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The W - Pro Wrestling - the mighty mighty WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT- 4/8/2004!
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1298 days
Last activity: 1296 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
WHAT WORKED-

- Bradshaw kinda goes for a beautiful combo of Million Dollar Man and Jericho Turning On Canada in WCW. Then he goes into the buying his hookers and limosine. He is mean to Paco. Then they go back to the cheap Million Dollar Man and I am less in love. Bradshaw is GREAT talking about how Henrico should go by "Ricky". They are soooo going for the Latino audience with this gimmick. Talk about cheap heat. That's cheap heat. "Mishaps in life define you." Bradshaw as condescending gringo is fucking hilarious. I will now work harder and work smarter so I can get what he has. Tazz should start a right wing blog supporting Bradshaw's every move. THAT would rule. I'd link to it.

- Scotty2Hotty and Rikishi and the Dudleys have a match and I talk to young Phil Schneider on the telephone machine. We're going to hang out over Easter and go to the Easter festivities on Monument Avenue and maybe watch hours upon hours of Zero-One and Noah. I'm excited. Maybe we'll finally kiss. My daughter comes over and talks about "Zingers" on Zoom. I tell her that I'm not sure what that is but I did watch Zoom when I was her age. She perfects the "Jesus Christ, you are such a fucking idiot, dad" look that will carry her through her teen years. My son tries to drive his head through the screen of the TV set- as if he were a one and a half year old, adorable, incontinent Rufus R Freighttrain Jones.

- THE FURTHER ADVENTURES OF AL WILSON:

"So Zusan. Vould you like some bURpon. It is ze Sammy Clay and it is ICE COLD."

"Sure. What are you listening to?"

"Ze Primitons. Zey are from AlaBAMa and zey are produced by Mitch EASTAH!"

"Oh the REM guy."

"Yes. You can hear his POP sensibilities. Very verrrrry.... catchy. Very vell crafted."

"Yeah, I think I hear this song- see is belieeevin ohohoh-oooooh..."

"Oop. Let me get that. Yes. She is here. Sure. Zusan, Bill vould like to SPEAK to you."

"Bill, where are you? mmm-hmmm. mmm-hmm. mmm-hmm. Okay. Sure, no problem. Cool. I'll talk to later. Bye."

"Vat is goink on?"

"Bill is stuck rewriting some sort of shit. that fucking baseball dork has fucked me over again. Oh, well, at least I won't have to listen to fucking Gene Loves Jezebel."

"VAT? Bill said YOU vanted to see zem! Hahahahaha!"

"No fuckin WAY."

"Vell, I'm going down to the Walrus British Pub and finish getting drunk. You should feel FREE to join me."

"Sure!"

Susan walks to the door. Baron becomes quickly lost in thought. "Sveet Jesus... zose BUTTOCKS are AMAZING. Zey are .... AMAZING. How I DESIRE to touch zem...."

- Noble and Chavo and Chavocito have a match. So Noble is like an exciting version of Kidman now- with the complete rejection of his redneck messiah motiff. Chavocito with the Snapmare and it makes me glad. Noble with the Bodyslam and back-breaker to set up Chavito bumping ENOOOOOORME to the floor. Noble hits the Benoit Tope Suicida and I'm digging this. Chavo DOESN'T hit a Reverse Gorie Bomb for some reason and Noble goes on offense. Chavo fights out of the Tiger Driver and Chavo CHEATS TO WIN! PErfectly fine. Slightly better than perfectly fine.

- Rico is OLDER than I am. He gets an early pass.

- Theodore R Long! Playah, he wants a man who has the perfect body! Spike is pissed off at Long! HE'S YELLAH! "I'll play whitey's game!" The rest is so fucking beautiful.

- GEORGE GERVIN THROWBACK IS FUCKING BADASS! I saw him play for the Virginia Squires when I was 7. Bashams have astoundingly AWWWWESOME velour pants. They should come out to the 3 O'clock. I suggest "Canteloupe Girl". Bashams cheat so Danny can go on offense. Cena is kinda Bobo Brazille-esque in his loopy offense and he wins and there you go.

- My wife shows up with the booze. WOO-HOO! I bought her some Rancho Zabako White Zinfandel wine from Kroger on Monday and I figured she would show up with a sledge hammer to crush my spinal cord as payback. Instead, she shows up with the comical faux micro called Lawson Creek. I'll drink. You edit.

- That TaeBo guy takes on Rennne DewPree and Rene is suitably unduly tanned. Renee throws the shittiest punches in the history of Entente Cordial. Tazz goes completely homo for the Dupree dance and that's better than his actual dance. Tazz is sporting fabulous wood and singing along to the replay. And we both weep at the purity. of love. Love anew. The match sucked. But he had the dog. So it works. Plus the beer showed up. Tazz is sprung. Rene danced. Rene was dancing. Tazz was sprung. Dancing Rene. Springing Tazz. Rene would dance. Tazz would spring. Dance, Rene! Spring, Tazz! Dance, Rene, Dance! Spring, Tazz, Spring! Rene, he does dance. Tazz, he does spring. Rene, the dancing. Tazz, the springing. Rene. Tazz. Danced. Sprung. R=D. T=S. R+D=T+S. Dance. Sprung.

- Eddy likes the trophy. Angle is antsy with folks around the trophy. I can ASSUME that Eddy will destroy the trophy before it's over. Eddy gets the night off- but I'm betting that he doesn't actually leave the arena. Since the winner is the number one contender, OF COURSE Eddy isn't eligible. I mean WHAT THE FUCK! The five finalists come out. Charlie Haas theme song is a Starship outtake. We go to a commercial because I love CRZ. He has pretty hair. Really pretty hair. And I bet he uses a sweet conditioner. WAIT! Okay. Angle is HI-larious. Cena makes a face like Bradshaw pooted when Bradshaw stops Angle from giving the trophy to Cena. Bradshaw's film is fucking beautifully assholish. "Texas is too skeeert!" Kicking the illegals in the butt- THAT'S cheap heel heat. JBL wins the trophy after the vignette sways Angle. EDDY! EDDY! EDDY! has fucked up the trophy! Angle is INCENSED! Eddy comes out and I AWAIT THE DESTRUCTION OF THE TROPHY! The Lowrider is fucking AWWWWESOME! The destruction is imminent. Eddy is wearing the belt like Ric Flair. And... the TROPHY DIES! THE TROPHY DIES! Yes, in the grand tradition of trophies in wrestling, the trophy dies. I await girl scouts to now give Eddy a birthday cake.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK-

- I'm completely out of MicroTouch commercial jokes. It is dead to me. You are happy. I am sad.

- Theodore R Long vs Spike Dudley. I long for the ring stylings of a Harvey Whippleman tuxedo match. Thugging n Buggin! Johnny the Bull bumps big into the ringpost! Oh no! Shittiness is spelled J-I-N-D-R-A-K! What, we don't even get the technical skill of BILL. DEMOTT. ?. PeeeeeeeeeYoooooo!

- Pissed off Booker T cannot carry an amazingly DUSTED RVD. "Duuude. What's with the attitude?" RVD as the guy who follows Phish and can make a bowl out of a cucumber is confused about Booker T harshing his buzz. They need to run with it. "Book, man, we're like the Allman Brothers- Dickie Betts can't go, Butch Trucks would kick it into gear. Either way, dude, you gotta get to "Whippin' Post" or you'll never get to "Jessica", comprende? We gotta be in tune like a Duane Allman- Dickie Betts dual guitar lead...." Then he could go on about "Obscured by Clouds" and "A Nice Pair". Anyway, they ain't making it to the top against Haas and Big Show. RVD is prolly gonna be DESSERTED by BOOKER T! RVD gets mauled by Big Show but I don't CARE about RVD so the HEAT isn't there. THEN Booker T walks off completely and RVD becomes a sympathetic character. RVD goes on OFFENSE for a long time and it renders the match useless. He's WINNING THE HANDICAPPED MATCH! HE'S fuckin' ANDRE THE GIANT POTHEAD! Big Show has to cheat to win? What the fuck? This is the WORST psychology of a tag team turning on one another. They needed to REALLY beat some of my sympathy into RVD for me to give a shit about this fued. AAAAAAaaand they didn't.

- K-Swiss suck. Get some classy like some wingtips. Go get mad pussy with wingtips, ya young motherfuckers. Take it from me. I'm drunk. MAD pussy. MAD, CRACKED, CRAZY PUSSY!

- "I'm Still Alive!" is a new show on UPN. During the third episode, my liver gives a testimonial with film footage of me drinking 20 ounces of Tequila in 30 seconds when I was 22. Wooo. POW! That's self-deprecating comedy, motherfucker! Yee-HAW!

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.





YES, I AM DEAN.
Promote this thread!
CRZ
Big Brother
Administrator








Since: 9.12.01
From: ミネアポリス

Since last post: 7 hours
Last activity: 6 hours
AIM:  
ICQ:  
Y!:
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.65
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    I love CRZ.

    K-Swiss suck.
RECONCILE THESE STATEMENTS

or

LOVE ME, LOVE MY CLASSICS

If, when the show starts over here, I find that once again you have managed to completely miss Rene's mighty wang despite his best attempts to let us ALL see it, I will be back - in this thread - to scold you. Again. But only because I figure I can get away with it.



CRZ
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1298 days
Last activity: 1296 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by CRZ
      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      I love CRZ.

      K-Swiss suck.
    RECONCILE THESE STATEMENTS

    or

    LOVE ME, LOVE MY CLASSICS

    If, when the show starts over here, I find that once again you have managed to completely miss Rene's mighty wang despite his best attempts to let us ALL see it, I will be back - in this thread - to scold you. Again. But only because I figure I can get away with it.


It is a mighty wang. And I missed it once again. I was too fixated on Tazz's love. His love of Rene. Of Rene and his mighty wang.



YES, I AM DEAN.
Shem the Penman
Toulouse








Since: 16.1.02
From: The Off-Center of the Universe (aka Philadelphia)

Since last post: 270 days
Last activity: 69 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.63
Regarding the Micro-Touch commercial: Mrs. Shem, upon viewing the bonus pack of beautification equipment that is yours for buying the Micro-Touch, commented, "Since when is a shoe horn a grooming tool?" And she's right. I suppose you could use it to dig out ear wax if your ears are big enough...



s'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
a persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
ma percoche giammai di questo fondo
non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo.
Phantom
Frankfurter








Since: 17.3.02

Since last post: 2382 days
Last activity: 2358 days
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.68
I'm actually still watching. Cena just took on Miscelleneous Basham.

BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, "DEEZ NUTS" IS THE WORST CATCHPHRASE EVER.

Loved the Spike/Teddy promo, though. Spike needs to cut more promos on people. I mean, they let ORTON cut promos on people.
redsoxnation
Scrapple








Since: 24.7.02

Since last post: 486 days
Last activity: 486 days
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.66
Its a sad day when I'm rooting for Paul Wight to get chosen for a World Title match. Watching the Bradshaw stuff, one thought came to mind: Didn't I see this 17 years ago, and wasn't it about 5,000 times better then?
They need to chant Peanut-Head at Teddy. And, unless Simmons and Butch Reed are with him, I don't want to see Teddy getting ready to have a match.
Why was George Welles; wait, I mean Orlando Jordan, on the main show?
If they were going for Windham/Luger vs. Tully/Arn with the RVD/Booker break-up, they fell a slight bit short. Actually, there might have been more shock if the ThunderFoots broke up.



I want you to know, I agree with everything I just said.
ShotGunShep
Frankfurter








Since: 20.2.03

Since last post: 2544 days
Last activity: 2431 days
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.74
Anybody catch the educated and successful JBL say "most poorest" during his little adventure at the border?

Nice one.



"Huard, gonna go back to throw the ball. Sets up, looks, throws towards the corner of the endzone...it is INTERCEPTED INTERCEPTED, THE DUCKS HAVE THE BALL! Down to the 35, the 40. Kenny Wheaton's gonna score! Kenny Wheaton is gonna score! 20, the 10, Touchdown! Kenny Wheaton on the interception, the most incredible finish to the football game!"
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1298 days
Last activity: 1296 days
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by redsoxnation
    Its a sad day when I'm rooting for Paul Wight to get chosen for a World Title match. Watching the Bradshaw stuff, one thought came to mind: Didn't I see this 17 years ago, and wasn't it about 5,000 times better then?
    They need to chant Peanut-Head at Teddy. And, unless Simmons and Butch Reed are with him, I don't want to see Teddy getting ready to have a match.
    Why was George Welles; wait, I mean Orlando Jordan, on the main show?
    If they were going for Windham/Luger vs. Tully/Arn with the RVD/Booker break-up, they fell a slight bit short. Actually, there might have been more shock if the ThunderFoots broke up.


That was soooooo on the polar opposite of the Luger/Windham break-up- the greatest break-up in the history of wrestling.



YES, I AM DEAN.
Joe E. Nitro
Salami








Since: 4.2.04

Since last post: 3637 days
Last activity: 1118 days
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.62

    My son tries to drive his head through the screen of the TV set- as if he were a one and a half year old, adorable, incontinent Rufus R Freighttrain Jones.



Wow, your own kid bumps for your pleasure. I trust you've taught him the art of selling as well, otherwise you're gonna have a high-spot freak on your hands.

DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1298 days
Last activity: 1296 days
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by Joe E. Nitro

      My son tries to drive his head through the screen of the TV set- as if he were a one and a half year old, adorable, incontinent Rufus R Freighttrain Jones.



    Wow, your own kid bumps for your pleasure. I trust you've taught him the art of selling as well, otherwise you're gonna have a high-spot freak on your hands.




He's a crowbar but he's too cute to generate any legit heat in the back.



YES, I AM DEAN.
ORACLE22
Medisterpoelse








Since: 6.4.04
From: Rugby, Warwickshire, England

Since last post: 3855 days
Last activity: 3604 days
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.10
DEAN RASMUSSEN IS GOD!! FUCKING HILAIRIOUS MATE!



"im a man of few words...any questions?"
JoshMann
Andouille








Since: 17.11.03
From: Tallahassee, FL

Since last post: 2299 days
Last activity: 2296 days
AIM:  
Y!:
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.57
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      Originally posted by Joe E. Nitro

        My son tries to drive his head through the screen of the TV set- as if he were a one and a half year old, adorable, incontinent Rufus R Freighttrain Jones.



      Wow, your own kid bumps for your pleasure. I trust you've taught him the art of selling as well, otherwise you're gonna have a high-spot freak on your hands.




    He's a crowbar but he's too cute to generate any legit heat in the back.


Being an only child, I don't think I always played nice with others and was a little selfish. I think I only ever sold/jobbed under duress.





Ho-lee Mackinaw!
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1298 days
Last activity: 1296 days
#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
Thank you, young Oracle.



YES, I AM DEAN.
jam1975
Loukanika








Since: 8.10.03

Since last post: 802 days
Last activity: 802 days
#14 Posted on
    Originally posted by ShotGunShep
    Anybody catch the educated and successful JBL say "most poorest" during his little adventure at the border?

    Nice one.


I believe he said "most porous"
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1298 days
Last activity: 1296 days
#15 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by Blanket Jackson
      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
        Originally posted by Joe E. Nitro

          My son tries to drive his head through the screen of the TV set- as if he were a one and a half year old, adorable, incontinent Rufus R Freighttrain Jones.



        Wow, your own kid bumps for your pleasure. I trust you've taught him the art of selling as well, otherwise you're gonna have a high-spot freak on your hands.




      He's a crowbar but he's too cute to generate any legit heat in the back.


    Being an only child, I don't think I always played nice with others and was a little selfish. I think I only ever sold/jobbed under duress.




I was the run-of-the-mill middle son jabronie- selling the heel assbeating from my older brother and eating the babyface comeback offense of my younger brother. I retired from the ring when I was 16 after throwing my older brother over a coffee table immediately after he had broken his hand on my jaw. It was great. Broke my mom's favorite lamp WHILE SHE WAS ON THE WAY HOME FROM A BAPTIST RETREAT.



YES, I AM DEAN.
JoshMann
Andouille








Since: 17.11.03
From: Tallahassee, FL

Since last post: 2299 days
Last activity: 2296 days
AIM:  
Y!:
#16 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.57
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    I retired from the ring when I was 16 after throwing my older brother over a coffee table immediately after he had broken his hand on my jaw.


Man, that's Ohtani-level stiffness you worked with :P



Ho-lee Mackinaw!
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1298 days
Last activity: 1296 days
#17 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by Blanket Jackson
      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      I retired from the ring when I was 16 after throwing my older brother over a coffee table immediately after he had broken his hand on my jaw.


    Man, that's Ohtani-level stiffness you worked with :P


I was the Stan Hansen of my National Honor Society Chapter. I would fuck motherfuckers up during madrigals practice.

DEAN. Asses kicked. Names taken.



YES, I AM DEAN.
The Amazing Salami
Sujuk








Since: 23.5.02
From: Oklahoma

Since last post: 3794 days
Last activity: 3794 days
#18 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.92
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    "Book, man, we're like the Allman Brothers- Dickie Betts can't go, Butch Trucks would kick it into gear. Either way, dude, you gotta get to "Whippin' Post" or you'll never get to "Jessica", comprende? We gotta be in tune like a Duane Allman- Dickie Betts dual guitar lead...."




I can't wait until SMACKDOWN! YEAR-2029 when a high and ancient RVD teams with Booker T's son Derek T to make the beautiful music.



My tapeworm tells me what to do

YOU

My tapeworm tells me where to go
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1298 days
Last activity: 1296 days
#19 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by The Amazing Salami
      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      "Book, man, we're like the Allman Brothers- Dickie Betts can't go, Butch Trucks would kick it into gear. Either way, dude, you gotta get to "Whippin' Post" or you'll never get to "Jessica", comprende? We gotta be in tune like a Duane Allman- Dickie Betts dual guitar lead...."




    I can't wait until SMACKDOWN! YEAR-2029 when a high and ancient RVD teams with Booker T's son Derek T to make the beautiful music.


Next week, it was going to be all about Government Mule. But Booker T turned on him in less than twenty minutes. So high concept time filler for me to write during commercials is gone with wind....



YES, I AM DEAN.
ScreamingHeadGuy
Frankfurter








Since: 1.2.02
From: Appleton, WI

Since last post: 755 days
Last activity: 755 days
#20 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.39
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      Originally posted by CRZ
        Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
        I love CRZ.

        K-Swiss suck.
      RECONCILE THESE STATEMENTS

      or

      LOVE ME, LOVE MY CLASSICS

      If, when the show starts over here, I find that once again you have managed to completely miss Rene's mighty wang despite his best attempts to let us ALL see it, I will be back - in this thread - to scold you. Again. But only because I figure I can get away with it.


    It is a mighty wang. And I missed it once again. I was too fixated on Tazz's love. His love of Rene. Of Rene and his mighty wang.


Yeah, that still freaks me out. I don't feel "safe" to look at half of my TV screen when he's on. But I still think that, for sheer freak-out value, Randy Orton takes the cake any day.



I was Wiener of the Day.
Once.
A long time ago.
Really.

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Unless Heyman directly physically interfered with the match, I consider it a clean pin. It's more of a heel clean pin. Unless the rules are broken(chair shot, grabbing tights, etc.) it's a clean pin.
Related threads: The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report 4/8/04 - Smackdown 4/6/04 spoilers - the mighty mighty WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT- 4/1/2004! - More...
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