(Note to CRZ: I didn't know if this went here, or random or movies so please move it where it fits best ... and thanks for the spell check!)
I'm not exactly sure how this is going to go. You see I am nowhere near the reviewer that our grand leader CRZ was or is, and I hold almost no knowledge of wrestling off of US soil like the great DVDVR gang ... and yet I sit on this potential little gem.
This little gem was sent to me by Miss BDL's old roommate who now drives a big rig with her, yes her boyfriend all across the lower 48 states. As they haul the goods that we buy and eat all across the free land they often pick my lady up odd little trinkets from various truck stops. Regardless, they must have remembered that I was a wrestling fan the last time they were deep in the heart of Texas, because they sent me a two sided DVD with two of the most interesting movies that I've seen on a DVD case in sometime ... and this is the little gem of which I speak of.
Side A of the DVD has the movie 'Misterio en las Bermudas' starring Mexican legends Blue Demon, Mil Mascaras and Santo! Side B contains 'El Castillo de las Momias de Guanajuato' starring Superzan, Blue Angel and Tinieblas!
Now the only problem is that the whole box is written in Spanish which is a tongue that I do not speak nor read, so I have no idea how this is going to work out as I have yet to turn on my DVD player ... but I intend to take you along with me on this ride which should if nothing else be interesting. Now keep in mind that I have a belly full of Jim Beam and Bud Light, so if it smells like this review has been soaked in alcohol, well it probably has. On to the show ...
MISTERIO en las BERUDAS -1977 - color - 77 minutes.
Already this thing starts off pretty great as the menu screen features Santo in the lower right corner and two scantily clad young lasses in the top left. It looks as if I can trigger the captions ... do I dare do such a thing? I wasn't expecting such a decision right off the bat but, I think will. (Boy do I feel foolish, it appears that there are no captions ... capitulos must mean scene selection or capsules or something.)
Off in Spanish we go. We get our screen credits with B movie music over a pirate type map with the Bermuda Triangle highlighted in, well, a triangle. Right off we get an ocean scene with some object poking it's head out that resembles the head piece to Johnny 5. A plane flies overhead and a high pitch squeal begins. Our plane vanishes and a storm starts. A middle aged gentleman reading the paper and drinking milk seems disturbed by the storm enough to close his window. The Johnny 5 device vanishes and we go to a new scene.
It is now clear out. The man and a friend go fishing. They seem to be talking about the storm. The middle aged man seems to be concerned and gets heckled by his younger friend in the pink running jacket and matching shorts. The young man in the pink catches something, the mask of Santo. Deep concern on the face of the middle aged man and what sounds like a tale of great meaning follows.
We cut to a wrestling match. Our three stars are in the ring for some six-man tag action! The crowd is amped and we're on our way. Blue Demon starts and makes fools out of the jobber force. We get cut scenes on a menacing looking bald man in the second row. Santo works over the opponents and tags in Mil Mascaras. Flying body press and EVERYONE IS IN. Santos makes the guy in the yellow mask almost tap and I've never seen a squash get so much love from the fans, but no love from the second row where the bald man scowls. Our ref has restored order as Blue Demon goes to work on a mask less man and all hell breaks loose again. Triple Bulldog ram noggin knocker and some strange looking six legged pull that I've never seen and it's all over. Victory!
Autographs are signed and Santos goes to the back with someone from the crowd as the other two finish their signings and get love from the ladies.
We go back to the middle aged man in a little boat. He appears to be on a mission.
Wow, some very fine looking Mama citas at the pool and our three masked friends sit at a table in their collard shirts and slacks and share a drink. Santo gets pulled away leaving the hot mamas for the two remaining Luchadors. A phone call is made, Santo makes a hand signal and his buddies leave the fine looking booty at the table. Something big is going down.
They return to the hotel room and Sweet Jesus the Blue Demon has his slacks half way up his belly. They listen to a radio and concern strikes them again.
Johnny 5 is back in the ocean and so is his high pitched whistle. It's stormy, the man in the little boat can barely hang on as his motor is dead. We go in between scenes of him working over the pull cord on the motor and our heroes in another boat? The middle age man's boat spills over and a shark is ready to pounce ... good God there is blood in the water behind him. It's okay though as our three heroes leap from their boat and save the man. No more storm, no more scary music and the Blue Demon is wearing what can be described as a blue speedo almost thong like thing.
Everyone gets to shore and we are back at the resort. Now our heroes are all in suits. Santo is straight pimping in his almost zoot style suit. There seems to be a meeting with them, two slick looking guys and suits and two guys in pointy turbanish hats they look like those guys who help you climb Mt. Everest. Our three amigos sit and are being told whats what by our slicksters, but Santo is no fool and he calmly speaks for the trio. An agreement is struck and we toast to something surely grand.
Back at the dock Mil Mascaras is carrying groceries on a dock? He then proceeds to get mugged by three thugs! He is held by two while one puts the hurtin on him, but Mil is no fool he fights back. One man off the dock. The ole tag team duck move and one of the thugs hits the other off. Mil wastes the third, but is blind sided by a the first man who fell off and gets his watch stolen. As a fisherman watches from his boat.
Mil is now at home being soothed by the sweet touch of his woman. The mask comes off as it's lovin' time!
An Evil meeting with the three thugs and the bald man from the second row is taking place along with three women. He barks orders and plans, and ... oh no one of the women is the one Mil was just with!
Santo and Demon show up at the Resort to find Mil being soothed by all three women by the pool. The two extra ladies immediately charm our friends. Blue Demon got the short end of the stick on this one. They all take their ladies separate ways. Santo takes his to his hooptie outside, a big ole blue rag top with the top dropped. Little does he know the three thugs follow close behind as he drives off with his lass. We see Demon on the beach with his woman, and Santo now is in a room having drinks served to him ... drinks with a mixture of some powder from the senoritas bikini top! Santo can no longer hang with the conversation and is almost out. To weak to love his lady, but not to tired to answer her questions. He seems to be under some sort of spell. She gets another drink ready and more powder, but this time from the left breast. Poor Santo takes a drink, but now he's come to. He is confused. (Pause as I go downstairs for more beer and a smoke break. Tomfoolery is in the air here people!) They begin to make out as two men dressed sort of like ninjas in jump tinfoil suits appear out of nowhere in the room and disappear, unseen!? The others show up at the door and they all leave together.
A heavy workout in the gym for out three masked marauders. The girls sit off to the side and discuss whatever it is that they are up to. The work out is over and they begin to leave with their women, but no they are jumped and a brawl erupts in the gym! The tin foil ninjas appear and steal Santo's woman! A car chase!? Everyone jumps into their own ride and we're off!
The tinfoil ninjas take Santo's woman to a boat. A boat chase begins, this time they share a boat. They lead them deep into the sea. The clouds begin to cover the sky and the Johnny 5 head appears, but no storm. The tinfoil ninjas and their boat have vanished much to the dismay of our amigos.
We go to a place where everyone wears tinfoil jumpsuits and headbands. Santo's woman discusses something calmly then seems alarmed when the leader tells her something and she is dragged away.
Back at the docks a whole slew of Nepal like people arrive to some fan fair, but the bald man from the second row is there as well as a sniper that ends up missing his target and hits a guard in one of those hat turbans. The bald man is mad, punches his hand and runs off.
To the airport. Our heroes are there and meet a woman of some importance.
The two remaining girlfriends scheme something with the bald man from the second row. Who is in cahoots with who here?
Our friends take the new lady to a shag carpet filled room. A gangbang? No, some men in suits show up.
Back to the island of tinfoil, our damsel in distress is standing in a fountain? She see's a creepy looking balding man in tinfoil and is consoled.
Back to the resort. The important woman is some kind of black belt that is putting on a show for the natives. The bald man from the second row takes photographs from deep in the crowd as she chops wood and bricks to applause.
A man with a switchblade sneaks in on some woman reading in bed and stabs her in the chest!
The bald man is in a dark room developing his photos. He has a picture book of some people from India. He adds our karate lady to the scrapbook.
Cops in huge cars roar their sirens as they slowly look for something.
Our heroes roam the beach and discuss a topic maybe they are planning something.
They return their base(?)and talk to the lady of the hour. The bald man has arrived with murder on his mind and bludgeons her maid in the shag filled room slashing her throat. The body is soon found by the lady and the bald man from the second row hides behind the curtains then is seen running up the outside stairs to the roof not finding whatever it was he was looking for. An ass kicking appears to be headed his way. However, he escapes.
The diplomats with the Nepal looking guys come to the shag filled room to sign something with the important karate lady. Gunmen appear out of absolutely nowhere with The Blue Demon and Mil Mascaras's women and blast everyone but our masked heroes and the karate lady. The gunmen ride off in one car while the ladies head to another. Santo outsmarts them and dives from the roof into the back of the drop top to foil the plot just as his comrades show up. The important Karate Lady has been saved. The evil women spill their guts and our friends take off as the Sheriff shows up to take the evil bitches to jail. They do not go into the hotel to check out the bloody scene though. The karate lady is alone and the bald man from the second row shows up and takes a slice out of the karate lady's back! She runs off to the lobby to make a call. She appears to be safe, for the time being.
The three masked men go to the place of of the thugs, but find nothing there. They run into a man throwing grenades from behind a tree. The man laughs but cannot hit them. He gets real close a couple of times, but our friends must know how to fall as they come away without a mark. Mil Mascaras sneaks up behind him and takes his stash of grenades and clears the way for everyone else. Brawls ensue. Guns are fired but to no avail. Blue Demon wallops a guy in a supply room, while Santo destroys a man in a pile of bricks. They run back to the cars where Mil Mascaras is eating food and joking, but he is scolded and away they roll. Santo always has a hard time getting his big blue drop top out of it's parking spaces as the other two speed off in sports cars.
We see the police arresting a bald man. A BLACK bald man! The karate lady is apparently told everything is safe as she goes back to the shag filled room of murder and puts on a kimono only to find that our evil bald man (who is white)from the second row is waiting with a razor blade! She strikes a kung-fu pose and it's on! He lunges and is beaten down. He goes at her again and gets it worse. Back up one more time and she sweeps the leg the weapon has been dropped. He keeps going at it, firewood this time but no dice. Back to the blade and he's got her where he wants her but our masked marauders show up in the nick of time and rescue her.
Back to the place of foil. I really don't know what to tell you.
At the house of blood and shag carpet whatever needed to be signed has been signed, by our lady. Jokes are told and everything seems to be okay.
They all board a small boat and wave goodbye. Johnny 5 appears again. The storm is a brewin'. An empty boat is seen in the water. The middle age man finishes his story to the younger man in pink. We see an ABomb explosion and are taken back to the pirate map and that's it. FIN.
I thought the main goal for any wrestler was to become a succesful singles attraction with no help from a manager, valet, stable, etc. In that case, why would HHH ever want to reform D-X. It ain't gonna happen.