The wife cooked fabulous steaks and I bought a 12 of the Southpaw LIGHT (BECUZ IT'S 6%!) so I'm getting pretty busted up pretty quick. This quite possibly will suck. Yes, quite possibly.
- Hey, Kurt Angle isn't dead! He is in a wheelchair. He is upset that the people don't grasp the gravity of his retirement. He plugs I'M STILL ALIVE and it's great. He loves his network and all the people in it! I await him saying at some point, "I can never be America's Top Model!" HE BLAMES TORRIE WILSON! After he blames YOU, you useless motherfucker. You disgust me with your Kurt Angle crippling. Look at you- so HIIIGH AND MIGHTY. Torrie comes to the ring dressed as a complete flOOOOOOOOzy. KURT CAN NO LONGER HAVE SEX WITH HIS WIFE! YEAH, FUCK YOU TORRIE! Laugh at THIS, bitch! Ya BITCH! Torrie acts like she is in Mother's Day Part 3 as she reacts to Renee Dupre's match with her being NO DQ!
- THE SECRET ADVENTURES OF AL WILSON:
"It is ztupid for us to fight over my opinion of Herr President Reagan."
"Well, you might be right. It ain't like I fucking love his Hollywood ass since I been out a job for two months now, but you now what, my brothah, that's prolly because folks our age ain't supposed to get ahead yet."
"Probably. I don't have to like it. Fuck, agree vith you. But you must also know that I am an AMERICAN, motherfucker- no matter vere I vas born. I am an AMERICAN. I can say vat I vant. I vill beat you to death right now, but NOW zat I love you az a fellow America."
"So I guess it's on. What you feel, you kraut nazi motherfucker."
"Before I completely kill you, know TOO zat I MY PARENTS VUR KILT BY THE GODDAMNED NAZIS! I LOVE YOU AS MEIN AMERICAN BROTHER, AND NOW I VILL BEAT YOU TO DEATH!"
"Ain't nothin to it but to do it, motherfucker. My daddy was killed by Tareyton 100s. You better come hard as wedding dick, motherfucker."
"HARD AS A VEDDING DICK IS AS HARD AS I VILL COME!"
Billy Ray judo flips Baron to the ground and bites a piece of his ear. Baron rolls him over and elbows Billy Ray across the nose. Blood flies out of his nose like a geiser.
"Awwwww MOTHERFUCKAH!" He looks at the blood on his hands and he dives into the stomach of Baron and unleashes a flurry of punches to Baron's face- Billy Ray's knuckles skinned from smashing into Baron's teeth.
"Oh FUCK ZIS!" Baron punches Billy Ray in the throat and Billy Ray collapses for a moment. Baron waits for him to rise. He sizes up Billy Ray and Billy Ray's eyes roll back white in sheer rage. "SHIT FUCK MOTHERFUCKAAAAAAH" and Billy Ray charges at Baron.
Baron catches Billy Ray with an elbow across the top of the head and Billy Ray rolls to the ground. Baron's face goes completely blank. He locks his fingers around his wrist. He grabs Billy Ray's hair and pulls his head back and looks into his eyes. Billy Ray spits in Baron's face as Baron lunges into procuring the CLAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
- Renee Dupreee FINALLY exposes his giant wang. I am a heterosexual man and I'm far more fascinated by Dupree's wang than Torrie's sweet ass. Cena's Keith Jackson jersey is a perfectly fine choice. Dupree doesn't use his wang to hypnotize Cena like he has hypnotized all of America. It is a fabulous wang. I cannot fight the wang. I heart the wang. Renee post match is HI-larious. "HE DID NOT RESPECT YOUR WISHES!" Angle blames Cena for violence in America and so do I. And without the French there would be no America. Marquis de Lafayette. Rochambeau. RENNIE DUPREE'S WANG! God bless America.
- Chavo Senior is the greatest thing in the entire fucking history of wrestling. GAGNE, YOU OWE ME 400 DOLLARS FROM 1985, MOTHERFUCKER! COME ON OUT AND GET YOUR ASSBEATING! His son is a fine wrestler too. Nunzio bumps like a psycho early. Chavo beats Nunzio like a little bitch and the crowd wants Eddy to come out. Nunzio throws a crappy lariat and goes on the offense. Chavo Sr help Chavo hit the shittiest variation of a Reverse Gorie Bomb Ever. Chavo Jr gets on the stick. The crowd yells Rey Misterio to Chavo when he asks about the greatest Cruiserweight of all time! WHERE IS THE COMPETITION?!?! Chavo challenges- OPENLY challenges- any cruiserweight WORLDWIDE! The Bolivian cruiserweights are called out personally! Come on, Bolivians! You pussies! I await a OVW cruiserweight to get the shit beaten out of him next week.
- Locally on UPN 65, we have commercials for Ruby's Beauty Supplies and they so smoke whatever local commercials you saw.
- Josh and Booker T have CHEMISTRY. Booker T is happy to be with Josh. Josh pisses off Booker T. Their faces get really close to each other but the show goes to a commercial before the new romance can blossom. Josh is a broken man since Brock left. He is given hope by this sudden new shocking love.
- Angle as Professor Xavier the Commisioner is getting fun. Josh has to be put into his place. Angle talks about Booker T justifying his love. UT IS WRESTLING NEXT WEEK! I WAS GFOING TO BE SARCASTIC BUT UT HASN'T HAD A LEGIT SHITTY MATCH IN ONE YEAR!
- RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Charlie refuses to come out. Miss Jackie loans Charlie some trunks! He could come out NAKED! Charlie is coming out and it will all be FABULOUS! We go to a commercial and I would like all of us to take a moment and think about CRZ's long purty hair..... mmmmm herbal essence..... hey, this EVE show looks cool. Rico comes to the ring. he is from Las Vegas and he is FLAMBOYANT! Charlie comes out and his pants are completely NOT odd looking at all. I wanted AT LEAST one butt cheak sticking out. The Bashams come out with their far more fascinating pants. Rico is godlike assuming the Ricky Starr spots. BUTT-SPANKIN! Charlie is distressed. MORE BUTT-SPANKIN! Charlie starts buttfucking Danny Basham and it's all so odd. At first. Charlie does a cool as fuck armdrag. Charlie does the Psicosis bump into the ringpost and Rico is like a weenie-touching Robert Gibson on the apron. The Bashams work on Charlie's shoulder and it's TRULY a Gay Form Of A Southern Tag Match. Rico makes the hot tag and they edit EVERY aspect of his offense. Rico rubs his junk on a Basham and they have a fabulously homoerotic finish and I truly love it. Rico rules. Charlie rules. RULES.
- Justin Bradshaw Leyfield's Pat Buchanonesque commercial is soooo fucking great. This is AAA 1994 taken to the highest conceptual form. Smackdown is booked to the Redneck/Latino audience and it is so fucking awesome.
- EDDY IN THE COUP DE VILLE! AWWEESOME. Cadillacs make me proud to be an American. Eddy wrestles Bubba and it is a 5 star carry job two weeks in a row. Bubba bumps big to make me care and Eddy hits the PLANCHA ENOOOOOOORME! And we go to a commercial.... mmm chamomille.... GOD! TWO Trojan ads? Come on kids, I'm tellin ya- Trojans, ya can't bank on them. Bubba has Eddy in a Sleepah JUST LIKE LAST WEEK! Bubba with the head scissors. Eddy kicks to the head to escape. Bubba misses the elbow drop. Eddy does FULL RICKY STEAMBOAT COMEBACK and goes into the triple locomotion suplexes. REF BUMP! Bubba Bomb and the ref is still bumped to set up the two count. Eddy DDT's to TRANSITION! Eddy with the roll-up out of the Dudley's Doomsday Device Attempt and we await the JBL attack. Cole uses the term "Damn" wrong! RVD WITH THE SAVE! I AWAIT THE TAG MATCH. DOUBLE LOVE MACHINE SPLASHES! Professor Angle is not pleased. Fun little Smackdown. Angle makes the TAG MATCH! Booking makes me give a shit! WHAT DIDN'T WORK-
- MUGAtaker doesn't show up.
- RVD is pissed off. Or really high. He coulda got some ditchweed. I would be pissed off to. RVD calls out the Dudleys! Where is my BEER?!? Paul E comes out and talks about what is to be E C W. Heyman talks about "his dudleys". The Dudleys come out and beat the shit out of RVD. Eddy comes out and saves RVD for some reason. This can't lead to anything you'd ever want to see.
- Booker T and Billy Gunn wrestle a match. Sweet suplex by Billy. Decent punches and perfectly Nodawa variation. Then the unlikely offenses kick in. Crappy scissor kick. crappy crappy crappy. It's like Duke the Dumpster Drose vs Duke The Dumpster Drose. MUGAtaker! MUGAtaker! MUGAtaker! Booker T loks like Prince's older brother Benny Rogers Nelson with that hair. My spine forgets to be chilled and I await UT to work a 1976 Mid-Atlantic styled match again before I become too worked up. Booker T cheap shots UT and UT does a sit up. HE'S GOT THE URN! IT'S RETARDED!
- Bowflex returns. I assume that the MicroTouch is gone. Gone forever. You'll just have to live with all that hair on your neck.
- Trojan commercials on a wrestling show? They want MORE WWE drooling idiot fans because when you are deep into the LOOOOVE, a Trojan WILL break on you. I say go with the SHEIK ELITE. Carmel colored and when you wrap that rascal IT STAYS WRAPPED.
- Kurt Angle evil GM in a wheel chair is just great. The GM in a wheel chair angle is great. It worked so well for Mr. McMahon and it works pretty well for Mr. Angle as well. Plus he has former WorldWide jobber Horshu pushing him around.
- Angle yelling at Torrie smells like a Paul Heyman woman hater angle to me. I like it. It doesn't go to far and sets up an OVW feud of Cena and Dupree.
- Why is Paul Heyman on Smackdown? What lazy booking to have him drafted on Raw only to end up on Smackdown as a nonGM.
-Also Cole sucks as an announcer. I don't know why the IWC creams for him.
- Where's the love for the Big Lots commercial? Was there a bump in your pay that we missed? Do you no longer crave a great bargain?
Has anyone examined whether Baron has occassional violent outbursts in order to gain the love and acceptance of Waldo Von Erich? Only 2 more weeks of the Bradshaw push of death. Why do I have a bad feeling that the drugged out Hardy is going to face Chavo next week? Because I fear where they are going with this idea, a pre-emptive strike is necessary: Magnum T.A. is Magnum T.A. Nikita Koloff is Nikita Koloff. John Cena is not Magnum T.A. Rene Dupre is not Nikita Koloff. Fifi might be Ivan Koloff.
Originally posted by redsoxnationBecause I fear where they are going with this idea, a pre-emptive strike is necessary: Magnum T.A. is Magnum T.A. Nikita Koloff is Nikita Koloff. John Cena is not Magnum T.A. Rene Dupre is not Nikita Koloff. Fifi might be Ivan Koloff.
I was sooooooo not going anywhere near that, my brother.
I know DEAN's workrate reports are starting to influence my SmackDown watching when
1) The trojan commercial comes on and I think to myself "uh oh, Dean's not going to like that one"
2) The WANG was the first thing I noticed about Rene tonight. Do I really need to embrace it???
Loved the ditchweed reference, and good choice on the Southpaw. Cheap + more alcohol = good. Good recaps as always DEAN, my Richmond brother--now get the hell out of my head!
"Because Iím a fan. Because I view this industry as an art form, and I have a deep appreciation for that art form because Iím not physically able and never have been and never will be physically able to do what they do in the ring. And even if I was physically able, I donít think I have the balls to attempt it. Itís so dangerous. Itís so hard. Itís so intricate. Itís so difficult. Itís so taxing. I couldnít do it. And I have enormous respect and admiration for those who do, let alone do it well."
Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN - Locally on UPN 65, we have commercials for Ruby's Beauty Supplies and they so smoke whatever local commercials you saw. ...
- Josh and Booker T have CHEMISTRY. Booker T is happy to be with Josh. Josh pisses off Booker T. Their faces get really close to each other but the show goes to a commercial before the new romance can blossom. Josh is a broken man since Brock left. He is given hope by this sudden new shocking love. ...
THERE YOU HAVE IT.
Another inspired recap, bless you DEAN.
Locally we got a grainy video commercial for American Pro Wrestling, featuring BAM BAM Bigelow and Tammy Sytch, soon appearing in some crappy high school basement...
I was wondering how you'd address Josh's empty void of Brocklessness...
Chavo Sr. is being used perfectly.
Does anyone know how "real" Kurt's retirement is? Did he really have surgery? I thought he was having numbness in his hand - unless I have him confused with the Nature Boy.
The next sign I offer up will say "Smackdown! needs heals badly!
Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSENIt's like Duke the Dumpster Drose vs Duke The Dumpster Drose.
This had me laughing for over a minute straight. Another great recap DEAN.
Caped Boy: Excuse me, ladies. You may remember me as the guy who came to dinner a few weeks ago with underwear on my head. My name is Keith Stat from Milbourne, New Jersey. State bird, the mosquito. And as you may have heard I am recently a crowned class B dungeon-master. So if any of you would like to play D&D today, please speak now or forever hold your peace. [He chuckles, and there is an awkward silence at the table.] Caped Boy: Anyone? Alexa! [Alexa gives him a withering glare.] Caped Boy: Maybe you would like to join in? We do need a druid, and you have definitely cast a level 5 charm spell on me. Alexa: In your dreams, douche-bag! Caped Boy: Douche-bags are hygienic products, I take that as a compliment. Thank you. [Keith walks off] Alexa: Ewww!
Angle should be the Lex Luthor in the next Superman movie. Though there is something I kinda got an itch to say about his monolog. "Angle was martyred, MARTYRED for you crappy fans and you boo him! Woe to thee! WOE! The Passion of the Angle has been ignored! It's true, it's true. Do no ignore him! Or his message! For the support of Gibson grants him power!"
Dupree's wang cannot be denied. Though later when he was whining to Angle about the interference did is seem that it was a bit more... subdued, as if perhaps tired from it's early appearance? Or maybe being so close to Angle made it shy. Still when he exposed his power to Torrie she was held in awe by it's majesty. And the little step danced made it jiggle, to hypnotize the crowd... Though is this a setup to have Torrie become Dupree's valet and wearing a little French Maid outfit? I wouldn't put it past creative.
And yes the JBL promo was great. He is a smarmy ass. Or is supposed to be, or whatever.
Originally posted by IagoDupree's wang cannot be denied. Though later when he was whining to Angle about the interference did is seem that it was a bit more... subdued, as if perhaps tired from it's early appearance? Or maybe being so close to Angle made it shy. Still when he exposed his power to Torrie she was held in awe by it's majesty. And the little step danced made it jiggle, to hypnotize the crowd... Though is this a setup to have Torrie become Dupree's valet and wearing a little French Maid outfit? I wouldn't put it past creative.
Torrie is no Fifi from FLAIR FOR THE GOLD. Renee has the wang and complex whining that I love. I hope he gets better in the ring. And why would anyone deny the WANG?
I read somewhere from Da Meltz that they're thinking of putting Dawn Marie with Rene. Now, if you put HER in the French Maid outfit, that my friend would be Ratings Gold!!! Of course, that would mean Dupree would come out with Fifi and Fifi, and that would just cause a lot of confusion...
"Naughty by Nature, Evil by Choice!" Evil Buddha... Wrestling Fan, Bud Man
I'm working on thumbnail sketches of the mentioned jumpers for another project. Mexico Minis: They're still as you remember them from the AAA/WWF partnership; capable of putting on (relative) high spot matches the crowd typically gets into.