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The W - Pro Wrestling - the mighty might WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT- 2/5/2004!
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DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1291 days
Last activity: 1288 days
#1 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
I'm late! And you're the DADDY! I gotta a 12 of Old Milwaukee- the National Beer Of Virginia- that I gotta start working on. I missed Rikishi and Scotty winning the title. Was it great? Did it rule? Did it move like a cat? Did it charge like a ram? Did it sting like a bee? Oh babe, I wanna be your man.

WHAT WORKED-

- They recap Eddy vs Angle and it rules.

- Dawn Maire is wearing a little gold number as she tries to put the blast on Cena. OOP! Heyman with a COCKBLOCK!! Cena is ineligible for the Janet Jackson Class Action suit where I'm gonna get my millions because he thinks a closeted homosexual pulling the top off what looks like an aging drag queen was really hot! Cena says he's gonna gank the tail Heyman is pulling!! THAT would be quality entertainment. Cena loving Heyman's young men is a neat story of a young John Cena coming to grips with his own powerful sexuality- a tale of a man finding his TRUE self through a series of lovers. He ends up wiser, more centered, happy yet it's bittersweet because for all the love there was also love lost. We all went to college once. We can all identify.

- WELL IT'S THE BIIIIG SHOW~! And he and his superior theme song are taking on Billy Gunn. I love Billy Gunn's theme song. It's kinda like a Belinda Carlisle song being covered by John Waite. josh watches and seethes in the backstage area as Billy Gunn showboats his ass to make Big Show's ass look secondary. Billy sells the chops like a good little wrestler. Big Show bumps this into the WORKED COLUMN! WOO-HOO! A very shitty punch almost kicks it back down yonder and we go to commercial. Big Show with the headbutt for ONE! Billy fights but Big Show cuts him off. BIG SHOW WITH THE COBRA CLUTCH~! AWWWESOME! If Big Show would have kept the Cobra Clutch while he threw Gunn to the ground, I would have joined in wetting our collectives panteses. Big Show with another Cobra Clutch and Billy Gunn sells it like he is in a Cobra Clutch. Billy forearms out and Big Show cuts him off with Chokeslam that Gunn drop kicks out of andinstantly hits a Famouser and Big Show kicks out at TWO! Billy goes for another and Big Show reverses it into a Nodawa Powerbomb. THAT was a very okay little match.

- AWWWWESOME! Chavo Senior is on my motherfucking TV screen! TELL HIM CHAVOCITO! FUCK REY MISTERIO! IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM YOU'D TELL HIM! CHAVO JR SHOULD BE ON THE MAGAZINE! FUCK YEAH, CHAVO SR! THAT'S WHAT WE ALL WANT! GIVE THAT LITTLE MOTHERFUCKER THE SPANKING HIS MAMA SHOULD A GAVE HIM! FUCK YEAH! Then Heyman makes a match and I blow semen all over my polyester pants- REY REY vs CHAVO SR~! AWWWW OHHHHHH MOTHERFUCK YEAH! I. AM. SPENT. (Tom and Phil are throwing things against the wall because they book this one week too late.)

- Eddy comes out and his Cordoba is 1000% bad ass. Eddy is gonna main event a PPV and I can't hate US wrestling at all. Brock vs Eddy on the mat should fucking RULE. HERE COMES THE PAIN! Can Eddy carry Lesnar on the STICK~! is the big question. Lesnar puts Eddy over THEN... BROCK WASN'T IN THE RING! Brock is not afraid. Eddy is such the super babyface on the stick and it rules as the crowd gets behind him. Eddy is FUCKING AWESOME shooting like a motherfucker on HIMSELF. Eddy is fucking WRESTLING JESUS. HE IS THE GREATEST BABYFACE IN THE HISTORY OF THE MOTHERFUCKING WORLD. "Big fat face of hatred" is so fucking poetic and beautiful. Fuck Cactus Jack and fuck Ric Flair. Eddy is the greatest guy on the stick ever. Brock is great as a bastardly counterpoint- as Eddy carries the segment- and the explosion of violence is fucking perfect. I'm going to a goddamn sports bar in two weeks.

- Jamie Noble is upset. HE GOT SCREWED BY NIDIA! Oh shit. He's wrestling the most boring wrestler in the history of wrestling. The man. The myth. The Kidman. Noble works on the leg early- looking all Malenko-like as he spins into the kneebar. God, Noble is channelling Malenko in this. I await a Rib-breaker. He takes out the knee and does nifty chain wrestling. HE IS REDNECK MALENKO! Nidia comes out and throws money into the audience! NIDIA SCREWS NOBLE AGAIN!!!! Kidman hits a John Kerry Stump Speech Rydeen Bomb '04 and it's over before a.) I fall asleep or b.) Noble hits a Tiger Driver Into a Texas Cloverleaf.

- Rey Rey comes out first and I AM SOOOO STOKED that Chavo Sr is wrestling him. We will now see what Chavo Sr the rudo has left in the tank. Chavo punks the young punk early- rudoing like a motherfucker with the hidden choke. Rey Rey sells big for the Lucha Elder statesman and takes the stiff European uppercuts like a MAN. Rey Rey kicks out of the corner and they have hi-jinx and Rey Rey wins waaaay too soon. Chavo Jr is AWWWWESOME beating the shit out of Rey Rey postmatch. Man, they need to have Chavo Sr go through every Cruiserweight and get the belt. That would rule.

- Kurt Angle gets to try to carry the major talent called Bob Sparkplugcore Holly. Holly is actually fun in this match hanging with Angle on the mat early on. They do cool headlock and armbar variations that leads into an armdrag section. Welcome to the worlds most unlikely first caida of 1997 EMLL. Angle kinda works heel and bumps like fucking Jerry Estrada in 1994 and I'm baffled because Angle hasn't actually turned heel yet. I drink beer six as we head to commercial (HEY! That sound like a Raven Mack 12 pack video review. We'll call it homage and avoid the lawsuit. Subscribe to Super Destructor- his new zine. It HAS to rule.) Holly procures the Sleeper when we get back. Holly works on the arm of Angle. Holly hotshots Angle when the powerbomb goes wrong. Angle lariats to offense. Holly sells the backdrop and the Germans. Angle and holly fight out of each other's finishers. Holly with a Scorpion Deathdrop and he gets two. Holly with a perfectly serviclable but not even in the same universe as Steve Armstrong's TopRope Lariat. Holly hits the lame Alabama slam but Angle hits the ropes to not job to the Atomic Noogie Dos Mil. Holly- who is sooooooooooooooo midcard- kicks out of the FUCKING ANGLE SLAM?>!?! What the fuck? The Ankle Lock doesn't work either? God, Chuck Palumbo would kick Angle's ass. Angle hits the Locomotion Ankle Lock and it's over. That was perfectly fine wrestling. Postmatch, Heyman storms out and tries to announce the number one contender at WM. Big Show and his superior theme music comes out. "I eat pieces of crap like you for breakfast" is GOLD. NIDIA SCREWED HER BOYFRIEND! Anyway, they keep talking and talking and they keep adding people to this match at NO WAY OOT! I await Funaki to come out and get added so it will be a FURIOUS FOUR-WAY! I await Nunzio to come and they make it a FEROCIOUS FIVE-WAY! WORD LIFE.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK-

- RAW "highlights"? I made better highlights with the Monday night's nachos the next morning.

- They show commercials for that fucking The Worlds Newest Supermodel shit and I can guarantee you that men- REAL MEN- men who get up in the morning and put on their Red Wing boots and hang sheetrock until five and then they go the local saloon and drink Coors Light until their wives call them and make them go home- REAL MEN- real men are gonna jack off to that gal on KING OF QUEENS. Because THAT! That is what a REAL MAN wants.

- Fuck this Rey Misterio video! Goddamn it! These are the Bush Taxcut years. I NEED A FOURTH CHILD- STAT!!! Bring the Rikishi. Bring the slowjam so I can soothe my baby and fool her into conceiving another child! ORALE~! Rey in elementary school with the mullet is so worth it actually. But MULLETS DON'T BRING THE TAX WRITE-OFF, MOTHERFUCKERS! Hot latin chicks with thongs is worth it, I guess BUT BIG DADDY BLOWING A VISCUOUS LOAD INTO HIS STAINED AND QUESTIONABLY discoloured SWEATPANTS DON'T BRING THE TAX WRITE-OFF, MOTHERFUCKERS! For the love of the future of AMERICA, bring the Rikishi video already.

- More RAW highlights? I could make better highlights with my cornhole. That's right. With my CORNHOLE! I could make better highlights with my CORNHOLE! Cornhole. Corn. C. c.

-Rue DaBona is very horselike. And I'd rather bone Seabiscuit. THAT's RIGHT. I'D RATHER BONE SEABISCUIT. Sable and Torrie pseudo-sucking each other's cooches in Playboy is so lame because this ain't CLUB or OUI or HIGH SOCIETY where they would actually show you them sucking each other's cooters while one of them is wearing a hardhat and mirror sunglasses. I wouldn't fuck any of these women with YOUR rock hard 12 inch junk. (Not really. I'd fuck all three of them. I'm just trying to look all cool. Especially with your huge huge penis. But come on. Admit it, my beloved gentle well-hung reader: she is equine. She is! Not that horses aren't beautiful animals....)

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

DEAN RASMUSSEN.




YES, I AM DEAN.
Promote this thread!
geemoney
Scrapple








Since: 26.1.03
From: Naples, FL

Since last post: 2 days
Last activity: 7 hours
AIM:  
#2 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.13
Smackdown Thoughts:

I was afraid of Scotty and Rikishi winning the titles. Lo and behold, they do. Why not give them to a team people care about and HAVEN'T been stale since 2000?....I was also afraid of Billy Gunn getting the U.S. title. I would've turned the TV off had that happened. I mean, I'm no fan of the Big Show, but he's better than Gunn....I'm not really digging "Crazy Eddie", but a good promo nonetheless....Kidman's music sucks, but it's nice to see him get a win (albeit cheap)....I turned to C.S.I when Rey's video came on....Surprise! Torrie and Sable in Playboy! Again! Not to say I'm not interested, of course....

Rey v.s Chavo Sr. was what you'd expect....Decent Holly/Angle match, with Angle bleeding out the mouth (not really a surprise)....Man, that chick on that "America's Next Top Model" commercial is SCARY looking. She looks like she's had about a dozen plastic surgeries on her face alone. And her reactions to those questions she asks looks SO fake and lame. She's the LAST person that should be giving tips to supermodels. But what do I know?.... Cena/Show/Angle announcement- I for one am interested to see who wins the match. But I thought Goldberg was gonna face Lesnar at WM? Unless Lesnar loses the title at NWO to Eddie, then Angle wins the triple threat match- Angle v.s Guerrero for the title and Goldberg v.s Lesnar at WM: sounds good to me!

(edited by geemoney on 5.2.04 2218)


ME on the RADIO, Public Speaking and more!: http://parksg.blogspot.com
The 5th Horseman
Kolbasz








Since: 23.10.02
From: Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Since last post: 3003 days
Last activity: 2992 days
#3 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.28
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    BIG DADDY BLOWING A VISCUOUS LOAD INTO HIS STAINED AND QUESTIONABLY discoloured SWEATPANTS DON'T BRING THE TAX WRITE-OFF

You obviously need a more creative accountant doing your taxes.

    josh watches and seethes in the backstage area as Billy Gunn showboats his ass to make Big Show's ass look secondary.

Josh better make his move quick, because Michael Cole was on the verge of proposing to Big Show on this episode of SmackDown.
GreekPhysiqueJohnnyO
Haggis








Since: 19.11.03
From: Brooklyn, NY

Since last post: 3905 days
Last activity: 3904 days
AIM:  
#4 Posted on | Instant Rating: 3.00
I sense a "blowing my load" theme in all your reports. Why not blast one in JerseyKidd's eyeball so we can get rid of that fukcing mosquito bait piece of shit.



Kings of Chaos
HrdCoreJoe
Potato korv








Since: 29.4.02
From: Jax, FL

Since last post: 1058 days
Last activity: 1057 days
AIM:  
#5 Posted on | Instant Rating: 4.49
"The man. The myth. The Kidman."


Dean, you constantly give me more reasons to love you. It is a manly love, but a shameful love at the same time. This was indeed a mighty fine Workrate Report.



Andy Richter does indeed control the universe.
Jericholic53
Boerewors








Since: 18.3.03
From: Honolulu, HI

Since last post: 317 days
Last activity: 7 days
#6 Posted on | Instant Rating: 1.16
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    Fuck this Rey Misterio video! Goddamn it! These are the Bush Taxcut years. I NEED A FOURTH CHILD- STAT!!! Bring the Rikishi. Bring the slowjam so I can soothe my baby and fool her into conceiving another child! ORALE~! Rey in elementary school with the mullet is so worth it actually. But MULLETS DON'T BRING THE TAX WRITE-OFF, MOTHERFUCKERS! Hot latin chicks with thongs is worth it, I guess BUT BIG DADDY BLOWING A VISCUOUS LOAD INTO HIS STAINED AND QUESTIONABLY discoloured SWEATPANTS DON'T BRING THE TAX WRITE-OFF, MOTHERFUCKERS! For the love of the future of AMERICA, bring the Rikishi video already.


what this video needs is more [LWO]



it says so right here in the wcw handbook!

what does it take to get a higher ranking around here? i already know what it takes to get a lower one! :-P
Dawg
Chourico








Since: 2.6.03
From: Detroit area

Since last post: 154 days
Last activity: 16 hours
AIM:  
#7 Posted on | Instant Rating: 5.00
Very nice report, perhaps best in awhile...perhaps I too am drunk. Whatever the case may be, you sir are a gentleman and a scholar.

(Ok so how much more ass-kissing will it take for a "WWE Smackdown! presents No Way Out Workrate Report~!"?)
Ruby Trax
Summer sausage








Since: 10.12.01
From: The KZiM Tower

Since last post: 2022 days
Last activity: 1339 days
#8 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.25
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    this ain't CLUB or OUI or HIGH SOCIETY where they would actually show you them sucking each other's cooters while one of them is wearing a hardhat and mirror sunglasses.


This deserves a .jpg tribute! CLICK TO ENLARGE!

oui

For the man of the Eighties



The only thing I enjoy more than doing the crossword puzzle is actually finishing it.
CRZ
Big Brother
Administrator








Since: 9.12.01
From: ミネアポリス

Since last post: 12 hours
Last activity: 3 hours
AIM:  
ICQ:  
Y!:
#9 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.65
    Originally posted by DEAN
    "I eat pieces of crap like you for breakfast" is GOLD.
Actually, plagiarism from "Happy Gilmore" is probably the EXACT OPPOSITE OF GOLD, but if you've never seen the movie I can't blame you. BUT I CAN
    Originally posted by bitchfactor
      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      this ain't CLUB or OUI or HIGH SOCIETY where they would actually show you them sucking each other's cooters while one of them is wearing a hardhat and mirror sunglasses.


    This deserves a .jpg tribute! CLICK TO ENLARGE!

    oui

    For the man of the Eighties
Wait a minute, let me see that. (Also, where are you hiding the rest of your porn?)

    Originally posted by THE WOMAN I MARRIED
    CLICK TO ENLARGE!
Hahaha, it's true - I clicked, then I ENLARGED



CRZ
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1291 days
Last activity: 1288 days
#10 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by Dawg
    Very nice report, perhaps best in awhile...perhaps I too am drunk. Whatever the case may be, you sir are a gentleman and a scholar.

    (Ok so how much more ass-kissing will it take for a "WWE Smackdown! presents No Way Out Workrate Report~!"?)


If I can get a yardpass and go, there will be a NWO report from me. If my tax return has come in already and my wife and kids go oot of town, I may not be conscious enough to write a report. But I'd write one anyway.





YES, I AM DEAN.
JayJayDean
Scrapple








Since: 2.1.02
From: Seattle, WA

Since last post: 50 days
Last activity: 5 hours
AIM:  
Y!:
#11 Posted on | Instant Rating: 6.52
    Originally posted by CRZ
    Hahaha, it's true - I clicked, then I ENLARGED


Egads. Shouldn't you be throwing something up about now? I know *I* feel like it.

P.S. Dean rules again, especially for the "fuck Ric Flair" comment that I suspect made Scott Keith spontaneously combust.



To get ass, youve got to bring ass." -- Roy Jones Jr.

"Your input has been noted.
I hope you don't take it personally if I disregard it." -- Guru Zim
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1291 days
Last activity: 1288 days
#12 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by CRZ
      Originally posted by DEAN
      "I eat pieces of crap like you for breakfast" is GOLD.
    Actually, plagiarism from "Happy Gilmore" is probably the EXACT OPPOSITE OF GOLD, but if you've never seen the movie I can't blame you. BUT I CAN
      Originally posted by bitchfactor
        Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
        this ain't CLUB or OUI or HIGH SOCIETY where they would actually show you them sucking each other's cooters while one of them is wearing a hardhat and mirror sunglasses.


      This deserves a .jpg tribute! CLICK TO ENLARGE!

      oui

      For the man of the Eighties
    Wait a minute, let me see that. (Also, where are you hiding the rest of your porn?)

      Originally posted by THE WOMAN I MARRIED
      CLICK TO ENLARGE!
    Hahaha, it's true - I clicked, then I ENLARGED


U GOT SPRUNG!

2 Questions: Who is that on the cover? Where is the Club magazine love? Before the internet became a D&D nerds secret girlfriend, there was sweet sweet Club magazine....



YES, I AM DEAN.
RYDER FAKIN
Six Degrees of Me








Since: 21.2.02
From: ORLANDO

Since last post: 42 days
Last activity: 42 days
AIM:  
#13 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.71
DEAN: Where is the Club magazine love? Before the internet became a D&D nerds secret girlfriend, there was sweet sweet Club magazine....

Ain't that the truth. Marilyn Chambers getting funky with a phone cord accompanied by "special Marylin commentary" featuring the saga of a triumphant fisting trumped the HELL out of Roxanne Pulitzer and her horn...

FLEA



Demonstrations are a drag. Besides, we're much too high...

FLEA - 1ryderfakin.com - IWC 100! And The Wrestling Dead Pool!!
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1291 days
Last activity: 1288 days
#14 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
    Originally posted by RYDER FAKIN
    DEAN: Where is the Club magazine love? Before the internet became a D&D nerds secret girlfriend, there was sweet sweet Club magazine....

    Ain't that the truth. Marilyn Chambers getting funky with a phone cord accompanied by "special Marylin commentary" featuring the saga of a triumphant fisting trumped the HELL out of Roxanne Pulitzer and her horn...

    FLEA


I blame.... myself.



YES, I AM DEAN.
HarleM HeAt
Pickled pork








Since: 23.3.02
From: Nova Scotia,Canada

Since last post: 3764 days
Last activity: 3570 days
ICQ:  
#15 Posted on | Instant Rating: 0.91
"I'D RATHER BONE SEABISCUIT" is officially my new favorite quote of all time.



Fuckin' rights, I already got half a fuckin' buzz on
tasslex
Salami








Since: 15.10.02
From: Eagan, MN

Since last post: 3663 days
Last activity: 3620 days
#16 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.96
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
    Where is the Club magazine love? Before the internet became a D&D nerds secret girlfriend, there was sweet sweet Club magazine....

I believe Club Magazine is still around. http://clubmag.com/



I dont go to sleep at night, I job to my blankets.

When my mom dies I'd like to know it was peacefully in her sleep, and not fucked to death by 38 men with AIDS.
DrHogie
Cotechino








Since: 2.1.02
From: Starkville, MS

Since last post: 545 days
Last activity: 544 days
AIM:  
ICQ:  
#17 Posted on | Instant Rating: 2.00
    Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      Originally posted by CRZ
        Originally posted by DEAN
        "I eat pieces of crap like you for breakfast" is GOLD.
      Actually, plagiarism from "Happy Gilmore" is probably the EXACT OPPOSITE OF GOLD, but if you've never seen the movie I can't blame you. BUT I CAN
        Originally posted by bitchfactor
          Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
          this ain't CLUB or OUI or HIGH SOCIETY where they would actually show you them sucking each other's cooters while one of them is wearing a hardhat and mirror sunglasses.


        This deserves a .jpg tribute! CLICK TO ENLARGE!

        oui

        For the man of the Eighties
      Wait a minute, let me see that. (Also, where are you hiding the rest of your porn?)

        Originally posted by THE WOMAN I MARRIED
        CLICK TO ENLARGE!
      Hahaha, it's true - I clicked, then I ENLARGED


    U GOT SPRUNG!

    2 Questions: Who is that on the cover? Where is the Club magazine love? Before the internet became a D&D nerds secret girlfriend, there was sweet sweet Club magazine....


DEAN!

You don't recognize the absolute beauty that is one Linda Blair showing her perky marvelous mammories to everyone while sporting the highlights of 80s fashion?



--DrH
DEAN RASMUSSEN
He is DEAN








Since: 11.12.01
From: Richmond, Va, U-S-A!

Since last post: 1291 days
Last activity: 1288 days
#18 Posted on | Instant Rating: 9.85
Linda Blair was in OUI? That's AWWWWESOME. That is like 2,000,000 times cooler than being in Playboy. That Blair chick, she's allright. That's up there with Lydia Lunch in HIGH SOCIETY.



YES, I AM DEAN.
Downtown Bookie
Morcilla








Since: 7.4.02
From: The Inner City, Now Living In The Country

Since last post: 134 days
Last activity: 28 days
#19 Posted on | Instant Rating: 7.36
    Originally posted by bitchfactor
      Originally posted by DEAN RASMUSSEN
      this ain't CLUB or OUI or HIGH SOCIETY where they would actually show you them sucking each other's cooters while one of them is wearing a hardhat and mirror sunglasses.


    This deserves a .jpg tribute! CLICK TO ENLARGE!

    oui

    For the man of the Eighties


So what was the unreleased Beatles record that was free in that issue?

Yes, I know. I need help. But nobody else was going to ask.






Patiently waiting to be Stratusfied.
CRZ
Big Brother
Administrator








Since: 9.12.01
From: ミネアポリス

Since last post: 12 hours
Last activity: 3 hours
AIM:  
ICQ:  
Y!:
#20 Posted on | Instant Rating: 8.65
    Originally posted by Downtown Bookie
    So what was the unreleased Beatles record that was free in that issue?

    Yes, I know. I need help. But nobody else was going to ask.



A flexidisc with "Like Dreamers Do" b/w "Love of the Loved" (apparently from their Decca audition in 1962?) - I think the A side eventually made it onto "Anthology 1" if I Google correctly.



CRZ
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