If this has been done to death before in earlier threads, I apologize...
Voice: (Bongo drums in background) The case you are about to see is real. Both parties have agreed to drop their cases and have their dispute settled here -- in our forum -- The Wrestler's Court. Doug Llewellyn: Welcome to the Wrestler's Court. Today, we have the case of the Backstage Brawlers. The defendant is now entering the courtroom. Let's watch.
Bradshaw the Bailiff: Everyone rise for the honorable Judge Undertaker. Dead Man Walking....
Undertaker: Please be seated. Your name....
Jericho: Hey, Undertaker, you don't understand... I just...
Undertaker: I SAID YER NAME, PUNK!
Jericho: Chris Jericho. Living Legend. King of the World. Huge Rock Star. Highlight of the Night.
Undertaker: And what the hell happened backstage, son?
Jericho: I was just telling this assclown Greenberg that he should be giving me a little respect. After all, I am the first... UN-DIS-PUTED WWE Champion!
Undertaker: Respect? You wanna talk about respect, Jericho? I been here more than a decade. This is my yard, and I'm the biggest dog around here... Rest... in ... peace (Undertaker turns to leave)
Bradshaw: Uh... the case?
Undertaker: Right... bring on the plaintiff.
Goldberg: You're..... NEXT!
Undertaker: Aw, damn, Stone Cold. You only been back a few months now. You can't stay outta trouble?
Goldberg: I'm Bill Goldberg.
Undertaker: Ahh (smiles) I heard of you. What the hell are you doing in my court, son?
Goldberg: I have no idea. I was just telling Jericho here that I came to the WWE to become famous.
Undertaker: YOU WANT ME TO MAKE YOU FAMOUS? IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYIN'?
Undertaker: Hell, I had enough this crap. Bradshaw, why don't you teach these guys our main event style? .... In the showers!
Bradshaw: Heh heh! With pleasure, your honor!
Doug Llewyln: All right, you just heard the Judge's decision. Tune in next week, when we decide the case of Ric Flair and Eric Bischoff: Geriatric Grudge Match. Until next time, remember: if you have a problem with someone, take 'em to court!
"If I told Mooah to act her age, she'd die." -- Jerry Lawler, 1999
Those listings are INCREDIBLY old - they still show Metal airing at noon in San Jose, when they moved to 11pm MONTHS ago. Having said that, Guru, I went to Yahoo! and checked - there's no Metal or Jakked in San Diego, it looks like...