The W
Views: 98556942
Main | FAQ | Search: Y! / G | Calendar | Color chart | Log in for more!
30.8.14 2347
The W - Guest Columns - The Obtuse Recap: The Raw that Ate Your Brain [Part Two]
This thread has 17 referrals leading to it
Register and log in to post!
Pages: 1(539 newer) Next thread | Previous thread
User
Post (11 total)
Wolfram J. Paulovich
Frankfurter








Since: 11.11.02
From: Fat City, Baby

Since last post: 2903 days
Last activity: 2273 days
AIM:  
#1 Posted on
Kevin Test Nash v. Chris Jericho for a Hair v. Hair in Such a Way that Jericho Looks Like Crap Whatever the Outcome Match
Jericho taunts. Y2J chant starts but gets quashed. Nash forces Jericho in the corner. Irish whip to the other corner. Jericho bounces out and goes for a ride courtesy of Nash lazily lifting him. Sideslam on Jericho. Jericho into a choke on the second rope. He fights out and takes over with some elbows. Goes up top. Goes for top-rope double-axehandle. Nash grabs him before the landing and clobbers him. Nash's pin attempt gets two. Jericho does a little dropkick on Nash's knee. He gives more kicks to back of Nash's knee. This work on the knee will not be relevant later. He then runs, springs off the ropes and into Nash, who back body drops him over the ropes to the mat.

Nash climbs out, his leg miraculously healed. He tosses Jericho on the barrier. He whips Jericho against the ring-pole and goes for a clothesline. He misses, slamming his arm into the pole. What a horrible injury! This will not be relevant later. Jericho climbs into the ring. He runs off the ropes and does a dropkick through the first and second rope. Nash falls against barricade. Jericho jumps off the apron and hits him in the back. He then tosses Nash in the ring. He goes up top, and a missile dropkick connects. Pin attempt gets two. Kicks to belly, not the knee, and both will not be relevant later. Punches to head, which are stupid, since those would probably break his hand; but those will, nonetheless, be relevant later.

Nash is still on mat. Jericho goes to remove the turnbuckle padding. Nash is out. Hebner notices the turnbuckle pad, which Jericho has left on the mat. Nash rolls up Jericho while Hebner spends roughly the duration of a Dell Intern commercial wondering what to do with the turnbuckle pad... before finally tossing it aside and noticing a match. He has Nash's sense of psychology. Nash's roll up takes a small part of forever. Jericho kicks out after twenty-seven. Somehow he gets control (I was smacking my head and distracting myself). Nash is on the ground. Jericho does Nash's in-ring pyro "Wauuuuaagghhhh" power-fist thing. Another incipient Y2J chant starts. There's been a poor audience reaction for Nash.

Jericho gets Nash on the second rope and does the Bossman rope attack. Gets Nash in corner. Shoulders to the belly. Jericho runs across the ring and charges with his shoulder at Nash, but Nash moves. Jericho's shoulder hits the pole. Nash is back in control. Sidewalk slam gets two. Y2J chant again. Jericho gets out and pushes Nash into the still-exposed turnbuckle. He tries for a roll-up just like Nash, but Nash is too floopy and goes all kind of sideways before Jericho can move him to the obviously planned position of very near the ropes. Nash gets the ropes. Jericho rolls him up again, in the ring. No good. More kicks to Nash's ribs, all of which will not be relevant later. He runs and springs off the ropes... clothesline from Nash. Nash's pin attempt gets two.

Nash picks him up, whips him to the corner. Nash runs out, then charges the corner. Jericho kicks him in the face, grabs a bulldog, then goes for the Lionsault. He "hurts himself a bit" on the landing. As ever, the Lionsault only gets two. Then he tries the Walls of Jericho. But someone already put that move over once this year, after a minute of nearly powering out of it, so you know nothing's gonna happen. You are not wrong. Nash's knees are in the peak of conditioning, as are his ribs and back. He makes it to the ropes.

Chris Jericho: two finishers no credible finishers. Whooooo!

Jericho breaks the hold to celebrate, then argues with Hebner. He thinks Nash tapped. His back is turned to Nash, but he recovers in time to run at Nash and have Nash I'm sorry, but the only way I can describe this is butt bomb him. Jericho reels from the savage force of Nash shoving his butt at Jericho's running torso. Nash picks him up and does a conspicuously unlazy powerbomb. But it's too close to the ropes. Jericho's leg touches the rope just before the three count.

Nash picks him up and whips him to the ropes, giving him the big boot to the face on the rebound. Nash takes his top off. Big and sexy. Wow. You know something's going to happen without those thin straps holding his shoulders back! He puts Jericho's head between his legs. Jericho's hand snaps out and gouges Hebner's face, blinding him. He low-blows Nash. Nash reels. Jericho pulls the brass knucks out of his boots and throws a godammned evil swing at Nash's head (see: all those punches to the hard skull were psychology). One, two three, pin.

Jericho bails out of the ring, GRABS THE SCISSORS AND STARTS CHOPPIN!! Somewhere, J. Mascis is thinking of some familiar chords as Jericho hacks away at Nash's head. Jericho walks up the ramp, talking smack, kissing the hair, then putting it on his head and sort of dancing in place. Meanwhile, Nash looks like one of the first-cuts from a Flock of Seagulls cover band tryout.


Commercial.


EARLIER TODAY:
Rosie came to assist a young girl whose cat, Mr. Snug-a-lot, was stuck in a tree. She asked if she could repay Rosie after he rescued it. Hurricane showed up to inform her that superheroes need no pay. He told a story about how Aquaman sucks. A true story. As Rosie stood holding Mr. Snug-a-lot in the background, Mr. Snug-a-lot went crazy and attacked his neck, chomping away and not letting go. In an homage to Police Squad or There's Something About Mary or just the WWE's tradition of crushing unoriginality, Rosie beat Mr. Snug-a-lot's body against a tree, surely killing him, in order to get him to let go. Meanwhile, the girl obliviously listened to Hurricane ramble. Fun! Rosie then insisted to the Hurricane, "We need to go." They went. The girl then called out for Mr. Snug-a-lot, her rescued but dead cat.

Wasn't that fun? Wasn't it great to see a young child's animal get bludgeoned to death? Doesn't that endear oafish Rosie to you? Don't you also feel good for the child? I know I do! Let's go siphon gas out of ambulances!


TODAY-TODAY, NOT "EARLIER TODAY":
Teddy Long comes out with Rodney Mack. "Last week, America had a major blackout. But that ain't gonna be nothing compared to when I let the Mack out. Now b'lee dat." God bless Teddy Long.

The match is Rodney Mack v. Rosie. I'm not even going to try to recap the moves. How many synonyms are there for punchy-punch or kicky-kick? Not any good ones, I can tell you. Maybe jabby-jab, but that's beside the point. Rosie cleanly wins. (Jamal weeps in an apartment he shares with four hoboes and Jake Roberts, who is now Prince of Hoboes and carries a hobo scepter made of wood. The hobo scepter also doubles as a spoon with which one can eat beans out of a can.) Well, there goes the Mack. Rosie and Hurricane do the pose thingy for those with the benefit of flash photography.


ELSEWHERE:
Oooh! Oooh! A talk with Linda! How is she after the tombstone? God, my legs tingle with excitement! Also fleas!


LIVE FROM GREENWICH CONNECTICUT, VIA SATTELITE: A VERY SPECIAL SEGMENT THAT WILL EAT YOUR BRAIN

JR asks after Linda's physical conditon. She says that she has herniated discs in her neck, that she has to endure physical therapy and that she often wears a soft neck brace while driving and sleeping. But, during this interview, her doorbell rings constantly. As Linda gets up to answer it, Eric Bischoff walks in the room.

He thinks that Linda is shocked to see him, but that Shane must be more shocked, since Shane is busy looking for him in Michigan. He is all smarm.

The following nauseating dialogue ensues:

Eric: And I hope you didn't mind that I let myself in. It seems as though... there's nobody home. (He smiles and looks at her hips and breasts.) And I daresay, Linda, you look exceptional this evening.


Commercial.


(Eric is holding up Linda's neck brace and toying with it.)

Eric: Neckbraces are so cumbersome, aren't they? They get in the way.

(He fiddles with stuff on her desk. Linda grabs his hand to stop him.)

Linda: Eric, these are my personal things. I don't know what you're doing here, but I want you to leave.
Eric: Leave? Oh, I'm not going to leave. And don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you. Not like Kane. On the contrary, I'm hear to please you, Linda.
Linda: Please me? I want you to leave. And, if you're not, I'm calling security.

(She steps backwards to grab for the phone. Eric grabs her hand and stops her, positioning himself between her and the phone.)

Eric: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Hang that up. (He takes her by the arm and leads her around until her back is to the phone. She moves with him, limply, without much reaction.) Come right on over here, away from that phone. Beause you see Linda, I'm not here to hurt you. As I said, I'm here to please you. But I am going to hurt your son, Shane. You know Shane. Spoiled little rich bastard. Got WCW, the company that I built. From the ground up. That company was nothing. I came in, and I built it from the ground up. My sweat, my tears, my family sacrifice. And Shane comes in and gets my company handed to him on a silver platter. Like it's some kind of damned graduation gift? I don't think so! So I am going to hurt Shane. And I'm going to start from the ground up. I'm going to break both his legs. And when he's on his knees what's left of him begging, "Mr. Bischoff! Please. STOP. I can't take it anymore!" When I see the fear and the tears in his eyes... you know what I'm going to do then? I'm going to beat him to a bloody... pulp! (Linda goes to slap him, in a very langorous way. Eric catches her right arm and restrains her) Oh, Linda, don't even try it, don't even try it. (He then grabs her left arm and puts it behind her back, joining both arms behind her back, his left hand clamping her by the wrists. He stands with very stilted posture and presses his body against hers) You see, Linda, like I said

(He cinches her arms more tightly behind her back. Linda hisses air between her teeth, tilting her head back.)

Linda: Eric, it's my neck
Eric: Shhhhhhh. Shhhhh. (He puts his finger to her lips to quiet her.) Don't fight it. you'll enjoy it so much more that way. (He pulls away and leers lecherously at her body again.) You are a rather big-breasted beauty aren't you? Now, I really enjoy this den and this time that we've had together. But what do you say, you show me the bedroom?

(Linda snorts air fearfully in and out of her nose. She whimpers. Eric leans forward, awkwardly puts his right arm around her, and kisses her. Her lips are locked closed. She whimpers again. He snaps his head away and then holds his right hand out, palm upturned, as if to ask her to lead the way. Linda's left arm is now free, at her side. She does nothing with it.)


FIN


See, this is what Storm should be doing! This is unpredictable! Goldust told him to sexually assault a diva in the locker room. Why isn't Storm being unpredictable like Bischoff? Or Ted Bundy, for that matter? Isn't this just wholesome?


Commercial.


PERSONAL BREAK:
Okay, so I found that segment so utterly loathesome that I felt something had to be done to make it more palatable. Granted, it's so awful that it deserves to be put on record, which is why I faithfully transcribed it. But now that I've drudgingly completed that chore, it's time to do something with the transcript to lift our spirits for the long road ahead.

That's why I'm going to present it to you, again Babelized. I've simply input the entire transcript into Babelfish, translated it into another language (in this case, German), then translated it again, back to English. It should be fun, no? On with the show!


The Play's the Thing. Or: "The Thing of the Play."
by Jeb Tennyson Lund

CAST:
Eric: An old guy with a leather jacket.
Linda: And even older woman with a beanie baby that she wears on her neck.

SETTING:
A cave in Bavaria.

[Eric enters.]

Eric: And I hope that you did not occupy yourselves to the left from I
inward. It seems as, if... there is nobody at the house. (it smiles
and regards its hips in the middle and.)
And I, which are, Linda
daresay, seem you this evening unusually.


Commercially.


(Eric supports the clip of the beginning of Linda and of Toying with him.)

Eric: Aren't Neckbraces are so annoying? They reach in the way.

(It the substance on its desk plays from the violin. Linda seizes its hand to stop around it.)

Linda: Eric, those are my personal things. I do not know, what here you do, but I wish that you leave.
Eric: Vacation? I do not go to ampere-hour. And you do not worry yourselves, I distort you not. Not like Kane. On the opposite am I hear please in you, Linda.
Linda: I request? I wish that you leave. And, if you are not, I designate security.

(It undertakes a step toward to the back with encavator for the telephone. Eric seizes his hand and stops her and sits down between it and the telephone.)

Eric: Ampere-hour not not not not not not not not not not. Hang upward (it takes it by the arm and accomplishes it around, until it is back to the telephone. It moved with it, mollement, without much of reaction.) Come well above here, far of this telephone. Because see you to Linda, I are not here to wound you. As I said, I is please here with you. But I wound its son, Shane. They know Shane. Damaged not very rich hybrid person. WCW reaches, the company, which I manufactured. Soil upward. This company was not anything. I came in and I determined her the soil. My sweat, my tears, my victim of the family. And Shane announces and receives my company, which is given to him on a silver covered plate. How is it any kind condemned progressive rate gift? I do not think therefore! Thus I wound Shane. And I begin to drive off from the soil upward. I break its two legs. And if it is on its knees which on left from it request is, "Mr. Bischoff! Ask NOTICE. I cannot take anymore!" To it. When do I see fear and the tears in its eyes... in order to know you, which I do then? I strike it... with a bloody mass! (Linda strikes it, in certain sense much langorous. Eric gets caught its right arm and.) Oh, Linda keeps it, does not examine it even, does not examine it even. (It then seizes its left arm and sits down behind it gradually connects the two arms behind it, its left hand, which maintains by the wrists. It becomes with stilted maintenance much and tightens its body against its.) Which it to see, Linda held, as said I

(It narrow handle, which arms it behind it after. Linda whistles air
between its teeth and after bends its head.)


Linda: Eric, is it my beginning
Eric: Shhhhhhh. Shhhhh. (Sets its finger at its lips at the peace it.) Do not fight it that you estimate it so much more than way. (Them draw aside and lorgne lecherously with its body still.) They are not one quite large breasted beauty are you? Now I estimate really this cave and this times, which we had together. But which you, you say show to me you the area to be laid down?

(Snorts of Linda air timidly in and from its nose. It pleurniche. Eric leans in front, sets clumsily its for right arm around it and covers him. Its lips are closed locked. It pleurniche still. It breaks its head far and holds its right hand then outside, turned palm, like if to accomplish in order to ask it, the way. The left arm of Linda is now, free on its side. He does not do nothing with him.)


TRAVERSE OF YOU


BACKSTAGE:
And we're back! What? No more home-invasion pre-rape fun? Say it ain't so! Shane has a phone, and he's frozen. Is it a paused tape, or is he just out of this world? He needs to get to his mom, so he steals a car. In a car, the trip from Grand Rapids, Michigan to Greenwich, Connecticut will take 10.55 hours. That's assuming he goes an average of sixty miles per hour and goes as the crow flies. By interstate, it's surely longer. By air, it's surely less. Maybe. Why not just call the police in Greenwich? No, wait! That's stupid! It's better to commit a felony by stealing a car and then doing God knows what.


RVD v. Christian for the Intercontinental Title
RVD is out for his match with Christian. Christian comes in, kisses the belt, gives it to referee "Ref Guy." The refs are all French, so I can't tell them apart.

RVD chant. I think JR just called Bischoff ball-less. Interesting. The wrestlers trade moves. Lockup. RVD in the corner. Christian punches and kicks RVD's belly. Whips RVD across the ring, Van Dam flips over the bent-over Christian, hits him with a spinning kick, arm drags, then an armbar.

Wait, I hate RVD! Why am I bothering? Suffice to say that, at one point he had Christian in the corner. So he flipped backward away from him to make his attempted shoulder-strike to Christian's middle EVEN MORE POWERFUL. Because flipping means power. And when you want to run at someone, it's best to build momentum by doing back-flips away from them, landing unevenly on your feet, insufficiently planting your mass and lunging at them off-kilter. He's got some educated feet!

After RVD inadvertently knocked the ref out, Christian hit the Unprettier. Then he went out of the ring for two chairs in order to perform a single-man conchairto. But RVD popped up and hit the Van Daminator. RVD went up for the frog splash, hit it, and then Kane showed up. RVD then did another Van Daminator on Kane. Kane went down. RVD ran back to the other side of the ring, off the ropes for momentum, then dove through the second and third ropes only to have Kane clobber the HOLY HELL out of him with a chairshot to the head, midair. Savage. Mild "holy shit" chant. Kane carried RVD up the ramp and out. No official ending, although I'm gonna guess DQ.


Commercial.


We come back to the masturbatory insult that is Test's lap-dance party! Will there be an actual lap-dance or a party? No! Because it's WWE programming, where saying something makes it real. For instance: "Randy Orton is good" or "A-Train is a marketable wrestler" or "this is a lap-dance party." All of those statements are true!!!

Anyway, the lap-dances at this party are free. Stacy is dancing for Steven Richards and Rico. Interesting. WWE couldn't find two ostensibly non-homosexual or non-womanish wrestlers for this segment. But it's great anyway! Why? Because they said so!

Test: (to Stacy) Turn your face around; no one's lookin' at that anyway.

The one thing that didn't happen at this lap-dance party?a lap-dance! But let's forget the lies, the money. We're in this up to our goddamned necks. That's why we're even watching.


We cut to Kane hanging RVD on a pole by his wrists. He's covering RVD with gasoline. It looks like Cherry 7-Up. He gags him. More gasoline. Kane can't get the matches to light. Oh, there they go. At any point, I'm expecting Kane to lean forward and kiss RVD. Or vengefully sodomize him. This is powerful television, folks reeking with all the power of fetid chicken parts stuck on the bottom of your trash bin for a score of summer days. RVD is trying desperately to get out of his disturbingly eroticized and painful friendship/love/bondage chains.

Suddenly, Kane decides that "the burning" is what "they" want. He only wants to do what he wants to do anymore. Great, we have a seven-foot toddler in the locker room. While looking at the matches, he's decided that the pro-RVD crowd wants Kane to light RVD on fire. He doesn't want to do what "they" want.

Back in the real world: since, logically, not setting RVD on fire is what RVD's home-state crowd wants, Kane also logically walks away, giving them what they want. I want to not see this conceptual effluvium anymore. Kane wants what I don't want, but what I don't want is what he did, so what he wanted is what I didn't want, and Captain Kirk just made the evil psycho computer robot demon explode.

Stone Cold is so concerned with the fate of one of the wrestlers on the Raw roster that he ignores it and comes out for the next match without batting an eye. And here I thought that Texans couldn't walk away from a barbecue.


Commercial.


Randy "Coffin Filler" Orton v. Cold Beer
Randy Dorkis von Suck-Mutant Coffin-Filler Orton is in the ring, while Triples H and Naitch join on commentary. Goldberg exits his pantry and walks to the ring.

Huge Goldberg chant. Goldberg enters the ring and almost immediately destroys Randy with a clothesline. He throws him across to the corners. Randy nearly collapses each time. Goldberg knees him in the belly and throws him to other corner again. He charges, and Randy kicks Goldberg in the face and takes over. He clotheslines Goldberg out of ring and whips him into the stairs. Back in the ring, he tries for a pin and gets tossed off. He mounts and punches Goldberg. He tries for more pins. No good. He offers kicks to belly and head. He picks Goldberg up and tries a snapmare and sleeper. (Triple H, on commentary, says that he, Triple H, should be considered a god. Whatever, shredder. Send your resum to Olympus when you can make men fear you more than your orthopedic surgeon fears for you, you quasi-literate jackoff.)

Goldberg gets out of the jam and kicks Orton. He military presses him. Triple H is unimpressed for some reason. Maybe Goldberg's groin or thighs are too healthy; silly man. Goldberg tosses Randy to the ropes, followed by a hip toss. Randy pokes the eyes, la Naitch. Goldberg shoves Orton off him, into the ref, knocking the ref out. Goldberg slams Orton and goes for a pin. Austin slides in and counts a two. Triple H is furious because an actual match might happen normally. Goldberg grabs Orton and rolls him up into a solid-looking leg lock. That was a neat but unexpected spot.

Naitch makes a run-in because Austin is allowed to prevent interference but not referee. Apparently, he's only allowed to ensure the match is fair and legal in one way all other avenues to a good match being forbidden. Naitch drags Austin out of the ring and then kicks and smacks Goldberg in the head. Goldberg breaks the hold, and Orton is free to leave at anytime. Sadly, he doesn't. Austin stands outside the ring for a while, obviously kind of amused. Austin finally goes in and grabs Naitch, punching him, sending him to the corner and giving him a mud-hole stomping. Orton sees Naitch in trouble and pulls on Austin. He goes to kick Austin, but Austin grabs the leg and spins him around. Orton whirls and eats spear from a waiting Goldberg. Austin stunners Naitch. Goldberg goes for the Jackhammer, which JR calls the "jackknife." Austin counts 1-2-3. Goldberg wins, Austin bails.

Goldberg's music plays, and he stands on the ropes, staring down Triple H, who's at the entranceway. This goes on for a while. Running in from behind, Nash grabs Goldberg and powerbombs him, in return for the spear from the beginning of the show. Triple H then stares down Nash, grabbing the belt and doing the full-flex thing that he usually does with the Aquafina-spray. No muscles are torn. As Triple H relaxes from his impressive mating display, he turns to leave and eats a superkick from Shawn Michaels.

As Michaels stares Nash down, he also picks up the belt. Just as it looks like he might start to pose with the belt in that "Shawn Michaels way" of his, Jericho runs in and slams all the Jesus out of Michaels with a chair. Michaels is down. Jericho puts the belt over his shoulder and says, to Nash, "Sunday. You're bald. I'm the champion."

We end with Jericho at the entranceway, staring at Nash in the ring all the pay-per-view main-event players having done their thing, flexed their thingies and made their statements. They succeeded in giving a compelling three-minute cap to one of the most odious episodes of Raw in the last few years.

If someone offers you a tape of this show, hit the person, run away, then burn the tape.



The Obtuse Angle Archive.

"I don't like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there are too many fat children."
Promote this thread!
CANADIAN BULLDOG
Andouille








Since: 5.3.03
From: TORONTO

Since last post: 492 days
Last activity: 491 days
ICQ:  
#2 Posted on
Damn -- that was a good recap. Don't know if you've ever done them before elsewhere, but if you have the time, would love to see them on a regular basis.

The Nash match and subsequent analysis of his psychology was GOLD!!!



The official Online Onslaught Inside The Ropes archive!!!
The Great Thomas
Sujuk








Since: 17.6.02
From: Miami, Florida

Since last post: 3323 days
Last activity: 3323 days
#3 Posted on
Speaking of gold, that's exactly what the Babelized dialouge was!

Also, I was wondering the same thing as you about the whole "Kane burning RVD is what his hometown crowd wants." Jeez, Kane, THINK!



VOTE4WOZ.COM
A VOTE FOR WOZ IS A VOTE FOR A BETTER CALIFORNIA
MICHAEL J. WOZNIAK FOR GOVERNOR
BrewGuy
Kolbasz








Since: 2.1.02
From: Pickering, Ontario

Since last post: 492 days
Last activity: 236 days
AIM:  
ICQ:  
#4 Posted on

Wasn't that fun? Wasn't it great to see a young child's animal get bludgeoned to death? Doesn't that endear oafish Rosie to you? Don't you also feel good for the child? I know I do! Let's go siphon gas out of ambulances!

Why does is seem like EVERYbody shitting on this segment? This was the funniest skit WWE has done in AGES. Rosie is WAY more entertaining now than he was before, and they've formed what should become a solid mid-card comedy duo.

How can you POSSIBLY begin to take this skit seriously? Dude, it's comedy! I can understand you not finding it funny - a lot of people may agree with you there. BUT, do you REALLY think the WWE's intention was to show somebody "bludgeoning a young child's animal to death"?? Of COURSE not. This was good comedy...well, for me. I loved Police Squad! and the like.

If you're going to crap on something, crap on the Bisch segment. Whoever wrote THAT should be slapped. Whoever wrote the Rosie skit should be promoted.

And where's the love for Test fooling the FUCK out of everybody in that live arena, as well as a few of us supposedly-smart people who wouldn't EVER admit that they got fooled for lack of losing face or some wack shit like that (not my boy DrOp, though - he was fooled and admitted it 'cause he's mah DAWWWG, yo!). Anyway, that fake injury was BEAUTIFULLY done, yet all everybody can talk about was how shitty the match was? Where's the logic in THAT? Where's the praise for the Jericho-like heel tactics? Ohhhhhhhhh, but Test isn't Jericho, so he COULDN'T have done something entertaining!

*old person voice* What's wrong with you kids today?! ;)

(edited by BrewGuy on 21.8.03 0922)


I think somebody needs a Mattitude adjustment.
*points to self*
CRZ
Big Brother
Administrator








Since: 9.12.01
From: ミネアポリス

Since last post: 8 hours
Last activity: 8 hours
AIM:  
ICQ:  
Y!:
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.65

    Originally posted by BrewGuy
    And where's the love for Test fooling the FUCK out of everybody in that live arena, as well as a few of us supposedly-smart people who wouldn't EVER admit that they got fooled for lack of losing face or some wack shit like that
Please. MILES AWAY.

    Anyway, that fake injury was BEAUTIFULLY done
MILES.



©CRZ
whatever
Lap cheong








Since: 12.2.02
From: Cleveland, Ohio

Since last post: 13 days
Last activity: 4 hours
#6 Posted on
Excellent, excellent recap. I like the opinions, even if I don't necessarily agree with them. Absolutely fantastic one-liners, too!

I'm with BrewGuy on the Rosey skit - I thought that was pretty funny, if not for the terribly wooden kid and the zoom in on Rosey. I like the more subtle approach with the event occurring in the background. That *makes* you pay closer attention to the show, to see what other things they'll throw in there.

As for Test, I also saw that "swerve" coming. It's been done too often recently. Of course, I missed the "X" arm-signal, so that's probably why I didn't think twice about it.



I drove the Hummer. Sorry 'bout that.
BrewGuy
Kolbasz








Since: 2.1.02
From: Pickering, Ontario

Since last post: 492 days
Last activity: 236 days
AIM:  
ICQ:  
#7 Posted on

As for Test, I also saw that "swerve" coming. It's been done too often recently. Of course, I missed the "X" arm-signal, so that's probably why I didn't think twice about it.

I saw it coming as well (I actually missed the X signal too - I disagree with them using the X in a gimmicked situation, but that's neither here nor there), but that's not the point. Of course, long-term fans like ourselves are gonna spot it, but that should not take away from how well the spot was done. Test sold the HELL out of that bit - I mean, it seemed to ME at least that the crowd was applauding him because they THOUGHT HE WAS ACTUALLY INJURED, and NOT because they were happy that he got hurt like we'd just looooove to believe. And then when Test took that gesture and shoved it up their ass, he got booed out of the building, putting the cherry on top of a VERY good performance.

I don't think I'm MILES away at all. KILOMETERS, maybe, but not MILES. At any rate, *I* enjoyed it, so *ppppbbbbbtt* ;)




I think somebody needs a Mattitude adjustment.
*points to self*
DrOp
Frankfurter








Since: 2.1.02

Since last post: 2181 days
Last activity: 1048 days
#8 Posted on
Nice recap, Jeb. Reaching Llakor lengths is quite a feat in and of itself.

I *should* have seen this coming, but Test is SO roided and Steiner is *just* inept enough that one could believe that Test could get injured and that Steiner couldn't improvise a finish to the match. Leave it to Brew to expose me (what's next, posting the AIM transcript?!?!)

At any rate, Test is still dull and boring (even WITH Stacy).





And Marking Out
Slashwrestling.com
Wienerville
Wolfram J. Paulovich
Frankfurter








Since: 11.11.02
From: Fat City, Baby

Since last post: 2903 days
Last activity: 2273 days
AIM:  
#9 Posted on
Thanks Whatever, drOp, Bulldog, Thomas. Glad to see the effort was appreciated. When I hit the 6,500 word mark, I started thinking, "Oh, Jesus, no one's going to have the patience to read this."

Brewguy:
Ordinarily I'd go into greater detail about the Rosey segment, but I talked about it at length in my column today. (I think Rick's updating late, today, so it's probably not up yet.) I think the crux is that you found it funny, whereas I didn't even crack a smile at it. And when a joke is that simple, if it's not funny, every other feature starts to shine through. So I wound up seeing all the other aspects to the segment, rather than just laughing at it. I suppose that makes me curmudgeonly, but that's me.

As for Test, it never crossed my mind that he might be hurt. Maybe it's the dislocated knee and shattered kneecap in my past talking, but I know when not to look at sporting events. I see a certain type of tackle happen in football, and I look away: I hiss and wince and don't want to see it, because I don't need the reminder.

I saw Test land, saw how he held his knee and what it looked like, saw the trainers manipulate it, and there was never a doubt that he was fine. I didn't even take a moment to avert my eyes. He was okay.

Again, I'm being an old sourpuss (not one of the kids these days!), and I surely hold him to a higher standard of faking a leg injury than most other people would. But the fact also remains that I immediately thought everything made perfect sense. Steiner controlled that entire match. Test goes down, and the bell doesn't ring at all. Steiner visibly relaxes his guard. It just all fit.

Rest assured, had Y2J been involved, I would have thought it was a silly segment, too.



The Obtuse Angle Archive.

"I don't like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there are too many fat children."
Eddie Famous
Andouille








Since: 11.12.01
From: Catlin IL

Since last post: 280 days
Last activity: 274 days
#10 Posted on


    Originally posted by Jeb Tennyson Lund
    Kevin Test Nash v. Chris Jericho for a Hair v. Hair in Such a Way that Jericho Looks Like Crap Whatever the Outcome Match
    Then he tries the Walls of Jericho. But someone already put that move over once this year, after a minute of nearly powering out of it, so you know nothing's gonna happen. You are not wrong. Nash's knees are in the peak of conditioning, as are his ribs and back. He makes it to the ropes..



Nash is 6-10. There is no way there should be any part of the ring too far from the ropes for him in this hold, expecially when done by someone as short (in comparison) as Jericho.



    Originally posted by Jeb Tennyson Lund
    Nash picks him up and does a conspicuously unlazy powerbomb. But it's too close to the ropes. Jericho's leg touches the rope just before the three count.

    Nash picks him up and whips him to the ropes, giving him the big boot to the face on the rebound. Nash takes his top off. Big and sexy. Wow. You know something's going to happen without those thin straps holding his shoulders back! He puts Jericho's head between his legs. Jericho's hand snaps out and gouges Hebner's face, blinding him. He low-blows Nash. Nash reels. Jericho pulls the brass knucks out of his boots and throws a godammned evil swing at Nash's head (see: all those punches to the hard skull were psychology). One, two three, pin.

    Jericho bails out of the ring, GRABS THE SCISSORS AND STARTS CHOPPIN!!



Okay, now a near-cruiserweight takes Nash's powerbomb and still has the energy to do all this at the end of a match? Who's doing the no-selling here?

I mean I still don't really want to see a Nash push, but is wasn't that bad an effort for him...be fair.



The ghost of a steam train - echoes down my track
It's at the moment bound for nowhere -
just going round and round
Playground kids and creaking swings -
lost laughter in the breeze
I could go on for hours and I probably will -
but I'd sooner put some joy back
In this town called malice
BrewGuy
Kolbasz








Since: 2.1.02
From: Pickering, Ontario

Since last post: 492 days
Last activity: 236 days
AIM:  
ICQ:  
#11 Posted on

Again, I'm being an old sourpuss (not one of the kids these days!), and I surely hold him to a higher standard of faking a leg injury than most other people would. But the fact also remains that I immediately thought everything made perfect sense. Steiner controlled that entire match.

Hey, we're allowed to be sourpusses. We're old. You make very good points, and I was too busy bitching to tell you you did a very good job, which you did. Look forward to bitching about - er, reading more of your stuff. :)




I think somebody needs a Mattitude adjustment.
*points to self*
Pages: 1Thread ahead: WCW Monday Nitro: September 25, 1995
Next thread: NWA TNA: August 20, 2003
Previous thread: The Obtuse Angle: Randy Orton: Sickening Mutant Bastard
(539 newer) Next thread | Previous thread
The guy has a little more sense than Jim Ross, at least he tells the truth. Keep the sauce kicking. Maven: 2002 Royal Rumble Champion!
- CajunMan, Jim Ross JR. Rules! (2002)
The W - Guest Columns - The Obtuse Recap: The Raw that Ate Your Brain [Part Two]Register and log in to post!

The W™ message board

ZimBoard
©2001-2014 Brothers Zim

This old hunk of junk rendered your page in 0.085 seconds.