Step 1: Buy 64 Tickle Me Elmos off of eBay. Step 2: Tear them apart. Step 3: Sew the pelts and electronics together to create The Surrogate, a coat that "provides full body vibration and is designed to be a substitute lover." Step 4: Mount 61 of the Elmo heads on plaques. Step 5: Put the Elmo trophies BACK on eBay. Step 6: ... Step 7: PROFIT! (Especially when the coat goes on eBay in the second week of October.)
"Noah is busy playing with his one Lego. He can make it be a brick... or a closed shoebox... or a very large Pez." -- Kibo
I know here in Albuquerque, there are several local places that can fix the touch screens for you. If you live in a city, I'm betting there are some local shops around that you could take it to and have them fix it.