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The W - Guest Columns - NAKED TUESDAY
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Boudin rouge

Since: 5.7.03

Since last post: 4096 days
Last activity: 3177 days
#1 Posted on
Hi, wieners!

I really really really wanted to do something to earn the Contributor tag that was so generously bestowed upon me here at the Wienerboard, so I figured that right out of the clear blue sky I’d do an old fashioned /Tuesday update since I have very little else to contribute with. I figure it’s either doing this or posting links to some pictures of boobies, and I went with this. By the end we’ll all probably be regretting that choice.

I was gonna do it last week, but I didn’t get a chance to. Then I told CRZ that I was totally gonna do it this week, thinking that setting the date would keep me from putting it off again, but earlier today I didn’t think I was gonna have a chance for this week either.

BUT THEN I tuned my television to the HBO and caught one of the delightful repeats of Curb Your Enthusiasm that they’re playing every Monday night (8 eastern/7 central!). You might recall, from back in the mystical days of yore, how I took lines from the show and used them as column titles, which some people actually had the gall to suggest was a way for me to get out of thinking up a clever title of my own. But clearly they did not understand my hardcore Curb love.

Anyway, I turn on the show and no sooner does the channel appear on my screen then, in a clever parody of the “casual Friday” phenomenon, estate lawyer Joel “JR” Reynolds jokes about “naked Tuesday”. NAKED TUESDAY. A Curb reference that actually mentioned the word Tuesday! Well, I about peed in my undershorts.

Then... THEN... as if that weren’t enough, the show goes on to feature a storyline about the unfortunate death of the father (played by the incomparable Ed Asner) of one of Larry’s old SNL writing pals. That man’s name? Barry Wiener.

WIENER. TUESDAY. TUESDAY. WIENER. It’s like a message from God himself.

So onward we go. You know how we roll.


There was a pay-per-view on Sunday! Usually after a PPV show, I would spend some time discussing it. Unfortunately, I did not see this show, so I have nothing at all to say. I guess I could make something up, but you’d surely catch me in my web of lies before too long.

I heard the show was good, though. I heard Vince bled from his head like that Emo Phillips scene in UHF, that sounds gross. And COOL. What’s with this one-legged guy, I don’t like this guy. He makes me uncomfortable. I saw a clip of Big Show standing on the floor and throwing the kid over the top rope into the ring, and the dude’s one leg was flapping around in the air while he flew, and ACK. Plus, I saw him this other time, and he had an EARRING. What a punk.


This happened so long ago that I truly do not recall if I saw it myself or if I simply heard the urban legend surrounding this tale. But the story goes something like this:

David Letterman was on Larry King whereabout 1995 and they were discussing the controversy in which Dave and legendary newsperson Connie Chung were on the outs for whatever reason. I think it was cause of some jokes Dave told, but I really don’t recall.

So Larry is asking Dave about that, and Dave says that he likes Connie, and mentions that she’s married to... and then he pauses. Now if you’re watching this at home, you probably say to yourself “Maury Povich”, as that of course is Mister Connie Chung.

But Dave does not say Maury, oh no he does not. Dave says... completely seriously, mind you... Vince McMahon! Connie Chung is married to Vince McMahon!

Well, if I did see that, imagine how surprised I was. Even in 1995 when I didn’t know anything, I knew that Vince was not married to Connie Chung. But Larry King didn’t correct him or anything and they end up changing the subject.

For years, stories (or memories) of this event have plagued me. Were Vince and Connie actually married? Had I hallucinated this event, or hallucinated that someone had told me about it? I just didn’t know.

I told my story of shame to some people I know, who were as curious as I was about it. An e-mail was sent to Ask1wrestling, hoping for answers as to this most bizarre of conversations between two talk show hosts, but none were given. An e-mail was sent to ASK THE RICK, who never responded. An e-mail was sent to no less a source than Dave Meltzer, who could only confirm that Vince and Connie were not, in fact, joined in wedded bliss.

But now the truth is revealed! After years and years of painstaking searches, I give you THIS LINK which unquestionably proves that Larry King and David Letterman did indeed have that conversation! Right there it is in black and white, the statement of Connie’s marriage to Vince.

So one question has been answered. The statement was most definitely made. But what of Connie and Vince’s bonds of matrimony? We may never know the truth.


Say let’s check the news!


  • You know, it’s one thing to get stolen Torch news, or maybe you even get a stolen newsletter if you’re one of those dirtsheet pirates. But let me tell you, friends and neighbors, if you’re not a Torch VIP then you’re missing the boat. And you have no paddle. And you’re stuck in the water. And you can’t swim.

    The e-mails and columns, sure okay whoopie, but what really gets you your money’s worth is the VIPee forum. Now 90% is just mooks talking shop and kissing the rosy red buttcheeks of the Torch columnists, but it’s the other 10% that makes it all worthwhile. Usually this involves somebody like Mark Madden going off on a rube or even a respected member of the wrestling community.

    Who was Madden talking about when he said “when you're the industry's so-called 'paper of record,' people will take whatever you have to say seriously. even when it's incorrect.”?

    What did Bruce Mitchell think of the IWC 100? What do the Bruces and Maddens and Wades think about people ON that list? Like CRZ! Like Scott Keith! Like those 411 guys! Like me! Okay, not me. Which Wienerboard poster had his Wienerboard response to the IWC 100 copied and pasted by an actual Torch columnist?

    It’s all at the forum! Subscribe today! But don’t blame me, I didn’t twist your arm.

  • Boy did Wade hate last week’s Raw. I mean jeez he hated it. HATED. Barely a fourth of the way through his Raw recap I figured he was going to up and quit this wrestling stuff and re-examine his life.

    Here’s the first paragraph of the Torch’s story: “The July 21st edition of Raw featured a booking abomination on a level only approached by Vince Russo in WCW, yet never on as grand a scale and in such big, bold strokes. WWE writers’ lack of respect for logical progression of storylines costs them. Their flippancy towards plausibility and inconsistent application of rules, reactions, and emotions drains the potential impact, and thus the money-drawing effectiveness, of their big angles. The follow-up to last week’s angle where Kane set Jim Ross on fire was a lowpoint in WWE booking.”

    Ouch! Basically what he hated was Linda and her speech about Kane, and the way she calmly said that Kane had the right to earn a living despite setting a man on fire, showing no anger or emotion about what had happened. Or even saying something like how she wanted to fire Kane but was talked out of it, or lawyers got involved, or something. Anything. And THEN to top it all off she got on Austin’s case for the heinous crime of giving people some Stunners.

  • Triple H and Goldberg had their first match last Sunday in San Jose. Goldberg did the job, as management told him to, but did not “put in a promising performance, nor did he conduct himself in a manner that endeared himself to management or refuted claims that he lacks the maturity necessary to be a reliable top player.”

    Torch DVD reviewing superstar Tony Batalla was on hand for the show and described the love between Goldberg and the crowd: “Goldberg didn't react at all to the fans, during the match or after, and left as soon as he could. A rabid Goldberg-clad lady looked heart-broken when Goldberg walked right past her and didn't acknowledge her presence."

    The crowd was pretty mixed. HHH got a bigger pop coming out, but there were loud Goldberg chants early on in the match. Then the anti-Berg fans got loud and booed him the rest of the way. After the match, Goldberg just shook his head at the crowd and left rather than play to the people at all. HHH won with a schoolboy after Flair and Orton got all up in it.

  • Jeff Hardy debuted in ROH and was heavily booed. “He looked terrible and missed a lot of spots,” said one guy, and by the end of the match the crowd was chanting “go get well”.

  • Brock/Angle will main event SummerSlam on the Smackdown side.

  • Bookscan numbers say that Tietam Brown sold 2287 copies it’s first week. That only covers the major chains and on-line sellers, about 85%-90% of sales, so the actual number may be closer to 2500. It ranked #35 on Bookscan’s Adult Fiction Hardcover bestseller list, which is great for a first-time novelist, but somewhat disappointing for someone with Mick Foley’s name and publicity and previous works. As comparisons, although these weren’t novels and were actually about wrestling, the Hardy book sold over 5200 it’s first week, Lawler’s did over 4700, and Hogan’s did just shy of 9000.

    Mick mentioned being kind of upset with some early “mixed” reviews of the book, so it’ll be interesting to hear his reaction to the total butthole-ripping he got in Madison, Wisconsin’s paper. Mick is/was headed there for a book signing and the paper shredded the book in a review.

    As of last Thursday, Tietam Brown has dropped to #48 on the list with just 1506 sold it’s second week.

  • Crash, who had a well-earned rep for complaining, was fired after a confrontation he had with Brian Gewirtz. Crash approached Smackdown writer Dave Lagana a while back to complain about his lack of push, and after listening to his issues Dave suggested that Crash speak to Vince since Vince makes the final decisions on who to push.

    It’s not yet known if Crash ever talked to Vince, but he did talk to Raw’s head man Brian and it got heated. Brian contacted Johnny Ace and said he’d felt cornered and intimidated during the confrontation, and shortly thereafter Ace told Crash that he was done.

    There’s heat on Brian in some circles for making a bigger fuss out of the situation than necessary, but most people feel that Crash’s dismissal was long overdue.

  • Speaking of Brian, he’s getting criticized by the other writers for not attending a scouting trip they made to OVW last week. Brian’s excuse was that it was his day off, which is a good excuse, but the other writers are getting frustrated with him avoiding the overseas trips and scouting stuff.

    Bruce Prichard also didn’t attend and the writers joked that he didn’t come because Vince wouldn’t be there for Bruce to kiss his ass. In Bruce’s defense, he doesn’t work day-to-day in the office anymore because he moved his family to Houston after his wife got sick with cancer. But some of the writers say that while Bruce didn’t want to make this trip so he could be at home, he’s been pitching the idea of doing Brother Love at house shows. So on one hand he uses his family to get out of trips, but he doesn’t mind being away from them if he’s getting paid. Yeah, paid with money he can take home to his family. Jeez cut the dude a break, I say.

    Writer Dominic Pagliaro made everyone look bad on the trip. When OVW wrestlers approached him to ask for suggestions or to see what ideas he might have for their characters, Dominic said he wasn’t familiar with their work and went as far as saying that he’s never seen an OVW tape. Then he just hung out talking about movies and chicks.

  • Shane O’Mac will be returning to TV soon. The latest word was that he’d be on Raw to address what happened with his mom. “That way they can have McMahon family members on both shows,” complained some jealous guy who probably doesn’t get a big stock check.

    Wade had said that they wanted to use Shane to keep the brand extension going, which I didn’t like because it ruins this awesome idea wherein Kurt Angle jumps to Raw, researches his family history, and starts wrestling as Milk Dudley. But Vince was on Raw so it’s all good.

  • Rock’s movie schedule prevented him from making the appearance on Raw that he’d talked about. His appearance on the August 4th Raw from Vancouver is still tentatively scheduled.

  • JR made it known that he’s not happy about being removed from play-by-play again, but he’ll enjoy the time off that it will give him.

  • There’s some minor heat on Rikishi for not telling the office that he had scheduled a laser eye surgery thing for himself. He just told the office that he needed two weeks off, which he was given, but he took longer to heal than expected and had been booked for shows after the two weeks was up. If they’d known it was for surgery, they wouldn’t have advertised him in the lineups in case he needed more time. Which he did.

  • People say Vince has soured on Ultimo Dragon. The original plan was for Dragon vs. Rey at SummerSlam, but current plans are for Rey against Kidman.

  • Paul Heyman is expected back on TV around SummerSlam. Am I wrong in thinking that this has been said ever few weeks since like April?

  • They got some questions about the WWF/WWE logo thing from readers, so Wade talked to WWE’s legal department about it.

    “There was an early-'90s agreement between the World Wrestling Federation and World Wildlife Fund that basically called a truce between the two companies with the duplicated initials. The agreement included restrictions that the Wrestling Federation agreed to regarding use of the WWE initials internationally. That was before the popularity of the World Wide Web and the wide usage of internationally. There was no way for the Wrestling Federation to prevent usage of overseas, yet that was technically in violation of the early-'90s agreement between the Fund and the Federation, according to the judge.

    The early-'90s agreement gave the Wrestling Federation usage of the "block" WWF logo at the time. When the Wrestling Federation switched to the "scratch" WWF logo, they felt it was basically the same logo, just using a different font, and wouldn't violate the agreement. However, the court saw differently, believing that the new logo was enough of a change that the early-'90s agreement didn't apply. Remember, the Wildlife Fund had the advantage in this situation because they had trademarked the "WWF" letters decades ago, back when the Wrestling Federation was known as the WWWF (World Wide Wrestling Federation).

    As a result the Wrestling Federation decided to change its name to World Wrestling Entertainment because that would allow them to be freed from the shackles of any legal negotiations or restrictions related to the World Wildlife Fund, keep the scratch logo in tact with a small alteration (changing "F" to "E"), and be able to use their logo and initials internationally without any restrictions. In fact, overseas, they used the WWF scratch logo in place of the letters "WWF" in some publications before the name change as to avoid problems with violating the Wildlife Fund early-'90s agreement. It turned out, though, that scratch logo wasn't any more allowable than the letters "WWF" overseas. The World Wildlife Fund is based in Switzerland and thus was especially concerned with confusion in the marketplace in Europe. It wasn't an issue with them until the internet expanded the usage of the actual "WWF" letters internationally that they raised legal concerns and took action to protect their legally registered identity. It didn't help that the WWF was the subject of so much negative press regarding its raunchy content which the Wildlife Fund was worried about being associated with.

    What this means regarding archived footage is WWE cannot show the WWF scratch logo in any new videos or merchandise that are produced, including archived footage from the late-'90s "Attitude" era. That is why in old footage, the WWF scratch logo is digitized or blurred. WWE does not have to alter the old block "WWF" logo, though, that was specifically allowed as part of the early-'90s agreement between the Fund and the Federation.

    Vince McMahon always encouraged wrestlers and announcers to refer to the company as World Wrestling Federation rather than WWF (i.e. "Hulk Hogan is the greatest World Wrestling Federation Champion of all time" rather than "Hulk Hogan is the greatest WWF Champion of all time.") At the time, it wasn't widely known why he insisted on that. It turns out that it was because of the agreement that he owned the name "World Wrestling Federation" internationally, but had restrictions on how he could use the letters "WWF" overseas. That means, any references to "World Wrestling Federation" verbally are okay, but any references verbally to "WWF" would likely have to be deleted from old archived footage, also. However, I'm told that the verbal aspect of the agreement is quite complicated, but WWE is adhering strictly to the agreed upon terms whenever putting "Best of" DVDs together these days.”

  • The lawsuits with Jay Hassman and Len Sabal have been settled out of court in a “mutual walk-away”. This was about the InDemand scandal where TNA was fed phony buyrate info.

  • NWA World Champion AJ Styles said during a radio interview that, although he loves TNA, he prefers working on ROH shows. He was also critical of Jeff Jarrett for trying to do to many jobs within TNA.

  • Some people in the company have already given up on the idea of using Shane Douglas as a top player. Even though he’s only made a few appearances, he’s gotten a rep for forgetting spots and choking under pressure. After a recent show Shane spent several minutes chewing out a referee for blowing an important spot before someone stepped in and made Shane admit that it was actually his own fault.

  • TNA is working with InDemand to promote a really cheap pre-taped show that will recap the history of the company. And they mean really cheap, boy do they. Prices have been talked about from $1.99 to the bargain price of one penny. DirecTV was given the choice of being part of the special, but they passed and now they’re upset that they’ll be airing the show for 10 bucks while InDemand has it for much less. The plan right now is to air the show one of the weeks in September when TNA won’t be running.

  • The latest word from DirecTV is that TNA has been averaging 10,000 buys a month, 2500 a week, which is well below what was guaranteed to the company by InDemand. A DTV source says the company has a month-to-month deal with TNA and could back out anytime they want.

    Thanks, Wade!


  • Continuing with talk about Triple H and Goldberg, the problems the two guys had stemming back to Goldberg going mental at an autograph signing were all patched up pretty quick. Hunter went up to him, asked if Goldberg would be his best friend, talked about working together, planned their joint summer vacation, and said he’d have no problem losing to Goldberg if Goldberg felt the same.

  • The FBI is being sent to OVW for a few weeks, with the thought that Palumbo and Johnny need to learn. Especially Johnny. Palumbo just signed a new deal. Dave Lagana is high on Nunzio, and Vince likes Nunzio, but Nunzio is going to OVW too just cause the other guys are.

  • Brian Gerwirtz’s long term plan for Lance Storm’s “boring” gimmick is apparently for him to team with a wacky partner who tries to teach charisma to Lance. HEAD CHEESE HEAD CHEESE

  • At the “writers go to OVW” trip, Dave Lagana made the opposite impression of that Dominic guy, cause Dave knew who people were and knew all the big storylines.

  • Lita hasn’t recovered as fast as hoped. They’re shooting for September before she comes back.

  • Triple H did a Stacker 2 commercial. I can only assume that this means using Big Show and Bubba Dudley to sell fat burners didn’t work out for some reason.

  • Paul Heyman should be cleared by a neurologist this week and will probably return whenever they get an angle for him.

  • This was a few weeks ago, but here’s a list of recent WWE released buyrate figures. Draw conclusions of your own!

    Rumble (HHH wins, Rock/Jericho): 490,000 buys
    No Way Out (nWo debuts, Austin/Jericho, HHH/Angle): 530,000
    Mania (Hogan/Rock, HHH/Jericho): 840,000
    Backlash (Hogan/HHH): 345,000
    Judgment Day (UT/Hogan): 370,000
    KOTR (UT/HHH, Angle/Hogan, Lesnar wins KOTR): 320,000
    Vengeance (Rock/Taker/Angle, Unamericans vs. Edge/Hogan): 375,000
    Summerslam (Lesnar/Rock, HBK/HHH): 520,000
    Unforgiven (HHH/RVD, Lesnar/UT) : 295,000
    No Mercy (Lesnar/UT HIAC, HHH/Kane, Tag finals): 300,000
    Survivor Series (Elimination Chamber, Lesnar/Show): 350,000
    Armageddon (HHH/HBK): 340,000

    Rumble (Lesnar wins, HHH/Steiner, Angle/Benoit): 515,000
    No Way Out (Hogan/Rock, Austin returns): 450,000
    Mania (McMahon/Hogan, Lesnar/Angle, HHH/Booker): 560,000
    Backlash (Rock/Goldberg, Lesnar/Cena): 350,000
    Judgment Day (Lesnar/Big Show, HHH/Nash): 230,000
    Bad Blood (HHH/Nash, Goldberg/Jericho, HBK/Flair): 300,000

    Thanks, Dave! And thanks to Joe_G for typing out the above list!


I think that’s about it. Well, as I’m sure we’re all regretting my no-booby decision, I may as well make up for that. I have no idea how widely circulated these are, but here’s Sable getting her top taken off from Smackdown. Flesh colored pasties or did she have her nipples removed? You be the judge!

I’m sure we’ll have a chance to par-tay again some day. Hopefully this didn’t bore you too bad, and I can sleep tonight knowing that I’m no longer a complete fraud in the contributor department.

Promote this thread!

Since: 2.1.02
From: Michigan

Since last post: 6982 days
Last activity: 6856 days
#2 Posted on
The part I liked best about the Letterman/King transcript was that right after Vince's name was mentioned, the next call in to the show was from Montreal. (SMARKY!)

I didn't realize I missed the Tuesday updates, (I blame Shapiro) but I do. I hope this becomes a regular occurance, because adding this to the OA, Raw Satires (hopefully adding SD), ITR, and DEAN's SD workrate reports makes the great selection of columns here even better.

That Satan's a good guy. He shares his Skittles.


Since: 27.2.03
From: Parts Unknown

Since last post: 5 days
Last activity: 4 days
#3 Posted on
I missed your column. It's good to have you back, Seadawg.

Since: 2.1.02

Since last post: 7537 days
Last activity: 7537 days
#4 Posted on
Good column as always.

As for "Curb", I've been watching the repeats of it, and I think it's one of the funniest shows on TV. The ones they showed last week when Larry was whistling that Wagner song, and the hijinks at the poker game were hilarious.

Keep up the good work.

"Oh my God, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits! It says, 'Oooooo!'" Peter Griffin
"Peter, those are Cheerios." Brian

Since: 1.2.02
From: Appleton, WI

Since last post: 4212 days
Last activity: 4212 days
#5 Posted on
Hooray for the returning Seadawg. Another good column, but you really should work on a consistent schedule. These month-long gaps in coverage are really uncool.

Fashion Reporter Extraordinare

Polska kielbasa

Since: 20.6.03

Since last post: 7551 days
Last activity: 7354 days
#6 Posted on
    Originally posted by SEADAWG
    Hi, wieners!

    I really really really wanted to do something to earn the Contributor tag that was so generously bestowed upon me here at the Wienerboard, so I figured that right out of the clear blue sky I’d do an old fashioned /Tuesday update since I have very little else to contribute with.

How do you get the contributor tag anyways?

Good work.

(edited by tshman122 on 29.7.03 1708)

Since: 19.1.02
From: Minnesota

Since last post: 2935 days
Last activity: 2803 days
#7 Posted on

    Originally posted by tshman122
      Originally posted by SEADAWG
      Hi, wieners!

      I really really really wanted to do something to earn the Contributor tag that was so generously bestowed upon me here at the Wienerboard, so I figured that right out of the clear blue sky I’d do an old fashioned /Tuesday update since I have very little else to contribute with.

    How do you get the contributor tag anyways?

    Good work.

    (edited by tshman122 on 29.7.03 1708)

Talk to Guru on that one.

Big Bad

Since: 4.1.02
From: Dorchester, Ontario

Since last post: 1946 days
Last activity: 1515 days
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.54
Awesome, now I never have to even consider getting the Torch! Um...

Over 1800 posts and still never a Wiener of the Day! But I'm not bitter!

Since: 2.1.02

Since last post: 347 days
Last activity: 347 days
#9 Posted on

    Anyway, I turn on the show and no sooner does the channel appear on my screen then, in a clever parody of the “casual Friday” phenomenon, estate lawyer Joel “JR” Reynolds jokes about “naked Tuesday”. NAKED TUESDAY. A Curb reference that actually mentioned the word Tuesday! Well, I about peed in my undershorts.

    Then... THEN... as if that weren’t enough, the show goes on to feature a storyline about the unfortunate death of the father (played by the incomparable Ed Asner) of one of Larry’s old SNL writing pals. That man’s name? Barry Wiener.

    WIENER. TUESDAY. TUESDAY. WIENER. It’s like a message from God himself.

Should have known God was a wiener.


Since: 7.1.02

Since last post: 3304 days
Last activity: 2933 days
#10 Posted on
I thought that list of PPV buyrates looked familiar, then I'm like, "Hey, I typed that!" But then Seadawg gives me credit! Wotta guy. Who's your caucasian?

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I just realized that I said the Invasion angle happened in 2000. Sorry 'bout that, I meant 2001. Looks like I've been flying too much lately -- I don't even know what year it is anymore! -- jetlag is not my friend. Peace.
- theinstigator, The Instigator's Opinion Column (2002)
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