This isn't just a "viral in your face LOL!" thread, friends and neighbors. This is me trying to be proactive, because by all rights this ought to be a sensation in the sports internet deadspin blogospehere.
The Penguins' Evgeni Malkin and Alyonka Larionov, daughter of Igor, make pierogies. I'm not sure who I'm more in love with. Cameos by a mayonegg, Kris "Legend" Letang, Malkin selling a "that's what she said" via wacky face, and Labrum Jones. It has a Fine Babe, Borat-style foreign language humor, fatty food, romance, and zaniness -- I'm not sure how this could appeal more to American viewers.
And I think it's safe to say that Danton's playing career is over. After 87 NHL games and racking up 182 minutes in penalties with New Jersey and St. Louis, Danton will be spending the next 7 1/2 years in the ultimate sin bin...PRISON. Good riddance.