-dyed leggings. Run up and stiff a knee in his back. Kick him in the legs. Pull out a gun and shoot him. DON'T PUNCH him. OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES. It hasn't worked the previous FORTY MILLION TIMES, it isn't going to work this time."
Funny, funny, funny. | JustinShapiro
Scrapple
Moderator
Since: 12.12.01
From: Pittsburgh, PA
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| #4 Posted on 21.7.04 1349.08 | Instant Rating: 7.61 | PROPS. That was tremendous.
****1/2
(not a censored swear word like shit and a half.)
(edited by JMShapiro on 21.7.04 1149) | BigVitoMark
Lap cheong
Since: 10.8.02
From: Queen's University, Canada
Since last post: 2857 days
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|  #5 Posted on 21.7.04 1733.15 | Instant Rating: 5.25 | Wow.
I usually don't bother with wrestling humour writers as they all tend to be the same (read: not funny at all), but that was awesome. The holy spirit is a friend and supporter of Randy Orton? Classic.
The beatings will continue until morale improves. | OMEGA
Lap cheong
Since: 18.6.02
From: North Cacalacky
Since last post: 1420 days
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| #6 Posted on 21.7.04 1754.28 | Instant Rating: 5.66 | Okay, this has to be one of the funniest things I have EVER read. Like BigVitoMark, I'm usually not a fan of the internet-wrestling-humor writers. But this was GOLD! Especially the line about nWo Mauve & Apricot wrestling nWo Duck Hats & Decorative Umbrellas.
The answer to WWE's financial problems...
Never 'Wiener of the Day', and is actually quite bitter about it. | Phantom Lord
Salami
Since: 18.6.04
From: The Bensonhurst section of Brooklyn, NY
Since last post: 2705 days
Last activity: 2501 days
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| #7 Posted on 21.7.04 1853.24 | Instant Rating: 0.76 | Damn that was priceless. The Holy Ghost supporting Randy Orton is classic.
Read how I wasted a couple hours on late sunday night by making fun of the news in my latest column
Read the current edition of Wrestling's Fact or Fiction with former WCW Star The Stro
| Battlezone
Potato korv
Since: 27.2.03
From: Seattle, Washington
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| #8 Posted on 23.7.04 1145.06 | Instant Rating: 4.45 | I just finished watching Hulk and Brooke's apperance on Regis. Hulk says that being a "stage dad" is much harder than being a pro wrestler. He also says he's not retired, he's "tired".
They bring out Brooke, who's gotta be pushing six feet, cause she's not that much smaller than her father. AND she's a knockout. Where were all these girls when *I* was sixteen. Jeebus. Kelly makes the predictable joke about what guy would dare to ask out HULK HOGAN'S daughter, and thankfully, Hogan doesn't bite. He does drop that Brooke doesn't date, because he thinks sixteen's too young to date.
After the break, we have the World Televsion Premiere of Brooke....and god DAMN she cannot sing. Terrible. She's got the "pop artist that's desparately trying to not sound like a pop artist" thing down cold.
But hey, if the singing thing bombs, she could fall back into modeling. Or join that Diva Search-I'd vote for her over just about any of those other chicks...
"It's the four pillars of the male heterosexual psyche. We like naked women, stockings, lesbians, and Sean Connery best as James Bond because that is what being a [man] is." -Jack Davenport, Coupling | JoshMann
Andouille
Since: 17.11.03
From: Tallahassee, FL
Since last post: 1771 days
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| #9 Posted on 23.7.04 1233.05 | Instant Rating: 4.84 | Originally posted by Battlezone
Where were all these girls when *I* was sixteen. Jeebus.
3rd grade :P
"Does Orton even know about this guy Jeb?"
| Big Bad
Scrapple
Since: 4.1.02
From: Dorchester, Ontario
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| #10 Posted on 25.7.04 0215.30 | Instant Rating: 5.45 | Alessandro, I am forever in your debt. B. Swandive was always one of my favourite wrestling/entertainment writers back in the day, but I lost track of him. This site has his ENTIRE archive, so I've spent a good chunk of the afternoon laughing at old material once again.
Also, the new material on the website is great. The 'Top 50 Reasons to Hate The Yankees' had me almost choke on my Coke it was so funny.
 | Phantom Lord
Salami
Since: 18.6.04
From: The Bensonhurst section of Brooklyn, NY
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| #11 Posted on 26.7.04 1915.11 | Instant Rating: 0.78 | Well The Hogan's are devout Christian's so it's not like you be able to get much from Brooke anyways.
I have yet to hear Brooke sing. They keep mentioning they want to make her the new Britney Spears, so I guess that should be a tip off to her vocal abilites.
Read how I wasted a couple hours on late sunday night in my column
Read the current edition of Wrestling's Fact or Fiction with former WCW Star The Stro
I don't drink and I think working with Lars would drive me to become an alcoholic-Iann Robinson on Lars Ulrich |
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