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The W - Pro Wrestling - the mighty mighty WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT- 2/12/2004~!
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1292 days
Last activity: 1290 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
I'm late and SOBER! GEAR! NO FEAR! BEER IS FOR PUSSIES! HAND BIG DADDY THE MALT LIQUOR!

WHAT WORKED-

- Jorge Piaz's 1986 performance artist hairstyle was the cherry on top of the perfectly fine Tajiri vs Rey Rey match. The crowd says "Chavo sucks" but I think they meant Tajiri's punches. Chavo Sr is styling in his double breasted suit. Rey Rey and Tajiri do some lowgrade lucha before the inevitable ass-beating by Chavocito. Piaz punches Sr in the face and Sr sells it like CHAVO SENIOR

- Heyman and Brock have a psycho-sexual moment. Brock works himself into a lather and Heyman talks about the beating he has taken for Brock. They breathe deeply into each others' nostrils as we take a commercial break. They bond through their love/hate of Goldberg....

- Turdwellian turned and looked at the giant screen. "Mr Poo. We have the belts and the giant ass is ripe with pungent stinkiness."

"Affirmative sir. The giant ass is rank as a dumpster in august."

"Oh wait, Scotty is wrestling Danny Basham. They will not use the giant ass of Rikishi."

"A true waste of 9 day old fully digested egg salad sandwhich wedged betwixted the asscheeks, sir."

"Yes, it is."

Shaniqua has the best lariat in the WWE. That ruled. Danny uses the CRAVATE and my love swells and I lose control of my pants. Danny sticks with the CRAVATE after cutting off Scotty's comeback. Postmatch, Rikishi doesn't get to smoosh his giant ass into Shaniqua's face. And thus the releasing of my manly firmness will have to wait...

- Jorge Piaz looks Smeagelesque standing next to Rey Rey. TEN YEARS!??! Rey Rey was Universocito 2000 in 1973 at age 5. It's MEXICO people. Chavo will beat the shit out of Jorge Piaz and we get to watch. He'll beat him like Sweatpea.

- Kurt is upset with Josh. The words don't matter. Kurt is hurt because Josh likes the bad boys. Kurt has tried to be heelish to bring Josh closer. Josh can't fall in love if there isn't any danger.

- Rhyno and Hardcore Holly wrestle. Holly does some perfectly adequate matwork and does some choppin'. Rhyno's offense is much funner with the reverse powerbomb into the turnbuckle. Rhyno does the Body Scissors so this automatically works even if this match was Malenko trainee first match level of excitement. Rhyno wakes up me n the crowd by whipping oot the Spinebustor and we gear up for GORE GORE GORE but Holly dropkicks to counter. Holly gets the two count on a dropkick and we were one second away from MATCH OF THE YEAR. But they didn't, so here we are. Rhyno gets disqualified for beating on Holly like a bitch. And I feel a pointless fued a-brewin'.

- They take Kurt Angle to the hospital and Brock dances to a mariachi band. Brock looks like an unmask 1994 Cibernetico with the sombrero. The MAriachi guys trying not to laugh was the pinnacle of the HEAT SEGMENT! Eddy comes out and EVERYBODY clears out. The giant guitar guy is WRESTLER OF THE NIGHT for getting his giant guitar out of the ring before even Brock could hit the floor. I can only hope Eddy has a Dave Matthews cover band out for the next segment. Eddy carries Brock on the STICK with just his reactions. "You ain't fighting the odds, you're fighting me." Brock is fucking great as White Aryan Resistance spokeman. Eddy shoots on himself again and it just motherfucking fucking motherfucking RULES. Brock is fabulous as the jock asshole laughing at him. Eddy is fucking GOD. HE IS GOD. FUCKING GOD. Best on the stick EVER. Fuck the world, I'm not even fucking drunk yet. Why are they wasting Brock on Goldberg- this fued would have legs because they are magic together.

- Hey, Shelton Benjamin is wrestling. He's a good lil wrestler. Bradshaw is on my beloved list as of late for such the spectacular bump taken at the Smackdown Royal Rumble. Shelton bumps big early as they do Seconds Shenanigans. Benjamin blocks the lariat and Bradshaw sells the arm and this is perfectly fine psychology and Bradshaw sells the armbar pretty well. Bradshaw has a surprisingly fun comeback and he sells the arm the whole time. Benjamin hits a sweeeet superkick to cut him off and the match kinda heats up. Bradshaw hits the second best lariat of the night after Benjamin misses into the corner. I had no problem with this.

- Jamie Noble comes out. He doesn't talk about being disrespected so I ain't buying him as an actual redneck. He yells at all the ladies in the audience saying any of them could be his boyfriend. Why he doesn't have a Who Can Last Five Minutes In The Ring but with luuuuuuvin and not wrestlin! Nidia shows up with STIPS for their match and a wood chipper. Nidia talks about Noble's dicksize. Nidia sticks a mink coat into the woodchipper and PETA is COMPLETELY confused as to how to react. I'd disappoint Nidia with my spongy middle-aged love for the best 53 seconds of her life. HER LIFE!

- I need to get me one of those Microtouch Precision Grooming Kits. I wonder if you can tape those things to a stick so I can get even those areas I can't usually reach? That would be sweet.

- WEEEELLLL, IT'S THE BIG SHOW! YEAH IT'S THE BIG SHOW! SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING YOU KNOOOOOW. Cena with the swank Steve Largent jersey as he takes Angle's place. Big Show is made to play the fool early. Eddy versus Brock is really fun. I need to find a sportsbar Sunday and see them wrestle. Eddy sells the assbeating and makes fun comebacks. Cena tags in does the proper Southern tag match selling of the heel assbeating. Cena is really good at selling the damage these days. Big Show and Brock both bump like fucking psychos for Eddy. We go to a commercial and I am already happier with this match than I figured I would be. Cena is selling the Octapus Hold like Tatsumi Fujinami in 1988. Brock brings the assbeat and it looks truly nasty. Brock's Horizontal Inverted Bearhug was COMPLETELY boss and Cena sells it like Brock is pulling his liver out. Cena to a vertical base and he punches to comeback but Brock cuts him off quickly and procures a Reverse Bearhug?!?! GEAR! Big Show comes in and Cena punches to offense and is quickly cut off. Cena sells the ribs and finally gets Big Show down but Big Show cuts off his comeback and this match is fucking beautiful. Cena DDTs out of the Nodawa attempt and we have the ten count and Cena crawls like Ricky Morton and THIS MATCH FUCKING RULES because Brock knocks Eddy to the floor and delays the hot tag a few seconds. The crowd is great as a house afire and Brock is Angle-like in his ability to work the lucha spots like a frickin' Blue Panther Americano. Angle comes out and hits Big Show and Cena with a chair and Eddy cheats to win and THAT'S fun wrestling. Fuck yeah. Push Eddy Guerrerro and you bet your sweet ass I'll sit right here and watch it.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK-

- They interview Sable and Torrie and 43 year old virgins with plaid polyester pants around their ankles blow Frito-scented greyish cottage-cheese-like loads over their Talking Dalek dolls right onto their rented Hawkwind dvd. MEANWHILE, RASMUSSEN keeps staring at their boobies and can't think of anything funny to say as his funny blood rushes out of his brain and into his overworked and underpaid junk. They feign lesbianism for the pathetic motherfuckers who can't take a penis in their pornography. Fucking pathetic motherfuckers! EMBRACE THE PENIS! LOVE THE PENIS! THE PENIS IS YOUR BEST FRIEND! Be..... the penis.

- What the fuck is up with the Raw footage. I WOULD RATHER DRINK FROM THE DICK OF A GOAT.*

- Fuck this Top Model shit. I'd rather fuck the fat guy from KING Of QUEENS just out of respect of nailing the big-booty girl. At least they are sticking them in a tank of water so it looks like they auditioning for the "Love Machine" video by WASP. Blackie Lawless would rip their panties off with his codpiece. It would be exciting episodic television.

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN

*I quote the great great KILLDOZER.



YES, I AM DEAN.
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BWT
Boerewors








Since: 27.1.04
From: Philly

Since last post: 3192 days
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#2 Posted on
Smackdown was mostly just a PPV hype show this week but i really dont like how they keep talking about Eddy's drug problems from the past. I know they are trying to turn him into some kind of insperational figure but this is the same guy who "cheats to win". I dont think this PPV is worth $35 with Mania comming up in a few weeks.
Gugs
Bierwurst








Since: 9.7.02
From: Sleep (That's where I'm a viking)

Since last post: 519 days
Last activity: 4 days
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Y!:
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.06
No Way Out is NEVER supposed to be worth the money, but it always comes up with something. Triple H/Foley in 2000, Triple H/Austin in 2001, and...something in 2002 and 2003. I sense good things coming out of this Pay-Per-View, and I have never been wrong with my good things sense.

Of course, I always sense bad things, so this is a change of pace for me.



Damn that Triple H; damn him straight to Hell!

I flip-flop faster than Jay Mariotti, don't I?
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1292 days
Last activity: 1290 days
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by gugs
    No Way Out is NEVER supposed to be worth the money, but it always comes up with something. Triple H/Foley in 2000, Triple H/Austin in 2001, and...something in 2002 and 2003. I sense good things coming out of this Pay-Per-View, and I have never been wrong with my good things sense.

    Of course, I always sense bad things, so this is a change of pace for me.


It'll be worth a trip to Mulligan's Sportsbar. Eddy/Brock and Chavo/Rey Rey is worth 11 dollar pitchers of Harp.



YES, I AM DEAN.
BWT
Boerewors








Since: 27.1.04
From: Philly

Since last post: 3192 days
Last activity: 2796 days
AIM:  
#5 Posted on
    Originally posted by gugs
    No Way Out is NEVER supposed to be worth the money, but it always comes up with something. Triple H/Foley in 2000, Triple H/Austin in 2001, and...something in 2002 and 2003. I sense good things coming out of this Pay-Per-View, and I have never been wrong with my good things sense.

    Of course, I always sense bad things, so this is a change of pace for me.


2002 was the NWO comeback and Y2J v Austin main event while 2003 was Austin's big return along with Rock Hogan II, both were much bigger then this years effort even if Eddy takes the title.
GreekPhysiqueJohnnyO
Haggis








Since: 19.11.03
From: Brooklyn, NY

Since last post: 3906 days
Last activity: 3905 days
AIM:  
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.53
How many dick references and shooting the load references do you need to write a piece each week? Is there a minimum requirement?



Kings of Chaos
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1292 days
Last activity: 1290 days
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by GreekPhysiqueJohnnyO
    How many dick references and shooting the load references do you need to write a piece each week? Is there a minimum requirement?


I like to keep it around 6, maybe 7.



YES, I AM DEAN.
geemoney
Scrapple








Since: 26.1.03
From: Naples, FL

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 2 hours
AIM:  
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.18
Opening contest was too short. I'm surprised they didn't job another c'weight besides Tajiri (Kidman? London?). You'd think they'd wanna keep Tajiri strong....Ok, who is Jorge Paeza, and why am I supposed to care? (I know, he's a boxer)....Scotty v.s Danny Basham was an acceptable way to set up a PPV match....Pointless DQ to a pointless Rhyno/Holly match. I guess this match was just to establish that refs are actually going by the rules now....

The Brock/Mariachi segment was great, capped off by a nice Eddie Interview....Damn. TWGTT gets stuck in a PPV match with the APA. They deserve better....They went to all the work to bring out a wood-chipper just to throw the coat in there, and that's it?....One word to describe the Sable-Torrie segment: Ugh. I thought Stacy/Jackie would attack them during the interview at least to make it somewhat interesting....The Final tag match was okay, nothing breath-taking though.



RAW, Nipplegate and More!: http://parksg.blogspot.com
ShotGunShep
Frankfurter








Since: 20.2.03

Since last post: 2538 days
Last activity: 2425 days
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.74
I loved the Steve Largent jersey Cena sported.

Were Torrie and Sable rolling during that interview or WHAT? Good lord. That was just ridiculous.

Not a very good show this week, but it was right before the PPV, so what can they really do?

I can't believe they killed the Eddie/Chavo stuff so quickly. I mean, yeah Eddie has moved up, but come on, their family, you'd think they'd still be at each other's throats.

Did anybody else hear the crowd cheer when Eddie say he was HIGH? I thought that was kind of well, I mean, just strange. He's a former addict and they are cheering for him being high? Eh.



"Huard, gonna go back to throw the ball. Sets up, looks, throws towards the corner of the endzone...it is INTERCEPTED INTERCEPTED, THE DUCKS HAVE THE BALL! Down to the 35, the 40. Kenny Wheaton's gonna score! Kenny Wheaton is gonna score! 20, the 10, Touchdown! Kenny Wheaton on the interception, the most incredible finish to the football game!" www.eatmyassbeavernation.com
Snookum
Kishke








Since: 19.6.03
From: Louisville

Since last post: 2639 days
Last activity: 2620 days
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.49
    Originally posted by geemoney
    Ok, who is Jorge Paeza, and why am I supposed to care?


You mean you don't recognized TinTin when you see him?

(Boy, if that's not a vague reference, I don't know what is.)
jwrestle
Lap cheong








Since: 4.4.03
From: Nitro WV

Since last post: 168 days
Last activity: 2 days
AIM:  
ICQ:  
Y!:
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 0.63
Ok, Brock is never going to regain his edge by dancing to the ring even if was to make fun of Eddie. At least it wasn't the dreaded tanker trucks. Hey, when do the heels get to use those?



    Originally posted by Ringmistress
    Oh come on, the real MVP of Raw last night - ROSCOE P. COALTRAIN!


If the Dukes of Hazard was a...is a WWE gimmick.
geemoney
Scrapple








Since: 26.1.03
From: Naples, FL

Since last post: 3 days
Last activity: 2 hours
AIM:  
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.18
    Originally posted by Snookum
      Originally posted by geemoney
      Ok, who is Jorge Paeza, and why am I supposed to care?


    You mean you don't recognized TinTin when you see him?

    (Boy, if that's not a vague reference, I don't know what is.)

Former animated show on Nickelodeon, I remember. Always had his dog...then there was the police chief (I think).

"He's been poisoned!" Seems like they said that EVERY episode.



RAW, Nipplegate and More!: http://parksg.blogspot.com
thatdude21601
Pickled pork








Since: 22.9.03
From: Easton, md

Since last post: 3857 days
Last activity: 3857 days
#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.88
I was probally high...but this Smackdown was really good. I usaully complain if Tajiri gets jobbed, Holly and Bradshaw wrestle the same night, someone dances, the blind angle,etc. But I had lots of fun and the fans were loud.

Tajiri and Rey and Noble are getting lazy when working together. There hasn't been that many great matches between that 3 combination...which is very weird considering who those 3 guys are. This is no different, but it works because I think Im attracted to Tajiri ....or something, and the Chavo's are involved. Piaz starts getting all weirded out and kinda inbetween dancing and hopping....he dancehops. But it works out cause he whacks the fuck out of Chavo Sr.

I wasn't offended by Scotty and Rikishi and the Bashams rock.

Rhyno and Holly was reasonable, but I think I saw Holly lean back a bit on the powerbomb and almost get dropped. The fans sounded pissed after the DQ...nice.

Brock dancing and wearing a hat and acting scared of the trumpet guy was almost as good as Dancing Vinnie Mac. As Dean pointed out, the big guitar dude has *it*.

Bradshaw Vs SB worked ....well because ...just cause. No good reason.

I'm Jamie Noble boy...will always be ok with me. Nidia looks ready for a 70's porno set...and that's ok with me.

The Main event was nice...Loud Fans ...I wonder what would happen if Eddie or Cena cut a promo on Michaels or Austin. Probally a good thing Benoit went to Raw. Big Show has been booked good lately, I dig him. Brock and Big Show are so interesting....Silly Monsters? Im not always sure what to think but its ok. Cena plays thug in trouble well. Eddie looks like he has a chance at Lesnar, and that's before Goldberg causes trouble.

I had fun...thats good



"dubya never talks while cheney is drinking water...check that shit out"
Shem the Penman
Toulouse








Since: 16.1.02
From: The Off-Center of the Universe (aka Philadelphia)

Since last post: 265 days
Last activity: 63 days
#14 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.12
    Originally posted by geemoney
      Originally posted by Snookum
        Originally posted by geemoney
        Ok, who is Jorge Paeza, and why am I supposed to care?


      You mean you don't recognized TinTin when you see him?

      (Boy, if that's not a vague reference, I don't know what is.)

    Former animated show on Nickelodeon, I remember. Always had his dog...then there was the police chief (I think).

    "He's been poisoned!" Seems like they said that EVERY episode.


Since when is Tintin a vague reference? http://www.tintin.be

It's weird ... I went into this week thinking I'd definitely get No Way Out, but now that the show is over I'm leaning toward keeping the money in my pocket. I'd really like to see Brock/Eddie; Rey/Chavo could be good if it's not another four-minute special; and the three-way at least has potential. But the other matches are just too uninspiring. Eh, maybe there's a bar somewhere around here ...





s'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
a persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
ma percoche giammai di questo fondo
non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo.
Stilton
Frankfurter








Since: 7.2.04
From: Canada

Since last post: 3184 days
Last activity: 3184 days
#15 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.05
I don't see the point of keeping the cruiserweight division separate on SD, but only using the same three or four guys week after week, and letting the other guys languish on Velocity to take turns jobbing for each other. Tajiri doing the job tonight bugged me. There was no reason for it. Could easily have been any of the lowercard cruisers.



So sayeth Randy Stilton.
fuelinjected
Banger








Since: 12.10.02
From: Canada

Since last post: 3263 days
Last activity: 3263 days
#16 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.15
Jorge Piaz was the highlight of Smackdown for me this week. I don't know what the hell that was but it kicked all kinds of ass.

Seeing as they're actually pushing Rey vs Chavo as a feature match and it's got its own commercial, I'd assume it's gonna get a good chunk of time. When Rey was on cruise control before surgery at the end of WCW, Chavo got a killer match out of him. Hopefully now with Rey feeling it again, they can have a really good one.

WWE kinda lucked into something with Chavo Sr. He adds so much depth to Chavito's character as this spoiled little whining bitch that everybody knows and hates.

I just hope that if/when they put the belt on Eddy this Sunday that they don't have Goldberg overshadow the momentous occassion. Goldberg shouldn't touch Brock, just sit there and Brock will be "off his game". Maybe Goldberg can spear Chavo or Big Show but he shouldn't help Eddy win the title at all or else it gets Eddy off to a weak start.
The 5th Horseman
Kolbasz








Since: 23.10.02
From: Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Since last post: 3004 days
Last activity: 2993 days
#17 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.69
    Originally posted by Shem the Penman
    It's weird ... I went into this week thinking I'd definitely get No Way Out, but now that the show is over I'm leaning toward keeping the money in my pocket. I'd really like to see Brock/Eddie; Rey/Chavo could be good if it's not another four-minute special; and the three-way at least has potential. But the other matches are just too uninspiring. Eh, maybe there's a bar somewhere around here ...

Yes, the matches they added tonight sure didn't add anything good to the PPV. A match between Nidia and Noble with Noble wearing a blindfold? No good ever comes out of a blindfold match. I still have bad memories of sitting in the old Greenville Memorial Auditorium and watching a HORRIBLE "Prince of Darkness" blindfold match between Kevin Sullivan and Jimmy Garvin.

But, I will still pay for the PPV just for Eddy vs. Brock, Mysterio vs. Chavo, and the 3 way involving Angle and Cena. Plus, I'm actually interested in how they use Goldberg at the PPV.

    Jorge Piaz was the highlight of Smackdown for me this week. I don't know what the hell that was but it kicked all kinds of ass.

That little fit Paez threw before hitting Chavo Sr. with that punch reminded me of Curly from the 3 Stooges preparing for a fight. Paez should have thrown that fit and then just ended it with a simple poke in the eyes. That would have been GREAT!! ;-)

(edited by The 5th Horseman on 13.2.04 0026)
Matt Tracker
Scrapple








Since: 8.5.03
From: North Carolina

Since last post: 1 day
Last activity: 1 hour
#18 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.58
Man, after the Pepe angle, I thought I would never live to see Chavo and a wood chipper on the same show again.




"To be the man, you gotta beat demands." -- The Lovely Mrs. Tracker
The 5th Horseman
Kolbasz








Since: 23.10.02
From: Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Since last post: 3004 days
Last activity: 2993 days
#19 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.69
    Originally posted by Matt Tracker
    Man, after the Pepe angle, I thought I would never live to see Chavo and a wood chipper on the same show again.

Didn't Raven give Perry Saturn's "Moppy" the old Pepe treatment?
thatdude21601
Pickled pork








Since: 22.9.03
From: Easton, md

Since last post: 3857 days
Last activity: 3857 days
#20 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.88
Btw Dean...I have one of the microtouch trimmers....I can't see the back of my neck so it doesn't work there, my eyebrows and nosehair are fine. And the thing is not powerful enough to cut through pubic hairs...waste of money I think.



"dubya never talks while cheney is drinking water...check that shit out"
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I think they're making a point of this. Everyone says Kane always loses. Cue shock when Kane wins semi-clean against weakened Undertaker after a match full of commentary about how Kane never wins.
Related threads: Smackdown 2/12 Spoilers - the mighty might WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT- 2/5/2004! - The Great Thomas SmackDown! Report RETURNS! 2/5/04 - More...
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