MINUTAE OF MY LITTLE LIFE AS EXCUSE FOR THE SDWRR8/22/2002 LATENESS: The legendary Richmond supergroup of which I am a member with other fellow codgers of the Richmond rock scene- the Miserable Space Cowboys- reform every two years and do a show to somehow finance a giant keg party and it is time to play another show- theme this year: Depeche Mode and Bob Seger. THUS! I was out a-drinkin' and a-rockin' last night so everything is tape-delayed. I did watch somne before I went to sleep and I'll cover that and go watch more at lunch and on and on and on until the glory of this Smackdown episode is over.
WHAT WORKED: - Usually long-winded babbling by Heyman, Rock and Lesnar would never see this side o' the ledger but it all leads up to Benoit and Eddy going on an insane rampage of beating this shit out of folks. The Beating of the Edge to set up the match at the Summerslams and the Main Event of the Smackdown was particularly effective- especially the beautiful sell by Edge, what with the look of hate and annoyance- hate for Guerrerro, annoyance of his shoulder being an obvious target and how it is letting him down. Awesome. That's a fucking Ricky Morton-level of selling it.
- Nidia trying to fuck Funaki- and Funaki acting like 99% of the Smackdown veiwings in same situation by quivering in a giggling fit- is fucking beautiful because it leads to 1 of 2 things: 1.] Funaki joining Tajiri in a Japanese Redneck Tagteam- a la the Fujita/Hidaka Rock n Roll Express from BattlARTS- but with Loudness patches on their sleeveless denim jackets and skanky girlfriends with long poofy krimped hair with a single braid with a feather on the right side, or 2.] (the lesser) a feud with Jamie Noble which would rock the fucking world too, but I grew up in Chesapeake, VA and got in fights with and later made friends with and smoked a bail of weed with Filipino Rednecks from Va Beach. All my cousins on my dad's side are Hawaiian Rednecks. It's a demographic of REAL, true HARDCORE wrestling fans- the Pacific Rim Redneck. I'm glad we might get some representation.
- The Hurricane/Moore vs Tajiri/Noble match was a peck of fun and it went long for Cruiserweights on the television. It's just good booking to use tag matches to set up singles matches and this is another in a long line as Moore gets the big pin on Noble. Moore looks great with the twirly flippy armdrag on the way to Nidia who uses her pussy to distract Moore setting up Tajiri who cockblocks him in the worst way. Noble- WHO IS MOTHERFUCKING GODLIKE- takes the nastiest bump of the evening- as he is hiptossed by Helms over the toprope. This feud I could deeply get into. Smackdown, how I love thee.
WHAT DIDN'T WORK:
- Steph playing both ends against the middle was kinda fun when she browbeats Benoit for attacking the Rock from behind and not crippling the Rock in a sanctioned match. The problem was that it takes away from Benoit and Steph making the Beast With Two Backs- which was infinitely more fun than Stephanie The Effective Corporate Micromanager. It did set up yet another Benoit/Guerrerro match so this SHOULD be something that worked, but I gotta pad this side of the ledger these days with SOMETHING and Benoit not putting the blast on Stephanie McMahon is as good as any reason.
- Chavo vs Matt Hardy was perfectly fine wrestling with a shitty ending. Matt Hardy is fabulous as the annoying friend of Shane and Shannon- sorta like that friend of your older brother who drinks too much and tells you racial jokes and lies about his women and calls you "dog" eventhough he is 38 years old- but since he is a childhood friend of your brother, you put up with him. I hope they don't actually turn Hardy heel. It will be more fun watching Hardy annoy Shane Helms and Shannon than to actually have them fued just yet. Hardy looked great in this match and I welcome him to THIS- MY DREAM SMACKDOWN ROSTER but a finish involving a schoolboy after Pyro Gone Mad is just motherfucking lame.
Dean, your true fans are eagerly awaiting for Pt 2 where you cover the super duper awesome Rock Edge Benoit Guerrero tag encounter. Surely the quotes from that will end up in at least ten different sigs by the end of today.
BTW, the ending of Matt's match was actually quite funny cuz it set up Matt's argument with the ref. "Everyone knows that when there is an explosion in the arena, the match stops!" Priceless.
What a Manuever!
Ross During Jeff's Ladder Match, after the KO chairshot: "CLIMB THE LADDER KID, MAKE YOURSELF FAMOUS!" Just awesome.
I just want to see him use the word pungent again.
These commercials are superfine because they pay for the production costs of putting CHRIS MOTHERFUCKING BENOIT on my GODDAMN TV SCREEN! I will GO GREYHOUND! I am thinking OUTSIDE THE BUN! – Dean Rasmussen 8/1/2002 Smackdown Workrate Report
I must admit, the concept of the Phenomenal One leading a stable of major Japanese Wrestlers in a quest to take over the WWE would be enough to get me to give RAW/Smackdown another chance. (If RAW were 2 hours.) Edit: