Kid Ass Avenger (Perverse Spoiled Functional Child)
It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a gigantic flying perv! Yes, it's the inner child Kid Ass Avenger (PSFC). Your inner child runs amuck in the inner streets of your inner Mardis Gras. He, in fact, is the queen of the parade, and by the end of the night, or any night of your life, is always smothered in the finest beads.
He is also a child genius, but uses his powers to bizarre and ambiguous ends. He may give you the power to save the universe from total destruction one day and the next day save you from dipping a french fry in ketchup. Who knows what adventures lie in your unconscious future?
Be wary, though. It's all part of his master plan to make *you* the super-villian.
Right on, you gotta love the Spark.
"You gotta hate somebody before this is over. Them, me, it doesn't matter."
"Hate, who do I hate? You tell me."
"Who do you love?"
-Wintermute to Case in William Gibson's Neuromancer
How's your new love?/I hope he's doin' fine/Heard you told him that you'd love him 'till the end of time/Now, that's the same thing/the same thing you told me seems like just the other day/Gee ain't it funny, funny how time slips away? - Willie Nelson tells the truth.
"I thought it was cool how HHH just tossed Jericho out of the ring and made him vanish, possibly into another dimension, at the end of the match." - Dr. Unlikely says the funniest thing I've ever read on Wienerville
Like the tale of the pirate and the lamb in "Siddhartha," you were once fat as hell, but, through many faults of your own, are now *Malnourished* on the inside (NSDA). Your tender little baby is wanting of teats and milk. You would do well to let her suckle some.
All of your issues can be solved with an "emotional hamburger," i.e., treat your baby right. Find something to love and love it. Find something to buy and buy it. Find something to grope and grope it. This is the way of the inner child feeding frenzy.
Another avenue to explore may be giving your inner child up for adoption to someone who can love it better than you.
Bart: Hey, immigrants! Beat it! Country's full! Sailor: OK people, you heard the lady. Back into the hold. We'll try Canada. [the immigrants moan] -- "The City of New York Vs. Homer Simpson"
Brrrr. Your inner child is Old Man Winter Baby, or an NIFA, blowing cold winds in from the North and freezing all in your path. Your inner chillin' grew up a long time ago, before the sun came and warmed the planet. You are what is known in religious tracts as an "old soul."
Your little man in you tends to freeze at the wrong time-- just when what you need is hot buttered action. So try a little tenderness once in a while, huh? Lighten up. The good news is you don't need professional help. Pet a puppy, jazzercise or lick a ripe watermelon and you'll start to feel much, much better.
Your inner child is the Toymaker (PIFA) --aloof, quirky and maniacal like a baroque timepiece-- so don't be surprised when all your cukoo clocks go off at once. Luckily, for the present, you have managed to siphon all of your weird-ass issues into some sort of outlet, so you're safe from the guys in skintight white jump suits.
The little baby working away inside of you functions because everything it has learned it learned itself-- without too much outside help. Because you were born being old, you are fixated on youth.
This inner child is common among people who use shiny objects, like serial killers and dentists.
-Upon reading this, I begin to wonder what's up.
(edited by ScreamingHeadGuy on 6.6.02 1820) In the name of the Moon, I will punish you.