Now that St. Nick has come and gone and you're standing in the "return" line at Wal-Mart with a "Barbie's Yukon Buzz Saw" in hand, here's something to help pass the time: things that may have been left under the tree of some of our favorite wrestling folks:
The Rock: A "pet Rock."
Eric Bischoff: A year's supply of chili to help him alter the ozone layer.
The Big Show: A year's supply of pizza in an attempt to alter the Earth's axis.
The Spanish-speaking announcers: A folding metal table, inciting the woodpecker population to picket every pay-per-view event.
Ric Flair: My Aunts Thelma and Louise - Woooooooooo!!
Vince McMahon: To help work on his "diminished mental capacity," a certificate for unlimited visits to my personal therapist Dr. Hugo Hackenbush.
Kane: A mask.
Hulk Hogan: A contract for a match at "Wrestlemania" vs. Vince.
Chris Jericho: Sable (and we don't mean a coat).
Linda McMahon: Confirmation of a winner for putting the WCW up for auction on eBay.
Ted Turner: Notification of being the highest bidder for the WCW.
Tazz: A tape of Tazz playing himself in a "Bugs Bunny" cartoon.
La Resistance: Deportation papers.
The Dudley Boyz: Their own steel cage to play in.
Lita, Trish, Stacy: Copies of "The DaVinci Code," so they can make an attempt to unlock the code.
The Undertaker: A bicycle built for two.
Stone Cold Steve Austin: A case of O'Doul's.
Shawn Michaels: A job as the new co-manager (with Elvis) of the "Heartbreak Hotel."
Goldberg: A ticket to Japan as he attempts to become Emperor.
Triple H: His name on the ballot to run for governor of Connecticut.
The Ultimate Warrior: A copy of the book "Where Are They Now?"
Mick Foley: A pen and pencil set so he can keep writing.
Jerry "NWA/TNA" Jarrett: A contract with the USA Network so fans have a "free" alternative to the WWE.
Brock Lesnar: A new disposition.
Scott Steiner: A muscle relaxer.
P.S. Happy New Year and be careful celebrating, the life you save could be mine!
The Slammer is the New York Daily News pro-wrestling columnist.
I wanted to point this out earlier but I thought there were already WAY too many threads here about 411. But since we have another one here goes. It's not just adding guys like Keith or Eric S. that is the problem.