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2.10.14 0937
The W - Guest Columns - WrestleMania Newz Special!!
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Hot Newz
Bauerwurst








Since: 2.1.02

Since last post: 245 days
Last activity: 189 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.12
OMFG IT'S WRESTLEMANIA WEEKEND!!!!! This is my favoirte weekend of da year! I hav lots of rizzed hot newz for u guys and guyettes this week in a WrestlerMania special! and Wrestlemania has always been very special for me becuase it was when I saw the very frist wrestlemania that I stopped being a dumb mark! I remember watching it LIVE as it happened (on video many years later obviously, since it happened like 25 years ago!) before any of you guys were probably even born yet! And it was the first show I had ever seen and at the start I have to admit I was still a mark and I actually thought the Mr T/Rowdy Piper Brawl For All match was a total shoot (in reality only the first three rounds were a shoot, then the rest was a worked shoot) and I'm so embarassed looking back at taht now! but then later on in the night when Hulk Hogan wrestlered Andre The Giant and picked him up above his head and pressed him in teh air high above I was impressed but thought to myself "that's iimpossible, wrestling must be a work!" And then I told all my friends about it being FAKE and they all cried and I laughed at them, lol.

But WrestleMania isn't the hottest newz this week, the hottest newz is that I hav a hot new girlfriend and she's hot! Her name is Christina (no, not HER lol!) and she's hot! She does come from the "wrong side of the tracks" if you know what taht means (her parents are POOR and on WELFARE) but I still luv her! And I let her borrow my digitial camera and she lost it and I was angry but then she did me a special favor if you know what I mean (kissed me with TUNGUE...and had sex with me!) so I forgave her! so as you can see life has never been better for ME!!

The second biggestest newz is that Brock Lesnar is a stinking rotten quitter! Brock took his balls and went home after Smackdown and nobody knows if he'll even be at Wrestlmania now! it all started when he refused to job to Hardcore Holly at Royale Rumble and the WWE had to cancel Holly's scheduled six months title rain! This angered locker room leaders like Brad Shaw and Hardcore Holly (obviously!) so they decided to rib him mercylessfully as punishment! so they slipped acid into his drink during a plane flight and when Brock drank it he had flashbacks to the Plane Flight From Hell in 2002! And he thought Billy Gunn was Mr Perfect (who he got into a fight with on the orginal plane flight from hell, remember!) and attacked him! But then Billy got tired and blowen up thirty seconds into teh fight and Brock realised he couldnt be Perfect so apologised. But Vince McMahon still fined Brock half a million dollars when he got back home! Brock decided not to fly with the boys anymore so bought his own private jet and started flying it to shows, but this angered Brad Shaw and Holly even more! "He has no right to buy a private jet for himself! He should buy one for everyone else too or not buy one at all!" said a respected locker room leader (Bill DeMot). So the Locker Room Leaders put sugar in his prive jets gas tank! ANd it crashed! And brock nearly died! And because of this he was five minutes late to a house show and Vince McMahon and Undertaker were at the show and when Brock arrived five minute late Vince said "damn it Brock, I'm going to have to fine you another million dollars" then Undertaker said "And you also have to job to me for the next six months to learn some respect, boy!" So Brock had finally had enough and quit the company and signed a ten year contract with the NFL and now he will never wresle again!

So that's the TRUE story of what happened with Brock, unless it turns out to be a SWERVE in which case ignore all of teh above!

Triple HHH did a radio interview where the host asked him if he's ever done DA ROIDS and Crips said "Only when under prescription from a medical doctor, never illegally" and then the host asked how long he's been under prescription and HHH said "For the last six years!" and did a crotch chop!

Torrie Wilson and Sable got into a catfight(!) backstage at Smackdonw when Sable caught Torrie shaving her legs (with visible nipple slip, no doubt!) with SABLE'S feminime razor! But JR charged in to break it up before they killed each other (which they came close to doing!) and grabbed Sable and said "don't make me spank you, young lady!" then Torrie said "Young? Ha!" and Sable tried to lunge for her but JR grabbed her by the bra and her bra came off! And JR took a look at it and said "hey, I wear the same size!" (he has man boobs!)!!!!1

In sad newz, Hercules died. However in good newz Zeus is still alive and so is Xena!

Jake Roberts got arrested in England for eating his snake Damian! It happened because Jake went bankrupt after investing all his money into the Heroe's Of Wrestling pay per view (an underrated show, IMMHO!) and had to move to England to avoid the tax man! But Jake thought he'd be okay because an English wrestling company was going to pay him a thousand pounds a week to wrestle for them, but Jake forgot about the exchange rate because it turns out that a thousand English pounds is only equal to ten American dollars! So Jake had no money to buy food (the little money he did earn went to crack, lol) so he had to eat Damian, but what he didn't know is that The Queen Of England had just passed a new law making it illegal to eat snakes! So Jake got thrown in da jail! I'd start a pettition to free Jake, but I don't like him.

Chavito guererro Senior has signed a five year contract! He will managed Chavo for one year, then do backstage interviews for two years then spend the final two years hosting Byte This!

Top ten WrestleMania moments As voted For By me!

1) Hogan versus Andre at Wrestlemania 1 - SEE ABOVE, DUH!

2) HHH beat Rock, Foley and Big Show at Wrestlemania 2000 - This was the first time EVER that a heel has won the world title in the main event of WrestleMania! And even though everyone (rightly) hates Triple H now, back then he actually had a very high workrate and when he pinned the Rock it was such a pleasant surprise that the entire Internet Wrestling Community had a collective orgasm! And that was a great thing to be part of, let me tell you!!!!!

3) Sable and Johnny B. Badd versus Goldust and Luna "Tic" Vachon at WrestleMania 14 - an odd choice, but then I'm an odd guy! In this match, Sabel proved for the first time that women can wrestle JUST AS WELL AS MEN! And if you watch closely you can see her do a chick kick so that's another thing Trish Stratus stole from her (as well as being hot and blond!)

4) Steve Austin hits the Rock with a chair 27 times at Wrestlemania 17 or 18 - This moment is often forgotten by fans with short memories (ie ALL OF THEM) but not by my! Rock broke the record set by Mick Foley when he was hit 24 times with a chair a few months before and proved that he is hardcore and no wonder he wants to go and make movies after THAT beating!

5) Brock Lesnar misses a moonsault and breaks his neck at last years - Well, they SAID he DIDN'T break his neck, but dood, did you see how he landed!? It was sizzick! no normal man could land like that and not break there neck so I think that he DID break it and just covered it up and that's probably why he's leaving now come to think of it to finally get surgery on that broken neck!!

6) Randy Savage and Elizabeth kiss at Wrestlemania 7 - I remember this because it was the first time wrestling has ever dared to show a man and woman kiss on tv (it was the eighties remember! Girls werent even allowed to wear skirts back then¨!) and not only did I mark out when I got the show on video a few years later but I also got hard if you know what I mean and had my first ever masturwank! Oh yeah! too bad Elizibeth died.

7) and 8) (tie) TLC matches 1 and 2 at Wrestlmenia 2000 and X7 - most dumbs marks would put these two at numbers 1 and 2 becaue of all the bumps but I'm smarker dan dat! but still you have to give mad prizzops to the 8 men and one Lita who took part in these two matches and fell off of ladders for our amusement!

9) Shane McMahon gives his dad a Van Terminator - OMG I STILL CANT BELIEVE THIS REALLY HAPENED! It's a little knowen fact that WWF rings are TWICE as big as ECDUB rings (Heyman was poor, remember) so that means ShaneO-Macs Van Terminator was TWICE as good as RVDs and who didn't mark out when Linda came out of her coma and kicked Vince in the grapefruits? People with no heart, that's who!

10) King Kong Bundy sits on a midget at WrestleMania 2 or 3 or 4 or maybe 5 - I only downlaoded this on Kazaa but it was funny as hell!

That's my choices and if u aint down with that I gots but two words for you: AGREE 2 DISAGREE!!!!

WRESTLEMANIA SIGN IDEAZ!

IF BROCK GOES, I GOES!

Randy Orton: The Man You Love To Hate To Love To Hate!

If Bret Isn't On The Show I Want A Refund!

I'm Scouting Brock For the NHL!

SPOILER: Triple H Doesn't Job!

WrestleMania Without Matt Hardy Is Like Bill DeMott's Career: Pointless!

Where's The Miller Lite Cat Fight Girls!?

I'll Shave Molly...ALL OVER!!!!!!!!!!1

WrestleMania is THIS Sunday, my nizzles! And I managed to gett my hands on the actual genooine booking sheet, my beyotches! And I've even added in my own comments in paranfessisis...brackets, my home-dogs and home-cats! And here it is1!!

The show starts with a touching video narratted by a Freddie Blassey impersonator! (me: that's tasteless!)

The show starts with Vince McMahon coming out to make a speech "Welcome to Wrestlemania! Quite frankly, this is WrestleMania XX where it all begins again! Yes, the next boon peroid for me...I mean, for wrestling is going to start tonight! Now quite frankly, I was going to start this show by admitting several superstars into the Hall Of Fame. They are: Jesse Ventura, Tito Santana, Greg Valentine, Pete Rose, Sycho Sid, George The Animal Steele, Wendi Ritcher, The Big Bossman and...BRET "THE HITMAN" HART!!!!!! Oh yeah, I thought you'd like that one! But this is the WWE and anything can happen in the WWE, so instead of just having a ceromony, all the Hall Of Famers will have to come out when they think it's safe and collect their Hall Of Fame Trophy! And now...LET'S GET READY TO...WRESTLE!!!!" (me: OMG, great speech!)

Cyndi Lauper comes out to sing the national anthem, just like at WrestleMania 1, but suddenly Avril Lavigne rides down to the ring on a skateboard! And then Avril breaks the skateboard over Cyndi's head and says "listen old woman, I'm the new generation, and I've got attitude, so you can get the F out!" Then Wendi Ritcher comes down for her trophy but Avril notices that she's old too and gives her a DDT then sings a punk version of the "Oh Oh Wrestlemania!" song! (me: this is going to be a major markout moment!)

The First Annual Crash Holly Memorial Over The Top Rope Hardcore Battle Royal For Wrestlers And Football Players

This match, added on Heat, is an over the top rope hardcore battle royal featuring wrestlers and football players (me: well DUH!). Competitors are Test, Rhyno, Albert, Stevie Richards, Rico, Billy Gunn and so on and Mongo "Steve" McMichael and Lawerance Taylor reprsenting the NFL plus all the XFL guys who don't have new jobs yet (me: so all of them!?)! And everyone throws the XFL guys out right away and points and laughs at them (me: LOL!) and then George The Animal Steele joins the match to pick up his trophy then he EATS the trophy and EATS all the turnbuckles! Then Albert throws him out in a showdown of the hairy backed men and it comes down to just Test and Albert left. (me: OMG, T&A explode!) But then Sycho Sid runs in (me: how can he run in when he only has one leg!?) and powerbombs them both and picks up his trophy and the match is a no contest! But then Sid says "Oh crap, I was supposed to come out and ruin the cruiserweight match!"

Backstage, The Rock says "we are LIVE!" about eight times to hype the crowd then gives throws Coach through a plate glass window!

The Rock 'N' Sock Connection versus Randy Orton, Batista and Ric Flair

This match is on earlier because The Rock's a busy man! And they wrestle for a while then The Rock hits Randy Orton with the people's elbow and pins him then says "Sorry kid, maybe next year I'll give you the rub...we are LIVE! Listen, its's great to be back, WE ARE LIVE! It's great to be the jabroni eating pie beating yadda yadda...WE ARE LIVE...I'll see you all next year, listen, I really got to go, I'm filiming a movie based on a crappy video game no one bought, WE ARE LIVE, see you at WrestleMania 21, IF YOU SMELLALALLALALA, oh crap is that the time!?" then a limo comes down the aisle and he quickly gets into it and it drives him backstage where a private jet is waiting and it takes off right away. (me: what a great guy The Rock is!)

Greg Valentine comes out to get his trophy and Randy Orton is still in the ring and he's about to give Greg the RKO when he stops and says "wait a minue, I'm supposed to be The Legend Killer and I don't even know who you are!" and just walks away disgusted.

CruiserWeight Open

The competitors are: Chavo, Rey, Kidman, Noble, Tajiri, Ultimo Dragon, Funaki, TAKA Michinoku, Dean Malenko, Max Mini, Teddy Hart and Gail Kim (this Diva can fly!) And right at the start Teddy Hart tries to moonsault on everyone from the top rope when they're all outside the ring but he misses and lands in the crowd and is never seen again! Then it comes down to Rey and Gail Kim and Gail hits a Shooting Star Press Legdrop (me: yeah, I'm sure she won't blow that!) for the hard fought win but then Heyman comes out and says "there is one more cruiserweight in this match" and Jeff Hardy (me:!) comes out! And Gail says "please Jeff, if you let me pin you I'll let you have sex with me!" and Jeff smiles...then gives her the Twist Of Fate! But then "I Got Everything I Ever Wanted And I Ain't Gonna Give It Back" plays and X-Pac comes out from under the ring wearing a ski mask then gives Jeff the X-Factor then takes off his ski mask to reveal that he is in fact X-Pac (me:!) then puts the Cruiserweight belt down his pants and goes back under the ring!

Molly Holly versus Victoria Hair versus Title

Victoria wins clean in three minutes with The Black Widow (me: it's called the Peak and Valley, dumbass!) then Molly tries to run away but Brutus The Barber Beefcake comes out and puts her in a sleeperhold! Then he takes a trophy then pulls garden sheers out of his pocket and is about to cut Molly's hair when Victoria says "hey, wait, you aren't even being inducted in the hall of fame!" and security runs in and arrests him! (me: good, he probably had ANTHRAX!)

The Dudleys, Booker T and RVD, Scotty and Rikish and The APA versus Garrison Cade and Mark Jindrak, La Resistance, The Bashems and The World's Greatest Tag Team in an 8 man tag

Since nobody cares about either of the four way tag matches we'll just throw them together and the first team to get a pin wins all the belts or something and one of the Bashems pins Booker T clean (me: Booker jobs in his home town again!). But then Rikishi gives all the heels stink faces then all the faces dance and Dawn Marie comes out to join them for no reason and the nine of them have the biggest wrestling dance off in history! (me: this sounds like by far the best match of the night so far!)

Stacy Keibler and Jackie Gaydar versus Torrie Wilson and Stacy Keibler PlayBoy Evening Gown match

Right at the start Trish Stratus and Lita come out and start arguing with Stacy and Jackie saying they should be in the match instead since they're hotter (me: I agree!) and when Sable tries to break them up Trish gives her a chick kick (using her own move against her!) then Lita gives Torrie a Litabomb then Trish and Lita take their OWN evening gowns off and parade around the ring in bras and thongs! (me: okay forget what I said about THIS is the best match of the night!)

In a comedy bit, Jerry Lawler has ordered a WrestleMania pizza again and Tito Santana comes out delivering it and takes his trophy and the King says "you're a pizza guy now!?" and Tito says "I need the money!" But then Chavo Senoir comes out and says "hey Tito you're not a good role model for Latinos delivering pizzas you bad role model you!" so Tito gives him a flying jalepeno! (me: ROTFLMAO!)

John Cena versus The Big Show

Cena comes out rapping (me: what a shock!)

yo yo yo, it's my first WrestleMania, I got butterflies in my stomach,
My opponent The Big Show just has food in his, he'll eat anything that fat lummock!
What, you think lummock is lame, you think I was asked to tone down after Janet's exposed nipple?
Dawgs, without my edgy raps I'd be handicapped, I'd be like Zach Gowen: an irritating cripple!
I'm as badass as ever, Eminem and Savage both fear me,
All Big Show fears is a diet or a famine, ha-ha, Tee Hee!
Okay, I'll swear, you've twisted my arm, I'll do it, prove I'm as hardcore as Mick,
It burns when Big Show pees, the man has in infection in his...DICK!

Yes, Cena actually says the word to prove how hardcore he is. And Big Show works on his leg and stands on it for about five minutes then when Cena fights back adn goes for the F-U his knee gives out and Show stands on it again and won't get off it and gets disqualified! But Show keeps beating on him until The Big Bossman runs in and atttacks Show with his nightstick! And he handcuffs Show to the ropes and works over his ribs while Cena takes the mic and says, "You done it now, commited a crime against the Doctor of Thugenomics, Bossman's laying on a beating with mustard! Hey Show, Bossman just got back from sleeping with your mom, what did she say about her son..." and Bossman takes the mic and says "that he's a big nasty BASTARD!" then breaks the nightstick over Big Show's head! And then the referee tells Cena he doesn't win the US title because it was a DQ but Cena says "huh? I didn't even know there was a US title!" and gives the ref an F-U! (me: OMG this is edgy, I predict Cena will be the next big mainstream wrestling star now!)

The Undertaker versus Kane

Undertaker's entrance: first, the lights go out, then there's the BONG (me: RVD gets involved!?), then FIRE shoots out of the entrance way, then Paul Bearer AND Brother Love come out and each is carrying an Urn! Then flames shoot out the urns! Then Undertaker drives down in a hearse! And there's a VULTURE in the hearse! And Undertaker's back in his old outfit with the hat and gloves and everything! But Kane tries to shoot a fireball at Undertaker but Undertaker just puts his hand up and says "the dark fire will not avail you!" and it goes out! Then Undertaker chokes Kane for ten minutes then tombstones him five times! And he even crosses Kane's arms on his chest when he pins him! (me: old school!) Then after the match Kane is sitll lying in the ring and the lights go out and when they come back on there's a thunderclap and lighning strikes the ring and now where Kane was lying there's just a skeleton! Then Pete Rose comes out and collects his trophy then grinds Kane's bones up into dust with a sledgehammer and says "I finally got my revenge, nwahahahaha!" (me: just reading this scares the BAJESUS out of me! Not becuase of all the supernatural crap, but because of the LOW WORKRATE!)

Bill Goldberg versus Brock Lesnar Steve Austin Guest Referee

They have a ten minute power match, but then Austin just gets bored and stuns them both! Then Austin drops down and counts with both hands to two, but then suddenly Brock and Goldberg nip-up at the same time! Then Austin stares at them but then a grins breaks out on his face and he starts laughing and says "It was about time somebody no sold that sumbitch! Now everyone knows you two guys are leaving (me: New York fans are SMARKS remember), what, but I'm the Sheriff, what, and I ain't gonna let you leave, what...without drinking ten beers with old Stone Cold first! What?" then they all drink ten beers! Then some dogs come out and Goldberg says "Oh, these are my pet dogs, I just love animals! I'm going to go now and start a farm with all my animals, see you guys later!" then he goes backstage. But then GTV (me: it was Goldberg TV all along, I knew it!) shows him getting into a car and it's full of about twenty dogs and Goldberg KISSES one of the dogs (me: OMG, they're burying him on the way out!) and drives off! Then in the ring Lesnar says "well, I need to go join the NFL, bye" and starts to walk away but then swerves (me: SWERVES~!) back and tackles Austin right on the knees! And Austin goes down hard and holds his knees crying "Aaah, you broke my knees, what!" and Lesnar says "that's for refusing to job to me two years ago!" then he steals Austin's ATV again and drives away in it through the crowd never to be seen again. (me: very well booked emotional goodbye angle, I think I'm going to have a tear in my eye watching it!)

Eddie Guerrero versus Kurt Angle

Before the bell has rung, Angle calls Eddie a "thieving mexican scumbag!" and Eddie slaps him! Then Kurt takes a cell phone out of his tights while Eddie watches confused. Then the bell rings to start the match and they have a great thirty minute classic (me: that's what I like to hear!) until Eddie goes up for the frogsplash, then the police come in! And they handcuff Eddie! And Eddie says "hey esse, what's going on esse! Is this racial profiling, esse!?" and Kurt says "You see Eddie, you slapped me about half an hour ago, but you did it before the bell had rung and before the match had begun. Therefer, you are guilty of assault! But before the police take you away to jail where you belong, there's one thing I have to do" and he rolls Eddie up for the pin and the win and Eddie can't kick out because he's handcuffed! Then Kurt beats the crap out of Eddie! Then the police drag Eddie's unconcious body off while Kurt celebrates! (me: oh good, I thought they were going to ruin this match!)

Jesse Ventura comes out to collect his trophy and make a speech. "First of all I'd like to say hi to Terry, Tyrell and Jade. Now, it's great to be in the hall of fame. There's a lot of FROGS out there who AREN'T in the hall of fame, and who also can't legitimately say that they were a navy SEAL. However, I can legitimately say that I AM a Navy SEAL and I'm the first Navy SEAL to ever be inducted in the hall of fame, unlike some FROGS who can't say that because they'd be lying, but then that FROG is used to lying, isn't he! And I'd also like to announce that I plan to run for president of these United States and be the first president who is a member of the hall of fame and can legitimately say that they were a Navy SEAL! Ha, that's another one up I've got on you, Bolea!" Then Coach comes out to get him to shup up but Jesse punches him out! (me: I think he was taking a shot at Rick Martel in that promo!)

Chris Jericho versus Christian

Put this match on here before the main event so the fans can have a bathroom break (me: okay, now I KNOW Triple H is booking this show!) Jericho's about to put Christian the Walls after a hard fought match when Trish and Lita (me: still in their underwear!?) come out and distract him. And Jericho's like "what's going on baby?" and then Trish sneers and chick kicks him! Then Christian says "Alright! You finally passed the CLT! Snoogans!" But the Trish chick kicks HIM (me: she's going Chick Kick crazy tonight!) right in the balls! Then Trish says "we haven't forgot about that canadian dollar bet you horrible MEN and to get our revenge we have decided to turn to the forbidden sapphic love!" then Lita and Trish start making out! (me:!!!!!!!!!!!!1) Then Jericho starts crying and Trish just laughs and chick kicks him in the face and he falls and lands on Christian in the 69 position! (me: what a pay-off!)

Backstage, Eric Bischoff goes up to Sid and says "hey Scissors Sid, I was really impressed by you in that Hardcore Battle Royal, hows about you come to RAW and kick some ass!" but then Paul Heyman walks over and says "No Sid, RAW sucks, come to my brand" and Bischoff says "But Smackdown sucks even more than RAW!" but then Heyman says "I'm not talking about Smackdown, I'm talking about the new brand that's coming soon and restards, ECDUB YA!" and puts on an ECW cap! (me: reading between the lines, I think this could possibly be hinting at a return for ECDUB!)

Triple H versus Chris Benoit versus Shawn Michaels

After forty minutes of action, Triple H hits both Benoit and Michaels with pedigrees and covers them both with one hand each (me: bastard!)! But then he gets off them before the three and says "you know what? I'm going to be in Blade 3, Wesley Snipes said I'll be a big star, I don't need this worthless piece of tin! If I ever want my belt back I can just come back to RAW and win it from whoever has it in my first match anyway!" then he throws the world title down and spits on it! Then as he starts to walk up the aisle, BRET HART's music plays! (me: Bret will sort him out!) And Bret picks up his hall of fame trophy then gets in an intense stare down with Triple H...until Triple H just kicks him and gives him the pedigree on the ramp! (me: NOOOOOOOOOO!) Then meanwhile in the ring Shawn and Chris are still down from that devastating pedigree but after a minute Shawn rolls over and gets one finger onto Benoit and he's the winner! Then JR says "YES, YES, BY GAWD YES, FINALLY, FINALLY KING AFTER TEN YEARS, THE BOYHOOD DREAM HAS COME TRUE FOR SHAWN MICHAELS! THE BY GAWD TEN YEAR GRUDGE IS FINALLY OVER AND FINALLY FOR THE FIRST TIME THIS MILLENNIUM SHAWN IS THE WORLD CHAMPION, OH PRAISE THE LORD AND HAVE MERCY ON US ALL!" And Shawn cries and celebrates for five minutes, while Benoit is still down selling the pedigree. Then all the babyfaces (except Eddie, he's in jail! And Benoit, he's still selling the pedigree) come out and carry Shawn about on their shoulders to celebrate! Then there's a hastily put together video package of the whole show for three minutes then when we come back there's fireworks and confetti as Shawn still celebrates in the ring! And Benoit's still down selling the pedigree!

It's goingg to be the best WrizzestleMizzania EVAR!!!

Well, since it's da WrestleMania Sunday I thought I'd interview some WWE superstars before the show! but then I remembered that Vince told them all to stop talking to the internet or he'd murder there children! So I called up NWA: TNA to interview some of they're so called "stars"!

Me: Hello!

Lady On The Phone: Hello, this is the TNA offices, how can I direct your call?

Me: Get me Jeff Jarrett!

Lady: He's not here right now.

Me: Damn, I wanted to ask him how it felt to job to a woman. I mean, job to Chyna, not a woman, lol.

Lady: Is there anybody else you'd like to talk to?

Me: What other stars do you have?

Lady: Well there's AJ Styles...

Me: Who?

Lady: Abyss...

Me: WHO?

Lady: Chris Sabin...

Me: WHO!?

Lady: Dustin Runnels...

Me: No, he sucks! How about Sting!?

Lady: He's in church, sir, it's Sunday.

Me: Church? What a looser, LOL!

Lady: If you're just going to make fun of us then you should just hang up now.

Me: OKAY! Bye, you suck!

And I hung-up! Now I was really upset as its wrestlemania Sunday and I have to interveiw someone! So I went into a chatroom called WrestleWithBois (kewl name!) where I heard wrestlers hang out! Anyway, there was one guy there who talked to me...

HotHotHot: hi anyone here!?!?
RGWrestler: hi want 2 chat r u hot?
HotHotHot: Yes and yes!!! Have you heard of me!?
RGWrestler: i like to talk to everyone lol
HotHotHot: kewl! So what do you do?
RGWrestler: I wrestle lol
HotHotHot: Kewl! Who do you wrestle!?
RGWrestler: i ve wrestled them all the rock, tazz, jeff hardy, all the boys
HotHotHot: OMG! We should be friends!
RGWrestler: yes lets be friends. and maybe something more lol.
HotHotHot: LOL, I don't get it. So you've wrestled the Rock?
RGWrestler: Yeah i said so didnt i, duh.
RGWrestler: JK lol I like you.
HotHotHot: I like you too!
RGWrestler: A/S/L?
HotHotHot: I'm not giving my name out, I'm da press! Many wrestlers want to kick my ass, just ask Booker T!
RGWrestler: lol i'll pretend you said 14
RGWrestler: I mean 18 lolol
HotHotHot: If you want! Do you have tapes of your wrestling?
RGWrestler: I got tapes from all over the world and even other places.
RGWrestler: lolol
HotHotHot: Kewl! Maybe we could watch them!
RGWrestler: Id like that alot
RGWrestler: lolol
RGWrestler: mmmmm
HotHotHot: Okay, lol.
RGWrestler: so r u hot or not lol?
HotHotHot: Duh, of course I'm hot, I'm Hot Newz!
RGWrestler: Now we re duh even lol.
HotHotHot: duh even? WTF, are you retarded?
RGWrestler: lolol
RGWrestler: yes u r hot and new
RGWrestler: (new in my life)
HotHotHot: ...
RGWrestler: Do u like me?
HotHotHot: I already said I do, DUH!
RGWrestler: omg now u hav a 1 duh advantage over me lol
HotHotHot: TALK ABOUT WRESTLING OR SOMETHING!
RGWrestler: do u want to hang some time?
HotHotHot: Sure! We can wathc your tapes!
RGWrestler: yeah yeah yeah, ALL my tapes lolol
RGWrestler: so wat do u like 2 do
RGWrestler: ?
HotHotHot: I like to skate, hang at the mall, play Nintendo...
RGWrestler: kewl kewl but I meant in sex
HotHotHot: oh, me and my girlfriend do EVERYTHING!
RGWrestler: oh, u have a gf damn
HotHotHot: we can still be friends though, she's not the boss of ME!
RGWrestler: kk kewl. do you have any pics?
HotHotHot: no my girlfriend lost my digital camera! But I still love her! It was funny, her dad had a yard sale the next day and he sold a digital camera that was just like mine, but that asshole Ricky B. bought it for ten bucks! That fat bastard!
RGWrestler: stop talking bout your girl your making me jealous lol
HotHotHot: uhh...lol
HotHotHot: You're a bit weird! But that's okay, I talk to weird guys all the time! Except I had to block one guy because he was gay and trying to pick me up! I don't blame him though, I'm a stud! But a straight one!
RGWrestler: umm...
RGWrestler: shit I need to go wrestle the ultimate warrior in San Diego
HotHotHot: okay, bye!
RGWrestler: Bye. Don't tell n e 1 bout this convo
HotHotHot: I won't!

What a nice guy!

I'LLL BE BIZZACK SOME TIME OR OTHER SOOON MAYBE WITGH EVEN MORE HIOTTER HOTTER NEWZ FOR MY BITCHES AND MY HOES AND EVEN FOE MEN, ENJOY WRESTLEMANIA, SEEYA!!!

RIKISH TO JOIN LESNAR IN NFL!? IRS SET FOR SHOCK RETURN AS LOVABLE FARMBOY CHARACTER? JAMIE NOBLE AND NIDIA MARRY IN VEGAS, NOBLE'S OTHER WIFE LIVID? DUDLEYS TO GET NEW FUTURISTIC LEATHER AND METAL OUTFITS? PLUS STUNNING NEAR NAKED NUDE PICS OF TRISH IN BED TAKEN WITHOUT HER KNOWLEDGE WITH VISIBLE NIPPLE SLIP AND THE HOT NEWZ ARCHIVE CLICK HERE!





ROTFLMAO!!!!
Promote this thread!
asteroidboy
Andouille








Since: 22.1.02
From: Texas

Since last post: 1408 days
Last activity: 316 days
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.95
    Originally posted by Hot Newz
    But then "I Got Everything I Ever Wanted And I Ain't Gonna Give It Back" plays and X-Pac comes out from under the ring wearing a ski mask then gives Jeff the X-Factor then takes off his ski mask to reveal that he is in fact X-Pac (me:!) then puts the Cruiserweight belt down his pants and goes back under the ring!


Sweet lord, that would have ruled. I miss X-Factor's music.



-- Asteroid Boy


Wiener of the day: 23.7.02

"My brother saw the Undertaker walking through an airport." - Rex
"Was he no-selling?" - Me


Joe E. Nitro
Salami








Since: 4.2.04

Since last post: 3609 days
Last activity: 1090 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.12
That song was great and just added to the whole X-Pac experience. It's a shame I never knew the words. I miss that little bastard now that I think about it.
C-Bacon
Medisterpoelse








Since: 15.2.04
From: Mississauga, Ontario

Since last post: 3850 days
Last activity: 3844 days
#4 Posted on
LMAO!
Hot Newz you are da king!
Thread rated: 7.03
Pages: 1
Thread ahead: Mixed-Bag 'Mania; or, "Let's Hit BROCK LESNAR with a Tree"
Next thread: WWE RAW: March 15, 2004
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OVW 11.16.02 Sorry I havenít had one of these up in a while. The show has been great as usual, but this week was a little more special than most, as hopefully youíll see . . . Badd Dogg v. Shelton Benjamin in a Dog Collar Match:
The W - Guest Columns - WrestleMania Newz Special!!Register and log in to post!

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