Anyone want to place bets on when the words "glass ceiling" will be screaming all along IWC message boards after this opening segment?
Edits: Jericho is owning in this promo. And RVD: "What are YOU smoking?" had be LAUGHING.
Wow, a video for Kane! With decent music! A SWANK video for Kane no less. Sweet!
(edited by El Nastio on 5.8.02 2153)
"D-Von actually gets his head stuck up Rikishi's _ss and I am filled with love. love for wrestling. love for you. a love so true. like a perfect love. like a man and a woman. like a true wrestling fan and his or her love for CHRIS MOTHER____ING BENOIT."
Did anyone else think HBK was going to break into "The Gambler?" Man, that segment sapped my will to live. In fact, about 80% of the show sapped my will to live. Pleh.
"YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?" - The chilling words of the Shockmaster!
"Here comes Charles Benoit, and he's really mad.....Charles Benoit is here, and he's FUCKING CRAZY"- T.R. on the barbecued cat thread (it's too terrible to link)
THE AWESOME UNDERTAKER drives out - damn, how did those STEEL steps rise up onto their ends and out of the way of - hey wait, I see DUDES there! They must be soulless minions of Big Evil's Red Devil Underwood Deviled Ham Team Evil. What? - CRZ, back to his old antics
Taker definitely got his best shot of the night on Matt Hardy. Silly way to complete that face turn if you ask me.
I see what Lawler was doing with his commentary during the women's match. At least JR tried to call this one. The low point there was Molly. She showed NO improv skills on commentary. I was disappointed, 'cause she can cut a good scripted promo and wrestle her ass off (unintentional wording).
Will Molly complete a face turn by turning away the advances of Harvard Chris? Or will they both be faces if they acknowledge getting some? I'm confused.
Lawler said Booker was OGB... OG is Original Gangsta, but Lawler never got to what OGB meant... maybe I should just forget he said it.
Steph's "SmackDown getting a commercial on Raw" trick = gold.
WHAT AMAZING TECHNOLOGY THE SAN ANTONIO POLICE HAVE!
Tonight's ad - Serving Sara (looks like crap) with six. Runner up - Some Shitty Surfing Movie with four. Slamball got seven ads (they haven't canceled it yet?)
JR wears his balck hat and King wears his...whatever.
Y2J's shirt is sparkly (with two "Jericho"s on back). His eyes are green. Now Thhhor (with a picture of HIMSELF on his shirt) stares at Jericho. This reminds me of the Simpsons "I'm Radioactive Man." Halloween costume bit. They beep "balls"? So Thhhor goes to play detective. Now RVD, in HIS shirt, comes down. Rob disses Jericho's clothes. When ponytails collide!
Giant in his spiffy singlet vs. Bubba in his "Dudleyville" baseball jersey. Bubba's bandages are all gone. Trish (in not much) and Spike (in a Ravens' helmet) team up to turn Giant's push into a feud (then they have threesome fun).
Team Canada (in the same thing as EVER) talk to Terri (in a floral tanktop). Undertaker's been emasculated? Hey, then he's just like his brother Kane. Sargeant Slaughter sticks his chin out. Test will use his big boot to stamp "Hasbro" on Sarge's butt.
Tommy has tape on his hands. Bradshaw has a cowbell (and black undies). The DDT on the steps was NASTY. I hate that Texas belt.
William, H-man, Molly, and some chick who likes to show her boobs, talk. H-man wants to de-flower Molly. Goldie is the REAL GoldMember. Mini-Dust scares me. Thhhor doesn't like Booker. Uncle Eric is watching you! (that means there's a poster of him in the shot) Hey, Uncle Eric is watching DeadCowMan! Finkel wears his tux (he must be the only guy I know to own one).
Sarge (in REAL camo) and the American flag vs. Upside-Down-Flag-vinyl-pants-bitch. Um, nevermind.
Goldie in his robe and Booker in black undies vs. De-Flowerer in his H-undies and William in plain undies. Goldie sells the arm like a pro. BookDust are the Lords of the Midcard!
Thhhor (and Mjolnir) talk to Team Canada. Hey, Thhhor actually watched last week's tape! Then he smashes the defenseless food table.
The busty Trish and her hat (with annoying King's "puppies") vs. Victoria in her "see my boobs" pink top. King is a fucking pig. Molly is the Hero Of All Virgins. Fake injury spot=Victoria is a HEEL! If anyone's gonna get emasculated, it should be King. Good match, but King made it utter hell to sit through (like he does with all womens' matches).
Mjolnir (and Thhhor) chat with Giant. Hey, Mjolnir causes double damage to giants. (just sayin' is all)
Hardyz with their paint, hankys, and white belts vs. Team Canada in their same stuff (and tag titles) with the upside-down flag. Champs retain in an okay match. Greybeard steals a motorcycle to give chase.
DeadCowMan shills XXX (p.o.s.). Oh, Lillian and Fink aruge (she's in a red shirt). And the fatasses lay-out Lillian (hey, if I wanted to see big men abuse women I'd be watching NWA-TNA). A fucked-up, waste-of-time segment.
Jericho (in green, non-sparkly pants) vs. RVD (in blue ying-yang singlet). After chairshots, Flair (in normal clothes) dances. Match over at 9:55. Um, so we go into the hour with an ad-break. Who the frick had that bright idea?
DeadCowMan and Thhhor (still in HIS shirt, but sans Mjolnir) chat. It's Shawn, looking all bloodied, bruised, and bandaged. Um, couldn't they have done this OVER THE PHONE and, more importantly, OFF CAMERA? Do we REALLY need to spend the last 10 minutes of the show with this crap? Oh, Thhhor is caught by HIS OWN T-shirt (see kids, never wear a shirt with YOUR name on it). Um, so Thhhor is a heel now, right? (and was Shawn falling asleep there? I admit I wouldn't have minded nodding-off myself during that segment)
Okay at times, utter crap at others. Wrestling=good. Other stuff=waste of time. Guys, stick with the in-ring action. Please. Else I'll have lotsa pee-breaks.
Fashion Reporter Extraordinare
and Offhand-Remarks Maker
Who just happens to be wierded-out by Skittles Commericals.
AWESOME show. The WWF's really been cranking them out since introducing Bischoff as GM, and since I'm not a jaded bitter "I believe faked rumors about backstage" hater of supposed political wrestlers, I really enjoyed the last bit of the show. Highlights definitely include Jericho's promo to kick off RAW, Mini-Dust, Dust selling the arm like a mofo and Nowinski/Regal attacking the arm like mofos, DREAMER, Victoria turning into Molly-lite with an attitude, and the Mr. Monday Night battle. I hope this good show streak keeps on rolling.
The following announcement has not been paid for because it's free.
This may be the whatever-bug-I-have-that-makes-me-feel-like-sh*t talking, or it may be the pent-up frustation about that damn Sephiroth, but if anyone can pull one more good match out of my man HBK, it's gotta be Tripps. And maybe Angle. OK, Benoit could do it too. Jericho might be able to, but that would be a stretch. Besides, Y2J's gotta deal with Slick Ric Whose Head's so Thick That he Doesn't Know When to...uh...Quick..ly Quit Cuz he's Just Sick....enning to Watch. Or something like that.
(edited by gugs on 5.8.02 2338) The preceding announcement was not paid for because it was free.
gonna build a giant drill and bore straight into hell releasing ancient demons from their sleep-forever spell so they can walk upon the earth and get recituated and run the diet pill pyramid that MC Pee Pants has created
The Trish/Spike/Buh Buh made me weep genuine tears of joy for it's sheer genius.
Is it just me, or do we have the possibilty of the first ever Archie Comics angle? I mean, you have Chris, who is looking more and more like Archie every week. Switch a few letters around and Victoria becomes Veronica. Sweet, pure Molly is a sure Betty if she starts dying her hair again. Add Big Show as Jughead and Eric as Reggie, and you have the best-rated segments EVER produced!!!
Who needed to suspect any neanderthal pose when it was a neanderthal booking that was already done with SCSA... I mean, come on -- we all read that it's going to be HHH/HBK at SummerSlam; why not have this to advance the feud? *yawn*
Now, on the other hand, you knew that the "three minutes" was going to hit sometime. As much as I hated seeing Lillian be the victim, that was a SWEET~! move.
Molly and King was boring, but I would have no-selled it like she did, because it's a bullshit angle anyway. Capice?
Trivia dept.: That green spiral staircase where Bischoff was standing when he made his phone call before the last segment sure looked like where Austin approached Spike Dudley to sign his petition and called Molly a gold digger last year, causing Spike to rip up the petition. Ah, memories.
All in all, a couple of very good matches but not much in the way of angle advancement -- outside of that interminable Triple H/Shawn segment. New rule of thumb: if the audience gets bored enough to chant "What" at anyone other than Angle, the segment is probably running too long.
Oh, and since it needs to be said as often as possible: Shut. Up. Lawler. Victoria was a bit awkward at points, and I liked that trick she pulled better when Rob Conway did it to Randy Orton on Velocity several weeks back, but the match was overall good -- if it hadn't been for Lawler incessantly harping on the virgin thing.
Edited to add: A drumstick drop is what CRZ calls Rikishi's legdrop, because in Rikishi's outfit his fat legs look like drumsticks. Rosey's (or Jamal's, I can't tell them apart) move was a flapjack into a Samoan drop -- and yes, it WAS very nice.
Ok I thought drumstick drop was some variation of the Samoan drop, cuz CRZ made it sound quite devastating.
Man, did anyone else hear the "hurry up" guy yelling again during HHH's promos? That was funny.
Sign I liked: "They took our sign!"
Sign I hated: "Steelers Suck Go Ravens"
Man fuck you Baltimore you aren't going to get anywhere this year. Admit that the Steelers have a better team and look four years down the road when maybe the games between them can be competitive again.
Sorry bout that little rant.
What a Manuever!
Ross During Jeff's Ladder Match, after the KO chairshot: "CLIMB THE LADDER KID, MAKE YOURSELF FAMOUS!" Just awesome.
To be fair, Molly wanted her being virginal to be emphasized. But I agree, Lawler was a liitle ridiculous. Maybe you have to be to get it over. Now Victoria has to listen to Lawler asking Molly about fruits as she replays her Raw debut. Maybe if Molly stole a little Stevie Ray and call Trish a "fruit booty", it would have worked.
Gee, HHH crashing into three segments that would have owned turned to a waste of time.
"Business has just picked up" says JR. Then right on cue, Molly enters the arena! Never was JR any better in introducing someone. --Raw 7/15
Was kind of busy so I didn't get to give Raw the full treatment tonight, and to be honest I couldn't get as excited without Benoit and Eddy, but a few things did stick out:
-I never thought I would say this, but I LOVE Eric Bischoff on my tv. He is just so unbelievably smarmy, he's passed up car salesman and is approaching injury lawyer and game show host levels of smarm now. And the Three Minutes thing is priceless for me, as they're replicating the sheer wanton violence and attendant joy that 911 used to bring the masses by chokeslamming helpless schmucks for our amusement.
-Howard Finkel rules. All evening his weaseling around combined with the inappropriate bombast of the announcer voice just made him wonderfully silly to watch. And pushing Lillian into the Island Boyz as he ran off deserves a vote of some sort in this RSPW voting.
-If things around them weren't so circus like, and HHH generally not willing to let someone draw any real heat on him since he came back (and before the HHH fanboys start, I have one word for you...Lucy), this HBK thing could be amazing. The match itself is secondary to the fact that this could be a truly dramatic tale of redemption, jealousy, pride, wrapping about 100 great sports cliches into one feud. I say the feud needs 3 matches, HHH beats the hell out of HBK at Slam, then narrowly beats him through nefarious means at Rumble, before Shawn gets final redemption at WM, where the pull the WM 11 Diesel/Shawn "we're enemies, now we're friends after one of us gets attacked" thing so everyone leaves on a happy note.
-Jerry Lawler needs to die. His refusal to sell the injury to Victoria killed that match for me, all so he could get in a couple more lame-ass cherry jokes that you would slap your friend in the back of the head if he told them all to you.
-Tommy retains the hardcore title! I hope he keeps it for 6 months straight. I love the broken-down crippled bastard for all the beatings he took for my entertainment, and hope he gets a little limelight before that last vertebrae snaps and puts him in the wheelchair for life.
You never know when you'll meet that special someone... the someone that's mysteriously blind to your flaws. or, you know, stupid enough not to realize that yes, you really are that cynical.
What can the WWE do to improve this god awful mess? I don't know what on earth they have been thinking when they turned a successful division into a collection of teams that are singles' wrestlers thrown together.