Alessandro
Lap cheong
   
   
      
  
 
Since: 2.1.02
From: Worcester MA
Since last post: 22 days
Last activity: 4 days
|  #1 Posted on 29.12.03 1319.19 | Instant Rating: 3.04 | A "humorous Christmas-themed" article, which is neither humorous nor coherent in any conceivable fashion ...
http://www.nydailynews.com/ sports/story/149302p- 131649c.html
Now that St. Nick has come and gone and you're standing in the "return" line at Wal-Mart with a "Barbie's Yukon Buzz Saw" in hand, here's something to help pass the time: things that may have been left under the tree of some of our favorite wrestling folks:
The Rock: A "pet Rock."
Eric Bischoff: A year's supply of chili to help him alter the ozone layer.
The Big Show: A year's supply of pizza in an attempt to alter the Earth's axis.
The Spanish-speaking announcers: A folding metal table, inciting the woodpecker population to picket every pay-per-view event.
Ric Flair: My Aunts Thelma and Louise - Woooooooooo!!
Vince McMahon: To help work on his "diminished mental capacity," a certificate for unlimited visits to my personal therapist Dr. Hugo Hackenbush.
Kane: A mask.
Hulk Hogan: A contract for a match at "Wrestlemania" vs. Vince.
Chris Jericho: Sable (and we don't mean a coat).
Linda McMahon: Confirmation of a winner for putting the WCW up for auction on eBay.
Ted Turner: Notification of being the highest bidder for the WCW.
Tazz: A tape of Tazz playing himself in a "Bugs Bunny" cartoon.
La Resistance: Deportation papers.
The Dudley Boyz: Their own steel cage to play in.
Lita, Trish, Stacy: Copies of "The DaVinci Code," so they can make an attempt to unlock the code.
The Undertaker: A bicycle built for two.
Stone Cold Steve Austin: A case of O'Doul's.
Shawn Michaels: A job as the new co-manager (with Elvis) of the "Heartbreak Hotel."
Goldberg: A ticket to Japan as he attempts to become Emperor.
Triple H: His name on the ballot to run for governor of Connecticut.
The Ultimate Warrior: A copy of the book "Where Are They Now?"
Mick Foley: A pen and pencil set so he can keep writing.
Jerry "NWA/TNA" Jarrett: A contract with the USA Network so fans have a "free" alternative to the WWE.
Brock Lesnar: A new disposition.
Scott Steiner: A muscle relaxer.
P.S. Happy New Year and be careful celebrating, the life you save could be mine!
The Slammer is the New York Daily News pro-wrestling columnist.
Alessandro "Hercules" Boondy
| | Promote this thread! |           | JoshMann
Andouille
Since: 17.11.03
From: Tallahassee, FL
Since last post: 1769 days
Last activity: 1766 days
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| #2 Posted on 29.12.03 1440.43 | Instant Rating: 2.64 | There's supposed to be a point in this article where I laugh, right?
But then again the next time I find The Slammer funny OR enlightening will be the first time.
As long as somebody CTC at the end of the day, I'm with them.
| BOSsportsfan34
Pepperoni
Since: 2.1.03
From: MA
Since last post: 78 days
Last activity: 4 hours
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| #3 Posted on 29.12.03 1738.27 | Instant Rating: 2.80 | Makes you long for the days of Killer Kowalski's weekley wrestling column in the Boston Herald.
Believe me, I'm not defending message boards -- they can be evil places
ESPN.com's Bill Simmons | JoshMann
Andouille
Since: 17.11.03
From: Tallahassee, FL
Since last post: 1769 days
Last activity: 1766 days
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| #4 Posted on 29.12.03 1809.18 | Instant Rating: 2.64 | I actually hate to admit this, but the first source of "smart" wrestling news I remember reading was Alex Marvez's Sunday corner section in the Miami Herald. And that was about 1989 or 1990.
I mean, it wasn't GREAT stuff, but that was my first exposure to any wrestling news that wasn't kayfabed.
As long as somebody CTC at the end of the day, I'm with them.
| Alex
Bratwurst
Since: 24.2.02
Since last post: 57 days
Last activity: 7 hours
| #5 Posted on 1.1.04 0048.26 | Instant Rating: 4.44 | Who the hell is The Slammer besides some shitty writer in a stupid mask?
Hyatte's version is funnier.
Hyatte's version is funny at all.
(edited by Mack Salmon on 2.1.04 1039) | Jerichoholic
Pinkelwurst
Since: 23.12.03
From: Amsterdam, holland
Since last post: 3333 days
Last activity: 3332 days
|  #6 Posted on 2.1.04 0848.25 | Instant Rating: 5.00 | He forgot one.
Chris Benoit-A personality |
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